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Men in Feminism: The Wrong Conversation
a look at a recent journal article
May 29, 2025
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Context Matters: Why This Article's Tone Is Especially Misplaced

It’s important to note that this article (Men in feminism: A self-determination perspective and goals for the future.) was published in a special issue of Psychology of Men & Masculinities, themed “Uncharted Territory” and intended to explore the possible future of research on men and boys. That context makes the tone and framing of this particular piece all the more jarring. The article isn’t a research study but an opinion-based essay focused on promoting strategies to increase male support for feminism. What? While such a topic might make sense in a feminist journal, its placement in a journal dedicated to understanding men and boys—and especially one tasked with envisioning their future—seems oddly out of place.

Rather than offering new insights into how men might thrive, heal, or participate meaningfully in future gender discussions, the article reverts to a familiar script: men are framed as the problem, their psychological needs treated as secondary, and their involvement tolerated only when it's filtered through feminist ideology.

The piece positions feminism not as a framework for mutual transformation, but as a moral litmus test — one that men must pass by internalizing guilt, accepting blame, and proving themselves worthy through re-education. Instead of exploring what it means to be a man in today’s world or considering the genuine challenges boys and men face, the article doubles down on one-sided concern. Feminism, it declares, is a “nuanced and multifaceted movement that aims to improve the lives of women.” Really?

If this is what the future of men’s studies is supposed to look like — a repackaging of guilt and exclusion — then it offers little to the men it claims to engage.

Coercion in Disguise: The SDT Contradictions

What’s especially troubling is how the article invokes Self-Determination Theory (SDT) as a framework — while blatantly disregarding its foundational principles. SDT emphasizes intrinsic motivation, rooted in three key psychological needs: autonomy (freedom of choice), competence (a sense of effectiveness), and relatedness (a feeling of connection and belonging).

Yet the article undercuts autonomy from the start by quoting ​Bell ​Hooks approvingly:

“Sexism and sexist oppression... can only be successfully eradicated if men are compelled to assume responsibility.”

Compelled? That directly contradicts the heart of SDT. Autonomy means choosing to engage out of personal conviction — not guilt, coercion, or external pressure. Framing men’s involvement in feminism as something they must do or be blamed for failing to do strips the motivation of all autonomy.

Worse still, the article insists repeatedly that even when men do participate, they should not expect empathy or appreciation. Instead, they are reminded:

“Satisfying men’s psychological needs does not mean absolving them from responsibility for ways they contribute to gender inequality and sexist oppression.”

Even when men try to help, they are portrayed as morally compromised — always in debt, never fully trustworthy. That guilt-laden framing suffocates genuine engagement.

The article also centers on women's needs exclusively, showing no reciprocal curiosity or concern about men’s experiences, values, or pain. It also relieves feminist women from any responsibility to be patient, non-judgmental or even make the men feel welcome. The goal is not dialogue — it’s correction. This is captured clearly in lines such as:

“It is not feminist women’s responsibility to make men feel welcome or to agree with men, adding emotional labor on top of gendered oppression.”

And:

“We do not mean to imply, however, that it is women’s responsibility to provide patient and non-judgmental spaces for men as this places an additional burden on women.”

So if feminist women are not responsible who is? The article recommends that rather than feminist women helping men understand feminism they should farm out that task to male feminists. This outsourcing of the task to feminist men — rather than encouraging feminist women to engage directly — creates a dynamic where emotional safety is offered only if men are already ideologically compliant:

“Women have good reasons for not trusting men immediately.”

There is no vision of mutual growth or shared humanity. Men are to be “retrained” by others — not included as equals. This fails to model dialogue or mutuality and instead sets up a hierarchy: feminist women as gatekeepers of virtue, men as potential liabilities who must prove themselves.

The result is a message that frames men as morally obligated to support women because of their supposed complicity in oppression, offers no space for their own stories or struggles, and then bars them from expecting even the basic empathy that would allow for meaningful exchange.

This isn’t just intellectually inconsistent — it’s emotionally cold and strategically self-defeating. It asks men to invest in a movement that clearly does not care whether they feel welcomed, understood, or respected. In doing so, the article violates not only the principles of SDT, but any realistic pathway toward lasting engagement or authentic partnership.**


A Better Way Forward: Respect, Not Re-education

For more than 50 years, our public institutions, media, and educational systems have focused intensely on the needs and struggles of women and girls. Perhaps it’s time we reverse the lens — to spend the next 50 years focusing just as deeply on boys and men.

Imagine this: billions of dollars dedicated to researching male development, crafting education and healthcare systems tailored to boys’ needs, launching public campaigns about male well-being, creating commissions and councils that advocate solely for men’s voices. And while all this unfolds, women and girls are politely asked to wait on the sidelines — to watch without participating, without complaint, as the cultural spotlight shifts away from them.

Would that feel fair?

For many women, such a proposal would feel outrageous — as if their lives, their needs, their experiences were being brushed aside. And that reaction is exactly the point.

Because for the past half-century, that is precisely how many men have felt: ignored, blamed, and left out of the conversation. While women were told “you matter,” men were told to man up. While girls’ self-esteem, safety, and education were prioritized, boys quietly fell behind — in school, in mental health, in family life. And yet, few women stopped to ask: What about the boys?

If the idea of sidelining women now feels wrong, then perhaps it’s time to acknowledge how wrong it was to sideline men for so long. The belief that men were powerful oppressors who deserved no empathy was a cultural myth — one that too many accepted without question. And the damage of that myth is now all around us.

We don’t need to swap one form of exclusion for another. What we need is balance. We need to understand that men have struggles, too — and they deserve just as much care, compassion, and attention. Real progress doesn’t come from focusing on just one sex. It comes from listening to both.

Let’s stop pretending that empathy is a limited resource. There’s enough to go around. But first, we have to be willing to offer some to the half of the population who has gone without it for far too long.

Journal
https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/spotlight/future-boys-men-masculinities

Article
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fmen0000480

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Moynihan Reporthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Negro_Family:_The_Case_For_National_Action

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This is a short excerpt from Helping Mothers be Closer to their Sons. The book was meant for single mothers who really don't know much about boy's nature. They also don't have a man in the house who can stand up for the boy and his unique nature. It tries to give them some ideas about how boys and girls are different. This excerpt is about play behaviors.

Boys and Rough Play

The Best, effective and clearest video on this subject I ever seen! Every man and boy should watch and learn.
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A Absalutly must watch!!!

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August 29, 2025
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When Men Hurt: Finland’s Lesson for a World That Mocks “Incels”

In the late 1980s, Finland discovered something troubling. Among its highest-risk suicide groups were young men rejected from military service. At exactly the age when they were trying to prove themselves, they were branded as outsiders. Many spiraled into isolation, unemployment, and despair.

Finland’s response was striking. The Defense Forces worked with mental health groups, employment services, and ​therapists to catch these men before they fell. They created guidebooks for life after discharge. They launched projects like Young Man, Seize the Day to provide vocational training, community, and a renewed sense of belonging.

In other words: Finland looked at these young men — stigmatized, rejected, hurting — and asked, “What do they need to find a way back in?”

Contrast that with how our society treats another group of young men today: those labelled as “incels.”

Here too we see rejection, isolation, and despair. But instead of responding with empathy or practical support, the prevailing approach is ridicule. The media caricatures incels as “dangerous losers” or “ticking time bombs.” Academic articles often describe them as pathologies — not people. On social media, the word “incel” has become shorthand for contempt, a slur hurled at any man deemed awkward, unwanted, or out of step.

The result? We deepen the very isolation that fuels their pain.

This doesn’t mean excusing harmful behaviors, nor ignoring real risks. But if the only response to young men in despair is shame and hostility, then we are doing exactly the opposite of prevention.

Finland shows another way. It proves that when a society chooses to see its hurting men as human beings rather than problems, it can build supports that save lives.

The question is whether we are willing to do the same. Will we keep throwing rocks at young men already drowning in loneliness? Or will we, like Finland, build ladders out of despair — ladders made of belonging, opportunity, and care?


_________________________

Starting Monday, I’ll share a new three-part series on how Finland confronted a devastating suicide crisis — and what their success can teach us about helping men in pain, rather than mocking them.

I’d known for years that Finland had significantly reduced male suicide rates, but only recently did I dig into the details. After reaching out to the Finnish Embassy, I was connected with thr Finnish Health Dept who then introduced me to Dr. Timo Partonen, a researcher who lived through these efforts. He shared documents that tell the story in remarkable depth.

I’ve distilled that material into a series I think you’ll find eye-opening. Finland’s story is one of care, courage, and respect for men’s lives. My hat is off to them — and I hope we can learn from their example.

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August 27, 2025
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6 Things the Mental Health Industry Gets Wrong About Men

Preface: The Double Bind Men Face

In a previous post, we looked at how men are often excluded from help when they appear dependent. Our focus was on culture—how society expects men to remain independent, and how men who fail to meet that standard are judged as weak or less deserving of care. These judgments come from all directions—women, men, institutions, and even therapists.

It’s easy to see how this cultural default discourages men from seeking therapy. If help is only for those who admit weakness, and admitting weakness means you lose status, the path forward becomes nearly impossible. Most men learn early: always appear independent. Don’t ask. Don’t need.

Therapy, on the other hand, requires vulnerability. It asks men to reveal struggle, uncertainty, and emotional need. For many, that feels like walking directly into the line of fire—the very place they’ve been punished before. No wonder so many avoid it unless they absolutely have to.

What we’ll explore today is an added layer—one that comes from inside the man himself. Not just cultural messaging, but biological wiring. Men receive a double push: society tells them to be independent, and their biology—especially testosterone—echoes that same directive.

In the post below, we’ll take a closer look at how testosterone shapes men’s emotional behavior, especially in therapeutic settings. The more we understand what’s going on beneath the surface, the more compassion—and effectiveness—we can bring to the work of helping men heal.


 




6 Things the Mental Health Industry Gets Wrong About Men


We’ve built a mental health system that often misunderstands men.
Not because therapists don’t care, or because the science isn’t out there—but because many of the core assumptions about men’s emotional lives are built on a framework that fits women better than men. And that misfit? It drives men away. It leaves them unseen. And it often shames them for responding in ways that are biologically and psychologically normal for males. A 2011 paper by Eisenegger, Haushofer, and Fehr—The Role of Testosterone in Social Interaction—offers a major insight: testosterone drives status sensitivity, motivation, risk-taking, and protective emotional strategies. When we understand that, a lot of “male resistance” to therapy starts making sense. Here are six key things the mental health field gets wrong about men—and how we can do better.




1. “Men avoid therapy because they fear vulnerability.”

The truth: Many men avoid therapy because it feels like a status threat—and testosterone reinforces that instinct.

Testosterone heightens a man’s sensitivity to social threats—especially those that signal a potential loss of standing, respect, or dominance. Angry facial expressions, emotional pressure, unclear expectations, or even intense eye contact can feel like status challenges rather than invitations to connect.

Layered on top of that biology is a lifetime of cultural training. Most men grow up learning that independence is strength—and dependence is weakness. They’re taught to solve problems alone, not reveal them. Testosterone supports this stance by motivating status-seeking, autonomy, and competitive positioning.

So when a man is invited into therapy and asked to reveal his inner world, he’s not just being asked to share—he’s being asked to violate both his biology and his conditioning. What’s called “resistance” is often a natural response to a situation that feels unfamiliar, disempowering, and loaded with risk.

In those moments, you might see him:

  • Break eye contact and look down or away

  • Sit back, go quiet, or shift posture to reduce tension

  • Use humor to deflect

  • Say very little—not because he doesn’t care, but because the wrong move could cost him

This isn’t fear of vulnerability. It’s a biologically wired instinct to protect status in uncertain environments—amplified by a lifetime of being told that asking for help means you’ve already failed.

2. “Men are emotionally disconnected.”

The truth: Men often process emotion differently—testosterone shifts how they engage empathy, especially in high-stakes or competitive situations.

Research shows that testosterone reduces automatic empathy responses—like facial mimicry or reading subtle emotional cues—particularly in contexts that might involve competition or threat. That doesn’t mean men don’t care or don’t feel. It means their emotional systems are tuned to assess, not absorb, especially when status or safety is on the line.

Culturally, boys are often discouraged from emotional openness early in life. They’re rewarded for composure, strength, and staying in control. Over time, they learn to internalize emotion, rather than externalize it.

So in adulthood, especially under pressure, men may not “mirror” emotion in familiar ways:

  • He doesn’t match a sad face with a sad face

  • He misses subtle emotional cues unless they’re made explicit

  • He stays logical or matter-of-fact during emotional conversations

  • He may look emotionally “flat” when he’s actually carefully regulating or analyzing what’s happening

This isn’t emotional disconnection—it’s emotional management, shaped by both biology and lifelong social feedback. When we stop expecting men to respond like women—and instead tune into how they do engage—we start to see that empathy is there. It just speaks a different language.

3. “Men don’t trust easily because they’re guarded or cynical.”

The truth: Testosterone lowers baseline trust in uncertain situations—especially when status or vulnerability is involved.

Testosterone has been shown to reduce generalized trust, particularly in high-stakes or competitive settings. This isn’t paranoia or dysfunction—it’s strategic. In evolutionary terms, misplaced trust could mean defeat, betrayal, or loss of position. Testosterone prepares men to assess before they invest.

Culturally, this gets reinforced by repeated experience. Many men have learned the hard way that opening up too quickly can backfire—especially if it exposes weakness, emotional need, or dependence.

So when a man enters a new environment like therapy—or even a relationship conflict—he’s not defaulting to cynicism. He’s scanning for clarity, fairness, and safety.

You might see him:

  • Hold back emotionally, even when invited to open up

  • Look for hidden motives or question the process

  • Rely on himself rather than ask for support

  • Be slow to believe reassurance, especially if things feel emotionally tense

This isn’t distrust in you personally. It’s the biological and social consequence of having been trained—internally and externally—to protect himself from being taken advantage of.

Trust, for many men, isn’t the starting point. It’s the result of consistent respect, clear expectations, and earned safety over time.

4. “Real healing happens when you express your emotions.”

The truth: For many men, healing happens through action—and testosterone supports that path.

Testosterone isn’t just about strength or competition—it’s about drive. It fuels goal-directed behavior, reward-seeking, and persistence. That’s why many men don’t process pain by sitting in it—they process it by moving through it.

Add to that the cultural message boys receive from early on: emotions are private, not public. While girls are often socialized to verbalize and share, boys are encouraged to channel, contain, or convert emotion into something productive.

So when a man loses someone, faces failure, or hits a life crisis, he often doesn’t head straight for a therapist’s office or a tearful conversation. He heads for action.

You’ll see it in the man who:

  • Rebuilds the deck after his father dies

  • Launches a scholarship fund in his son’s name

  • Pours himself into work after a breakup

  • Withdraws to plan, repair, or restore a sense of control

These aren’t distractions from emotion. They are emotional expressions—just in a different form. In fact, research suggests that testosterone supports action-based coping and suppresses affiliative, emotionally expressive tendencies in competitive or high-stress situations.

And here’s something crucial:
Men don’t just take action for action’s sake. They often do it in honor of someone or something. A man builds the bench his father always talked about. He organizes a tournament in his son’s name. He finishes the project his friend never got to complete.

When action is combined with honoring, it becomes something more than coping—it becomes a ritual of healing. The doing and the remembering work together. The movement carries meaning.

If we keep insisting that healing must look like emotional disclosure, we risk invalidating the very real ways men already process grief, loss, and pain—through effort, honor, and purpose.

5. “Men’s silence means they’re emotionally shut down.”

The truth: Men’s silence is often a protective response—shaped by testosterone, experience, and emotional strategy.

Silence in men is one of the most misunderstood behaviors in therapy, relationships, and even friendships. It’s often labeled as avoidance, stonewalling, or disconnection. But more often than not, it’s something very different.

Testosterone enhances status sensitivity and threat vigilance—especially in social situations where expectations are unclear or the stakes feel high. In those moments, going quiet isn’t about disengaging; it’s about managing risk. For many men, silence is a way to preserve dignity, reduce the chance of saying something regrettable, or buy time to process complex emotion.

Culturally, boys are also taught to be cautious about emotional exposure. If you speak too soon, or too openly, it can be used against you. So many men learn that staying quiet isn’t failure—it’s control.

In these moments, you might see a man:

  • Go quiet during conflict, not out of indifference, but to keep from escalating

  • Look away or physically retreat when overwhelmed, not to disconnect, but to recalibrate

  • Say “I don’t know” when he actually means “I’m not sure how to say this without getting it wrong”

This isn’t emotional shutdown. It’s strategic silence.

And here’s the key: when that silence is met with respect instead of pressure, many men will eventually speak. But only after they’ve had time to feel safe, oriented, and prepared to respond on their own terms.


6. “If men just opened up more, therapy would work better for them.”

The truth: Therapy needs to adapt to men—not the other way around.

The prevailing model of talk therapy often assumes that emotional expression, verbal processing, and vulnerability are the starting point of healing. But for many men, that’s the end point—something that only comes after safety, trust, and shared purpose have been firmly established.

Testosterone plays a key role here. It supports behaviors that protect autonomy, status, and goal-directed action. It doesn’t reward emotional exposure unless that exposure serves a larger mission—like protecting someone, honoring a loss, or building something meaningful.

Culturally, men have been conditioned to associate emotional openness with dependency, and dependency with shame or failure. From early on, they’ve been taught that independence equals strength—and strength equals worth.

So when therapy immediately asks men to "share their feelings," it can feel like a request to abandon everything they've been rewarded for their whole lives.

That’s not resistance. It’s identity conflict.

If we want therapy to work better for men, we have to start where they are:

  • Use structure, goals, and action as entry points

  • Build trust through consistency, not intensity

  • Offer dignity and choice, not pressure

  • Make room for silence, strategy, and movement

  • Respect independence, even while inviting connection

Men don’t need to become less male to heal. They need a therapeutic space that honors how they already process the world.

Final Thoughts: What Happens When We Get Men Wrong

🎯
 

Each of these six points challenges a core assumption in the mental health world—and offers a window into something deeper.

Men aren’t broken because they don’t fit the standard therapeutic mold.
They’re different. And that difference is both biological and cultural.

When we ignore testosterone’s role in shaping how men respond to trust, status, emotion, and healing, we don’t just miss the mark—we risk pushing men further away from the very support we say they need.

It’s not that men are avoiding healing. It’s that healing, as it’s often framed, doesn’t speak their language.

But when we build bridges—when we respect silence, honor action, adapt expectations, and treat men’s instincts as worthy of trust—something changes.

Men show up.

They engage.

Not by becoming less male. But by being deeply understood as men.

That’s when therapy starts to work.
And that’s when our culture begins to shift—one man, one truth, one act of respect at a time.

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August 25, 2025
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False Allegations Target Millions Around the World, Survey Reveals


Another excellent press release from DAVIA exposing one of the most damaging feminist falsehoods: the denial of false accusations.

The numbers in this study tell a powerful story—false accusations are not rare. They affect a significant number of people, and the impact is real.

Posted: https://endtodv.org/pr/false-allegations-target-millions-around-the-world-survey-reveals/


++++++++++++++

PRESS RELEASE

Henry Herrera: +1-301-801-0608

Email: [email protected]

False Allegations Target Millions Around the World, Survey Reveals

August 25, 2025 – Earlier this month a U.S. jury returned a stunning $58 million verdict for Sean MacMaster, who had been falsely accused of child sexual abuse. When MacMaster became embroiled in a child custody dispute, his former wife Johanna falsely accused the man of child abuse. The woman went so far as to propose to Sean that agreeing to terminate his parental rights would be his “get out-of-jail-free card.” (1, 2)

The case represents one of the largest awards ever rendered for a wrongful allegation.

A new survey conducted in Argentina, Australia, United Kingdom, and the United States reveals false allegations are more widespread than many persons realize.

Sponsored by the Domestic Abuse and Violence International Alliance, the survey found that substantial percentages of persons in these countries report ever being falsely accused of abuse. Multiplied by the total adult population in each country, the survey reveals millions of persons – mostly men – say they have been falsely accused of abuse:

  • Argentina: 11% -- 3.4 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 16%; Females: 7%

  • Australia: 13% -- 3.5 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 18%; Females; 9%

  • United Kingdom: 4% -- 2.1 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 6%; Females: 2%

  • United States: 8% -- 20.6 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 11%; Females: 6%

As revealed by the Sean MacMaster case, a substantial number of false allegations are made in the context of a child custody dispute. Depending on the country, one-fifth to two-fifths of respondents said the false allegations were made as part of a child custody situation.

Conducted by YouGov, survey respondents consisted of adults ages 18+ in Argentina (n=1,069), Australia (n=1,061), United Kingdom (n=2,081), and the United States (n=1,252). The figures have been weighted and are representative of all adults ages 18+. Fieldwork was undertaken July 21 to August 8, 2025. The survey was conducted using an online interview administered to members of the YouGov panel of persons who had agreed to participate.

The survey defined domestic abuse as including domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of abuse. The survey utilized the identical questions and methods as a previous DAVIA survey conducted in 2023. (3)

Detailed survey responses, broken down by the respondents’ sex, age, and geographical region, are available online:

  • Argentina (4)

  • Australia (5)

  • United Kingdom (6)

  • United States (7)

In response to the widespread problem of false allegations, International Falsely Accused Day was established in 2020, and is observed every year on September 9. (8) The Domestic Abuse and Violence International Alliance urges lawmakers, prosecutors, family judges, and others to work to end the current epidemic of false allegations.

The Domestic Abuse and Violence International Alliance – DAVIA — consists of 194 member organizations from 40 countries in Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, Latin America, and North America. DAVIA seeks to ensure that domestic violence and abuse polices are science-based, family-affirming, and gender-inclusive. https://endtodv.org/davia/

Links:

  1. Jury returns $58.5M verdict in lawsuit involving disgraced prosecutor

  2. MacMaster v. Busacca et al. Case No. 2:21-cv-11052. January 27, 2025.

  3. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/8-Country-False-Allegation-Survey-8-3.15.2023.xlsx

  4. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-Argentina.xlsx

  5. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-Australia.xlsx

  6. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-UK.xlsx

  7. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-US.xlsx

  8. https://www.falselyaccusedday.com/

Posted: https://endtodv.org/pr/false-allegations-target-millions-around-the-world-survey-reveals/

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