MenAreGood
The Reality of False Rape Allegations
November 19, 2024
 

Throughout history, no culture has believed that all people are inherently truthful, although some societies have put great trust in people while imposing severe penalties for dishonesty. The feminist movement, however, introduced the idea that women, specifically, should be believed without question. The slogan "Believe all women" became prominent, following years of advocacy suggesting that women, as a group, are inherently pure and trustworthy. One especially controversial claim has been that women never lie about rape.

This idea faced backlash when public figures and researchers provided data to the contrary. For instance, Linda Fairstein, a former Manhattan district attorney, estimated that false rape accusations in cases she observed ranged from 40-50%. Feminist circles reacted strongly, as they also did to Charles McDowell’s research, which suggested that approximately half of all rape allegations were false. Why does this narrative provoke such a reaction? The answer may lie in the feminist movement's reliance on relationally aggressive strategies—social tactics that depend on an unquestioned acceptance of women's statements. Casting doubt on the veracity of such claims could undermine the foundation of these strategies.  Without the prevailing assumption that women always tell the truth, feminism would lose much of its power.

Why is it important to question and even dismantle these myths of women's global truthfulness?  Several reasons. First, men are facing serious hardships due to false accusations, which are notoriously difficult to disprove. A quick look at the Innocence Project reveals that the vast majority of cases they overturn and release an innocent man from prison, involve wrongful convictions for rape. There is also a total ignorance and indifference to the severe trauma men go through when falsely accused. For some reason it just doesn't seem to matter. It is also important to hold the false accuser accountable, not only for the sake of the accused but also for the sake of the false accuser.  Allowing someone to live in a lie is quite hurtful. Another reason is that this "believe women" myth serves as a foundational pillar of feminist narratives. Without it, their arguments and reason for being fall apart. Any movement or group that relies on falsehoods for legitimacy needs to be challenged, dismantled, and thrown into the dustbin of history.

Despite various studies showing significant percentages of false accusations, feminist efforts have often focused on vehemently downplaying or dismissing these findings. One example is the study by Eugene Kanin, whose research has faced massive efforts to limit its visibility and acceptance. This article will explore Kanin’s study, its findings, the importance of his work, and the criticisms it received.

 

Evaluating Eugene Kanin’s Study on False Rape Allegations: Findings, Motivations, and Criticisms

Eugene Kanin’s research on false rape allegations, conducted in the early 1990s, stands as one of the most cited and revealing studies in discussions about the complexities of sexual assault accusations. His work, which involved analyzing recanted rape allegations in both a small Midwestern police department and later at two universities, concluded that a surprisingly high percentage of accusations were false. 

Kanin’s study in the police department covered several years and was based on a set of strict guidelines for determining when an accusation could be classified as false. His limiting false allegations to only those women who admitted they had lied was aimed at eliminating any ambiguity about the truth of the accusation. Furthermore, the complainants were informed that admitting to a false allegation could potentially lead to fines and legal consequences, thereby adding an element of deterrence against easy recantations.

In his findings, Kanin reported that 41% of the accusations made to the police department were determined to be false. This meant that the accuser admitted to her false accusation and also explained her reasons for lying.  When he later conducted a similar study on two university campuses, he found an even higher rate of 50%.   I am guessing that Kanin was aware that his findings would be controversial and therefore documented a range of personal motivations of the false accusers. This was brilliant on Kanin's part.  It is simple to disregard numbers but not so easy to ignore actual stories of women falsely accusing. Hearing the actual stories of women lying about rape is a very powerful way of  making it real and makes it much more difficult for the average person to deny. Let's take a look at the three categories of motives for lying and the actual stories Kanin related in his study.


Motivations for False Allegations

Kanin’s study didn’t just focus on the rate of false accusations; he also explored why individuals might be driven to make these claims. By examining the reasons behind each recanted report, he identified three recurring motives, revenge, providing an alibi, and seeking attention. 


 

1. Revenge

​One of the primary motivations Kanin found was revenge.  Twenty-seven percent (n = 12) of the cases clearly seemed to serve this function. In some cases, complainants used false allegations to retaliate against individuals who had hurt them, betrayed them, or otherwise caused them emotional pain. Revenge as a motive is a powerful factor, especially in situations where the accused had a close or personal relationship with the accuser.

These are examples taken directly from the Kanin study, of women with a revenge motive for the false accusation of rape: 

​1. An 18-year-old woman was having sex with a boarder in her mother's house for a period of 3 months. When the mother learned of her behavior from other boarders, the mother ordered the man to leave. The complainant learned that her lover was packing and she went to his room and told him she would be ready to leave with him in an hour. He responded with "who the hell wants you." She briefly argued with him and then proceeded to the police station to report that he had raped her. She admitted the false charge during the polygraph examination.


​2. A 17-year-old female came to headquarters and said that she had been raped by a house parent in the group home in which she lived. A female house parent accompanied her to the station and told the police she did not believe that a rape had occurred. The complainant failed the polygraph examination and then admitted that she liked the house parent, and when he refused her advances, she reported the rape to "get even with him."


​3. A 16-year-old reported she was raped, and her boyfriend was charged. She later admitted that she was "mad at him" because he was seeing another girl, and she "wanted to get him into trouble."


 


2. Providing an Alib​i

Kanin’s research also found cases where individuals filed false allegations to create an alibi for themselves, often to avoid criticism or punishment for consensual actions that might be frowned upon by family, friends, or partners.  Approximately 56%, (n = 27) were in this category. 

​1. An unmarried 16-year-old female had sex with her boyfriend and later became concerned that she might be pregnant. She said she had been raped by an unknown assailant in the hopes that the hospital would give her something to abort the possible pregnancy.


2. A married 30-year-old female reported that she had been raped in her apartment complex. During the polygraph examination, she admitted that she was a willing partner. She reported that she had been raped because her partner did not stop before ejaculation, as he had agreed, and she was afraid she was pregnant. Her husband is overseas.


​3. A divorced female, 25 years of age, whose parents have custody of her 4-year-old child. She lost custody at the time of her divorce when she was declared an unfit mother. She was out with a male friend and got into a fight. He blackened her eye and cut her lip. She claimed she was raped and beaten by him so that she could explain her injuries. She did not want to admit she was in a drunken brawl, as this admission would have jeopardized her upcoming custody hearing. 

4. A 16-year-old complainant, her girlfriend, and two male companions were having a drinking party at her home. She openly invited one of the males, a casual friend, to have sex with her. Later in the evening, two other male acquaintances dropped in and, in the presence of all, her sex partner "bragged" that he had just had sex with her. She quickly ran out to another girlfriend's house and told her she had been raped. Soon, her mother was called and the police were notified. Two days later, when confronted with the contradictory stories of her companions, she admitted that she had not been raped. Her charge of rape was primarily motivated by an urgent desire to defuse what surely would be public information among her friends at school the next day, her promiscuity.

Such examples illustrate how the desire to avoid criticism or punishment can lead to false accusations as a defensive strategy.

 

3. Attention Seeking

The third major category Kanin identified was those seeking sympathy and attention.  Approximately 18% (n = 8) of the false charges clearly served this function. 

​1. An unmarried female, age 17, abruptly left her girlfriends in the park one afternoon allegedly to go riding with a young man, a stranger she met earlier that morning who wanted her to smoke marijuana with him. Later that day, she told her friends she was raped by this man. Her friends reported the incident to the police, and the alleged victim went along with the rape charge because "I didn't want them to know that I lied to them." She explained that she manufactured this story because she wanted the attention.


​2. An unmarried female, age 17, had been having violent quarrels with her mother who was critical of her laziness and style of life. She reported that she was raped so that her mother would "get off my back and give me a little sympathy."


​3. An unmarried female, age 41, was in post divorce counseling, and she wanted more attention and sympathy from her counselor because she "liked him." She fabricated a rape episode, and he took her to the police station and assisted her in making the charge. She could not back out since she would have to admit lying to him. She admitted the false allegation when she was offered to be polygraphed.


What is learned?

Hearing statistics about false allegations is one thing. It's easy for some to argue about them and downplay their importance. But when confronted with real stories of women making false accusations, it’s much harder to dismiss. These stories make clear that false allegations of rape do exist, challenging feminist assumptions about female purity and inherent trustworthiness. To me, they prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that false accusations occur and often go unnoticed.

In Kanin’s study, over 40% of rape allegations were determined to be false—meaning a woman lied, and her lie could have put an innocent man in jail. What kind of mindset does it take to do that? I believe it reflects a highly narcissistic individual, someone who thinks only of themselves, has poor impulse control, low empathy, and a lack of accountability. People like this do exist, and Kanin’s findings remind us that some women are capable of such actions. This reality should dismantle the feminist argument that false rape allegations don’t happen. They do happen, and that should compel us to protect innocent men from such harm. The feminist push to deny the possibility of false allegations has led to reduced safeguards for accused men, making it almost unquestionable to challenge an accuser. This system of unchecked allegations encourages dishonesty and must change.


Criticism

Did this study impact the feminist movement? Not at all. In fact, you may have never even heard of it, likely due to what’s known as the "lace curtain"—an invisible filter that blocks information contradicting feminist objectives. It seems to have worked effectively to keep this study under wraps.

Some criticisms of the study centered on the definitions of false accusations and whether some findings could reflect recantations due to external pressures or fear rather than actual falsification. This criticism seems unfounded to me. Did they even read the Kanin study? The women in his study explained in detail why they lied, and their explanations aligned with their false reports. It all made sense. These weren't ambiguous cases; Kanin’s study captured them clearly. Yes, these women may have felt fear—but that’s unsurprising, as their lies had been exposed.

One predictable feminist critique was that findings like Kanin's could deter actual victims from reporting rape. Sure enough, some argued that his study might reinforce harmful stereotypes and discourage reporting. I think the opposite is true. Kanin's research could instead deter false accusers from making the damaging decision to ruin an innocent man’s life. Some of those so-called “harmful stereotypes” are, in reality, justified concerns with real consequences.

There were also claims that Kanin's study was a statistical outlier and therefore irrelevant. This, of course, is incorrect, as similar findings emerged from studies at the Air Force Academy, which reported false accusation rates comparable to Kanin’s. Many law enforcement professionals have also corroborated these findings, sharing similar estimates based on their field experience. Other studies have shown that false rape allegations do exist, though often at lower rates. But even if the rate is as low as 2%, that should still compel us to protect the innocent from the devastation of a false accusation. Like any other crime, a rape charge must be proven true.

The only valid criticism I found of the Kanin study is that the sample was too small and lacked diversity. While this limits the ability to generalize its findings, it doesn’t diminish the importance of shedding light on the reality of false accusations of rape.


Conclusion

Eugene Kanin’s study serves as a powerful reminder of the complexities surrounding rape allegations and the necessity of addressing false accusations with the seriousness they deserve. His meticulous documentation of motives and real-life cases underscores a truth often downplayed or ignored: false allegations happen, and their consequences can be devastating, particularly for the falsely accused. While the feminist narrative often dismisses or obscures such findings, the evidence from Kanin’s research and similar studies calls for a more balanced approach—one that ensures justice for actual victims while safeguarding the rights of the accused.

Challenging the myth that women always tell the truth about rape is not about silencing victims; it is about ensuring fairness and accountability in a system where both are often lacking. By ignoring the reality of false accusations, society perpetuates a dangerous double standard that harms everyone involved. Men falsely accused face irreparable damage to their reputations, careers, and mental health, while the broader justice system suffers a loss of credibility.

It is essential to engage in honest discussions about these issues, free from ideological bias, to build a justice system rooted in fairness and truth. Acknowledging and addressing the existence of false rape allegations is not only a matter of justice but also a step toward restoring faith in a system too often swayed by cultural narratives rather than evidence.

I wanted to write this article as a prelude to the next installment in this series on gynocentrism, specifically focusing on how feminists have weaponized it to silence men. Much of their advocacy for increased benefits for women has been built on falsehoods, including lies and false accusations—particularly those targeting men. The next post will delve deeper into this issue.

Kanin’s Research https://www.aals.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Bowen-Kanin-False-Rape-Empirical.pdf

 

community logo
Join the MenAreGood Community
To read more articles like this, sign up and join my community today
0
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
Articles
December 20, 2025
Bias Against Men and Boys in Mental Health Research

This video is a summary of the three studies we have examined the last three Saturdays. It’s a brief and relaxed look at the high points of those articles. Here’s a summary:

This video examines a pattern I’ve seen repeatedly in psychological research: when data complicates the familiar story of men as perpetrators and women as victims, the data about boys and men often disappears. Using three real studies—on teen dating violence, reproductive coercion, and “masculine norms”—I walk through how boys’ suffering is minimized, misrepresented, or erased as research moves from full reports to media headlines and public policy. What emerges is not just sloppy science, but a troubling bias that shapes how we see boys, men, and masculinity itself.

00:10:31
August 07, 2025
Are Men Great of Good? Yes!

Time for a male-positive message. I created this video a while back, but its message remains as important and timeless as ever. I’d love for it to reach boys who’ve been told—explicitly or implicitly—that there’s something wrong with being male. After so much negativity about men and masculinity, they need to hear something different. They need to hear something true, strong, and affirming.

00:04:59
July 21, 2025
AI Books

We now have a new section that is accessible in the top navbar of the substack page titled AI Books. It contains links to numerous books on men's issues that each have an AI app that is able to answer detailed questions about the book. The above video gives some ideas of how to use these.

https://menaregood.substack.com/s/ai-books

The Myth of Male Power - Warren Farrell
Fiamengo File 2.0 Janice Fiamengo
Taken Into Custody - Stephen Baskerville
The Empathy Gap - William Collins
The Empathy Gap 2 - Williams Collins
The Destructivists - William Collins
Who Lost America - Stephen Baskerville
The New Politics of Sex -- Stephen Baskerville
Understanding Men and Boys: Healing Insights - Tom Golden
Boys' Muscle Strength and Performance - Jim Zuzzo PhD
Sex Bias in Domestic Violence Policies and Laws - Ed Bartlett (DAVIA)
The Hand That Rocks The World - David Shackleton

Links below

Myth of Male Power - Warren Farrell

The Myth of Male Power - documents how virtually every society that survived did so by persuading its sons to be disposable. This is one of the most powerful books...

00:11:44

Something men seem to do all the time that women seem to find extreamaly unlikely or impossible.

Made me laugh!!

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AKtUoYg8x/?mibextid=wwXIfr

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1FwqtFuR2Z/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I have often made this connection. It’s a little too on point to not research and derstand better. I am fairly sure there is something to it.

January 15, 2026
post photo preview
Why Would Boys Choose AI Over a Real Human?

It’s easy to blame technology. It’s harder to ask why a boy might feel safer talking to a machine than to a person.


Why Would Boys Choose AI Over a Real Human?

An article recently published by The Tyee raises alarms about boys and young men turning to AI companion chatbots for emotional support. The piece is framed as a thoughtful exploration of risk: misinformation, emotional dependency, radicalization, misogyny, and the danger of boys rehearsing their inner lives in the company of a machine rather than a human being.

On the surface, it sounds compassionate. Reasonable, even. Who wouldn’t want to protect young people from harm?

But when you slow the article down and look carefully at how boys are portrayed—what is assumed, what is omitted, and what is quietly feared—a different story begins to emerge. This is not really an article about boys’ needs. It is an article about adult discomfort with boys finding support outside approved channels.

And yes, there is misandry here—not loud, not crude, but woven into the framing itself.



Boys Are Being Explained, Not Heard

The article asks why boys and young men might be drawn to AI companions. That’s a fair question. But notice something immediately: no boy ever speaks.

There are no quotes from boys.
No first-person accounts.
No testimony that is treated as authoritative.

Instead, boys are interpreted through:

  • academic research

  • institutional language

  • risk models

  • public opinion polling

Boys are not subjects here. They are objects of concern.

This is a familiar pattern. When girls seek connection, we listen. When boys do, we analyze.



Male Emotional Life Is Treated as a Deficit

Early in the article, we’re told that boys face pressure to conform to emotional toughness, limiting their empathy and emotional literacy. This is a common trope, and it does important rhetorical work.

It subtly establishes that:

  • boys are emotionally underdeveloped

  • their distress is partly self-inflicted

  • their coping strategies are suspect

What’s missing is just as important.

There is no serious acknowledgment that boys:

  • are punished for vulnerability

  • are mocked or shamed for emotional honesty

  • quickly learn that expressing confusion or hurt can backfire socially

To me, it seems this omission matters. Boys don’t avoid emotional expression because they lack empathy. They avoid it because it is often unsafe.

AI doesn’t shame them.
AI doesn’t roll its eyes.
AI doesn’t correct their tone.
AI doesn’t imply that their feelings are dangerous.

That alone explains much of the appeal.



Male Pain Is Framed as a Threat

One of the most telling moves in the article is the escalation from loneliness to danger:

“Over time, isolation and loneliness may lead to depression, violence and even radicalization.”

This sentence does enormous cultural work.

Male suffering is not simply tragic—it is potentially menacing. The implication is clear: we must intervene, regulate, and monitor because these boys might become dangerous.

Notice how rarely female loneliness is framed this way. Women’s pain is treated as something to be soothed. Men’s pain is treated as something to be managed.

That asymmetry is not accidental. It reflects a long-standing cultural reflex: male distress is tolerated only insofar as it does not alarm us.



AI Is Cast as the Problem, Not the Symptom

The article repeatedly warns that AI companions provide a “frictionless illusion” of relationship. They affirm rather than challenge. They comfort without conflict. They validate rather than correct.

All of that may be true.

But the article never asks the most important question:

Why does a machine feel safer than a human being?

If boys are choosing AI over people, that tells us something uncomfortable about the human environments we’ve created:

  • schools where boys are disciplined more than understood

  • therapies that privilege verbal fluency and emotional disclosure

  • cultural narratives that frame masculinity as suspect

  • media portrayals that associate male grievance with moral danger

AI did not create these conditions. It simply exposed them.



The Misogyny Panic

At one point, the article imagines a boy frustrated in a relationship with a girl, and worries that a chatbot might echo his resentment and guide him toward misogynistic interpretations.

Pause there.

The boy’s frustration is immediately framed as a moral hazard.
His emotional pain is treated as something that must be challenged, corrected, or redirected. The girl’s role in the relational dynamic is never examined.

This is a familiar cultural rule:

  • men’s hurt must be monitored

  • women’s hurt must be believed

That is not equality. That is a hierarchy of empathy.



The Telltale Reassurance

The article includes this sentence:

“It is important to note that boys and young men are not inherently violent or hypermasculine.”

This kind of reassurance only appears when the reader has already been nudged toward suspicion. It functions less as a defense of boys and more as a rhetorical safety valve.

“We’re not saying boys are dangerous,” it implies.
“But we need to be careful.”

Careful of what, exactly?
Of boys speaking freely?
Of boys forming interpretations that haven’t been pre-approved?



What This Article Is Really About

Beneath the stated concern about AI is a deeper anxiety: boys are finding connection without adult mediation.

They are:

  • seeking reassurance without moral correction

  • exploring their inner lives without being pathologized

  • forming narratives without institutional oversight

That is unsettling to systems that have grown accustomed to managing male emotion rather than trusting it.

The solution offered, predictably, is not listening.
It is regulation.
Restriction.
Monitoring.
Expert oversight.

Boys are once again framed as problems to be handled, not people to be heard.



The Sentence That Cannot Be Written

There is one sentence the article cannot bring itself to say:

“Boys are turning to AI because they do not feel safe being honest with adults.”

If that were acknowledged, responsibility would shift.
Away from boys.
Away from technology.
And onto a culture that routinely treats male emotional life as suspect.



A Different Way to Read This Moment

From where I sit, boys turning to AI is not evidence of moral decay or technological danger. It is evidence of relational failure.

When a machine feels safer than a human being, the problem is not the machine.

The question we should be asking is not:
“How do we stop boys from using AI?”

But rather:
“What have we done that makes human connection feel so risky?”

Until we are willing to ask that question honestly, boys will continue to seek spaces—digital or otherwise—where their inner lives are not immediately judged.

And I can’t fault them for that.

Read full Article
January 12, 2026
post photo preview
How Gynocentrism Masquerades as Maturity, Empathy, and Love


How Gynocentrism Masquerades as Maturity, Empathy, and Love

One of the reasons gynocentrism is so difficult to challenge is that it rarely announces itself. It does not arrive as hostility toward men. It does not require anyone to say, “Men matter less.” In fact, it often appears wearing the language of virtue.

It looks like maturity.
It sounds like empathy.
It feels like love.

And that is precisely why so many decent, conscientious men live inside it without ever naming it.

1. Gynocentrism as “Emotional Maturity”

From a young age, boys are taught that maturity means emotional restraint. That part is not necessarily wrong. But somewhere along the way, restraint quietly turns into self-erasure.

A “mature” man is expected to:

  • De-escalate conflict, even when he didn’t start it

  • Absorb criticism without defensiveness

  • Yield when emotions run high

  • Take responsibility for relational tension

When a woman is upset, maturity means responding quickly and carefully. When a man is upset, maturity means questioning himself.

Over time, men learn a subtle rule:

If she is distressed, something must be wrong.
If he is distressed, he must be wrong.

This double standard is rarely stated outright, but it is widely enforced. Men who challenge it are described as immature, fragile, or emotionally stunted. Men who comply are praised for being “evolved.”

The result is not balance. It is a moral asymmetry.

2. Gynocentrism as Empathy

Empathy is meant to be mutual. But under gynocentrism, empathy becomes directional.

Men are encouraged—often relentlessly—to attune to women’s feelings:

  • to anticipate them

  • to prioritize them

  • to protect them

Meanwhile, men’s emotional experiences are treated as less legible and less urgent. A woman’s distress is seen as meaningful data. A man’s distress is treated as noise, defensiveness, or latent pathology.

Notice how often men are told:

  • “Listen to how she feels.”

  • “You need to understand the impact.”

  • “Her emotions are valid.”

And how rarely they hear:

  • “Your experience matters too.”

  • “You’re allowed to be affected.”

  • “Let’s be curious about what you feel.”

Men internalize the idea that empathy means placing themselves second. They become skilled at reading others while becoming strangers to themselves.

This is not empathy. It is emotional labor performed in one direction.

3. Gynocentrism as Love

Perhaps the most powerful disguise gynocentrism wears is love.

Many men come to believe that love means:

  • sacrificing without limit

  • suppressing their own needs

  • avoiding anything that might cause female discomfort

They learn that a good man protects the relationship by absorbing tension rather than expressing it. Harmony becomes the highest value—even when it comes at the cost of honesty.

What makes this especially insidious is that no one has to demand it.

Men assume it.

They assume that:

  • her needs are more fragile

  • her pain carries more moral weight

  • his endurance is part of the deal

So when a man goes quiet, he tells himself he is being loving. When he lets go of something that mattered to him, he calls it compromise. When he feels invisible, he frames it as strength.

Love, under gynocentrism, becomes a test of how much a man can endure without complaint.

4. Why It Feels “Normal”

Gynocentrism persists not because men are coerced, but because the assumptions feel reasonable.

After all:

  • Women do express distress more openly.

  • Men are often physically and emotionally stronger.

  • Conflict does escalate when men push back.

But reasonable observations quietly turn into unreasonable conclusions.

Strength becomes obligation.
Sensitivity becomes entitlement.
Peace becomes the man’s responsibility alone.

What began as care turns into hierarchy.

5. The Cost to Men—and to Relationships

The tragedy of gynocentrism is not just that men lose themselves. It’s that relationships lose honesty.

When men cannot safely express frustration, sadness, or fatigue, intimacy becomes one-sided. When men are praised for silence rather than truth, connection becomes performative.

Eventually, men either:

  • disappear emotionally

  • erupt unexpectedly

  • or leave quietly, confused about how love turned into loneliness

None of these outcomes serve women either.

6. Seeing It Is the First Step

The most important thing to understand is this:

Gynocentrism does not require bad intentions.
It thrives on good ones.

It feeds on men’s desire to be kind, fair, and loving—and quietly redirects those virtues into self-neglect.

Naming it is not about blame.
It is about restoring balance.

Because maturity includes self-respect.
Empathy includes the self.
And love that requires one person to disappear is not love—it is compliance.

Once men see this pattern, many feel something unexpected.

Not rage.

Relief.

Relief that the unease they felt had a name—and that fairness does not require their erasure.

Read full Article
January 08, 2026
post photo preview
The Reasonable Man


The Reasonable Man

Evan liked to think of himself as fair.

He listened. He adjusted. He didn’t raise his voice. When there was tension, he assumed he had missed something—some emotional nuance, some unspoken need. That, he believed, was maturity.

When his wife, Laura, came home upset from work, Evan canceled his plans without mentioning them. It seemed obvious that her day mattered more. When she criticized his tone, he apologized—even when he wasn’t sure what he had done wrong. If she was unhappy, the situation required fixing, and fixing required him.

This wasn’t resentment. It was love.

At least, that’s what Evan told himself.

When decisions came up—where to live, how to spend money, which friendships to maintain—Evan instinctively deferred. Laura had stronger feelings, clearer opinions. He told himself that intensity meant importance. If something mattered more to her, then it mattered more, period.

When his friend Mark complained about feeling sidelined in his own marriage, Evan felt embarrassed for him.

“You just have to be more emotionally aware,” Evan said. “Women carry more of that burden.”

Mark didn’t argue. He just looked tired.

At work, Evan was the same way. When female colleagues spoke, he nodded, encouraged, amplified. When men expressed frustration, Evan subtly distanced himself. He didn’t want to be that guy—the one who failed to notice women’s struggles. If there was a conflict, he assumed the woman had been wronged, even if the facts were unclear. Experience had taught him that neutrality was risky.

Better to err on the side of empathy.

At home, Evan grew quieter over the years. Not withdrawn—just careful. He edited himself mid-sentence. He learned which opinions created friction and which disappeared smoothly. He stopped bringing up his exhaustion. He told himself it wasn’t that bad. Other men had it worse.

When Laura once asked why he seemed distant, Evan froze. The question felt dangerous, like stepping onto thin ice. He reassured her quickly, explaining that he just needed to “work on himself.” She nodded, relieved. The conversation moved on.

Evan felt oddly proud of that moment. He had protected the relationship.

It wasn’t until much later—after a sleepless night, after rereading an old journal entry he barely remembered writing—that something shifted.

The entry was simple:

I don’t know where I went.

That sentence unsettled him.

He started paying attention—not to Laura’s emotions, but to his own patterns. He noticed how quickly he assumed women’s distress carried moral weight while men’s distress required explanation. How often he treated female discomfort as an emergency and male discomfort as a character flaw. How rarely he asked whether his needs were reasonable, and how often he assumed they were negotiable.

He realized something uncomfortable: none of this had been demanded outright.

He had assumed it.

He had assumed that women’s feelings were more fragile, more important, more deserving of protection. That men should absorb impact quietly. That harmony depended on male self-erasure. That good men yield first—and keep yielding.

Only then did Evan have a word for what he had lived by.

Not kindness.
Not empathy.
But a quiet, invisible prioritization—so ingrained it had felt like morality itself.

Gynocentrism.

He didn’t feel angry when he named it. He felt sad. Sad for how natural it had seemed. Sad for how reasonable it had felt to place himself last without ever calling it a choice.

For the first time, Evan wondered what fairness would look like if it included him.

And the question, once asked, refused to go away.

Read full Article
See More
Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals