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Reproductive Coercion and Research Omissions
4 – Bias Against Men and Boys in Psychological Research
December 06, 2025
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This post is the second in a three-part series that followed How Feminist Researchers Lied. Although these pieces were written some time ago, they remain just as relevant today.

The study examined here focuses on “reproductive coercion” — and it’s a striking example of how researchers can deliberately mislead. Incredibly, it makes the preposterous claim that men are the ones “poking holes in condoms.” Despite its weak foundation, the study received massive coverage in the mainstream media and has undoubtedly shaped public perception, reinforcing yet another false narrative about men.

Read on to see how they managed to spin this.
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I was browsing on the web and happened to read an article about a study on “Reproductive Coercion.” As I read it I was amazed at the sorts of statistics that the study was quoting. One article said that 53% of women surveyed had experienced violence in her relationships. “Wow” I thought, thatʼs over half of the respondents. Thatʼs quite a few. I read on and other stats were quoted that were equally shocking. I began to wonder about how they got such alarming statistics.

My interest was stimulated and I started searching for articles on this research. There were plenty. One from Newsweek, one from Science News Daily, one from Medical News Today, one from EScience News, one from the LA Times and others. They all made similar claims about this study and often used the same quotes and the same statistics. I kept looking for more articles thinking that with statistics as strong as these that there must be something unusual here. I wondered if their sample was biased in some way or perhaps the way they had defined their terms had inflated the numbers. About the tenth article I found was one from the college newspaper of the lead researcher in the study. The publication was called “The Aggie” and was the student paper for the University of California, Davis. That article included something that the others had omitted. The Aggie article said that the survey was done on an “impoverished” population of African American and Hispanic females. It went on to say that the study should not be generalized:

“The five clinics surveyed were in impoverished neighborhoods with Latinas and African Americans comprising two-thirds of the respondents.

The results are expected to be applicable to reproductive health clinics in demographically poor areas. Researchers cannot estimate if surveys at private gynecologists would produce similar results.”

Suddenly the results started to make more sense. We know that lower socio-economic levels tend to show much higher levels of interpersonal violence (IPV). One DOJ report shows that women with lower income levels are almost three times more likely to experience relationship violence than those with higher incomes. We know that women in rental housing are also three times more likely to experience IPV than those in homes that they own. By studying a sample that was impoverished it dramatically increased the likelihood of finding higher rates of IPV.

 

Then I started to wonder. How was it that all of the national media articles which had obviously been seen by millions of people had missed the sample being of impoverished African American and Hispanic females? I started to think that the media was simply not doing their homework and that their readers were getting fed misinformation as a result.

I decided at that point to obtain a copy of the study. I went to the online site for the Journal Contraception which had published the original article and purchased a copy. I read it. By the end I was shocked. There was no mention in the journal article of the socio-economic status of the sample that had been surveyed. No mention of whether they were rich or poor. I had to catch myself because I had earlier assumed that it was the media not doing their homework and simply not reading the journal article. But now it was a completely different situation. The information had been omitted from the journal article. How could that be? This was an article that had 7 researchers named as co-authors. It had to have been read and edited over and over again. How could it be that something so basic would have been left out?

I decided to write to the lead researcher Dr Elizabeth Miller. I sent her an email and asked about the sample. I told her that I had read the article in the Aggie that had mentioned that the sample was “impoverished” African American and Hispanic females and I was interested to know if this was correct or if the Aggie had made a mistake. She wrote me back a very pleasant email in several days apologizing for taking so long to get back to me and saying that yes, the Aggie was correct that the sample was largely disadvantaged African American and Hispanic females. I wrote her back very quickly and asked why that information had not been mentioned in the journal article. I also asked if she was concerned about the national media articles that never mentioned the fact that the sample was impoverished and seemed to be erroneously implying that the study could generalize to the population at large. She wrote me back once but has never offered any answers to those questions.

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At that point I contacted Gabrielle Grow, the author of the Aggie article and congratulated her on a job well done. I asked her how she had found out about the sample being “impoverished.” She told me that it was just one of the questions that she had asked the researchers in the interview. I wrote her back and congratulated her again and explained to her that all of the national articles including Newsweek, LA Times, Science News Daily, EScience News, Medical News Today and others had all missed that important bit of information. Ms Grow was the only reporter that asked the important question.

But why did the national news media not ask the same question? This is an important question and we really donʼt know the answer at this point. What we do know is the study issued a press release about the research findings and never mentioned the sample being largely a poor population. They also made no mention of the fact which is referenced in their study that this sort of population has higher reports of IPV thus creating inflated responses when compared to the general population. It made no mention that the study should be applicable only to other poor neighborhoods. Reading the press release one might easily assume that the study applied to everyone.

Here are just a few of the points the press release made:

1. Men use coercion and birth control sabotage to cause their partners to become pregnant against their wills.

2. Young women and teenage girls often face efforts by male partners to sabotage their birth control or coerce or pressure them to become pregnant – including by damaging condoms and destroying contraceptives.

3. Fifty-three percent of respondents said they had experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner.

4. Male partners actively attempt to promote pregnancy against the will of their female partners.

With no mention in the press release that the studyʼs sample was largely indigent African American and Hispanic females one could get the impression from reading it that the study might apply to the general population. Even though the researchers when asked by Ms Grow, admitted that the study should only be applied to the poor. One can only assume that the researchers failed not only to mention this important information in the press release but also didnʼt offer this to the media in any of the interviews. Actually there was very little information offered that might have discouraged the media from playing this as a study about men and women in general.

This is obvious when you look at the headlines and quotes from various news articles. Here is a sampling:

NEWSWEEK

“What we’re seeing is that, in the larger scheme of violence against women and girls, it is another way to maintain control,” says Miller.”
“The man is taking away a woman’s power to decide she’s not going to have a child.”

LA Times

“Reproductive coercion is a factor in unintended pregnancies”
“Young women even report that their boyfriends sabotage birth control to get them pregnant.”

ScienceDaily

“Over half the respondents — 53 percent — said they had experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner.”

“The study also highlights the importance of working with young men to prevent both violence against female partners and coercion around pregnancy.”

Physorg

“Approximately one in five young women said they experienced pregnancy coercion”

ESCIENCE NEWS

“Young women and teenage girls often face efforts by male partners to sabotage birth control or coerce pregnancy — including damaging condoms and destroying contraceptives”

INSCIENCES

“This study highlights an under-recognized phenomenon where male partners actively attempt to promote pregnancy against the will of their female partners,” said lead study author Elizabeth Miller, a

Medical News Today

Headline – Physical or Sexual Violence Often Accompanies Reproductive Coercion

End Abuse . org

“It finds that young women and teenage girls often face efforts by male partners to sabotage their birth control or coerce or pressure them to become pregnant – including by damaging condoms and destroying contraceptives.”

What do these quotes and headlines have in common? They all sound as if the study in question applies to the general population of men and women, boys and girls. The circulation of Newsweek is 2.7 million so just from that source alone a great many people have been given the impression that men in general will tend to coerce women in general to get pregnant.

 

 

The first level is the research paper itself. The Contraception Journal was obviously read by many, especially other researchers. Then the next level is the national media that wrote stories about the study. We saw above some of the sorts of misrepresentations that were common from the national media articles. But things go even further. Once the journal article is published and then the media articles follow there is a third wave that hits: the blogs. When end users hear this sort of thing they take it a step farther. Here are just a few examples of what happens:

Hereʼs a headline from a blog:

Crazy, Condom-Puncturing Control Freaks Are Often Men

So we have gone from omitting the nature of the sample to the printing of articles in the national media that implicate men in general and once this happens the end users at the blogs take that information and exaggerate it much farther. Hereʼs another example:

There is a new study which discusses a horribly prevalent but rarely discussed form of intimate partner violence: reproductive coercion.

So we have gone from low income Black and Hispanic females claiming to be coerced to making global pronouncements about reproductive coercion being “horribly prevalent.” Right. Those crazy condom puncturing control freaks are part of a horribly prevalent pattern.

It doesnʼt take much imagination to see the next step of a dinner table discussion of this issue. The daughter announces at the table that it is men who puncture condoms and force women into pregnancy. Mom tells her that that couldnʼt be and the daughter pulls up a link to the blog and then to the Newsweek article. Dad is still unimpressed until she pulls up a link to the study which partially verifies her false claim. All at the table are convinced now it is the men in general who are coercing women into pregnancy.

This is the way memes get started. A “research” article tells half the story and the partial data is misinterpreted unknowingly by the media who then pass on the half story as truth to unwitting millions who hear the medias version and their claim that it is research driven and the public is sold. It must be true! This is of course what happened with domestic violence. Early feminist researchers only told half the story, that women were victims of domestic violence and men were perpetrators. The media simply passed on the story to millions and the rest is history. We have a general public who is convinced that it is only women who are victims of domestic violence.

The scientific method is very clear. You create a hypothesis and find a way to test it. You then carefully sift though the test data and account for the data that affirms your hypothesis and importantly account for the data that conflicts with your hypothesis. What has happened over and over from feminist researchers is simply ignoring the data that conflicts with your hypothesis (male victims) and focusing solely on that data that confirms your ideology (female victims). Interestingly in this study the researchers failed to ask the subjects if they had also coerced their male partners. They only asked the questions that would provide them with the “acceptable” answers.

In the study examined in this article the researchers seem to have “forgotten” to remind the media of the limitations of their sample. In a similar fashion to the first study, the press release seems to have been used to steer the data. One could assume that leaving out the nature of the sample was an honest mistake. If so, I would have expected Dr Miller to respond to my email asking about the omission of the nature of the sample. But she did not. This leaves us not knowing if the mistake was or was not intentional.

Perhaps we will never know. I know what my guess is. Whatʼs yours?

Men Are Good

 

The Research https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20227548/

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Seeing Theroux the Manosphere
The Reviews Missed the Most Important Question



Seeing Theroux the Manosphere

The Reviews Missed the Most Important Question

Louis Theroux’s Inside the Manosphere is drawing the kind of reviews one might expect. Some say he did not focus enough on the harm done to women and girls. Others say he was out of his depth and ended up giving attention-seeking influencers exactly the publicity they crave. Still others praise the film as a revealing look at “toxic masculinity” online. But as I read the reviews, I was struck by something more important than their differences. They all seemed blind to the same possibility.

Take The Guardian. Its complaint was not that the category “manosphere” might be vague, ideological, or rhetorically manipulative. No, its complaint was that Theroux did not spend enough time showing the impact of these men’s ideas on women. In other words, the basic frame was accepted from the beginning: the manosphere is a danger to women, and the only real question is whether the documentary pressed that point hard enough.

The Independent came at it from another angle. It called the documentary “an infuriating failure” and argued that Theroux’s old-style documentary method is no match for internet-age performers driven by money, clout, and shameless self-promotion. Fair enough. But notice what is still missing. The review does not step back and ask whether the word manosphere itself has become a smear category—an elastic term that can be stretched to include not only grifters and woman-haters, but also men who simply question feminism, challenge anti-male orthodoxies, or speak openly about the struggles of boys and men.

Then there is the more favorable coverage. Decider recommended the film and described it as a revealing look at how toxic masculinity spreads online. That is now the standard language. The issue is assumed, the verdict is built in, and the label does most of the work before the discussion even begins. Once the term manosphere is accepted uncritically, everything inside it is already morally suspect.

What I found most striking is that Theroux himself seemed more aware of the problem than many of his reviewers. In an interview with The Guardian, he acknowledged that the term manosphere is “inexact” and somewhat in the eye of the beholder. That is an important admission. It suggests some awareness that the label can become a catch-all—one that may sweep together genuine extremists, foolish provocateurs, traditionalists, and ordinary male dissenters under a single cloud of suspicion. But that thread was barely followed by the reviewers. They seemed far more interested in whether Theroux had been sufficiently condemnatory.

And that, to me, is the real story.

The reviews were not really debating whether the category itself is being used ideologically. They were debating whether Theroux handled the category effectively. That is a very different question. Almost none of them seemed willing to consider that “the manosphere” may now function as a protective shield for feminism itself—a way to discredit, marginalize, or pathologize male voices that raise inconvenient questions. Once a man can be placed somewhere inside that dark and blurry category, his arguments no longer have to be answered. He can simply be associated with misogyny, extremism, resentment, or grievance.

That is why this matters.

Of course there are ugly voices online. Of course there are men saying foolish, cruel, and sometimes dangerous things. But there is a world of difference between identifying genuine bad actors and using a sprawling moral category to batter males who are questioning feminism or refusing to repeat approved cultural slogans. The reviews I saw did not seem especially interested in that difference. And when smart reviewers all miss the same thing, it is often because that blind spot is doing important cultural work.

In the end, the critics mostly asked two questions: Did Theroux go hard enough? Or did he give these men too much airtime? Very few seemed to ask the deeper one: Has “the manosphere” become one more ideological weapon used to protect feminism from scrutiny? That omission tells us quite a lot—not only about the documentary, but about the cultural climate in which it is being received.

Men Are Good

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March 09, 2026
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The Manosphere Study That Reveals Academic Panic




The Manosphere Study That Reveals Academic Panic

I recently read a new study titled Mapping the Neo-Manosphere(s): New Directions for Research. It presents itself as a serious academic effort to understand the changing world of the manosphere—male influencers, anti-feminist spaces, incels, online male grievance communities, and the growing variety of voices speaking to young men outside mainstream institutions.

But as I read it, I found myself thinking that the study reveals something else too.

It reveals, I think, a kind of academic panic.

That may sound harsh, but I do not mean panic in some cartoonish sense. I do not mean scholars sitting around trembling because young men are listening to Andrew Tate. I mean something deeper than that. I mean a worldview that is starting to sense it is losing its monopoly on meaning.

That phrase gets at the heart of the problem.

For a long time, a fairly narrow academic and media establishment had enormous power to define what men’s experience meant. If men spoke of pain, that pain could be reinterpreted. If they spoke of unfairness, that could be called backlash. If they objected to feminism, that could be framed as resentment, fragility, or misogyny. The gatekeepers held the language, the categories, and the moral authority. They got to decide what counted as truth and what counted as danger.

What I think we are seeing now is that this old arrangement is weakening.

More and more young men are stepping outside those approved frameworks. They are listening to voices that tell them something they do not often hear from the mainstream: that they are not crazy, that the culture has often been deeply unfair to men and boys, that feminism is not the neutral benevolent force it pretends to be, and that many of the judgments placed on masculinity are not only harsh but profoundly distorted.

That is a hard development for the academic world to control.

And I think this study shows signs of that loss of control.


The paper begins with suspicion, not curiosity

One of the first things that struck me is that the study does not really begin with open inquiry. It begins with a verdict.

The manosphere is described as an ecosystem of anti-feminist and male-supremacist groups, bound together by the belief that society is a misandrist conspiracy against men.

That is a remarkable way to begin.

Notice what has already happened before the real analysis even gets going. Men’s grievances are not treated as possibly true, partly true, exaggerated, mixed, confused, or grounded in lived experience. No, they are placed at once inside a framework of suspicion. They are treated as either supremacist, conspiratorial, or both.

That is not a small thing. It tells you a lot about the paper.

A genuinely curious scholar might ask: Are there legitimate grievances in these communities mixed in with anger and distortion? Are some young men responding to real experiences of humiliation, pathologizing, or neglect? Are there distinctions that need to be made between lonely men, bitter men, wounded men, manipulative men, hateful men, fathers’ rights advocates, incels, male self-help figures, and young men simply trying to make sense of a culture that often seems to dislike them?

This paper does not show much interest in those distinctions.

Instead, it starts by putting the whole subject inside a moral quarantine.


This is less mapping than boundary enforcement

The study claims to be “mapping” the neo-manosphere. But much of what it actually does is spread suspicion outward from the worst elements until almost every male-centered space starts to feel contaminated.

Incels, MRAs, MGTOW, gamers, male influencers, anti-feminists, NoFap communities, stoics, wellness figures, conservative women, “tradwives,” anti-trans spaces, conspiracy material, right-wing populism, and monetized self-help all get pulled into a broad ecosystem of harm, grievance, reaction, or radicalization.

Now of course some of these spaces overlap. Of course there are bad actors in some of them. Of course the internet creates strange and unstable alliances.

But overlap is not identity. Proximity is not sameness. Shared audiences do not prove shared motives.

And yet the paper repeatedly leans on this method. It widens the frame, darkens the tone, and allows moral suspicion to move outward by association.

That is one reason I say this is less scholarship than boundary enforcement.

It is not merely describing a phenomenon. It is warning the reader which kinds of male-centered thought should be treated as suspect.


Male pain is not understood. It is managed.

This is one of the deeper patterns I notice in studies like this.

When men speak of pain, they are rarely just listened to. More often their pain is analyzed, explained away, or treated as if it carries some hidden threat.

And that is very much the case here.

The paper does briefly acknowledge loneliness, insecurity, mental-health struggles, and alienation among men. But those things are not really allowed to stand on their own as human realities deserving genuine moral attention. They are quickly folded back into the preferred academic framework: misogyny, radicalization, grievance markets, pipelines, monetization, and male supremacy.

In other words, male pain is not really explored. It is managed.

That sounds harsh, but I think it is true.

It is part of a larger double standard that has become so common many people hardly notice it anymore. When women gather around grievance, they are often listened to with sympathy. When men gather around grievance, they are often investigated with suspicion. When women are angry, we ask what happened to them. When men are angry, we ask who influenced them. When women seek solidarity, it is called healing. When men do, it is called a pipeline.

That difference matters. It tells us something important about the moral atmosphere in which these studies are written.


Even male self-help is treated as suspicious

Another thing that stood out to me is how the paper treats self-improvement in men.

Stoicism, discipline, fitness, confidence, anti-porn movements, semen retention, purpose, self-mastery, masculine restoration—again and again these are framed as entangled with grift, insecurity, reaction, or male supremacism.

Now certainly there are grifters in that world. Some male influencers are ridiculous. Some are exploitative. Some mix useful advice with ego, ideology, or posturing. That is true.

But there is another question that this paper has very little interest in asking: why are so many men drawn to those things in the first place?

Could it be because many men do not feel helped by the official culture? Could it be because schools often do not understand boys, therapy often speaks in a language many men experience as alien, and the broader culture often approaches masculinity with criticism rather than respect? Could it be because action, discipline, competence, structure, challenge, and purpose are not pathological male fantasies but part of how many men actually regain stability?

That possibility receives very little room here.

Instead, male forms of self-repair are treated with suspicion, as though any attempt by men to rebuild themselves outside approved therapeutic and ideological channels is likely to be contaminated.

This is one of the places where the paper feels especially revealing. It seems unable to imagine that men might turn toward masculine discipline not because they long to dominate, but because they are trying to survive.


The study also polices explanation

I was also struck by how clearly the paper wants to police the boundaries of acceptable thought.

It looks suspiciously on evolutionary psychology, on sex-difference approaches, and on those who question whether boys should always be encouraged to process emotion according to models more naturally suited to girls. It warns against views that emphasize biology or that reject the reigning social-constructionist framework.

That is very telling.

This is not simply disagreement about evidence. It is an attempt to decide in advance which kinds of explanation are morally acceptable and which are to be treated as suspect intrusions.

Again, that is why the phrase defensive ideological maintenance fits so well.

When a worldview is confident, it can tolerate competing explanations. It can test itself. It can afford curiosity.

When it is losing ground, it becomes more protective, more censorious, and more likely to turn scholarship into a kind of intellectual border patrol.

That is what I feel in this paper.


Why this is happening now

I do not think this kind of scholarship is appearing in a vacuum.

For a long time, the dominant academic and media culture enjoyed something close to a monopoly on how gender questions were interpreted. It could define the terms, assign the moral categories, and dismiss dissenters as backward, defensive, or dangerous. It could make its own assumptions look like simple decency.

That is harder to do now.

Young men can now hear very different interpretations of the world. They can hear criticisms of feminism that once would have been filtered out or ridiculed into silence. They can hear discussions about schools, dating, fatherlessness, therapy, family courts, media bias, double standards, false accusations, and the casual contempt often shown toward masculinity.

Some of these voices are wise. Some are foolish. Some are helpful. Some are toxic. But mixed into all of that is a message many young men recognize immediately: the culture has not been honest with you.

That message lands because it speaks to experience.

And once that begins happening on a large scale, the old gatekeepers no longer get to decide so easily what things mean.

That is what I mean by losing a monopoly on meaning.

I think that loss is one of the real drivers behind the strained tone of studies like this one. They are not just trying to describe a phenomenon. They are trying to recover authority over its interpretation.


A worldview under pressure will label more aggressively

One of the things that often happens when an ideology starts losing ground is that it leans more heavily on labels.

It becomes less curious and more managerial. Less open to complexity and more eager to classify. Instead of asking why people are leaving, it spends more time warning others not to follow them. Instead of listening, it maps. Instead of persuading, it pathologizes.

That pattern is all over this study.

The language is heavy with terms like supremacy, radicalization, contagion, pipelines, harm, and grievance. Some of those words may fit some corners of the manosphere. But in this paper they often do more than describe. They stigmatize. They mark certain kinds of male speech as inherently suspect.

That is why the piece feels so tense to me.

It has the tone of a worldview under pressure.

Not a worldview calmly examining reality, but one sensing that the ground beneath it is shifting.

 

What honest scholarship would do

A more honest study would begin from a more human place.

It would ask why so many boys and men are looking elsewhere for understanding.

It would ask why schools so often seem better fitted to girls than to boys.

It would ask why so many men experience therapy as alien or feminizing.

It would ask why criticism of feminism so often triggers moral panic rather than real debate.

It would ask whether some forms of masculine self-help arise not from domination, but from the failure of mainstream institutions to offer men forms of help that actually fit them.

And it would ask perhaps the most difficult question of all: whether some of what young men are hearing in these disapproved spaces contains not just resentment, but truth.

That would take courage.

It would also require scholars to question their own assumptions.

That may be exactly what they are least prepared to do.


Final thoughts

In the end, I do not think this paper tells us nearly as much about the manosphere as it tells us about the academic establishment.

It shows us a style of scholarship that has grown accustomed to interpreting men from above, with suspicion already built in. It shows us an intellectual class that has trouble distinguishing between male grievance and male supremacy, between masculine restoration and political danger, between unsupervised thought and extremism. And most of all, it shows us what happens when a worldview senses it is losing its monopoly on meaning.

That is why the paper feels the way it does.

It does not feel open. It does not feel genuinely curious. It does not feel like careful inquiry.

It feels like academic panic.

And I think more and more people are starting to notice.

Men Are Good.

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February 23, 2026
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Where Galoway Stops Short
Calling Men to Rise Without Naming What Pushed Them Down

Where Galoway Stops Short - Calling Men to Rise Without Naming What Pushed Them Down

Something unusual has happened in mainstream culture: a prominent public figure has spoken to men without contempt.

In his widely circulated reflections on masculinity, Scott Galloway tells men things they rarely hear anymore — that discipline matters, that status is real, that no one is coming to save them, and that adulthood still requires effort, competence, and responsibility.

In a culture that often speaks about men as a problem to be managed, he speaks to them as adults.

That alone makes his work a step in the right direction.

But it is only a step.

Because embedded within his message are two assumptions that deserve closer examination.



When Pain Is Treated Like Weather

Galloway acknowledges that many men are struggling. He names loneliness, economic displacement, sexual exclusion, and a growing sense of irrelevance.

But these realities are framed as impersonal shifts — like automation, globalization, or changing markets. The world evolved. Adapt.

There is no villain. No moral accounting. Just conditions.

But much of what men are experiencing did not unfold quietly or accidentally.

It happened in open daylight.

For decades now:

  • Boys have been described as “toxic.”

  • Masculinity has been framed as inherently dangerous.

  • Fathers have been treated as optional.

  • Male ambition has been recoded as domination.

  • Male restraint has been interpreted as emotional deficiency.

These were not subtle cultural breezes. They were institutionalized narratives — repeated in media, education, and public discourse.

Men did not imagine this shift. They lived through it.

To speak about male pain without acknowledging the cultural disdain that preceded it is to ghost the very experience men are trying to make sense of.

If a man absorbs, year after year, the message that his nature is suspect, the shame that follows does not originate inside him.

It is absorbed.

And absorbed shame cannot be healed by discipline alone.



Responsibility Without Reciprocity

The second issue is not that Galloway calls men to responsibility.

Responsibility matters.

Structure matters.

Competence matters.

Men do not need to be rescued from adulthood.

But when responsibility is presented as the sole remedy — without acknowledging cultural injury — it subtly transforms pain into proof of failure.

If you are hurting, you must not have adapted well enough.

If you are struggling, you must not be disciplined enough.

Pain becomes diagnostic of insufficiency.

That may produce functionality.
It does not necessarily produce healing.

And it quietly leaves the culture itself unexamined.



What This Is Not

Let me be clear about something.

This is not an argument for coddling men.

It is not an argument for lowering standards.
It is not an argument for emotional indulgence or endless processing circles.
It is not an argument for turning men into women.

Men do not need to be babied.

They need to be understood accurately.



What Men Actually Need

What is missing from the conversation is something I would call respect-based empathy.

Respect-based empathy does not treat men as fragile.
It does not assume that emotional expression is superior to endurance.
It does not pathologize male withdrawal.

It recognizes that men often heal differently — and that those differences deserve admiration rather than suspicion.

When a man withdraws for a day or two after a setback, that may not be avoidance. It may be integration. When he fixes something, builds something, runs hard, works longer hours, or goes quiet, he may be metabolizing stress in a deeply male way.

For many men, solitude is not escape. It is work.

But in a culture that filters coping through a single emotional style, male processing is easily misread as deficiency.

And that misreading quietly reinforces the very problem we claim to address.



Admiration Is Fuel

Men are fueled by admiration and respect.

Not indulgence.
Not protection.
Respect.

When a man feels respected, he expands.
When he feels perpetually scrutinized or pathologized, he contracts.

The cultural shift that would help men most is not softer expectations.

It is moral clarity.

Clarity that says:

“Yes, some of this pain did not originate inside you.”
“Yes, some of it came from narratives that diminished you.”
“And yes, the way you work through it has dignity.”

Responsibility matters.

But responsibility without acknowledgment of cultural harm becomes another burden.

Strength and suffering can coexist.

Calling men to rise without first admitting that they were pushed down in public view is not maturity. It is amnesia.

And offering responsibility without respect-based empathy risks reinforcing the very isolation we claim to address.

Men do not need coddling.

They need to be seen clearly.

They need standards, yes — but they also need a culture wise enough to recognize the dignity in how they endure.

Until we add that understanding, responsibility alone is not enough.

Men Are Good.

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