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Domestic Violence Services in Wisconsin - Do They Serve Men? Part 3
Guest Post Daniel Carver
February 28, 2025
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This is part three of a three part series written by an anonymous gentleman who is going under the name of Daniel Carver. Daniel uses his own experience and exposes the misandry of the Wisconsin Domestic Violence system.

 


Part 3 – Systemic Corruption, What Can We Do About It?

I asked ChatGPT about which countries have overcome corruption in their governments. It offered this good piece of advice for common strategies to avoid government corruption:

“Common Strategies in These Countries [that have less corruption]:

Independent Institutions: Strong, impartial enforcement agencies that tackle corruption without political interference. 
Transparency and Accountability: Open access to government data and information, coupled with systems that hold officials accountable. 

Rule of Law: Strict adherence to the law, with well-functioning judicial systems to ensure justice. 
Civic Engagement: Encouragement of public participation and a free press to monitor and report misconduct. 
Ethical Leadership: Political leaders committed to maintaining integrity and leading by example.

While these countries excel in minimizing corruption, they remain vigilant and continuously adapt their strategies to maintain high standards of governance. “

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Hopefully, our Wisconsin legislators (both state and federal) will read this series and lay awake at night wondering which one of their sons, brothers, uncles, grandsons, or men in their family could be the next one to end up spending several days in jail, tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, assumed a wife beater regardless of any evidence or common sense; all because his wife or girlfriend attacked him in their home without any accountability or her even being questioned.

Maybe then, our state statutes will finally get fixed and public assistance money allocated fairly and justly to all citizens and taxpayers. Maybe then, the Governor’s Council on Domestic Abuse will be 50% men and announce their meetings a month in advance. Maybe then a concerned citizen, or male DV victim, could get onto their meeting agenda. Maybe the child services office would be required by law to answer a man’s plea for help for his children being beaten by their mother? Maybe our DV shelters will be required by law to provide 50% of their services to men by having DV advocates that can and do relate to the average guy?

In conclusion I want to offer some practical solutions as starting points to begin to fix these systemic problems.

First idea is the easiest one that could be implemented tomorrow at a cost of zero dollars! We would simply require every law enforcement officer, social worker, public school teacher, DV advocate employed by the state, and our state legislators to watch this free video by the leading international domestic violence expert, Dr. John Hamel. Did I mention that this would be completely free, at no cost to anyone!

John Hamel, Ph.D., LCSW - Domestic Violence Expert in the CA Court System

Second idea is for several different people around the country (men or women) to make recordings of a phone call to ask a basic question. I suggest a coordinated effort among men’s rights advocates, hopefully one in each of 50 states and each province in Canada if it is legal to record audio there. At least spread out around the US to show it is a wide spread problem. NOTE: there are possible legal ramifications of recording someone’s voice without their permission. Some states allow this and in some states it is against the law ! So first make sure that it is legal to do in your state and document the law that allows it. Each caller must live in that state to make sure they are in that legal jurisdiction. Do we have any volunteers that will commit to being the coordinator of these undercover audio recordings?

 

Note that is it very important to let them know at the beginning of the call that you are “NOT in an emergency situation”, that you are just calling to ask about services offered. This is a very important step, for them especially because remember you are calling a domestic violence center. We never want to give the perception that we are pretending to be in an emergency situation; that would be terribly unethical and is probably illegal in some places.

Then just ask them “I just called to ask for a friend, does your organization have a way to help men that are victims of domestic violence”? I put this in quotes because we need to have every caller that does this ask the exact same question; that’s what makes it a study and gives it more validity. Then we save all those recordings and hopefully we can compile transcripts of their answers. Then we’d have the documentation needed to get the ACLU to file a class action lawsuit against every state that participated. Do we have any lawyers that volunteer to help us build this case?

Third idea to fix systemic corruption: The minor children in a Wisconsin divorce case are assigned a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL). Those available to serve in this role are…….…mostly women. There is no requirement that these legal authorities must write out their assessment or recommendation that they give to the court who determines child custody.

Nor are the GALs legally liable to be fair and equitable to both parents! They simply go into the courtroom and make a verbal recommendation, often without even any justification of any kind, and the court almost always accepts that and acts upon that recommendation. The GAL is effectively determining child custody in lieu of the court, and does not even write any record of their recommendation or justification ! Incredible.

 

This is flat out systemic corruption as you would see in a communist country. We should change this, at the very least, require a written recommendation with justification. Furthermore, a summary of that GAL’s history of recommendations must be made available to the public & downloadable from a website. Names or locations of the people in the cases need not be public, but a statistical summary, per GAL, of these recommendations must be easily and readily available to those community members. The idea is to help prevent the gender bias in child custody that we all know is ubiquitous across the USA and most of the rest of the world too. I’m certain that eliminating that gender bias in courtrooms would reduce the divorce rate because every women would think twice about it if she knew that it would likely result in a true 50/50 custody arrangement.

Fourth idea is that we need a state law that requires the 35 DV shelters in Wisconsin to hire just as many straight male DV advocates as they have female DV advocates. The number of male advocates must be 95+% overall throughout the state, heterosexual. This is because 98% of the male demographic served by most DV shelters are straight men. The two most important things a DV victim needs when they ask for government assistance is a place to live for a while and an advocate that can relate to them, validates them, listens with empathy, understands them, and shares the perspective of a straight man who tried to get his wife or girlfriend to calm down and be reasonable instead of the extreme violence behind closed doors.

To understand my point better; imagine for a minute a straight woman DV victim who is beaten by her husband, runs out of her house with no other place to sleep for the night, it is -10 degrees outside, she goes to the local shelter, and a lesbian greets her at the door to invite her in to sleep there for the night!

Many Wisconsin DV shelters advertise on their website LGBQ resources available. Why don’t they also advertise STRAIGHT resources available and then provide those services too? Straight is the most common category by far (way over 90%) the bulk of the taxpayer base. If we are going to categorize everyone by their sexual orientation, then government services should be offered to all citizens and advertised in said categories, with funding proportional to their demographic category.

Fifth idea to stop the systemic corruption is the best one, yet also the most difficult to accomplish. It literally requires an act of congress. Every DV shelter in Wisconsin has a taxpayer funded Director’s position that is basically the CEO of that DV shelter. That position is always held by a woman who was appointed or just hired by the HR office. A few miles away is the local Sheriff’s office and that Sheriff had to win a public election in order to be Sheriff.

The reason for the election is because the Sheriff has immense authority and power over the general public (lethal force, and to arrest). An election is required so that if bias or corruption begins to happen in the law enforcement, the public can elect someone else that will be fair and equitable to all citizens.

What is needed is a change in Wisconsin law (statutes) that requires the Director of Domestic Violence Shelter position to be an elected official exactly like the Sheriff’s position; and for the same reasons.

The Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) positions for our children should be elected positions as well, for the same reason we elect judges.

Sixth idea to fix the systemic corruption is an organization that is set up for this very purpose regarding child custody. Mark Ludwig founded the Americans for Equal Shared Parenting, you can learn more at their website here. This organization has had some lobbying successes legislatively regarding Title-IV- D. They welcome anyone that wants to help there efforts change the systemic corruption in family courts corrected through changes in state laws.

Seventh and final idea to fix systemic corruption is more ideological. It is to get our representatives, legislators, and government official to open their eyes to the clear gender bias against men that is being considered to become legislation. We need to make phone calls and emails and speak up at town hall meetings (unfortunately these are rare). We must learn from the huge mistake make some 30 years ago when the Violence Against Women Act went into law. It was amended by the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2013. However the title is still a law that was written for women and the DV shelters continue to discriminate against men without any consequences or enforcement of the 2013 Act.

 

Why don’t we as a nation learn from past mistakes? In the last couple of years there has developed a political movement to request laws be written that prevent biological men from competing in women’s sports. And our legislators are drafting laws like this without any mention of preventing biological women from competing in men’s sports ! This is especially important in the K-12 and college sports because a male sports team (boys & men) is a critical part of development of male identity. Millions of men have talked about how a male sports team helped them develop into a man. Similarly with youth programs that are male only, they should be not only allowed, but encouraged and well funded because that is where we as a society grow boys into men.

A personal note on that. I was so fortunate to have our Dad continually drill into our minds that you never hit a girl. Never! And when my “Christian” wife was constantly yelling and screaming several times per day and lunging at me to try to get me to hit her so she could have me arrested; I never made contact with her or even threatened her, thanks to the values instilled in me as a boy. I was once in a karate class (as an adult) where we practiced sparring and I was paired with an adult lady. It was so strange to me to imitate or pretend I was going to punch or kick her.

So with boys contact sports teams, football, soccer, basketball, baseball, wrestling, lacrosse…… the list goes on……… when we put girls on the field to compete with boys; we are teaching the boys to be rough with the girls! This is a bad idea to say the least.

So when we write laws about male and female sports teams being gender segregated; we should write them for both genders, not bias toward only protecting women and girls teams. Men and boys need the dignity of competing with their own gender too.

Most recently, we saw the same mistake happen yet again in a bill that passed our House of Congress; the Violence Against Women by Illegal Aliens Act. What? Illegal aliens committing violence against men is somehow acceptable or automatically not a concern?

Already many men in the US have been victims of illegal alien’s violence; one happened just yesterday as I’m writing this, a man was shot twice in the face. When a truck blasts into a crowd, there are men there. When an explosion happens, it impacts both men and women. So why in the world would congress pass yet another law that protects only women? Did they not learn from the first Violence Against Women Act 30 years ago that had to later be amended? Incredible!

Calling for reforms to achieve true justice for all, especially our vulnerable children who need their dad,

Sincerely, Daniel Carver (pen name)


Copy to some of our reps who voted concerning the federal law: Violence Against Women Act (VAWA):

Wisconsin Senator Tammy Baldwin (202) 224-5653 141 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510
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Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson (202) 224-5323 328 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510
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Boys and Rough Play

Something men seem to do all the time that women seem to find extreamaly unlikely or impossible.

Made me laugh!!

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AKtUoYg8x/?mibextid=wwXIfr

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1FwqtFuR2Z/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I have often made this connection. It’s a little too on point to not research and derstand better. I am fairly sure there is something to it.

This is a interesting show of male unity against a Person who thinks she represents others and thinks she as a member of her group is universally wanted. LOL!

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2026 The Year of Men

This post is dedicated to my friend Mark Sherman, PhD., his sons, and his grandsons. Mark and I share a quiet hope — that we will live to see meaningful progress in the status of boys and men.

 


Every movement begins as an act of imagination. Before anything changes, someone has to picture what fairness would look like if we truly meant it. I wrote this piece to imagine that world — one where men are finally seen in full, with all their depth, strength, and vulnerability. Maybe we’re not there yet. But maybe 2026 could be the year we start to be.


2026 The Year of Men

Imagine that. 2026 becomes the year of men — a year when the conversation shifts from accusation to understanding. For the first time in half a century, men are discussed not as a problem to fix but as people to know. Their genius, their quirks, their flaws, and their quiet strengths are spoken of with the same nuance once reserved for others. College campuses devote programs to exploring men’s lives — their needs, their distinct ways of solving problems, their inner drives. Professors begin to ask questions that once felt off-limits: How have we misunderstood men? What happens when we stop pathologizing masculine traits and start appreciating them for what they are?

The change begins almost accidentally. A viral documentary follows several men through their daily lives — a father fighting for custody, a veteran mentoring fatherless boys, a young man navigating college under a cloud of suspicion.The film ignites something. People start talking about the thick wall of stereotype threat that has been built around men for the last fifty years, and how it quietly shapes everything — from the classroom to the courtroom. The wall doesn’t fall overnight, but it begins to crack.

Soon, the media joins in. Morning shows run thoughtful discussions about men’s emotional lives — how men experience feelings deeply but process them through action, purpose, and silence. Reporters highlight research showing that men’s stoicism, logic, and devotion to service are not deficiencies in empathy but expressions of it. Family court reforms begin to take shape; male victims of domestic violence are no longer turned away simply because they are male. It feels like a cultural exhale — the long-suppressed conversation finally given air.

At first, people are disoriented. After decades of being told that men’s pain doesn’t count, even fairness feels radical. But something shifts. Women, too, begin to see their fathers, husbands, sons, and brothers with fresh eyes. The conversation isn’t about blame anymore — it’s about balance. A new curiosity replaces old resentment. The year of men doesn’t erase anyone; it invites everyone to understand half of humanity that’s been caricatured for too long.

Could it happen? Could a culture so comfortable blaming men ever turn toward truly seeing them? Maybe not all at once. But every change in history begins the same way — with the simple act of imagining it.



What Changes During the Year of Men

The first signs of change come from the ground up. Teachers start noticing boys again — not as potential problems to manage, but as minds to cultivate. Schools experiment with programs that fit how boys learn best: movement, competition, hands-on projects, and purpose. Reading lists begin to include stories of male courage and vulnerability that go beyond superheroes or villains. Teachers are trained to see how boys’ energy isn’t disobedience — it’s engagement looking for direction. For the first time in decades, boys begin to feel that classrooms were made with them in mind.

On college campuses, the tone shifts from suspicion to curiosity. “Men’s Studies” — long a taboo phrase — finds a foothold. Seminars explore how fatherlessness, male shame, and status pressure shape young men’s mental health. Professors dare to say what was once unspeakable: that men have suffered, too. A handful of women’s studies professors even cross over, lending their voices to help create a balanced understanding of gender that includes both sides of the human story. The conversations are messy but alive — and that’s the point. Truth is finally allowed to be complicated again.

The media, too, begins to rediscover men. Documentaries appear about the quiet heroism of everyday fathers, about men mentoring boys in forgotten neighborhoods, about the millions of men who keep the world turning through labor, repair, and service. Morning talk shows, once filled with segments ridiculing male behavior, start inviting men to speak for themselves. The tone softens. People listen. A viral story circulates about a construction crew that raised money to send a coworker’s son to college after his dad’s death. “This,” one host says on air, “is masculinity too.”

Relationships begin to heal in small but powerful ways. Wives notice that when their husbands go quiet, it’s not distance but effort — a man trying to manage his emotions in the only way that feels safe. Sons start asking their fathers for advice again, and fathers rediscover how much they have to give. In counseling offices, therapists begin learning what clinicians have long said — that men process emotions through action, that their silence isn’t absence but presence in another form. Couples therapy starts to meet men halfway instead of treating them as defective women.

And then there’s mental health. The great unspoken epidemic of male despair finally becomes speakable. Instead of shaming men for not seeking help, society asks why the help offered has so little to do with how men heal. Clinics start experimenting with men’s groups centered around work, movement, humor, and camaraderie — not confession circles that make them feel judged. Suicide prevention campaigns stop using guilt and start using respect. The message shifts from “talk more” to “we see you.” And something remarkable happens: men begin to respond.




The Resistance

Of course, not everyone welcomes the Year of Men.
The early months bring a predictable storm. Certain media outlets call it a backlash. Activist groups issue statements warning that focusing on men will “set back progress.” Think pieces appear overnight insisting that “men already have enough,” as if empathy were a limited resource that must be rationed. A few universities cancel events after protests claim that discussing men’s needs “centers privilege.” But this time, something is different: the public doesn’t buy it. Ordinary people — men and women alike — begin asking simple, disarming questions: How is fairness a threat? How can caring for men possibly hurt women?

The resistance grows louder before it grows weaker. It feeds on fear — fear that empathy for men might expose hypocrisy, that the old narratives might not survive open scrutiny. For decades, the culture has run on a quiet formula: men are the problem, women the solution. Challenging that myth threatens a moral economy that has funded entire industries — from grievance studies to gender bureaucracies to the political machinery that profits from division. When men begin to speak, those who built careers speaking about men feel the ground shift beneath them.

In talk shows and social media debates, the same tired accusations resurface: that compassion for men means indifference to women, that noticing male pain is a form of denial. Yet the tone of the conversation has changed. This time, people have seen too much. They’ve seen fathers emotional pain outside family courts. They’ve seen male victims of abuse turned away from shelters. They’ve watched boys fall behind in schools that call them “toxic” for being active, assertive, or proud. The moral logic of exclusion begins to collapse under its own weight.

And then something unexpected happens: some of the loudest critics begin to soften. A few prominent feminists admit that they never intended for fairness to become a zero-sum game. Others, quietly at first, confess that they are mothers of sons — and they now see what men have endured through their children’s eyes. The resistance doesn’t disappear, but it loses its moral certainty. It becomes clear that opposing compassion for men requires something unnatural: denying reality itself.

The Year of Men doesn’t crush opposition; it transforms it. It doesn’t argue so much as invite. It reminds people that love of men isn’t hatred of women — it’s love of humanity. The movement doesn’t demand anyone’s permission to exist. It simply tells the truth with calm persistence until the shouting fades and listening begins again.



The Renewal

By the end of the Year of Men, something subtle yet profound has changed. The culture feels calmer, more honest, more whole. The anger that once filled every gender conversation has lost its fuel. People have begun to see men not as adversaries or caricatures but as essential parts of the human story — the builders, protectors, thinkers, and dreamers whose lives are as sacred as anyone’s.

The public learns what therapists have known for decades: that men’s silence is often love in disguise. That the man fixing the leaky faucet before anyone wakes is saying thank you in his own language. That the husband who works overtime, the son who restrains his tears at a funeral, the firefighter who risks his life for strangers — all are expressing something profoundly emotional, though the culture has lacked the ears to hear it.

In this new climate, men begin to relax their shoulders. They laugh more easily, reconnect with friends, and find meaning again in work, fatherhood, and service. Fathers feel free to be the masculine dad that they are, and boys no longer learn that masculinity is something to apologize for.

The walls that once separated men and women begin to crumble, replaced by curiosity, gratitude, and humor — the natural bonds of people who have finally stopped competing for moral high ground and started building a shared one.

Women, too, find a surprising sense of relief. Freed from the burden of constant grievance, they rediscover what they always loved about men — their steadiness, their generosity, their willingness to stand in harm’s way. The battle of the sexes gives way to partnership. In homes and classrooms and workplaces, people start asking a forgotten question: What are men for? And the answers are not defensive anymore. They are joyous.

By the time December arrives, commentators summarize 2026 as “the year empathy grew up.” It’s not the end of the story, only the beginning — the moment when society realized that healing half of humanity heals the whole. The Year of Men becomes not just a cultural milestone but a mirror, reminding us that progress isn’t about trading one group’s dignity for another’s. It’s about finally understanding that men are good — and always have been.

Men Are Good.

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December 25, 2025
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A Quiet Thank You to Men, Today
Merry Christmas!


A Quiet Thank You to Men, Today

Today isn’t a day for debate.
It’s a day for gratitude.

So I want to pause and offer a quiet thank you to men — especially the ones who are easy to overlook.

To the men who showed up quietly.
Who didn’t announce their presence or demand recognition.
Who simply did what needed to be done.

To the men who carried financial stress without complaint.
Who worried in silence about providing, about bills, about futures — and still tried to keep the mood light for everyone else.

To the men who fixed, drove, cooked, shoveled, assembled, paid, and planned.
Who solved problems behind the scenes so the day could feel smooth and warm for others.

To the men who swallowed loneliness so others could feel joy.
Who sat at the edge of gatherings, or weren’t invited at all, yet still sent gifts, made calls, or showed kindness where they could.

To the men who didn’t get thanked — and didn’t expect to.

And today, I also want to acknowledge men who carry heavier, quieter burdens.

Men who have been falsely accused, and discovered how quickly the world can turn away from them.
Men who have been divorced and still worked relentlessly to father their children in a hostile environment, where their love was questioned and their access was constrained.
Men who have felt dejected and misunderstood, not because they lacked care or effort, but because the story told about them left no room for their humanity.

Men who have been trying — sometimes desperately — to do the right thing in systems that seemed stacked against them.

Men whose goodness has gone unnamed.

Christmas has a way of highlighting what is visible — gifts, decorations, smiles — but it often misses what is held. The restraint. The responsibility. The endurance. The quiet decision to keep going.

So today, this is simply a thank you.

Thank you for the ways you show love through action.
Thank you for the strength that doesn’t ask to be admired.
Thank you for the steadiness that makes joy possible for others.

You matter. Your efforts count.

Men have always mattered — today is a good day to say it out loud.

Merry Christmas.  Men Matter. Men Are Good.

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December 22, 2025
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What Men Bring to Christmas


Women are often the heartbeat of the social side of Christmas — the cards, the gatherings, the baking, the presents, the details that make everything glow. But what men bring to Christmas is just as essential, even if it’s quieter and less visible.

Men bring structure. They’re the ones hauling the tree, hanging the lights, fixing what’s broken, driving through the weather, making sure there’s wood for the fire and fuel in the car. They create the framework that holds the celebration up — the unspoken foundation that allows everything else to happen.

They bring steadiness. When things get tense or chaotic — when someone’s late, or the kids are bouncing off the walls — it’s often the calm presence of a man that settles the moment. That quiet “it’s all right” energy grounds the room and restores a sense of safety and ease.

They bring tradition and meaning. Many men are the keepers of ritual: the same breakfast every Christmas morning, the drive to see the lights, the reading of ’Twas the Night Before Christmas. Their constancy ties the present to the past. It gives children a sense that they belong to something enduring.

And men bring humor — the kind that doesn’t just entertain but heals. When the wrapping paper piles up or the cookies burn, it’s a man’s grin or a playful remark that resets everyone’s mood. Men’s humor carries wisdom; it says, let’s not take ourselves too seriously. It reminds us that Christmas isn’t about perfection — it’s about joy.

Finally, men bring quiet joy. They find it not in the spotlight but in watching the people they love — a partner’s smile, a child’s laughter, the flicker of the tree in the dark. Their satisfaction is in knowing they helped create that warmth, often without needing credit for it.

When I worked as a therapist with the bereaved, I saw this again and again after a father’s death. Families would describe a subtle shift — not just grief, but a loss of containment. Without dad, things felt looser, more chaotic, less certain. The house might look the same, but the emotional gravity had changed. What they were missing was that quiet, stabilizing force men bring — the invisible boundary that holds the family together without needing to be named.

It’s one of the paradoxes of men’s contribution: you don’t notice it when it’s there, only when it’s gone.

Women make Christmas sparkle, but men make it stand. Together they form the harmony that makes the season whole — love expressed in different languages, both necessary, both beautiful.

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