MenAreGood
Domestic Violence Services in Wisconsin - Do They Serve Men? Part 3
Guest Post Daniel Carver
February 28, 2025
post photo preview

This is part three of a three part series written by an anonymous gentleman who is going under the name of Daniel Carver. Daniel uses his own experience and exposes the misandry of the Wisconsin Domestic Violence system.

 


Part 3 – Systemic Corruption, What Can We Do About It?

I asked ChatGPT about which countries have overcome corruption in their governments. It offered this good piece of advice for common strategies to avoid government corruption:

“Common Strategies in These Countries [that have less corruption]:

Independent Institutions: Strong, impartial enforcement agencies that tackle corruption without political interference. 
Transparency and Accountability: Open access to government data and information, coupled with systems that hold officials accountable. 

Rule of Law: Strict adherence to the law, with well-functioning judicial systems to ensure justice. 
Civic Engagement: Encouragement of public participation and a free press to monitor and report misconduct. 
Ethical Leadership: Political leaders committed to maintaining integrity and leading by example.

While these countries excel in minimizing corruption, they remain vigilant and continuously adapt their strategies to maintain high standards of governance. “

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hopefully, our Wisconsin legislators (both state and federal) will read this series and lay awake at night wondering which one of their sons, brothers, uncles, grandsons, or men in their family could be the next one to end up spending several days in jail, tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, assumed a wife beater regardless of any evidence or common sense; all because his wife or girlfriend attacked him in their home without any accountability or her even being questioned.

Maybe then, our state statutes will finally get fixed and public assistance money allocated fairly and justly to all citizens and taxpayers. Maybe then, the Governor’s Council on Domestic Abuse will be 50% men and announce their meetings a month in advance. Maybe then a concerned citizen, or male DV victim, could get onto their meeting agenda. Maybe the child services office would be required by law to answer a man’s plea for help for his children being beaten by their mother? Maybe our DV shelters will be required by law to provide 50% of their services to men by having DV advocates that can and do relate to the average guy?

In conclusion I want to offer some practical solutions as starting points to begin to fix these systemic problems.

First idea is the easiest one that could be implemented tomorrow at a cost of zero dollars! We would simply require every law enforcement officer, social worker, public school teacher, DV advocate employed by the state, and our state legislators to watch this free video by the leading international domestic violence expert, Dr. John Hamel. Did I mention that this would be completely free, at no cost to anyone!

John Hamel, Ph.D., LCSW - Domestic Violence Expert in the CA Court System

Second idea is for several different people around the country (men or women) to make recordings of a phone call to ask a basic question. I suggest a coordinated effort among men’s rights advocates, hopefully one in each of 50 states and each province in Canada if it is legal to record audio there. At least spread out around the US to show it is a wide spread problem. NOTE: there are possible legal ramifications of recording someone’s voice without their permission. Some states allow this and in some states it is against the law ! So first make sure that it is legal to do in your state and document the law that allows it. Each caller must live in that state to make sure they are in that legal jurisdiction. Do we have any volunteers that will commit to being the coordinator of these undercover audio recordings?

 

Note that is it very important to let them know at the beginning of the call that you are “NOT in an emergency situation”, that you are just calling to ask about services offered. This is a very important step, for them especially because remember you are calling a domestic violence center. We never want to give the perception that we are pretending to be in an emergency situation; that would be terribly unethical and is probably illegal in some places.

Then just ask them “I just called to ask for a friend, does your organization have a way to help men that are victims of domestic violence”? I put this in quotes because we need to have every caller that does this ask the exact same question; that’s what makes it a study and gives it more validity. Then we save all those recordings and hopefully we can compile transcripts of their answers. Then we’d have the documentation needed to get the ACLU to file a class action lawsuit against every state that participated. Do we have any lawyers that volunteer to help us build this case?

Third idea to fix systemic corruption: The minor children in a Wisconsin divorce case are assigned a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL). Those available to serve in this role are…….…mostly women. There is no requirement that these legal authorities must write out their assessment or recommendation that they give to the court who determines child custody.

Nor are the GALs legally liable to be fair and equitable to both parents! They simply go into the courtroom and make a verbal recommendation, often without even any justification of any kind, and the court almost always accepts that and acts upon that recommendation. The GAL is effectively determining child custody in lieu of the court, and does not even write any record of their recommendation or justification ! Incredible.

 

This is flat out systemic corruption as you would see in a communist country. We should change this, at the very least, require a written recommendation with justification. Furthermore, a summary of that GAL’s history of recommendations must be made available to the public & downloadable from a website. Names or locations of the people in the cases need not be public, but a statistical summary, per GAL, of these recommendations must be easily and readily available to those community members. The idea is to help prevent the gender bias in child custody that we all know is ubiquitous across the USA and most of the rest of the world too. I’m certain that eliminating that gender bias in courtrooms would reduce the divorce rate because every women would think twice about it if she knew that it would likely result in a true 50/50 custody arrangement.

Fourth idea is that we need a state law that requires the 35 DV shelters in Wisconsin to hire just as many straight male DV advocates as they have female DV advocates. The number of male advocates must be 95+% overall throughout the state, heterosexual. This is because 98% of the male demographic served by most DV shelters are straight men. The two most important things a DV victim needs when they ask for government assistance is a place to live for a while and an advocate that can relate to them, validates them, listens with empathy, understands them, and shares the perspective of a straight man who tried to get his wife or girlfriend to calm down and be reasonable instead of the extreme violence behind closed doors.

To understand my point better; imagine for a minute a straight woman DV victim who is beaten by her husband, runs out of her house with no other place to sleep for the night, it is -10 degrees outside, she goes to the local shelter, and a lesbian greets her at the door to invite her in to sleep there for the night!

Many Wisconsin DV shelters advertise on their website LGBQ resources available. Why don’t they also advertise STRAIGHT resources available and then provide those services too? Straight is the most common category by far (way over 90%) the bulk of the taxpayer base. If we are going to categorize everyone by their sexual orientation, then government services should be offered to all citizens and advertised in said categories, with funding proportional to their demographic category.

Fifth idea to stop the systemic corruption is the best one, yet also the most difficult to accomplish. It literally requires an act of congress. Every DV shelter in Wisconsin has a taxpayer funded Director’s position that is basically the CEO of that DV shelter. That position is always held by a woman who was appointed or just hired by the HR office. A few miles away is the local Sheriff’s office and that Sheriff had to win a public election in order to be Sheriff.

The reason for the election is because the Sheriff has immense authority and power over the general public (lethal force, and to arrest). An election is required so that if bias or corruption begins to happen in the law enforcement, the public can elect someone else that will be fair and equitable to all citizens.

What is needed is a change in Wisconsin law (statutes) that requires the Director of Domestic Violence Shelter position to be an elected official exactly like the Sheriff’s position; and for the same reasons.

The Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) positions for our children should be elected positions as well, for the same reason we elect judges.

Sixth idea to fix the systemic corruption is an organization that is set up for this very purpose regarding child custody. Mark Ludwig founded the Americans for Equal Shared Parenting, you can learn more at their website here. This organization has had some lobbying successes legislatively regarding Title-IV- D. They welcome anyone that wants to help there efforts change the systemic corruption in family courts corrected through changes in state laws.

Seventh and final idea to fix systemic corruption is more ideological. It is to get our representatives, legislators, and government official to open their eyes to the clear gender bias against men that is being considered to become legislation. We need to make phone calls and emails and speak up at town hall meetings (unfortunately these are rare). We must learn from the huge mistake make some 30 years ago when the Violence Against Women Act went into law. It was amended by the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2013. However the title is still a law that was written for women and the DV shelters continue to discriminate against men without any consequences or enforcement of the 2013 Act.

 

Why don’t we as a nation learn from past mistakes? In the last couple of years there has developed a political movement to request laws be written that prevent biological men from competing in women’s sports. And our legislators are drafting laws like this without any mention of preventing biological women from competing in men’s sports ! This is especially important in the K-12 and college sports because a male sports team (boys & men) is a critical part of development of male identity. Millions of men have talked about how a male sports team helped them develop into a man. Similarly with youth programs that are male only, they should be not only allowed, but encouraged and well funded because that is where we as a society grow boys into men.

A personal note on that. I was so fortunate to have our Dad continually drill into our minds that you never hit a girl. Never! And when my “Christian” wife was constantly yelling and screaming several times per day and lunging at me to try to get me to hit her so she could have me arrested; I never made contact with her or even threatened her, thanks to the values instilled in me as a boy. I was once in a karate class (as an adult) where we practiced sparring and I was paired with an adult lady. It was so strange to me to imitate or pretend I was going to punch or kick her.

So with boys contact sports teams, football, soccer, basketball, baseball, wrestling, lacrosse…… the list goes on……… when we put girls on the field to compete with boys; we are teaching the boys to be rough with the girls! This is a bad idea to say the least.

So when we write laws about male and female sports teams being gender segregated; we should write them for both genders, not bias toward only protecting women and girls teams. Men and boys need the dignity of competing with their own gender too.

Most recently, we saw the same mistake happen yet again in a bill that passed our House of Congress; the Violence Against Women by Illegal Aliens Act. What? Illegal aliens committing violence against men is somehow acceptable or automatically not a concern?

Already many men in the US have been victims of illegal alien’s violence; one happened just yesterday as I’m writing this, a man was shot twice in the face. When a truck blasts into a crowd, there are men there. When an explosion happens, it impacts both men and women. So why in the world would congress pass yet another law that protects only women? Did they not learn from the first Violence Against Women Act 30 years ago that had to later be amended? Incredible!

Calling for reforms to achieve true justice for all, especially our vulnerable children who need their dad,

Sincerely, Daniel Carver (pen name)


Copy to some of our reps who voted concerning the federal law: Violence Against Women Act (VAWA):

Wisconsin Senator Tammy Baldwin (202) 224-5653 141 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510
------------------------------------------------

Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson (202) 224-5323 328 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510
-------------------------------------------------

community logo
Join the MenAreGood Community
To read more articles like this, sign up and join my community today
0
What else you may like…
Videos
Podcasts
Posts
Articles
October 02, 2025
Father Custody: The Solution to Injustices Against Men?

In this conversation, I sit down with Stephen Baskerville and Rick Bradford to explore a provocative idea: could father custody be the key to addressing many of the injustices men face? Both men are leading experts in this area, and together they examine some fascinating angles. One insight is that the legal contract of marriage doesn’t just unite two people — it’s also the mechanism that legally creates fathers. Yet when that contract is dissolved through divorce, the law often strips fathers of their rights, reducing them to mere “visitors” in their children’s lives. This and much more is unpacked in our discussion.

We also point to Rick’s and Stephen’s books (linked below) and to AI tools that allow you to interact with their work directly. (also linked below)

If you’ve ever wondered why custody is such a defining issue — not just for fathers but for the future of men’s rights and well-being — this dialogue offers insights you won’t want to miss.

Men are good, as are you.

Books...

01:18:10
September 25, 2025
Dr. James Nuzzo Cancelled for Challenging Feminism and DEI

Join me as I talk with Janice Fiamengo and researcher Dr. James Nuzzo about the shocking story of his academic cancellation. What begins as one man’s ordeal soon reveals how woke ideology and radical feminism are undermining science, silencing dissent, and eroding academic freedom. Thoughtful, eye-opening, and at times heartbreaking, this video exposes what really happens when universities put politics before truth.

Dr. Nuzzo's GoFundMe
https://www.gofundme.com/f/ChildStrengthResearch

Dr. Nuzzo's Donorbox
https://donorbox.org/the-nuzzo-letter

https://jameslnuzzo.substack.com/

Previous Interviews with Dr. Nuzzo on MenAreGood
grip strength https://menaregood.substack.com/p/childhood-sex-differences-in-grip

sex differences in strength https://menaregood.substack.com/p/sex-differences-in-strength-and-exercise

bias against women in exercise research? https://menaregood.substack.com/p/bias-against-women-in-exercise-research

childhood sex differences in strength ...

01:01:31
September 10, 2025
Diary of a CEO's Debate on Feminism: Our Response

This video will be presented in two parts and is a joint venture between MenAreGood and Hannah Spier’s Psychobabble. Hannah’s standard approach is to make the first half free for everyone, with the second half reserved for paid subscribers. To align with her process, I’m setting aside my usual practice of making all new posts free and following the same format for this release.


Janice Fiamengo, Hannah Spier, and Tom Golden respond to a YouTube video on The Diary of a CEO channel, which features three feminists debating the question: “Has modern feminism betrayed the very women it promised to empower?”In their response, Hannah, Janice, and Tom have a lively discussion, highlighting inconsistencies, omissions, and a variety of other notable observations.

Men Are Good

00:36:02
February 07, 2023
The Way Boys Play and the Biological Underpinnings

My apologies for the last empty post. My mistake. Let's hope this one works.

Tom takes a stab at using the podcast function. Let's see how it goes.

The Way Boys Play and the Biological Underpinnings
May 13, 2022
Boys and Rough Play

This is a short excerpt from Helping Mothers be Closer to their Sons. The book was meant for single mothers who really don't know much about boy's nature. They also don't have a man in the house who can stand up for the boy and his unique nature. It tries to give them some ideas about how boys and girls are different. This excerpt is about play behaviors.

Boys and Rough Play
September 18, 2025
Jim Nuzzo Cancelled

I’m sure many of you are familiar with Jim Nuzzo’s work on exercise and strength training. A frequent guest on this channel, Jim offers valuable insights into exercise science. I often call him my favorite researcher—and he truly is!

Jim studies boys’ uniqueness and the differences between boys and girls in exercise approaches and physical traits. He has also exposed distortions in claims that past research was biased against women. In doing so, he broke two “rules” of the woke: celebrating boys’ strengths and challenging feminist disinformation. For this, he was effectively cancelled.

Using the Freedom of Information Act, Jim obtained emails revealing the hate behind his cancellation. This post details that story, and Janice and I will do a video with him next week—so there’s more to come.


https://jameslnuzzo.substack.com/p/my-academic-cancellation-story

The Best, effective and clearest video on this subject I ever seen! Every man and boy should watch and learn.
10 out of 10!!!
A Absalutly must watch!!!

Another great video from Gabby on how Radical Feminism dehumanizes Men. And she showed a pic of Paul Elam and Tom Golden with others. As people trying to humanize and help men.

Worth a watch

September 29, 2025
post photo preview
Masculinity: Assessing the Damage and Reclaiming Your Strengths
 

This is the final stretch in the gynocentrism series. In the earlier posts we looked at a definition of gynocentrism from chatgpt, noted that most of us have at least a little gynocentrism , saw how it operates beneath the surface of our culture, and how it offers women both protection and access to resources. We’ve also seen how feminism took that ancient system and weaponized it, and why men often fail to resist.

Now it’s time to turn the focus inward. This essay is about what you can do — not on a political stage, not in the culture at large, but in your own life and relationships. Before we talk about strategies, we need to start with something more personal: assessing the damage.


How Masculinity Has Been Undermined​?

Over the last 50 years, the constant drumbeat of “toxic masculinity” has worn on men. It has told us that our natural strengths are not strengths at all, but flaws. Instead of celebrating courage, persistence, and logic, the culture tells men that these traits are threatening, outdated, or even abusive.

This has an impact. For many men, the constant assault has created a hesitation to speak plainly, to stand firm, or to trust their own instincts. It has discouraged men from telling the truth when it might offend, or from using reason when confronted with a storm of emotion. And it has silenced countless men in their relationships — men who fear that raising their voice will only make them look like the problem.


Why Logic Has Been Pushed Aside​?

One of the deepest wounds of this shift is the cultural denigration of logic. Logic has always been one of men’s great tools. It doesn’t mean men can’t feel or express emotion, but it does mean they often approach problems through reasoning, structure, and clarity.

Today, those strengths are dismissed. Instead, feelings are elevated above all else. We’ve built a culture where “offense” is treated as the greatest harm and “safety” the highest virtue. That may serve some interests, but it leaves men’s natural ways of approaching life and conflict diminished and distrusted.

And when logic is sidelined, relationships become lopsided. Without balance between reason and emotion, one side gains power while the other is pushed into the doghouse.


Younger Men Carry More of the Weight​?

It’s worth noting that not every generation has felt this equally. Older men — say, those over 60 — may have avoided the worst of the cultural training. They grew up in a time when being masculine wasn’t automatically suspect.

Younger men, though, especially those under 30, have been raised in a world where masculinity itself is under constant suspicion. For them, the damage runs deeper. They’ve been told from childhood that to be a man is to be potentially dangerous, oppressive, or shameful. The result? A generation of young men often hesitant to assert themselves, unsure of their own worth, and deeply confused about what it even means to be a man.


The Yin-Yang Distorted

A useful way to picture this imbalance is through the yin-yang symbol. Traditionally, it represents the balance of opposites: light and dark, masculine and feminine, logic and feeling. Each side is necessary, and each contains a seed of the other.

 

But in today’s cultural climate, the symbol is distorted. Instead of white and black in harmony, we are left with shades of gray and black — too much of one side, not enough of the other. Instead of honoring difference, we are addicted to sameness, to the feminine way, to an exaggerated focus on feeling. Masculinity isn’t balanced with femininity; it is suffocated by it.

 

Reclaiming Your Strengths

This is why men need to take stock of their own strengths — not as a luxury, but as a necessity. Ask yourself:

  • Am I able to stand my ground and speak the truth, even when it’s unpopular?

  • Do I navigate the world based on my own values, not someone else’s?

  • Can I hear feedback, weigh it fairly, and adjust my views without flinching?

  • Do I recognize the positive in my independence, self-reliance, and strength?

These are not flaws. These are gifts. They are the building blocks of masculine integrity.

Reclaiming them doesn’t mean ignoring emotion. It means recognizing your value, owning your abilities, and refusing to let a hostile culture tell you that your strengths are weaknesses.


Moving Forward

In this first step, the work is about clarity — seeing where the damage has been done, and beginning to recognize the strength you already have. In the next piece, we’ll get into the practical side: what it looks like to take those strengths into a relationship, how to set rules fairly, how to remain calm, how to frame your truth, and how to resist gynocentrism in the everyday dynamics of love and partnership.

Because the truth is this: relationships are risky, yes, but men who know their worth as men and practice these skills are far better equipped to navigate them.

​Men Are Good

Read full Article
September 22, 2025
post photo preview
Dismantling Men's Masculinity

 

 

In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang represent complementary forces. Yin, often linked with the feminine, is receptive, inward, intuitive, and fluid. Yang, the masculine counterpart, is active, outward, structured, and bold. Neither is “better” than the other — balance is the point.

Our culture has slipped into imbalance. Instead of valuing both masculine (yang) and feminine (yin) traits, we treat yang traits in men as problems to be corrected while elevating yin traits as the moral ideal. This creates an environment where boys and men are shamed for expressing natural masculine tendencies, while the feminine is glorified as “healthier,” “safer,” or “more evolved.” To make matters worse, men are framed as the problem—legitimizing attacks against them—while women and girls are cast as victims, granting them cultural permission to adopt masculine traits. Boys watch in bewilderment as this double standard unfolds: masculinity is shamed in men but praised in women, and women are celebrated for both yin and yang traits. It defies logic, yet nearly every cultural institution reinforces it. We are living in a truly unbalanced world.

Let’s look at seven primary yang characteristics and how they’ve been discouraged in men.

 

1. Active / Initiating

Yang energy moves forward, takes initiative, acts rather than waits. In boys, this shows up as physical play, restless energy, and risk-taking curiosity.

In schools, this natural boyish energy is often punished. Boys who get up, explore, or speak out are labeled “disruptive.” Increasingly, they’re medicated for ADHD — not because they’re sick, but because they don’t fit a classroom model designed for quiet compliance.

At the same time, receptivity and patience — yin traits — are praised. The quiet child is “well-behaved.” Girls who sit still are called “model students.” Boys learn quickly: initiative will get you in trouble, while passivity earns approval. Yet in a striking double standard, as boys are shamed for their energy, girls are increasingly praised for showing initiative and taking risks.


2. Rational / Analytical

Masculine energy emphasizes clarity and reason. But in relationships and therapy, men who rely on logic are accused of being “emotionally unavailable.” A husband who responds to conflict with analysis rather than emotional validation is told he’s “cold.”

Media reinforces this, portraying rational men as out of touch. Think of the sitcom father who is clueless and insensitive until the emotional wife rescues him with her intuition. Logic in men becomes something to mock or pathologize.

Meanwhile, intuition and emotional fluency are praised as “true intelligence.” Schools teach “emotional literacy” — overwhelmingly in a feminine key — while men’s rational approaches are sidelined. Yet here again, the double standard is obvious: when girls show clarity and reason, they are celebrated as strong and capable, while boys are criticized for the very same trait.


3. Independent / Self-Directed

Yang independence is about autonomy and leadership. In the past, this was recognized as a virtue. Today, independence in men is recast as selfishness.

In therapy, men who assert boundaries are accused of being avoidant. In family courts, fathers who resist intrusive parenting mandates are painted as uncooperative. At work, men who prefer autonomy are accused of “not being team players.”

Meanwhile, collectivist ideals are glorified. “Community,” “collaboration,” and “consensus” are treated as moral goods. The man who pursues his own vision is suspect; the man who dissolves into the group is praised. Yet when women insist on autonomy or self-direction, they are celebrated as “empowered” and “breaking barriers.” The very trait condemned in men is rewarded in women.


4. Expressive / Outward-Projecting

Yang expression is about projecting energy outward — speaking with authority, asserting oneself, showing presence. Today, this is routinely shamed. Men are accused of “mansplaining” when they speak confidently, of “taking up too much space” when they sit or stand naturally. Even in classrooms, boys who speak out are silenced while girls are coaxed to speak more.

Corporate trainings echo the same script: men must “step back” and “make space.” Male outwardness is recast as oppressive, while passivity and listening — yin traits — are presented as the moral high ground. Yet when women speak forcefully or take command of space, they are praised as bold and inspiring. The same assertiveness that earns men censure wins women applause.


5. Confident / Bold

Confidence, a core yang quality, is easily rebranded as arrogance or entitlement. A young man who asserts himself risks being accused of “toxic masculinity.” Ambition is reframed as greed or patriarchal privilege.

In education, boys who compete hard are told to “tone it down.” In dating, confidence is increasingly viewed with suspicion. A man approaching a woman boldly risks being labeled a predator, while tentativeness is reframed as “respect.”

Meanwhile, vulnerability has been rebranded as the new courage. Being hesitant, emotionally raw, or self-doubting is celebrated — but only when men embody it. Boldness is shamed; vulnerability is glorified. And once again, the double standard is clear: when women display confidence and ambition, they are praised as trailblazers and role models. What is condemned in men is applauded in women.


6. Competitive / Striving

Competition once fueled innovation, excellence, and mastery. For boys, striving to test themselves against others was natural.

Today, competition is under attack. Schools downplay winning, cancel scores, and hand out participation trophies. Boys are told that striving to be the best is unfair or mean-spirited. Even in workplaces, ambition is framed as “cutthroat.”

Meanwhile, cooperation is praised as the higher moral good. Equality of outcome — not excellence — is celebrated. The yin trait of blending in is exalted over the yang drive to stand out. And yet, when girls and women show drive, ambition, and competitiveness, they are praised as strong, empowered, and fearless. The very striving that earns boys censure is reframed as heroic when displayed by girls.


7. Stable / Structured

Yang energy provides order and discipline. Fathers setting boundaries, men building institutions, coaches demanding discipline — all are examples of stabilizing structure.

Yet structure is often demonized. Discipline is rebranded as control. Fathers who insist on rules are called authoritarian, while mothers who allow flexibility are celebrated as “nurturing.” In broader culture, structure is portrayed as oppression, while fluidity and openness are presented as progressive ideals.

And here too the double standard is unmistakable: when women take charge, enforce rules, or demand order, they are praised as strong leaders and role models. But when men do the very same thing, they are criticized as rigid, controlling, or oppressive. The masculine contribution of structure is vilified in men while valorized in women.


The “Male Privilege” Narrative

Layered on top of this shaming is the constant accusation of male privilege. Men are told they benefit from invisible advantages that invalidate their struggles. The boy disciplined in school for his energy is “privileged.” The man told his logic is cold is “privileged.” The father stripped of custody in court is “privileged.”

This accusation functions as a silencing tactic: no matter what hardships men face, their yang traits are delegitimized by the claim that they come from an unfair advantage. It’s a clever inversion — turning natural masculine expressions into proof of oppression.

For boys, the effect is especially disorienting. They are punished and shamed for their natural energy, independence, or boldness, yet they watch those same qualities praised in girls as “empowerment.” Imagine growing up in that atmosphere — told that what comes naturally to you is toxic, while applauded when someone else displays it. It creates confusion, self-doubt, and a sense of injustice that borders on madness. Boys learn not just that they are wrong, but that their very strengths are only acceptable when embodied by someone else.

 

When Yin Is Glorified and Yang Is Shamed

Chinese philosophy has a very straightforward warning: when yin and yang fall out of balance, decay follows. Illness in the body, discord in relationships, collapse in societies — all are traced to one side being exalted while the other is suppressed.

Today, our culture is caught in just such an imbalance. Feminine (yin) traits — receptivity, emotion, flexibility — are not only praised, they are presented as the gold standard for everyone. Masculine (yang) traits — activity, logic, independence, boldness, competition, structure — are not only discouraged, they are actively shamed.

From the Chinese perspective, this is a recipe for trouble. Here’s what they would say is coming:

  • Stagnation and Weakness: Too much yin creates passivity. Boys withdraw, men retreat, societies lose resilience.

  • Anxiety and Discord: Suppressed yang resurfaces in distorted ways — aggression, violence, self-destruction.

  • Collapse of Natural Order: Institutions weaken when initiative, structure, and clarity are attacked. Families fracture, schools falter, social trust declines.

  • Loss of Wholeness: When one side is glorified and the other shamed, the creative power of balance disappears. Everyone loses.


Restoring the Missing Balance

Chinese wisdom is blunt: when yin and yang fall out of balance, decline is inevitable. Our culture has tipped hard toward yin, glorifying receptivity, vulnerability, and fluidity while shaming activity, confidence, and structure. We are out of balance.

And balance will not return by doubling down on yin or by continuing to accuse men of “privilege” whenever they show their natural strengths. The way forward is to restore respect for yang.

That means honoring boys’ energy instead of medicating it away. Valuing men’s rational clarity instead of mocking it as cold. Praising independence and confidence in men just as we do in women. Allowing competition and striving to be celebrated, not shamed. And recognizing that discipline and structure are not oppression, but foundations for growth.

Revaluing the masculine does not mean dismissing the feminine. It means returning to the truth the Chinese saw thousands of years ago: life flourishes only when yin and yang stand side by side, each strong, each respected, each essential.

If we continue to shame one half of the human equation, we invite stagnation, confusion, and collapse. But if we restore balance, we give our sons — and our daughters — the gift of wholeness.

​Men Are Good. So is Yang.

Read full Article
September 15, 2025
post photo preview
Male Suicide: Finland Acted, America Shrugs,
Part 3 - Finland’s Legacy — Lessons for the World


Finland’s Legacy — Lessons for the World

Post 3 in a series on what the world can learn from Finland’s suicide prevention efforts


In the first two posts of this series, we traced Finland’s extraordinary journey: from confronting its suicide crisis head-on with unprecedented research, to building a nationwide prevention strategy that saved lives and changed culture. (plus an intro post)

By the mid-1990s, the results were visible. Suicide rates, which had climbed for decades, had finally begun to fall. Hunters were talking to their mates about mental health. Army officers were watching out for vulnerable conscripts. Teachers, clergy, and even journalists had taken on new roles in prevention.

But Finland didn’t stop there. They did something few governments ever do: they invited outsiders in to judge their work.


The External Evaluation (1999)

In 1999, an international team of experts released their assessment of Finland’s National Suicide Prevention Project. Their job was not to pat Finland on the back, but to weigh the evidence: had the ten-year gamble worked?

The answer was a resounding yes.

The reviewers noted that suicide rates had fallen by about 20% from their 1990 peak, reversing what had seemed an unstoppable upward trend. They praised Finland’s creativity and breadth: more than 40 subprogrammes, dozens of guidebooks and training manuals, and a public conversation that no longer treated suicide as taboo.

They were candid about shortcomings. The elderly had been largely overlooked. Firearm restrictions — an obvious lever in a country where hunting rifles were common — had not been seriously addressed. And some of the project’s ideas had not been fully anchored in municipal governments, raising questions about long-term sustainability.

But the overall conclusion was clear: “The achievements of the project greatly outweighed its shortcomings.”

For the first time in history, a country had launched a research-based, nationwide suicide prevention program, implemented it across society, and then subjected it to systematic internal and external evaluation. Finland hadn’t just lowered its suicide rate. It had created a model the rest of the world could learn from.


The Nordic Ripple Effect

Finland may have been the first to take suicide prevention to this scale, but it didn’t remain alone for long. Its bold experiment caught the attention of its Nordic neighbors.

By the early 2000s, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, and Iceland had all developed their own national suicide prevention strategies. Each looked different, shaped by local politics and culture, but the family resemblance was clear:

  • Multisectoral involvement — bringing schools, healthcare, media, and workplaces into the effort.

  • Government backing — strategies tied to official health policy, not just isolated projects.

  • Focus on high-risk groups — men, youth, those with mental illness or substance use issues.

  • Community-level adaptation — prevention designed to fit local contexts.

This Nordic wave turned suicide prevention from a fringe idea into a mainstream policy goal. Finland’s willingness to declare suicide a preventable public health problem gave other countries the courage to do the same.

And while no nation copied Finland exactly, the influence was unmistakable. What began as one country’s desperate attempt to save its men became a regional movement — and, eventually, part of a global shift in how we think about suicide.


Beyond Suicide — Open Dialogue

While the National Suicide Prevention Project was reshaping public health, another Finnish innovation was quietly revolutionizing psychiatric care. It was called Open Dialogue, and it began in the remote region of Western Lapland in the 1980s.

Open Dialogue grew out of the same spirit that drove Finland’s suicide work: the belief that mental health crises should be faced directly, in context, with honesty and community. Instead of isolating patients in institutions, Open Dialogue brought treatment into their living rooms, with their families and friends present.

Its core principles were deceptively simple:

  • Immediate response — no long waits for care.

  • Include the social network — every meeting included family and close supporters.

  • Transparency — no secret discussions; all decisions were made in front of the patient.

  • Continuity — the same care team stayed with the person throughout.

The results were extraordinary. In Western Lapland, outcomes for psychosis — one of the most severe and stigmatized mental health conditions — improved dramatically. Hospitalization rates plummeted. Long-term disability dropped. Many people recovered fully, without lifelong medication. And suicide risk, so often bound up with psychotic crises, declined as well.

Open Dialogue was not designed as a suicide prevention program, but it turned out to be one. By treating people with dignity, involving their communities, and responding quickly in moments of despair, it reduced the very conditions that so often lead to suicide.

Over the years, Open Dialogue spread far beyond Finland. Today, it has inspired projects in 20+ countries, from the UK and Denmark to Italy, Australia, and the United States. In Boston and Atlanta, pilot trials are exploring how it might transform American mental health care.

If Finland’s suicide prevention project showed how to mobilize whole societies, Open Dialogue showed how to humanize psychiatric care. Together, they represented a double legacy: a country rethinking both the prevention of suicide and the treatment of mental illness itself.


The Contrast with the United States

Set Finland’s story alongside that of the United States, and the difference is almost painful to see.

In Finland, suicide was treated as a national emergency. The government gathered data on every case, identified high-risk groups, and then designed interventions that met people where they were — in hunting clubs, army barracks, schools, and village churches. Prevention became everyone’s business: teachers, clergy, journalists, even hunters were mobilized. Men were not ignored; they were named as a priority.

In the United States, by contrast, suicide prevention remains fragmented and underfunded. National data are often shallow, slow, and rarely translated into targeted local strategies. Middle-aged men in rural areas — the group most likely to die by suicide — are treated as a tragic inevitability rather than a challenge to be solved. The refrain is familiar: “men won’t seek help.” And then the conversation stops.

Where Finland built systems that carried help into the everyday lives of men, the U.S. still waits for men to find their way into psychiatric clinics — a threshold many will never cross. Instead of designing support around real lives and communities, America has largely outsourced suicide prevention to crisis hotlines and awareness slogans.

The contrast is not just policy. It is philosophy. Finland chose to look directly at suicide, however uncomfortable, and act with precision. The U.S. continues to look away, resigned to the loss of tens of thousands of men each year.


What the World Can Learn Today

Finland’s story carries a message the world can no longer afford to ignore: suicide is not inevitable. It responds to culture, to policy, and to whether a society is willing to face hard truths.

The lessons are clear:

  1. Do the research. Prevention begins with knowing who is dying, where, and why. Finland’s psychological autopsy study remains a gold standard for how to understand suicide in context.

  2. Tailor interventions. Generic slogans don’t save lives. Finland designed specific responses for hunters, soldiers, farmers, drinkers, and suicide attempters.

  3. Use whole communities. Suicide prevention is not just for psychiatrists. Teachers, clergy, journalists, co-workers, and peers can all play a role.

  4. Address men directly. Male suicide is not an afterthought; it is central. Finland dared to say so, and designed interventions with men in mind.

  5. Sustain the effort. Short-term projects can spark change, but long-term structures anchor it. That remains one of Finland’s unfinished tasks — and one of the biggest lessons for others.

For the United States — and for every country still wringing its hands over “men not seeking help” — Finland offers a blueprint. You don’t wait for men to come to you. You go to them. Into their workplaces, their social clubs, their barracks, their communities. You make prevention part of everyday life.

Finland’s achievement wasn’t only lowering its suicide rate by 20% in a decade. It was proving, for the first time, that suicide is a preventable public health problem. And that societies willing to look directly at despair can bend the curve of death.

That is Finland’s legacy. And it is a challenge to all of us: if a small country on the edge of Europe could do it, what excuse do we have not to try?

Men Are Good

Update: Dr. Partonen sent me the latest figures for male suicides in Finland, showing that the rates for men were 52.6 per 100,000 in 1990 and had dropped to 20.3 by 2023 — a stunning 61% decrease.

Read full Article
See More
Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals