MenAreGood
Teen Violence — When Ideology Trumps Data
3 - Bias Against Men and Boys in Psychological Research
November 29, 2025
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This post is part of an ongoing series originally published around 2010, examining the misandry embedded in mental health research. It’s the first of three research projects covered in that series. This one looks at a report from Great Britain’s NSPCC on teen violence — and it’s astonishingly misandrist. It’s worth reading just to see how deftly they twist language to push their narrative. I’ve included links at the end, along with images of media articles that dutifully echoed their claims. It’s remarkable how easily the media amplifies these lies and half-truths — and has been doing so for years. The remaining two posts in the series will be published over the next two Saturdays.
— Tom



Teen Violence — When Ideology Trumps Data


The first project we’ll look at is a study from Great Britain on teen relationship violence. The research included both a written survey and in-depth interviews with selected teens. The survey results were clear: both boys and girls experienced relationship violence.

Yet, the public ad campaign that followed told a very different story. It focused entirely on helping girls as victims and portrayed boys only as perpetrators. This stunning disregard for male victims — and for the girls identified as perpetrators — stood in sharp contrast to the study’s own data. Those numbers showed that many boys were victims of teen relationship violence, and that girls, too, could be perpetrators.

Let’s start at the beginning — with how this issue first caught my attention.

A friend emailed me a link a couple of months ago to an article from Great Britain about teen violence. The friend was worried that the article was biased against boys. Here’s how it started:

  • A new government campaign launched today urges teenage boys not to abuse their girlfriends.

  • TV, radio, internet, and poster ads will target boys aged 13 to 18, aiming to show the consequences of abusive relationships.

  • Officials describe it as part of a broader effort to reduce domestic violence against women and younger girls.'

The campaign was inspired by research published last year by the NSPCC, which reported that:

  • One in four teenage girls said they had been physically abused by a boyfriend.

  • One in six said they had been pressured into sex.

  • One in three said they had gone further sexually than they wanted to.


I was a bit taken aback by the article, especially given the recent research on teen relationship violence showing that it tends to be fairly symmetrical — with both boys and girls acting as perpetrators and victims. Yet this article presented a very different picture. It assumed from the outset that girls were the primary victims and boys the primary perpetrators, reflecting an outdated stereotype about domestic violence.

That disconnect made me wonder what was really going on. I read several more articles about the ad campaign mentioned in the piece, and was surprised — even shocked — to find that the campaign’s entire focus was on helping girls while “teaching” boys not to abuse their girlfriends.

Each of these articles cited the same research as the basis for the campaign. So I decided to go straight to the source and see what the original study actually found.

The original study was sponsored by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) of Great Britain and was in two parts. The first part was the “full report” and was a detailed 209 page research report explaining methodology, results, implications and conclusions. The next was the Executive Summary which was a 10 page summation of the findings of the full report. It was a quick read meant to give people the essence of the larger document. I read through the “full report” and then the executive summary. It was striking to me that the data in the full report actually showed that boys were victims of teen violence. The original news article I had read had mentioned that the research had found that 25% of girls said they had been physically abused by their boyfriends. What the news article omitted saying was that the same research had also found that 18% of boys had said that they had been physically abused by their girlfriends. This meant that this research found that almost half of the victims of teen relationship violence were boys! Somehow this important fact had been omitted from the news report.

There were plenty of other headlines that could have been drawn from the data of the full report that showed the boys to have been victims and the girls perpetrators but they were nowhere to be seen in any of the news articles. Here are a couple of examples of headlines that could be written from the data of the full report:

  • 25% of those reporting physically forcing their partners into having sexual intercourse were girls – Table 15 page 82 full report

  • Nearly three times as many girls reported using SEVERE violence in relationships. table 11 – page 75 full report

  • Over three times as many girls reported using partner violence in their relationships table 10 page 74 full report

  • Over 1/3 of those reporting being pressured into kissing, touching or something else were boys. table 6 page 66 full report–

  • Nearly half (42%) of the victims of teen relationship violence were boys 
Table 3 page 44 full report

  • Nearly one third of the victims of severe violence were boys
Table 4 page 45 full report

  • Twice as many girls reported physically forcing their partners into “kissing, touching, or something else” more than a few times. Table 13 page 82 full report

 

This is just a sampling of the findings from the full report. It’s clear that the survey showed teen relationship violence was not gender-based — both boys and girls were represented among the victims and perpetrators. However, after reading both the full report and the executive summary, I noticed a striking difference. The full report included data showing boys as victims and girls as perpetrators, but the executive summary contained far less information about male victims and female perpetrators. In fact, the executive summary seemed to focus almost entirely on female victims and male perpetrators.

I began to wonder how such a shift could occur. The original study had shown boys as victims — not as frequently as girls, but still in significant numbers. Boys accounted for roughly 25–42% of victims, certainly not the majority, but far too many to ignore. Yet ignore them they did.

The NSPCC introduced this research to the public through a press release, and once again, we can see the same pattern — a steady move away from acknowledging boys. What began as an apparently balanced investigation into teen relationship violence in the full report became less so in the executive summary, and by the time it reached the press release, the focus had shifted almost entirely to girls. Here’s the opening of that release. Note the “girls only” framing in both the headline and the opening paragraphs:

Teen girls abused by boyfriends warns NSPCC Press releases 01 September 2009 A third of teenage girls in a relationship suffer unwanted sexual acts and a quarter physical violence, reveals new research(1) launched today (01 September 2009) by the NSPCC(2) and the University of Bristol(3). The survey of 13 to 17-year-olds found that nearly nine out of ten girls had been in an intimate relationship. Of these, one in six said they had been pressured into sexual intercourse and 1 in 16 said they had been raped. Others had been pressured or forced to kiss or sexually touch. A quarter of girls had suffered physical violence such as being slapped, punched, or beaten by their boyfriends.

Girls are highlighted repeatedly in the press release. If one only read the press release you might assume that the boys were incidental and that the girls were clearly the identified victims of teen relationship violence. The boys actually did get mentioned in one paragraph (one out of 18 paragraphs, eleven of which were about girls). Here it is:

Nearly nine out of ten boys also said they had been in a relationship. A smaller number reported pressure or violence from girls. (Only one in seventeen boys in a relationship reported being pressured or forced into sexual activity and almost one in five suffered physical violence in a relationship).

Note how the boys victimization is minimized with words like “a smaller number” and “only one in seventeen.” Keep in mind that the “smaller number” referred to in the second sentence was 18% versus 25% which had been the figure for girls. While 18 is smaller than 25, it is not that much smaller. Another important difference is that the girls 25% stat was mentioned in the opening sentence of the document (and indirectly in the headline) while the boys 18% stat was mentioned as an afterthought in parentheses. Yes, the boys percentage was smaller but it seems very obvious that this press release is trying to marginalize the victimization of boys.

Note that the press release mentions that one in 17 girls had been raped. This works out to about 5.8% of the females surveyed. What they don’t mention is that the same table in the full report that showed that 5.8% of girls were raped also showed that 3.3% of the boys were also raped. This stat never made it beyond the full report. The press release mentions the rape of girls but is completely silent on the shocking statistic that 3.3% of the boys were raped. The fact is that their data from the full report shows boys comprised over one third of the rape victims. Not a word about this.

It now seems easy to understand how the media articles focused so exclusively on girls and ignored the needs of boys. They likely only read the press release and maybe a part of the executive summary. The press release might very well have been the only document they read about the study and it clearly focused almost exclusively on girls while ignoring the needs of boys. How bad did it get in focusing on just girls? Here is a sampling of typical headlines from actual news articles on this research and ad campaign: Many Girls’ Abused by Boyfriends
Third of teenage girls forced into sex,
NSPCC survey finds

1 in 3 Teenage Girls Tell of Sexual Abuse by Their Boyfriends
  
Teen Girls Abused by Boyfriends Warns NSPCC

 

Almost every headline I found focused on girls as victims. Not one centered on boys. The articles occasionally mentioned that boys could also be vulnerable, but the main narrative was always about girls’ vulnerability and victimhood.

The ad campaign represented the real-world application of this research — TV, radio, internet, and poster ads aimed at changing teen relationship behaviors. It marked the point where theory ended and where public messaging — and taxpayer funding — began.

Inexplicably, the campaign’s focus was entirely on girls as victims of relationship violence, while boys were portrayed as the problem and instructed not to abuse their girlfriends. Somehow, the original research had shown that both boys and girls experienced relationship violence, yet by the time the findings reached the media — and then the public through the ad campaign — the data on male victims had all but disappeared.

How did this happen?

The Full Report and then boys disappear

The full report offers an abundance of data that shows that boys are victims of teen partner violence but somehow the recommendations of both the full report and the executive summary seem to focus primarily on girls. Here’s a quick summary extrapolated from the full report:

According to their survey:

*** 72% girls reported experiencing emotional violence 51% of boys reported emotional violence BOYS WERE 41% of the victims of emotional violence in teen relationships

*** 25% of girls experienced physical partner violence 18% of the boys experienced physical partner violence BOYS WERE 42% of the victims of physical partner violence in teen relationships

*** 31% of girls experienced sexual partner violence 16% of boys experienced sexual partner violence BOYS WERE 34% of the victims of sexual partner violence in teen relationships.

According to the survey, boys made up between 34% and 42% of the victims. The full report stated this clearly in the data. Yet, as the findings moved from the full report to the executive summary and then to the press release, boys seemed to vanish. Why could that be?

The researchers never directly explained this omission, but reading between the lines, two possible reasons emerge.

The first is that the survey results suggested girls were more “impacted” by relationship violence than boys. One question on the survey asked about emotional reactions to the violence. Girls were far more likely to select responses indicating they felt scared, upset, or humiliated. Boys, on the other hand, were more likely to report feeling angry, annoyed, or unaffected.

The researchers appear to have interpreted these emotional differences to mean that girls suffered more deeply from relationship violence — and therefore should be the primary focus of attention and services. This assumption is implied in several places throughout the full report. Here’s one example:

This research has demonstrated that a fundamental divide exists in relation to how girls and boys are affected by partner violence, and this divide needs to be a central component in the development of professional responses to this issue.

 

What exactly does “professional responses to this issue” mean? The authors never explain, but it seems reasonable to assume they’re suggesting that girls should receive more attention and services because they were more emotionally affected by the violence. Given that the report’s recommendations focus almost exclusively on girls while ignoring the needs of boys, this interpretation seems well-founded — though I’d be happy to be corrected if that assumption is wrong.

The researchers appear willing to overlook their own substantial evidence that boys were also victims of relationship violence — simply because girls reported stronger emotional reactions. Here’s another example:

These findings are further elaborated on in the interview data where girls consistently described the harmful impact that the violence had on their welfare, often long term, while boy victims routinely stated they were unaffected or, at the very worst, annoyed. These results provide the wider context in which teenage partner violence needs to be viewed.

It’s important to remember that the interview data quoted above — which we’ll examine in more detail later — included only 62 hand-selected girls and 29 similarly chosen boys. Notably, only one of those 29 boys was a victim of non-reciprocal violence. That makes it highly questionable to draw broad conclusions from such a small and uneven sample, especially when the survey itself included over 1,300 teens.

Also worth noting is the phrase “the wider context in which teenage partner violence needs to be viewed.” We can reasonably assume the researchers are again implying that girls should receive priority in services and support. What’s clear, however, is that the data on violence against boys is ignored — both in the recommendation sections and in the resulting ad campaign. The following quote offers further insight into the researchers’ perspective:

Intervention programmes need to reflect this fundamental difference by ensuring that the significant impact of violence on girls’ wellbeing is recognised and responded to, while enabling boys to recognise the implications of partner violence for their partners and themselves.

This statement clearly shows that the researchers believe that the girls should be treated differently and intervention programs need to “reflect” the difference that girls are more impacted by the violence.

But are girls more impacted? I am not so sure. Let’s start by looking at the actual question on the survey:

3 How did it make you feel when force was used against you? 

scared/frightened 
angry/annoyed 
humiliated 
upset/unhappy 
loved/protected 
thought it was funny 
no effect

The researchers noted that boys and girls gave markedly different responses when asked how the violence had affected them. However, they didn’t provide the raw data — no breakdown of how many boys or girls chose each option — only a summary stating that girls were much more “impacted.”

There are good reasons for this difference. The question itself was flawed — practically designed to produce a gender gap. Boys and girls are socialized, and often biologically inclined, to respond to emotional threat differently. The creators of this survey question seemed unaware of boys’ deep-seated reluctance to show vulnerability or dependence — a reflection of their hierarchical nature and their drive for independence.

For a boy to check boxes like “scared/frightened,” “humiliated,” or “upset/unhappy” would mean admitting weakness, something most boys instinctively avoid. Instead, they are far more likely to select “angry/annoyed” or even “no effect” to maintain an image of strength. As Warren Farrell aptly said, “The weakness of men is the facade of strength; the strength of women is the facade of weakness.” Boys and men are far more likely to choose responses that convey control and toughness.

If this is true, then boys’ responses in the survey may not accurately reflect their true emotional impact. It’s entirely possible that those who checked “no effect” were just as hurt or disturbed as their female counterparts. With questions framed this way, we’re left not knowing the real story. Basing future services on such data would be risky — and likely lead to deeply flawed conclusions.

Consider this: would the researchers dismiss a rape victim who said she felt “no impact” and decide she didn’t need support? Of course not. Would clinicians ignore domestic violence victims who claimed they were unaffected? Hardly. So why dismiss the pain of boys simply because they reported fewer signs of distress on a survey? Emotional reactions vary widely from person to person, and not showing immediate or visible distress doesn’t mean the trauma isn’t real.

Having worked with trauma victims for many years, I know that emotional impact often emerges slowly — sometimes months or even years after the event. To deny services based on someone’s initial emotional response, or apparent lack thereof, is one of the most misguided ideas imaginable. And to deny those services to an entire group — in this case, boys — on that basis isn’t just poor reasoning. It’s prejudice, plain and simple.

Are the researchers biased against boys?

There are numerous indications, in addition to what has already been described, that the researchers have an anti-boy bias. There are the obvious dismissals of the survey data that shows boys to be victims of partner violence and the complete focus on girls as victims. But there are a number of more subtle clues in the study that seem to indicate a disdain for boys.

When they did mention boys as victims the report tended to minimize their experience. Here is a quote:

Boys’ experiences of violence - Little evidence existed to support the possibility that boys, although they were negatively affected by their partner’s violence, felt unable either to voice or to recognise their vulnerability. Boys minimised their own use of violence as “messing around”. Boys also reported the violence as mutual, although they often used disproportionate force compared to their female partners.

Rather than addressing boys’ actual experiences of violence, the researchers focused on whether the boys could “give voice” to the negative effects of their partners’ aggression. This seems like a weak attempt to suggest that boys were able to articulate their experiences — and therefore must not have been “held back” by traditional masculinity from expressing vulnerability. The unspoken implication is that because boys could talk about their victimization, they must not have been deeply affected by it. In other words, it didn’t really matter for them — whereas for girls, it did.

This framing distracts from the central reality: the boys were victims of violence. Reading the researchers’ words makes it clear how differently boys were treated in this study. Their pain was minimized and rationalized away, reduced to the notion that they simply weren’t as impacted. The underlying message was that yes, boys experience violence from their female partners, but they don’t suffer from it in the same way.

That conclusion runs counter to everything we know about male psychology. It’s well established that men and boys often minimize their pain, hide their injuries, and strive to maintain an appearance of independence. This doesn’t mean they’re unaffected — it means they’re reluctant to show it. Precisely because of this tendency, we need a different approach when addressing victimization among boys.

Unfortunately, this study chose another route: it largely ignored boys’ pain and focused its empathy and attention almost exclusively on girls.

 

Messing Around

The quote above states that “boys minimised their own use of violence as ‘messing around.’” According to the full report, boys described their behavior this way 56% of the time. This finding is later cited in the recommendations section as justification for teaching boys to recognize and take responsibility for their violence. (See below.)

But what about the girls? You might assume that since boys were singled out for this attitude, girls must have responded differently. Not so — at least not in the curious, upside-down logic of this study. By the researchers’ own data, girls described their own violence as “messing around” 43% of the time — only 13 percentage points less than the boys.

Given that both sexes minimized their aggression in similar ways, it would make sense that both boys and girls should be encouraged to recognize and take responsibility for their actions. Yet the recommendations focus solely on boys. That’s not sound reasoning — it’s bias. Specifically, an anti-boy bias.

Here is the quote:

“However, although intervention programmes should ensure that the needs of both girls and boys are recognised, it is important that the wider experiences of girls remain a focus. In addition, boys’ minimisation of their own use of violence – by dismissing it as “messing around” and justifications based on mutual aggression – needs to be challenged.”

Why would the boys need to be challenged about this and the girls not? The boys said their violence was “messing around” 56% of the time and the girls said their violence was a slightly lower “messing around” 43% of the time. Clearly a strong bias in favor of girls and against the boys.

The researchers went a step farther than just recommending that girls victimization should be the focus. The researchers made the claim that boys lower scores on the impact question actually made them more dangerous to their female partners. Here is a quote:

If boys view the impact of their victimisation as negligible, they may also apply this understanding to their own actions. Thus, they may believe that their partners are also unaffected by their use of violence.

The implication here is that boys’ supposed insensitivity to the violence done to them makes them less sensitive to the violence they might commit. I find that hard to believe — especially considering that nearly every boy grows up hearing, over and over, that he must never hit a girl.

Let’s apply the same reasoning to girls. According to the survey, girls reported being far more emotionally affected by relationship violence than boys. Yet those same girls also admitted to using violence three times more often than boys did. If we follow the researchers’ logic, this would suggest that girls are well aware of how hurtful violence can be — and still choose to use it far more frequently. That hardly paints them in a positive light, does it?

The researchers conclude:

Thus, from these findings it seems conclusive that partner sexual violence represents a problem for girls, while boys report being unaffected.

That sums it up rather neatly — and disturbingly.


Boys are More Violent? When the Subjective Trumps the Objective

While the survey was supposed to be the main source of data, the researchers seemed to place far more weight on the subjective material gathered through interviews. The full report’s survey data clearly showed that girls were three times more likely to report using violence in relationships. Yet, somehow, the researchers claim there was “a clear consensus” among the girls that boys were more physically violent toward their partners than girls were.

Here’s the quote:

“There was a clear consensus within girls’ accounts that boys used physical violence in relationships more often than girls. This common understanding regarding the gendered nature of physical violence was reported by almost all girls, whether they themselves had experienced violence or not.”

This excerpt from page 94 of the full report summarizes the researchers’ evaluation of the girls’ interviews. The most striking aspect is the sharp contradiction between the survey data and the interview findings. The survey clearly showed that girls were three to six times more likely than boys to report being violent in relationships. Yet the subjective data from the interviews claimed that there was a “common understanding regarding the gendered nature of physical violence” — that “almost all girls” believed “boys used physical violence in relationships more often than girls.”

That’s a major discrepancy. One half of the study shows girls admitting to much higher rates of violence, while the other half asserts that boys are the primary aggressors. Such a contradiction demands an explanation, but the report offers little. The closest the researchers come is to suggest that girls’ higher rates of reported violence were due to acts of self-defense — an all-too-familiar claim.

However, the numbers tell a different story. According to the data, 25% of girls and 8% of boys reported being violent in relationships. When we subtract the portion attributed to self-defense — 44% for girls and 30% for boys — we find that 14% of girls and 5.6% of boys used violence for reasons other than self-defense. That means girls were nearly three times more likely than boys to commit non–self-defense violence.

This difference is substantial and should have been a central point in the report. Instead, it was ignored. The researchers’ conclusion — that girls viewed boys as more violent and therefore girls need services while boys need behavior correction — is baffling. It defies their own data and reveals a clear bias. In short, this isn’t just poor analysis. It’s misandry disguised as research.

One partial explanation of this is shown in the following quote:

Only 6 per cent of boys, compared to a third of girls, claimed that they were negatively affected by the emotional violence they experienced. This gendered impact disparity upholds Stark’s (2007) contention that coercive control, which many of our components of emotional violence reflect, is made meaningful only when placed within a gendered power understanding of intimate violence. Thus, although girls had used emotional violence, without it being underpinned by other forms of inequality and power, their attempts were rendered largely ineffectual.

Incredibly, this section seems to be giving girls a pass for their emotional violence. The pattern continues: When girls are perpetrators they are given excuses, when boys are victims they are ignored and minimized.

Reporting oddities

When you look closely at the section about girls reporting more frequent perpetration of violence in relationship you notice something very odd.  Look at the following paragraph and note the researchers choice of words.  Note that girls “report” and boys “admit” (emphasis mine):

Page 74 More girls reported using physical violence against their partner than did boys; this represented a significant difference (x2 (1) = 60.804, p<.001). A quarter (n=148) of girls compared to 8 per cent (n=44) of boys stated that they had used some form of physical violence against their partner. Looking first at less severe physical violence (see table 10), the vast majority of girls (89 per cent) reporting the use of physical violence had used it once or a few times. Only a few (11 per cent) used it more frequently. Similarly, the small proportion of boys who admitted using physical violence also generally used it infrequently (83 per cent).

Perhaps the words “report” and “admit” have different meanings in Great Britain but here in the US they aren’t usually the same.  Report generally means to make a statement or announcement.  The word admit however has a different spin.  Often it has more to do with conceding or confessing.  One assumption from the wording the researchers  have chosen would be to think that they simply didn’t believe what the boys reported.  In other words they would only concede or admit to a certain amount of violence.  Basically, implying that they are not telling the entire story. This is of course conjecture on my part but it simply seems like more anti-boy bias.

The Interview Section

As was previously explained the research had both a quantitative section and qualitative section. The qualitative section consisted of semi-structured interviews which included the utilization of five vignettes. The vignettes were stories that were told to the participant and then the stories relevance was discussed as a part of the interview. The stated goals of the researchers was to use the quantitative survey to gain data and use the interviews to enhance their understanding.

The researchers claimed that they had problems in getting participants for the interviews in the manner they had originally planned so they switched mid-stream to a different approach described below:

“We therefore moved to a system whereby researchers observed which young people seemed to be engaging with the survey. They then asked those young people if they would like to take part in the interview stage.”

So they hand picked the interview participants based on their own subjective impression of whether the young person was “engaging with the survey.” This sounds to me to be a direct invitation to a very biased sample.  Then you find out that the choices they made of those who were “engaging in the survey” were 62 girls but only 29 boys.  You also find that of the 29 boys only one had experienced being a victim of non reciprocal violence in relationship! Makes you wonder about their ideas of “engaging in the survey.” Needless to say the boys section describing the interviews was only 22 pages long while the section about the girls was over 60 pages.  Even with such a short section for the boys, most of the writing was about boys violence not their reaction to being victims of violence. Girls victimization was highlighted as was boys violence. Even in the section on boys as victims.

 

The Vignettes

When I first began examining this survey, I emailed the NSPCC to request copies of the original questionnaire and the vignettes used in the study. To their credit, they kindly sent both. I had suspected that the vignettes would be biased toward portraying girls as victims — and I wasn’t disappointed.

Of the five vignettes, most centered on boys’ possessiveness, shouting, name-calling, violence, or sexual pressuring. Only one story depicted a girl as the perpetrator, and even then, her behavior was relatively mild: she and her friends stole a boy’s cell phone, made unkind comments, and the next day apologized. In contrast, the other four stories featured boys engaging in clearly abusive or coercive behavior, including physical aggression and unwanted sexual advances. In one case, a girl used violence — but only in self-defense.

To the researchers’ credit, the first three vignettes included a follow-up question asking whether similar behavior might also occur with the opposite sex. But inexplicably, that question was omitted from the final two vignettes — the ones dealing with sexual pressure. This omission is telling. It suggests a possible ideological bias that prevented the researchers from viewing boys as potential sexual victims or girls as possible perpetrators. This is especially puzzling since the full report’s own data showed that many girls freely admitted to sexually pressuring their boyfriends. So why exclude the question in the interview phase?

Imagine if the situation were reversed — if 80% of the perpetrators in the vignettes had been female, and the only male perpetrator had merely stolen a cell phone and apologized. There would no doubt be loud outcries about bias, marginalization, and the lack of inclusivity — and rightly so. Yet this imbalance seems to have gone unnoticed. These vignettes marginalized the boys in the study, likely leaving them feeling misunderstood and excluded, since their experiences were neither portrayed nor acknowledged.

It wouldn’t have been difficult to design a more balanced approach. The researchers could have kept the same five stories but reversed the genders for half the participants — telling the same scenarios from both male and female perspectives. That small change alone would have ensured that both boys and girls saw their realities reflected. Alternatively, they could have used gender-neutral names for all participants, leaving the sex of the offender and victim unspecified, or created six vignettes — three with male perpetrators and three with female perpetrators — each covering different types of violence.

Any of these approaches would have been far superior to what was used.

The fact that four out of five vignettes portrayed girls primarily as victims and boys as perpetrators — and that any mention of girls as sexual aggressors was entirely absent — is further evidence of ideological bias. This project clearly reflects a worldview that insists on seeing women and girls as victims and men and boys as oppressors. Allowing such bias to persist does a disservice to everyone. It fails our boys by denying their experiences — and fails our girls by teaching them a distorted view of reality. If this kind of bias is allowed to continue in the social sciences, the credibility of the field itself is at risk.

 

Recommendation Section

Here’s a brief look at the recommendations section of the executive summary.  There is only one paragraph in the recommendation section that mentions boys.  Here it is:

Impact of teenage partner violence – the gender divide The impact of partner violence is indisputably differentiated by gender; girl victims report much higher levels of negative impact than do boys. This is not to imply that boys’ experiences of victimisation should be ignored. It may be that boys minimise the impact of the violence due to the need to portray a certain form of masculinity. However, although intervention programmes should ensure that the needs of both girls and boys are recognised, it is important that the wider experiences of girls remain a focus. In addition, boys’ minimisation of their own use of violence – by dismissing it as “messing around” and justifications based on mutual aggression – needs to be challenged.

This paragraph is baffling. Let’s break it down. Here is the first section:

The impact of partner violence is indisputably differentiated by gender; girl victims report much higher levels of negative impact than do boys. This is not to imply that boys’ experiences of victimization should be ignored.

It first makes a claim that partner violence is differentiated by gender and that girls experience more negative impact, implying that boys should be ignored. Then they deny that they mean to ignore boys.

It may be that boys minimise the impact of the violence due to the need to portray a certain form of masculinity.

They offer a possibility for an explanation.

However, although intervention programmes should ensure that the needs of both girls and boys are recognised, it is important that the wider experiences of girls remain a focus

Then they ignore their own explanation and aver that the “wider experiences of girls” (whatever that means) should take precedence.

In addition, boys’ minimization of their own use of violence – by dismissing it as “messing around” and justifications based on mutual aggression – needs to be challenged.

The researchers conclude by emphasizing that the focus should be on boys — specifically, their use of violence and their tendency to minimize it, as discussed earlier.

I find this paragraph deliberately vague. My guess is that the ambiguity is intentional. They can’t quite say what they mean — that girls are seen as worthy victims and boys are not — because putting that bias into words would make it too obvious. Vagueness, then, becomes a safer strategy: it conceals the prejudice while still advancing it. What’s clear after reading is that, for whatever reason, girls are portrayed as deserving the lion’s share of help and services, while boys are told to “shape up.”

Is Ideology Driving the Research?

Viewed purely from a marketing standpoint, these researchers achieved something remarkable. They managed to produce a document labeled as a “study,” gather objective data, then draw conclusions that contradicted their own findings — and still have those conclusions echoed across major media outlets. The result: millions of people were presented with half-truths packaged as scientific fact. That’s quite an accomplishment, if one’s goal is persuasion rather than truth.

It’s hard to escape the impression that the researchers are clinging to a dated feminist narrative — one that insists domestic violence is a story of male perpetrators and female victims. Yet as Murray Straus and many others have shown, that model has long been disproven. The persistence of this bias shows how far some are willing to go to preserve a comforting ideology rather than face complex realities.

Science, at its best, collects data and adjusts theory based on what is discovered. But in this case, ideology appears to be steering the science. The researchers seem to have decided in advance that girls were the victims and boys the aggressors. When their data failed to confirm that assumption, they reinterpreted it to fit the narrative. Their central claim — that girls should be the focus of attention because they are “more impacted” — is a hollow one. Emotional distress does not determine moral worth or entitlement to support. No ethical researcher would argue that some victims deserve less services simply because they express less visible pain.

Many parts of this study struck me as blatantly misandrist — so much so that I could easily write another twenty or thirty pages dissecting them. I’ll spare the reader that, but suffice it to say this study stands as a cautionary example of what happens when ideology guides research, shapes public policy, and filters what the public is told.

This is precisely the danger of allowing ideological zealots to shape public opinion under the banner of “science.” We need to be far more discerning about what qualifies as legitimate research, and far quicker to expose studies compromised by bias. Any high school science student could point out the flaws in this one — yet our media and governments either can’t, or won’t. That failure has consequences for everyone who depends on honest science, balanced reporting, and fair treatment of all victims.

Men Are Good.

 

 

____________________________

Link to the full study https://www.researchgate.net/publication/265245739_Partner_Exploitation_and_Violence_in_Teenage_Intimate_Relationships

Some old news stories that show how they hyped the narrative:

https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2009/6524.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8230844.stm

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2009/sep/01/teenage-sexual-abuse-nspcc-report

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/third-of-teenage-girls-suffer-abuse-from-boyfriends-1779988.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1210375/One-teenage-girls-physically-abused-boyfriend.html

Here’s a partial screen shot of the press release. The links for both the executive summary and the press release are now gone.

 
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March 30, 2026
Blame it on the Manosphere

This short video takes a humorous look at the current panic among feminists and the media over what they call the manosphere. In reality, the manosphere is one of the places where their false narratives are being exposed. What we are seeing now is the creation of a straw man—something to blame, distort, and use as a distraction from the truth that is coming to light. More and more people are waking up to the game and beginning to see the hostility and self-interest that have been there all along.

(This video was produced largely with AI. I wrote the script, and the music and images were AI-generated.)

Men are Good!

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March 23, 2026
From Description to Smear: The Guide to the Manosphere

Today’s video is a lively and revealing conversation with Jim Nuzzo about the growing panic over what the media and academia call “the manosphere.” Together, we take a close look at a new Australian guide for teachers that claims to help schools deal with so-called misogynistic behavior among boys. What we found was not careful scholarship, balanced concern, or genuine curiosity about boys. What we found was a familiar pattern: boys portrayed as the problem, their questions treated as threats, and their frustrations dismissed before they are even heard.

Jim brings his scientific eye to the discussion, and that makes this exchange especially valuable. We talk about the sudden explosion of academic and media attention on the manosphere, the way fear is being used to drive the narrative, and the striking absence of empathy for boys who feel blamed, dismissed, and alienated. We also explore something the guide never seriously asks: why are boys drawn to these spaces in the first ...

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Reacting to New Feminist Trends

This was a lively and fascinating conversation.

Hannah Spier invited Janice Fiamengo, Jim Nuzzo, and me to look at a series of newer feminist and social-media trends—terms like heterofatalism, weaponized incompetence, girl rotting, decentering men, and more. What emerged was a revealing picture of how often these ideas are built around victimhood, withdrawal, and a growing suspicion of men, love, and ordinary human interdependence.

What struck me most is that many of these trends are presented as empowerment, but they often look more like discouragement, narcissism, and a retreat from hope—especially hope in healthy relationships between men and women. We also explored the way feminism keeps repackaging old resentments in new language, and how social media now accelerates that process in ways that are both fascinating and disturbing.

I think you’ll find this discussion thoughtful, provocative, and at times very funny. Hannah is a terrific host, and Janice and Jim bring their ...

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This is on point and even this will be seen as anti woman

March 02, 2026
Men Don't Grieve the Way You Think

I had the good fortune to be interviewed by Jason MacKenzie, who runs the Man Down Substack—a publication dedicated to men and their unique paths to healing.

Many of you may not know that I spent many years working directly with men who were grappling with trauma and loss. Through that experience, it became strikingly clear to me that men and women are often treated very differently after a loss. Those early observations opened my eyes to the broader ways men face discrimination, misunderstanding, and hardship in our society. I hope you find the conversation interesting and worthwhile.

https://www.mandown.tools/p/men-dont-grieve-the-way-you-think?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

February 27, 2026
Are Some Women Waking Up?

This was sent to me by an alert viewer and shows a woman calling out the feminist lies about men being privileged. What do you think:

March 27, 2026
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When Schools Teach Children to Dislike Boys
How healthy male traits get recoded as disruption—and how teachers may help turn classmates against playful boys



When Schools Teach Children to Dislike Boys

How healthy male traits get recoded as disruption—and how teachers may help turn classmates against playful boys

There is a painful possibility that few people want to consider.

What if many boys are not failing school?

What if school is failing boys?

Not because boys cannot learn. Not because boys are less capable. Not because boys are defective.

But because many of the traits most natural to boys are now viewed through a lens of suspicion.

Energy becomes hyperactivity.
Rough play becomes aggression.
Humor becomes immaturity.
Nonconformity becomes pathology.
Spontaneity becomes disruption.

In other words, healthy boyhood is increasingly being interpreted as a problem.

And once that happens, boys do not simply get corrected more often. They get socially downgraded. Their standing falls. Their confidence falls. Their sense of belonging falls. And, as some research suggests, adults may even help teach other children to see them negatively.

That is a very serious matter.


The deeper issue is not just schools. It is culture.

Schools do not invent these attitudes out of thin air. They reflect the broader culture. And for many years now, masculinity itself has been treated as suspect.

Male energy is often spoken of as dangerous.
Male aggression is discussed as if it has no healthy form.
Male spaces have steadily disappeared or been delegitimized.
Fatherhood has been culturally minimized.
Normal male assertiveness is frequently recast as toxicity.

When a culture repeatedly sends the message that masculinity is something to fear, schools absorb that message too.

So when boys show up as boys—active, physical, funny, impulsive, competitive, loud, resistant to passivity—they are not always seen as healthy male children in need of guidance.

Too often, they are seen as little problems to be managed.


Boys are often at a disadvantage before the lesson even begins

The research here is striking.

A broad review of teacher-student relationship studies found that teachers report more conflict with boys than with girls, and that female teachers report less closeness with boys than with girls. That means many boys are entering school environments in which they are more likely to experience friction and less likely to experience warmth. (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)

Another study looking at kindergarten and first grade found that girls experienced more teacher closeness than boys across both school years, while boys with disruptive behavior tended to experience more conflict with teachers than comparable girls. (sciencedirect.com)

That should have set off alarm bells.

Imagine the public reaction if the research had shown that teachers consistently felt closer to boys and more distant from girls. There would have been outrage. But when boys are the ones receiving less closeness and more conflict, the culture mostly shrugs.


The traits many teachers prefer do not sound much like boys

One older but revealing line of research found that teachers tended to prefer students who were described as rigid, conforming, orderly, dependent, passive, and acquiescent. (https://www.jstor.org/stable/20151346)

That list is worth pausing over.

Rigid.
Conforming.
Orderly.
Dependent.
Passive.
Acquiescent.

That is not a portrait of lively development. It is a portrait of easy classroom management.

And it does not sound much like the average healthy boy.

Many boys are more physically restless, more impulsive, more rough-and-tumble, less naturally compliant, and more likely to regulate themselves through movement and action. That does not make them broken. It makes them boys. But if the school environment quietly rewards passivity above vitality, then many boys will end up being treated as if their very nature is inconvenient.


The playful boys study should have changed this conversation

One of the most revealing studies on this issue looked at children identified as especially playful.

These children were not mean, antisocial, or emotionally disturbed. They were marked by five very positive qualities: physical spontaneity, social fluidity, cognitive spontaneity, manifest joy, and a sense of humor. In plain language, they were energetic, socially fluid, imaginative, enthusiastic kids who enjoyed laughing and could take a joke. (frontiersin.org)

And here is what makes the findings so important: other children generally liked these playful kids. They were seen as popular. They were preferred playmates. Their peers did not initially experience them as disruptive or problematic. (frontiersin.org)

There were also equal numbers of playful girls and playful boys.

That matters.

It means the later negative reaction cannot simply be explained by “playfulness” alone. There were playful girls too.

But the teachers did not respond to the boys and girls in the same way.

The playful boys were the ones increasingly seen as disruptive. The playful boys were the ones who acquired the “class clown” label. The playful girls did not receive the same negative response, even though they were equally playful. (frontiersin.org)

That is one of the most important parts of this research because it makes the double standard harder to deny.

The issue was not merely playful behavior.

The issue was playful boys.


The word the researchers used was “antipathy”

The researchers did not use mild language.

They wrote that “one of the most significant discoveries of the study was the antipathy held by teachers for playful boys from the earliest primary grade.” (frontiersin.org)

Antipathy means a deep-seated dislike or aversion.

That is a stunning word to find in research about young boys who were characterized by joy, humor, spontaneity, imagination, and social vitality.

Other children liked them.

The ​teachers often did not.

That should trouble anyone who cares about children.

Because once an adult repeatedly communicates irritation, contempt, or aversion toward a child, the issue is no longer simple discipline. The adult is helping define that child socially. The child begins to feel it. Other children begin to absorb it. A reputation forms. A role gets assigned.

This boy is fun.
This boy is too much.
This boy is a nuisance.
This boy is the problem.

That is how shame begins.


What happened by third grade is chilling

The most disturbing finding came next.

In first and second grade, the playful children were still generally seen positively by their peers. But by third grade, the playful boys experienced a dramatic reversal. The children began drawing a sharp distinction between playful boys and playful girls, and the playful boys came to be seen as the least preferred playmates and as having the lowest social status.

Think about how serious that is.

These boys had not suddenly become cruel.

They had not become dangerous.

They had not changed into bad children.

What changed was the way they were being seen.

And the researchers strongly suspected that teachers had helped cause that shift, directly and indirectly shaping both the boys’ self-perceptions and the perceptions of their classmates.

That means an adult’s bias may have helped take boys who were initially popular and turn them into social liabilities.

That is not a minor classroom issue.

That is the manufacturing of rejection.


This starts to look like relational aggression against boys

I have spent decades as a therapist, and emotionally abusive systems often work in a very particular way: they turn people against one another. They poison perceptions. They shape alliances. They quietly designate one person as the problem and then let the group do the rest.

When I read this research, I see something disturbingly similar.

Teachers do not have to announce their bias openly for children to absorb it. Children are exquisitely sensitive to adult cues. They notice who gets warmth, who gets annoyance, who gets repeated correction, ​who gets eye rolls, who gets labeled, who gets the benefit of the doubt, and who does not.

Over time, children learn how to rank each other accordingly.

So when a teacher repeatedly treats playful boys as irritating or disruptive, the other children are not blind to that. They learn from it. They internalize it. And in this case, they appear to have acted on it.

That is why this is so serious.

The boys were not merely disciplined.

They were socially reclassified.


Boys are too often being judged as defective girls

This is, in many ways, the heart of the problem.

Boys are often measured against a behavioral ideal that fits girls more comfortably, and then penalized when they do not match it.

Need for movement? Problem.
Need for rough play? Problem.
Less verbal style? Problem.
High energy? Problem.
Resistance to passive conformity? Problem.
Humor under pressure? Problem.

At some point we have to ask a basic question:

What if many boys being labeled are not disordered at all?

What if they are simply boys in an environment that has become increasingly unfriendly to boyhood?

That does not mean boys need no discipline. Of course they do. Boys need guidance, structure, accountability, and mentoring. They need adults who can shape their energy, not shame it.

But shaping is not the same as pathologizing.

And guidance is not the same as contempt.


Many men remember exactly when this began

I suspect many men reading this will recognize something here.

They can remember the moment when their energy stopped being seen as vitality and started being seen as trouble.

They can remember the feeling that the girls were “right” and they were “wrong.”

They can remember being funny one year and “disruptive” the next.

They can remember realizing that being a boy felt, somehow, politically incorrect.

A great many boys were not crushed by open cruelty.

They were crushed by chronic misreading.

And that may be one of the most damaging things schools do.

Because once a boy starts to believe that his natural way of being is unwelcome, he often begins to pull back from school, from learning, and sometimes even from himself.


We should stop asking what is wrong with boys and start asking what is wrong with the lens through which we view them

The real issue here is not whether boys need to grow up well. Of course they do.

The real issue is whether adults can still recognize healthy masculinity when they see it.

Can they recognize exuberance without calling it pathology?
Can they recognize roughness without calling it danger?
Can they recognize humor without calling it deviance?
Can they recognize a playful boy without turning him into a problem?

Until we can do that, boys will continue to pay the price for adult confusion.

And many already have.



Research

Barnett, L. A. (2018). The Education of Playful Boys: Class Clowns in the Classroom. This is the playful boys study, including the findings on teacher antipathy, the different treatment of playful boys and playful girls, and the reversal in peer attitudes by third grade. (frontiersin.org)

Spilt, J. L., Koomen, H. M. Y., & Jak, S. (2012). Are boys better off with male and girls with female teachers? This review found that teachers report more conflict with boys, and that female teachers report less closeness with boys than girls. (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)

Horn, E. P., et al. (2021). Trajectories of teacher-child relationships across kindergarten and first grade. This study found girls experienced more closeness with teachers than boys across both school years. (sciencedirect.com)

Schlosser, L. (1980). Sex, Behavior, and Teacher Expectancies. This cites the teacher-preference traits: rigid, conforming, orderly, dependent, passive, and acquiescent. (jstor.org)

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March 19, 2026
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Father Exclusion: The Invisible Injustice

A note before the article:
Nick O’Hara has written something deeply painful, deeply human, and deeply important.

His essay is not simply the story of one father’s heartbreak. It is also a window into a much larger injustice that far too few people are willing to see, much less name. We hear constant discussion about “absent fathers,” but almost no discussion of fathers who are absent against their will—fathers who love their children, fight for them, and are still pushed out by systems that seem unable, or unwilling, to protect the father-child bond.

That is what makes this piece so powerful. Nick is writing from the raw center of his own experience, but he is also giving language to a reality that many men live in silence. His story is heartbreaking, but it is not merely personal. It raises urgent questions about parental equality, about the invisibility of fathers in family law and public discourse, and about the cost children pay when a loving parent is treated as expendable.

I am sharing this excerpt because I believe his voice deserves to be heard. The full piece is considerably longer, and I hope you will follow the link at the end to read the rest on Nick’s site and help bring more attention to his work.

If we are serious about justice, compassion, and the well-being of children, we must be willing to look at realities that make people uncomfortable. This is one of them.




Father Exclusion: The Invisible Injustice

The search for my abducted child reveals a wider silence on parental inequality

Nick O’Hara

Mar 02, 2026

 
My son in December 2021, the last time I saw him. He was abducted in June 2023, disappearing somewhere in the USA

Your children are not your children

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you

– Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet


My son and I are strangers. He turns seven soon and I’ve never celebrated his birthday with him. I have never read him a bedtime story. I don’t know if he is safe. I don’t even know if he is alive. I am a father needlessly separated from my child, and society makes me invisible. After years of holding my tongue and getting nowhere, I feel compelled to convey what it is like to be completely excluded from your child’s life in a culture that leaves virtually no space for fathers in my position.

We often hear about absent fathers, but rarely about those who are absent against their will: men erased from their children’s lives without justification. I call this “father exclusion”. It’s a term I have coined because I can’t find any official language or descriptor for fathers in my position. Despite impacting many families, it barely registers in our public discourse. No data seems to be collected on father exclusion. No politicians seem interested in addressing it. No one even names the problem.

Father exclusion is not a fringe issue. It is extremely harmful to families and society; a systemic failure so pervasive it becomes invisible. We talk a great deal about irresponsible fathers, but what about those of us fighting with everything we have to be in our children’s lives, only to be systematically shut out? This silence is institutional, cultural and statistical. It has consequences: for children, for fathers like me, for our understanding of parenthood itself.

One goal in sharing my story is to advance a rationale argument in favour of gender equality in parenting, guided by the humanist case for balanced parental rights.

Western culture’s current obsession with “toxic masculinity” prefers to cast men as villains, leaving no room to acknowledge that fathers can be victims of discrimination, or that many are unjustifiably pushed out of their children’s lives. Many people take offence at the suggestion that father absence is detrimental to our children, despite the evidence that it is. So, any attempt to raise fathers’ rights is met with discomfort, defensiveness or even aggression: if it is acknowledged at all. For the main part, it is met with silence.

I know this silence intimately. It helps prevent my son from knowing my love.

When he drew his first breath in Brooklyn seven years ago, I was thousands of miles away in the United Kingdom, unaware of his arrival because his mother had cut off contact with me. What began as a conventional path to fatherhood – ultrasounds, excited plans of being present at the birth – unravelled into a nightmare. Every attempt since then to be part of my son’s life has been blocked, defied or ignored by his mother, enabled by systems that treat paternal bonds as optional, granted or withheld at the mother’s discretion.

I later discovered that my estranged wife had given our son different names to those we’d agreed upon. She omitted my name from his birth certificate and provided a false address to give the impression that she lived in New York; presumably in order to align with her falsified Medicaid forms. In fact, she is a citizen of Trinidad and Tobago and lives there with her two older children, whose father she also denies access.

Or at least, they did live in Trinidad. Almost three years ago, my son was abducted by his mother. To evade the increasing scrutiny of Trinidad and Tobago’s Family Court and Children’s Authority, she disappeared with all three children and is hiding somewhere in America. I do not know if they are safe, in good health or whether they attend school.


When I met my ex, in our initial interactions, she told me her first husband had abused her and their children, claiming serious offences. I felt sympathy and wanted to help. She said she reported each incident to the police, to create a record. Though to what end, I couldn’t figure out: she never wanted to take legal action, only to have a record of complaints.

Her story became increasingly inconsistent and I started noticing contradictions that grew more absurd. When I questioned her, she sometimes responded by suggesting that I was paranoid, other times she insisted I was losing my memory. It was only later that I recognised this as gaslighting.

While married and briefly living in Trinidad, it began to feel that she had only wanted me there so that I could support her and the kids while she continued not to work at all. However, tightening immigration restrictions meant that I couldn’t get a work permit and the strain on our relationship grew. Pregnant with our son, she cut off communication when I returned to the UK to work.

Since then, I’ve been trapped in a nightmare. Parenthood has been an illusory half-reality: I am legally a father but have never been allowed to be one. Despite my indefatigable efforts, I have met my son just twice; his mother has blocked all other access in defiance of multiple court orders. I could detail here a long list of her heartbreaking breaches, but nobody would want to read it.

Life as an excluded father is utterly lonely. I feel cast adrift, like an inconvenience nobody cares about.

With court proceedings stalled by my ex’s disappearance, I have spent two years pursuing an application under the Hague Convention on International Child Abduction. I receive email updates mentioning INTERPOL and U.S. authorities’ efforts to locate my son. The situation is surreal. There are days when it feels less like my life and more like a documentary film that I never agreed to star in. I have needed to write about it to help me survive it, to produce a memoir I might someday share to help others enduring similar ordeals.

My story is highly personal; the international dimension somewhat unusual. However, my general experience is not unique. It reflects a deeper truth: we simply do not value fatherhood highly enough. We are far more comfortable accusing men of abandonment than confronting how and why institutions push them out.

It needn’t be this way. We can acknowledge this systemic exclusion while rejecting the false binary that caring about fathers must come at the expense of mothers. Justice does not require us to diminish one parent in order to elevate the other. Instead, recognising and supporting the vital roles of both mothers and fathers, on equal terms, is how we can best serve the interests of our children. Persistently favouring one parent over the other – as we currently do – undermines not only parental equality, but the well-being of children and the moral coherence of society.

My son was abducted and taken to the U.S. in breach of a court order prohibiting his removal from Trinidad and Tobago. Like the others, the order proved meaningless. Indeed, every directive issued by the court has been breached or ignored by my ex without consequence.

My ex is legally aided, so there is no financial deterrent to obstruction. Three different legal aid-appointed attorneys withdrew their representation of her after realising she was misleading the court. None of this resulted in sanctions; just stronger orders that my ex ignores. She has, effectively, been able to act with impunity.

She has also prevented my son’s siblings – my stepchildren – from seeing their own father since they were infants. Unwittingly, the children’s experience contributes to the often-racist stereotype of Caribbean father absenteeism. But their respective fathers are not absent: we are excluded.

 
My son’s older siblings (and my stepchildren) in Trinidad, 2018. I haven’t seen them in many years, they will look so different now

Despite being represented by one of Trinidad and Tobago’s leading family lawyers (who sadly passed away suddenly last summer), I have felt utterly powerless. Court interventions have been too slow, enforcement mechanisms too weak or non-existent. In the initial years of my matter, the institutional indifference was astonishing. Even evidence of my ex preventing her older children from seeing their father – a relevant pattern of behaviour, one would think – could not be considered, due to family court evidentiary rules. Eventually the authorities did seem to realise what they were dealing with. But by then it was too late, my ex had disappeared with my son.

In fairness, the judge’s hands are tied by inadequate enforcement powers. The court knows that my son is being deliberately repelled from access to his father, without justification. It just isn’t able to actually do much about it. The system appears designed to make fathers give up.

With the disappearance, my attorney advised me to pursue the Hague Convention process. At first, it seemed promising: we received confirmation that my son had been taken to America. He was even, seemingly, located by U.S. authorities, only to vanish again. With the Hague application drawing blanks and family court proceedings stalled, I find myself back where I began. I am sharing my story in the hope that someone, somehow, might help locate my child.

 
Meeting my son for the first time in Trinidad, March 2020

Please share this essay with anyone who might be able to help me locate my child

Share

The wider narrative of absentee fathers is well-known, but how accurate is it? In the United States, more than one in four children live without a father in the home. This is also the generally accepted proportion for the UK, though my own crude maths suggests that it could be higher, with nearly 40 percent of households with dependent children being single-parent families (3.2 million out of the 8.2 million total). Data from the Office for National Statistics show 85 percent of those are headed by mothers (child custody data reporting has it higher, at 89 percent). Statistics for Trinidad and Tobago are harder to obtain, but anyone will tell you the situation is likely similar to the U.S. and UK.

How many of these fathers are missing by choice versus how many, like me, are deliberately excluded? We don’t know the answer, because – and this is a point worth emphasising – nobody publishes that data. There is no government task force. No politicians introducing parental equality legislation. No newspaper headlines.

It’s easier to frame us as absent, easier to perpetuate the ‘irresponsible father’ trope than confront the reality of father exclusion. Doing so would entail acknowledging that men face systemic discrimination in family courts and are relegated to second-class parental status. It’s easier for society not to care.

 
My son in Trinidad, December 2021, on the second of just two 90-minute visits with me that his mother actually brought him to

For the sake of our children, we should care. Active father engagement results in improved child outcomes. In 2016 the UK Department for Work and Pensions hosted a Father Engagement Seminar, which concluded that children with highly involved fathers have greater self-esteem, perform better at school and have fewer behavioural problems.

Conversely, growing up fatherless is highly detrimental to children and society. Children from fatherless homes are exponentially more likely to run away, die from suicide, suffer with substance abuse, become teenage mothers, have behavioural disorders, be sent to prison ... the list goes on. The fact that we have to go back a decade to find such a level of attention (in the UK) to the issue tells its own story.

When I share this information, people often react defensively. One American acquaintance, raised by a single parent, accused me of “blaming single mothers” before I could explain that I, too, grew up in single-parent households (with both my mother and father at different points), and that I was not making a political argument. But I had offended his sensibilities; he wasn’t prepared to even momentarily consider an alternative perspective.

What puzzles me is why acknowledging evidence of poorer average outcomes for children in father-absent homes is so often treated as a moral judgment rather than an empirical observation. Recognising such patterns need not imply blame, nor does it diminish the efforts or sacrifices of single parents. If child welfare is a genuine priority, we should be able to discuss uncomfortable data openly and with nuance, even when it complicates prevailing narratives.

 
Colouring with crayons, Trinidad, December 2021

Being an excluded father feels like living in exile. Some people are sympathetic, but not overly concerned. There is no language for your grief, no place for your story. Father exclusion does not fit into any fashionable social movement. Indeed, it’s allowed to slip through the cracks because it contradicts prevailing assumptions about gender, victimhood and power. Refusal to acknowledge this issue reflects a cultural and legal bias that renders fathers morally disposable.

Link to the full article  Scroll down and look for the above image to continue reading.

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March 13, 2026
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Seeing Theroux the Manosphere
The Reviews Missed the Most Important Question



Seeing Theroux the Manosphere

The Reviews Missed the Most Important Question

Louis Theroux’s Inside the Manosphere is drawing the kind of reviews one might expect. Some say he did not focus enough on the harm done to women and girls. Others say he was out of his depth and ended up giving attention-seeking influencers exactly the publicity they crave. Still others praise the film as a revealing look at “toxic masculinity” online. But as I read the reviews, I was struck by something more important than their differences. They all seemed blind to the same possibility.

Take The Guardian. Its complaint was not that the category “manosphere” might be vague, ideological, or rhetorically manipulative. No, its complaint was that Theroux did not spend enough time showing the impact of these men’s ideas on women. In other words, the basic frame was accepted from the beginning: the manosphere is a danger to women, and the only real question is whether the documentary pressed that point hard enough.

The Independent came at it from another angle. It called the documentary “an infuriating failure” and argued that Theroux’s old-style documentary method is no match for internet-age performers driven by money, clout, and shameless self-promotion. Fair enough. But notice what is still missing. The review does not step back and ask whether the word manosphere itself has become a smear category—an elastic term that can be stretched to include not only grifters and woman-haters, but also men who simply question feminism, challenge anti-male orthodoxies, or speak openly about the struggles of boys and men.

Then there is the more favorable coverage. Decider recommended the film and described it as a revealing look at how toxic masculinity spreads online. That is now the standard language. The issue is assumed, the verdict is built in, and the label does most of the work before the discussion even begins. Once the term manosphere is accepted uncritically, everything inside it is already morally suspect.

What I found most striking is that Theroux himself seemed more aware of the problem than many of his reviewers. In an interview with The Guardian, he acknowledged that the term manosphere is “inexact” and somewhat in the eye of the beholder. That is an important admission. It suggests some awareness that the label can become a catch-all—one that may sweep together genuine extremists, foolish provocateurs, traditionalists, and ordinary male dissenters under a single cloud of suspicion. But that thread was barely followed by the reviewers. They seemed far more interested in whether Theroux had been sufficiently condemnatory.

And that, to me, is the real story.

The reviews were not really debating whether the category itself is being used ideologically. They were debating whether Theroux handled the category effectively. That is a very different question. Almost none of them seemed willing to consider that “the manosphere” may now function as a protective shield for feminism itself—a way to discredit, marginalize, or pathologize male voices that raise inconvenient questions. Once a man can be placed somewhere inside that dark and blurry category, his arguments no longer have to be answered. He can simply be associated with misogyny, extremism, resentment, or grievance.

That is why this matters.

Of course there are ugly voices online. Of course there are men saying foolish, cruel, and sometimes dangerous things. But there is a world of difference between identifying genuine bad actors and using a sprawling moral category to batter males who are questioning feminism or refusing to repeat approved cultural slogans. The reviews I saw did not seem especially interested in that difference. And when smart reviewers all miss the same thing, it is often because that blind spot is doing important cultural work.

In the end, the critics mostly asked two questions: Did Theroux go hard enough? Or did he give these men too much airtime? Very few seemed to ask the deeper one: Has “the manosphere” become one more ideological weapon used to protect feminism from scrutiny? That omission tells us quite a lot—not only about the documentary, but about the cultural climate in which it is being received.

Men Are Good

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