MenAreGood
Lies and Exaggerations of Feminism
complements via ChatGPT
November 23, 2024
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In nearly every crusade feminists have waged, there have been both lies and exaggerations. They have consistently stretched the truth and, in many cases, outright fabricated claims to push society toward a female supremacist agenda.

As I began compiling a list of the many lies told by feminism over the years, I quickly became overwhelmed. There were so many that it was frustrating to organize them all. Then I had an idea: "I wonder what AI would say about this?" Admittedly, I assumed AI would simply repeat the standard “women good“ party line, but I decided to ask anyway. My question was straightforward: "Can you give me a list of feminist lies or exaggerations? Include the lie as the first part, followed by the facts that refute it."

When I plugged in that question, to my surprise, AI generated 20 responses almost immediately. Then it asked, "Do you want more?" Naturally, I said, "Hell yes!" More responses followed. The AI then asked, "Do you want to specify a particular topic?" Intrigued, I said, "Domestic violence." From there, it generated 10 more responses specific to that issue. This continued until I had amassed over 150 responses, spanning various topics.

As I read through the results, it became painfully clear how deeply embedded and pervasive these deceptions have been. A trusting public has swallowed these narratives as if they were 100% true and, to this day, continues to vehemently defend them, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

However, there now seems to be a shift occurring in the United States. Slowly but surely, people are beginning to wake up to the plight of men—an issue that has been systematically obscured for the last 50 years by a pathologically gynocentric parade of false statements. These narratives have painted women as legitimate victims of systemic oppression for thousands of years, while ignoring or dismissing the experiences and challenges faced by men. Maybe with this shift the public is closer to hearing the truth?

I’ll share all 150 examples below. Keep in mind, this isn’t coming from an MRA or a specific ideology—it’s purely AI-generated. In a few spots, I’ve added my own comments, marked with my initials. You’ll also see that ChatGPT included notes under certain sections labeled “Broader Context,” which summarize or tie together specific points.

Let me know what you think of the list and the scope of deception it reveals. Also please put in the comments any areas that are missing.



150 Feminist Lies and Exaggerations

1. Wage Gap: Women earn 77 cents for every dollar a man earns.
The claim implies that women are paid less than men for the same work due to systemic discrimination. However, when controlling for factors like job type, experience, education, and hours worked, the gap largely disappears, revealing differences in choices rather than unequal pay for equal work.


2. One in five women will be sexually assaulted in college.
This statistic is often cited to highlight a supposed epidemic of campus sexual violence. Yet, it comes from surveys with broad definitions of assault and self-reporting, and government crime statistics indicate the actual rate is much lower.


3. Super Bowl Domestic Violence Spike: Domestic violence surges on Super Bowl Sunday.
Feminists claimed that domestic violence spikes during the Super Bowl due to male aggression triggered by sports. This has been thoroughly debunked by studies showing no such trend, and even the originator of the myth admitted it was fabricated.


4. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds in the U.S.
This claim, popularized in the 1990s, was based on questionable extrapolations from a single outdated study. More reliable data shows that intimate partner violence rates are far lower and not so dramatically gendered.


5. Women have been universally oppressed throughout history.
This claim suggests women have always been victims without power or influence. Historical analysis reveals that women often held critical roles in families, communities, and societies, and were protected by laws and customs that recognized their unique contributions.


6. Domestic violence is mostly committed by men against women.
Feminist narratives often portray domestic violence as a one-sided male-perpetrated issue. However, studies consistently show that intimate partner violence is roughly reciprocal, with men and women perpetrating at similar rates, though male victims are less likely to report.


7. Gender is a social construct with no biological basis.
The idea posits that all gender differences are learned and societal rather than inherent. Modern neuroscience and biology affirm that significant, measurable differences exist between male and female brains and hormonal influences, influencing behavior and preferences.


8. 2-8% of sexual assault allegations are false.
This statistic is often cited as proof that false allegations are rare. However, broader studies, such as Kanin’s work, suggest the rate may be higher, and the strict definition of "false" excludes cases that lack evidence or remain unresolved.


9. Women are underrepresented in STEM due to discrimination.
The claim assumes gender disparity in STEM is caused by bias against women. Yet, in more gender-equal societies, women are less likely to choose STEM careers, reflecting personal interests rather than systemic barriers.


10. Women couldn’t own property or vote before feminism.
Feminists often claim women had no legal rights before feminist movements. In reality, many societies allowed women to own property, run businesses, and wield influence, and women's suffrage emerged from broader social changes rather than solely feminist efforts.


11. "Rule of Thumb": Men could legally beat their wives with sticks no thicker than their thumbs.
This myth claims ancient laws sanctioned wife-beating within specific limits. Historical research shows no evidence of such laws, and the phrase likely originates from carpentry, not domestic violence.


12. 150,000 women die annually from anorexia.
This statistic was popularized to highlight issues with eating disorders. It was later revealed to be a gross exaggeration; the actual annual mortality rate from anorexia is significantly lower.  (estimates are about 10,000 trg)


13. Women suffer more in war than men.
Feminists sometimes argue women are the primary victims of war due to displacement and sexual violence. However, men overwhelmingly bear the brunt of war casualties and deaths, often conscripted into combat or targeted directly.


14. Women have fewer rights than men globally.
This claim suggests that women are oppressed in every society due to systematic bias. In many countries, legal frameworks actually favor women, such as in custody disputes, alimony laws, and protections against gender-based violence.


15. Marriage is a tool of female oppression.
Feminists argue marriage subjugates women to male dominance. Yet, data shows that married women tend to be happier, healthier, and live longer than their single counterparts, and marriage benefits men and women differently but positively.


16. Girls are just as interested in sports as boys but lack opportunities.
This claim is often used to justify disproportionate funding for women's sports. Studies show that boys, on average, have stronger natural preferences for competitive physical activities than girls, explaining participation gaps.


17. Women’s suffrage was universally opposed by men.
The narrative assumes men universally resisted giving women the vote. In fact, many men supported women's suffrage, and some women opposed it, especially in regions where suffrage was linked to wartime conscription.



18. Sexual harassment is rampant, and women are powerless to stop it.
Feminists claim workplaces are universally hostile to women. While harassment exists, modern laws and workplace policies in many countries provide robust protections and have significantly reduced such incidents over time.


19. 1 in 3 women globally will experience domestic violence.
This widely-cited claim is based on aggregated data with inconsistent definitions of violence. Many studies find that the actual prevalence varies greatly across regions, and male victims are often underreported. (1 in)


20. Women were burned as witches for being independent or intelligent.
Feminists argue witch hunts targeted women who defied patriarchal norms. Historical analysis shows that accusations often stemmed from local disputes, fear of the supernatural, or political motives, and men were also accused and executed as witches.


21. Feminism is the sole reason women gained the right to vote.
The narrative credits feminism exclusively for suffrage achievements. However, broader social, economic, and political shifts, such as women’s contributions during wars, were significant factors in achieving voting rights.


22. Child custody is biased against mothers.
Feminists claim that courts favor fathers in custody disputes. In reality, family courts overwhelmingly award custody to mothers, often assuming women are naturally better caregivers.


23. 70% of women experience imposter syndrome because of systemic sexism.
This claim attributes feelings of inadequacy in women to external oppression. Research shows imposter syndrome is common in both genders and is influenced more by personality traits and workplace culture than systemic sexism.


24. Pornography causes violence against women.
Feminists argue that pornography directly leads to increased violence against women. Studies have found no consistent causal link; some research even suggests exposure to pornography correlates with lower rates of sexual violence.


25. Women are oppressed because of "unpaid labor" like housework.
This claim frames housework as a form of systemic exploitation. Studies show that while women often do more household chores, men tend to work longer hours in paid labor, resulting in similar total workloads.


26. Women earn less in retirement due to discrimination.
Feminists claim the gender pension gap is a result of systemic inequality. The disparity is largely due to women spending more years out of the workforce for caregiving and opting for less risky investment strategies.


27. The majority of mass shooters are motivated by misogyny.
Feminists often assert that mass shootings are driven by male hatred of women. Studies on mass shooter motives show a complex mix of mental health issues, personal grievances, and social alienation, with misogyny being a rare factor.


28. Only men commit war crimes like sexual violence.
Feminists frame sexual violence in war as a uniquely male-perpetrated atrocity. However, historical records document women committing war crimes, including sexual violence and participation in atrocities.


29. Women have historically been excluded from education.
Feminists claim women were universally denied education. In many societies, elite women were educated, and restrictions often reflected class dynamics rather than gender alone.


30. Divorce leaves most women impoverished due to male exploitation.
Feminists argue that divorce disproportionately harms women. While divorce can be financially challenging, many systems favor women with alimony, child support, and favorable asset division policies.


31. Women are forced into beauty standards created by men.
Feminists claim male-dominated industries impose unattainable beauty ideals on women. Research indicates women are the primary consumers of beauty products, and beauty norms are often reinforced more by female competition than male expectations.


32. Abortion is necessary for women’s mental health.
Feminists argue that abortion access is essential for mental well-being. Studies show mixed results, with some women experiencing regret and negative mental health outcomes post-abortion, while others report relief.


33. Women couldn’t own property before modern feminism.
The claim suggests women had no property rights until recent feminist activism. Historical records show that many societies allowed women to inherit, own, and manage property, especially widows and unmarried women.


34. Feminist reforms have eradicated poverty for women.
Feminists claim their efforts have significantly reduced women’s poverty. In reality, single motherhood and lower workforce participation remain significant contributors to poverty among women, regardless of feminist reforms.


35. Only women are victimized by workplace discrimination.
Feminists assert that discrimination in hiring, promotion, and pay disproportionately harms women. Evidence shows men face discrimination in certain fields, such as education and nursing, where female workers dominate.


36. Women in medieval Europe had no power or influence.
Feminists argue medieval women were entirely subjugated. However, historical accounts show women like Eleanor of Aquitaine and Hildegard of Bingen wielded considerable political and social power.


37. Male-dominated fields are hostile to women.
Feminists often depict male-dominated professions as actively excluding women. While challenges exist, many industries actively encourage female participation through scholarships, quotas, and mentorship programs.


38. Women have been excluded from medical research, resulting in poorer health outcomes.
Feminists claim that women were systematically excluded from clinical trials and medical studies, leaving their health needs ignored. While women were underrepresented in some early trials due to concerns like hormonal variability and pregnancy risks, modern research standards mandate gender inclusion, and many studies specifically focus on women's health issues.


39. Women were excluded from medical research until the 1990s.
This claim suggests systemic neglect of women’s health in clinical trials. While it's true that women were excluded from some early studies, this was primarily due to concerns about potential harm to fetuses and the complexity of accounting for hormonal cycles. By the 1990s, regulatory changes like the National Institutes of Health Revitalization Act of 1993 mandated the inclusion of women in federally funded research.


40. Male bodies are the "default" in medicine, leaving women at a disadvantage.
Feminists argue that using male bodies as the standard for medical research has resulted in poorer healthcare for women. While early research often prioritized men to avoid variability from menstrual cycles, modern medicine recognizes sex-based differences, and researchers now study both male and female physiology to tailor treatments.


41. Women’s unique health needs, like heart disease, are ignored in research.
This claim gained traction because early heart disease studies focused on men. However, the medical community has since recognized that heart disease manifests differently in women, leading to targeted research and improved diagnostic tools and treatments for women.


42. Medications are only tested on men, putting women at risk.
Feminists argue that drug trials conducted predominantly on men result in unsafe medications for women. While some older studies excluded women, current clinical trials are required to include diverse populations, and sex-specific effects are closely monitored to ensure safety for all patients.


43. Women are excluded because of sexism in medical research.
This claim frames the issue as deliberate discrimination against women. In reality, earlier exclusions were often motivated by ethical concerns over pregnancy and protecting reproductive health, not sexism, and these gaps have since been addressed by policy changes.


44. Women’s pain and symptoms are dismissed because of male-centered research.
Feminists argue that women’s symptoms, particularly for conditions like chronic pain, are ignored due to reliance on male-centered studies. While there is evidence of disparities in pain treatment, these are now being actively addressed, with growing research into conditions that disproportionately affect women, such as fibromyalgia and endometriosis.


45. Female animals are not used in preclinical trials, skewing results.
Feminists highlight the historical preference for male animals in early drug testing, claiming it harms women. While this was true in the past, recent guidelines encourage the inclusion of both male and female animals to better understand sex-specific responses in early-stage research.


46. Women's mental health research has been neglected.
Feminists argue that conditions like postpartum depression and menopause-related mental health issues are ignored. However, these areas have become significant fields of study in recent decades, with dedicated funding and awareness campaigns leading to better understanding and treatment options.


Broader Context

The narrative of exclusion often overlooks progress in addressing these gaps, such as:

  • Increased funding for women's health initiatives, like breast cancer research and maternal health programs.

  • Policies mandating the inclusion of women and minorities in research (e.g., NIH guidelines).

  • A growing focus on sex-based differences in diseases, medication responses, and health outcomes.

While historical underrepresentation in research is a valid critique, framing it as deliberate oppression neglects the ethical, biological, and logistical factors that contributed to the disparity. Today, researchers and institutions are actively working to ensure equity in medical studies.


47. Girls are systematically disadvantaged in education due to sexism.
Feminists claim that patriarchal systems in schools favor boys, leaving girls behind academically. However, data from the last few decades shows that girls outperform boys in most academic measures, including grades, high school graduation rates, and college enrollment, indicating that if biases exist, they may disproportionately affect boys.


48. Textbooks and curricula promote male dominance by excluding women.
Feminists argue that history and literature curricula are male-centered, sidelining women's contributions. While early textbooks often focused on male figures, modern curricula include significant efforts to highlight women’s achievements across all fields, sometimes to the point of sidelining male contributions.


49. Girls are discouraged from pursuing STEM fields by sexist teachers and peers.
The claim suggests that societal biases dissuade girls from entering STEM. Research shows that while there are societal influences, girls often self-select away from STEM careers based on interests, not discrimination, and countries with the most gender equality see the widest STEM gender gaps due to these preferences.


50. Dress codes unfairly target girls and perpetuate rape culture.
Feminists assert that school dress codes sexualize girls and blame them for distracting boys. While dress codes sometimes target specific clothing styles, their intent is generally to maintain a professional environment, and reforms in many schools have aimed at making these rules more gender-neutral.


51. Teachers give more attention and praise to boys than girls.
This claim suggests that boys receive preferential treatment in the classroom. Research reveals that while boys may receive more disciplinary attention, girls often get higher evaluations and encouragement due to their behavior and compliance with school norms.


52. Boys dominate classroom discussions, silencing girls.
Feminists argue that boys overshadow girls in academic discussions due to societal conditioning. Studies show that while boys may speak more frequently, girls tend to provide higher-quality responses and dominate in environments that value academic structure, like honors or AP classes.


53. Title IX was necessary to fix massive gender inequality in education.
Feminists claim that Title IX (passed in 1972) was essential to eliminate widespread discrimination against women in schools. While it addressed legitimate gaps in access to athletics and education, the law now sometimes skews opportunities unfairly against boys, particularly in sports, where male teams are cut to maintain compliance.


54. Women are underrepresented in higher education because of discrimination.
The narrative suggests that sexism keeps women out of college. Yet, women have outnumbered men in higher education for decades, comprising nearly 60% of college students today, with men being the ones lagging behind in enrollment and graduation rates.


55. Standardized tests are biased against girls.
Feminists claim standardized tests favor boys due to question design or test-taking strategies. While boys historically scored slightly higher on math portions, girls outperform boys in language arts and overall GPA, and test revisions have mitigated most gender disparities.


56. Single-sex education is necessary to empower girls.
Feminists argue that girls thrive in single-sex environments because they are free from male-dominated classrooms. Research shows mixed results, with single-sex education benefiting some girls but often failing to outperform coeducational systems in terms of academic outcomes.


Broader Context

In many areas, the educational system has shifted to address previous disparities for girls but now risks neglecting boys:

  • Grade Gap: Boys are more likely to be diagnosed with behavioral issues, receive lower grades, and drop out of high school.

  • Higher Education: Men are now significantly underrepresented in colleges, a trend that continues to grow.

  • Discipline: Boys are disproportionately punished in schools, potentially contributing to lower engagement and academic performance.

The narrative that girls are oppressed in education no longer aligns with the evidence. The focus on empowering girls has been largely successful, but many boys now face systemic challenges that remain unaddressed.


57. 1 in 4 women will be raped in their lifetime.
This statistic is often cited as evidence of a widespread epidemic of rape. However, it originates from surveys using broad definitions that include consensual but regretted encounters, while other data, like the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS), reports much lower rates of rape and sexual assault.


58. Rape is a tool of patriarchal oppression.
Feminists claim rape is systematically used to oppress women in male-dominated societies. While rape is a heinous crime that disproportionately affects women, evidence shows that men can also be victims, often overlooked due to societal biases and underreporting.


59. False rape accusations are exceedingly rare (2-8%).
Feminists argue that only a tiny fraction of rape allegations are false, using studies with strict definitions of "false." Broader research, such as Kanin's study, suggests higher rates of false reporting, particularly in cases where allegations are retracted or lack evidence, but exact numbers remain debated.


60. Victim-blaming is universal and systemic in rape cases.
The claim suggests society inherently blames victims for their assault, preventing justice. While some instances of victim-blaming occur, legal systems and public attitudes have significantly shifted toward supporting victims, as seen in widespread "believe the victim" campaigns and legislative reforms.


61. College campuses are 'rape cultures' where sexual assault is normalized.
This claim stems from surveys suggesting that 1 in 5 college women are sexually assaulted. However, these surveys often include non-criminal acts like unwanted touching or drunken regret, and official campus crime reports show far lower rates of forcible rape.


62. Most rapes go unpunished because of systemic bias against women.
Feminists argue that the justice system is designed to protect rapists and discredit victims. While rape cases are complex and often difficult to prosecute due to evidentiary challenges, most developed countries have laws specifically aimed at protecting victims and ensuring fair trials.


63. Marital rape was legal everywhere until feminists changed the law.
Feminists assert that before modern feminism, husbands had total legal authority over their wives’ bodies. While marital rape laws were slow to develop, many societies historically viewed consent as implicit in marriage but condemned extreme violence or coercion. Legal reforms now universally criminalize marital rape in many countries.


64. Rape is all about power and never about sex.
The claim asserts that rape is purely a crime of power and control rather than sexual desire. While power dynamics often play a role, studies show that sexual motives and opportunity are significant factors in many cases.


65. Rape kits go untested because the system doesn’t care about women.
Feminists highlight backlogs of untested rape kits as evidence of systemic indifference. While backlogs exist due to resource constraints, governments have invested heavily in clearing them and improving forensic processes in recent years.


66. Rape is always a male-on-female crime.
Feminists often overlook male victims and female perpetrators in discussions about rape. Data shows that men can also be victims of sexual assault, particularly in prisons, and female-perpetrated assaults are more common than typically acknowledged.


67. Rape has historically been about controlling women’s sexuality.
Feminists argue that laws against rape were created to protect men’s property (i.e., wives and daughters) rather than women themselves. While historical laws sometimes reflected patriarchal values, modern laws focus on personal autonomy and protecting all individuals, regardless of gender.


68. The military is rife with unchecked sexual violence against women.
Feminists often claim that female soldiers face systemic sexual violence in the military. While sexual assault is a serious problem in the armed forces, reforms, awareness campaigns, and increased reporting mechanisms have improved conditions significantly, and male victims in the military are also a significant but less-discussed group.


Broader Context

Rape is a serious issue that demands attention, but exaggerating or misrepresenting claims can:

  • Undermine trust in legal systems and institutions.

  • Create stigma against men, particularly with sweeping generalizations about "toxic masculinity."

  • Overlook male victims, who often face even greater barriers to reporting.

Focusing on accurate data and fair systems is essential to ensuring justice for all victims of sexual violence while maintaining the presumption of innocence for the accused.


69. Abortion is a constitutional right in the United States.
Feminists have argued that abortion is a constitutional right guaranteed by Roe v. Wade. However, the Supreme Court’s decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization clarified that the Constitution does not explicitly guarantee abortion, leaving the issue to states to legislate.


70. Overturning Roe v. Wade will lead to widespread deaths of women from unsafe abortions.
This claim asserts that restricting abortion will force women into dangerous, illegal procedures. Modern medicine, combined with abortion pills and safer options even in restrictive states, makes this scenario unlikely, and countries with strict abortion laws often report lower abortion-related mortality rates.


71. Most women who seek abortions do so because of rape or life-threatening conditions.
Feminists often emphasize these extreme cases to justify widespread abortion access. In reality, studies show that the majority of abortions are elective, with socioeconomic concerns being the primary reason cited, while cases involving rape, incest, or life-threatening conditions account for a small percentage.


72. Abortion is necessary for women’s mental health.
Feminists argue that abortion access is critical to preserving women’s mental well-being. However, research on this topic is mixed, with some studies showing relief post-abortion but others indicating higher rates of depression, anxiety, and regret, especially after later-term abortions.


73. Abortion bans criminalize women and put them in jail.
Feminists claim that abortion restrictions result in women being prosecuted. In most cases, abortion bans target providers, not women, and even restrictive laws often include exceptions for the mother’s health or in cases of rape or incest.


74. A fetus is just a clump of cells until viability.
This claim dehumanizes the fetus to support abortion access. Scientific consensus holds that human life begins at conception, with measurable development milestones like a heartbeat at six weeks and pain sensitivity by 20 weeks, making the "clump of cells" argument scientifically inaccurate.


75. Women have no alternative if abortion is banned.
Feminists argue that abortion is the only option for unwanted pregnancies. However, adoption and increased access to contraception provide viable alternatives, and many organizations offer support for women during and after pregnancy.


76. Restricting abortion disproportionately harms poor and minority women.
This claim suggests that abortion bans uniquely disadvantage underprivileged groups. While access issues exist, some communities see abortion as disproportionately used, with studies showing minority women undergoing abortions at higher rates, raising concerns about systemic exploitation rather than empowerment.


77. Late-term abortions are only performed for severe medical reasons.
Feminists often claim late-term abortions are rare and medically necessary. However, data indicates that while they are rare, many late-term abortions are elective, not tied to health risks, challenging the narrative that they are exclusively a medical emergency.


78. Abortion empowers women to control their own bodies.
This argument posits that abortion is essential for women’s autonomy. Critics argue that this overlooks the ethical complexity of balancing a woman’s rights with the fetus’s right to life and the societal responsibility to support both mother and child.


79. Abortion restrictions turn women into second-class citizens.
Feminists claim that restricting abortion denies women equality. In reality, abortion laws aim to address competing rights—the woman’s and the fetus’s—and many argue that equality doesn’t require unlimited access to abortion but rather better social support systems.


80. Pro-life movements are rooted in misogyny and control over women.
Feminists often claim opposition to abortion stems from a desire to control women. Pro-life advocates argue their stance is based on protecting fetal life, with many women leading the movement and citing ethical, moral, or religious reasons unrelated to sexism.


81. Women will lose access to contraception if abortion is restricted.
Feminists link abortion bans to a loss of birth control access. In reality, contraception is widely accepted even among many pro-life advocates, and no state has proposed banning contraception as part of abortion restrictions.


Broader Context

Abortion remains one of the most polarizing issues, but exaggerations or misrepresentations in feminist arguments often:

  • Oversimplify the ethical and scientific complexities surrounding abortion.

  • Dismiss the rights and perspectives of those advocating for fetal life.

  • Ignore the progress made in supporting women through alternatives like contraception, healthcare, and adoption services.

Framing the debate accurately and fairly is essential to finding compassionate and effective solutions.


82. Disagreeing with feminism means you’re a misogynist.
Feminists often claim that anyone opposing their views inherently hates or disrespects women. In reality, many critics of feminism support gender equality but take issue with specific feminist policies, narratives, or methods that they see as divisive or unfair.


83. Anti-feminists want to maintain male dominance.
This claim suggests that opposition to feminism stems from a desire to preserve patriarchy. Many critics, including women, argue that modern feminism has gone beyond addressing inequality and now promotes double standards or policies that harm men.


84. Anti-feminist women are "internalized misogynists."
Feminists often argue that women who reject feminism are brainwashed by patriarchy. This dismisses the agency of these women, who may have valid reasons for rejecting feminist ideologies, such as prioritizing family roles or disagreeing with victim-centered narratives.


85. Disagreeing with feminism is "violence against women."
Feminists sometimes equate verbal disagreement or criticism with physical harm. This conflation undermines real issues of violence by exaggerating the impact of dissenting views and stifles open dialogue.


86. Men’s rights activists (MRAs) are just misogynists in disguise.
Feminists claim that MRAs are simply men angry at losing power. In reality, many MRAs focus on genuine issues like high male suicide rates, unfair family court systems, and lack of support for male victims of domestic violence—issues feminism often overlooks.


87. Religious critics of feminism are regressive and anti-woman.
Feminists often portray religious individuals who critique feminism as clinging to outdated, oppressive traditions. Many religious critics, however, argue that their views promote a complementary, rather than adversarial, understanding of gender roles, rooted in mutual respect.


88. Criticizing feminism is equivalent to denying gender inequality exists.
Feminists claim that opponents of feminism refuse to acknowledge women’s struggles. Many critics recognize past inequalities but believe feminism no longer accurately reflects current realities or that its solutions create new problems.


89. Opponents of feminism are against progress.
This claim frames feminism as synonymous with progress and its critics as backward or regressive. Many critics argue that progress requires addressing the needs of both men and women, rather than focusing solely on one gender.


90. Anti-feminists are uneducated or uninformed.
Feminists often dismiss criticism by labeling opponents as ignorant. However, many critics of feminism are well-educated and base their arguments on data, historical context, and philosophical perspectives that challenge feminist narratives.


91. Disagreeing with feminist policies means you’re against equality.
Feminists often equate their movement with equality itself, framing disagreement as opposition to fairness. Critics argue that equality can be achieved through non-feminist frameworks, including those that emphasize merit, fairness, and balanced responsibilities between genders.


Broader Context

Criticism of feminism is often dismissed or vilified, creating a polarized environment that stifles productive debate. Common concerns among critics include:

  • Generalizations about Men: Feminist narratives often paint men as oppressors, alienating potential allies.

  • Double Standards: Feminism sometimes promotes ideas (e.g., "believe all women") that conflict with principles of fairness and due process.

  • Neglect of Men’s Issues: Critics argue that feminism often ignores or dismisses challenges faced by men, such as higher suicide rates, workplace fatalities, or family court biases.

Engaging in respectful dialogue and addressing valid critiques is essential to fostering genuine gender equality.


92. Feminists claim they fight for bodily autonomy, but often ignore male circumcision.
Feminists frequently advocate for women’s bodily autonomy, particularly in issues like abortion or female genital mutilation (FGM), but often remain silent on male circumcision. Critics argue that this selective focus neglects the principle of bodily autonomy for boys, who are unable to consent to this permanent procedure.


93. Male circumcision is harmless and not comparable to female genital mutilation (FGM).
Feminists and others sometimes downplay the impact of male circumcision, citing medical benefits or cultural norms. However, circumcision removes functional tissue, affects sexual sensation, and can have lifelong consequences, making it ethically comparable to some forms of FGM in terms of violating bodily integrity.


94. Feminists view circumcision as a male issue and thus outside their advocacy.
Some feminists argue that circumcision falls outside their focus on women's rights. Critics counter that a movement claiming to champion gender equality should oppose all forms of non-consensual genital cutting, regardless of gender.


95. Circumcision is necessary for hygiene and health, unlike FGM.
A common argument is that circumcision prevents infections and diseases, unlike FGM, which has no medical benefits. However, these health claims are debated, with many medical organizations acknowledging that routine infant circumcision is not medically necessary and that hygiene can be managed without surgery.


96. Circumcision is a cultural or religious practice that should be respected.
Feminists often oppose cultural practices like FGM but are more accepting of circumcision, citing religious or cultural significance. Critics argue that ethical principles, such as consent and bodily integrity, should take precedence over cultural traditions in both cases.


97. Opposing circumcision is framed as anti-Semitic or Islamophobic.
Some feminists and advocates avoid addressing male circumcision due to its association with Jewish and Islamic practices. Critics emphasize that opposing circumcision is not about targeting religions but about advocating for universal bodily autonomy and consent.


98. Feminism’s focus on "patriarchy" ignores the harms to boys and men in this context.
Feminists often frame circumcision as a patriarchal practice that benefits men by enhancing their hygiene or social acceptance. However, the practice disproportionately impacts boys, who cannot consent, and often arises from cultural norms that prioritize parental rights over individual autonomy.


99. Medical benefits justify male circumcision, unlike FGM.
Feminists sometimes argue that circumcision is justified due to health benefits, unlike FGM, which has none. However, most medical organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, state that the benefits of circumcision are minimal and do not outweigh the ethical concerns of performing it on non-consenting individuals.


Broader Context

Circumcision highlights a double standard in gender-based advocacy:

  • Lack of Focus on Boys’ Rights: Feminism’s silence on circumcision suggests a bias in addressing bodily autonomy solely for females.

  • Ethical Concerns: Circumcision is performed on infants who cannot consent, raising serious ethical issues about parental rights versus a child’s bodily integrity.

  • Misguided Comparisons to FGM: While FGM is often more severe, minimizing the harm of circumcision disregards the pain, risks, and lifelong impacts it can have on men.

The principle of bodily autonomy should apply universally, making circumcision a critical issue for anyone advocating for gender equality and human rights.


The issue of divorce courts, particularly in relation to gender bias, is a significant area of debate. Feminist perspectives and critiques of the divorce court system often center on the treatment of women, but some feminist views may also overlook the impact on men. Here’s an analysis of feminist claims and the refutations or alternative views, including gender-related issues in divorce courts:


100. Divorce courts are biased against women, favoring men in custody battles.
Feminists often argue that divorce courts typically favor fathers over mothers when awarding custody of children. However, studies have shown that mothers are granted primary custody in the vast majority of cases, with some estimates suggesting that fathers receive primary custody in only around 10% of cases.


Part two will have 101-150 (locals post length limit)

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August 07, 2025
Are Men Great of Good? Yes!

Time for a male-positive message. I created this video a while back, but its message remains as important and timeless as ever. I’d love for it to reach boys who’ve been told—explicitly or implicitly—that there’s something wrong with being male. After so much negativity about men and masculinity, they need to hear something different. They need to hear something true, strong, and affirming.

00:04:59
August 02, 2025
Engineered Fatherlessness Creates Chaos

This 2021 video explores the growing issue of fatherlessness, questioning whether it’s been deliberately engineered or simply allowed to happen. It exposes the fact that we knew even in the 1960’s the devastating impact of not having fathers in the home. It shows some little known, and basically ignored research about this issue. Yes, Dan Quayle was correct!

Social Structure and Criminal Victimizationhttps://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0022427888025001003

Moynihan Reporthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Negro_Family:_The_Case_For_National_Action

McClanahan researchhttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3904543/Murphy Brownhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murphy_Brown

00:09:35
July 24, 2025
How Ideology Defeats Truth: The Hand That Rocks The World

Tom Golden and David Shackleton explore the key themes of David’s book The Hand That Rocks the World. The conversation begins with a look at how both sexes use power, with a particular focus on women's power—how it operates, and why it so often goes unseen or unacknowledged. David outlines three distinct forms of female power, each with both positive and negative expressions. The discussion then shifts to human maturity, examining how personal growth can be stalled by ideological identification. And there's much more—insights that challenge conventional narratives and invite deeper reflection.

David’s book The Hand that Rocks the World
https://amzn.to/3TSR80H

00:56:37
February 07, 2023
The Way Boys Play and the Biological Underpinnings

My apologies for the last empty post. My mistake. Let's hope this one works.

Tom takes a stab at using the podcast function. Let's see how it goes.

The Way Boys Play and the Biological Underpinnings
May 13, 2022
Boys and Rough Play

This is a short excerpt from Helping Mothers be Closer to their Sons. The book was meant for single mothers who really don't know much about boy's nature. They also don't have a man in the house who can stand up for the boy and his unique nature. It tries to give them some ideas about how boys and girls are different. This excerpt is about play behaviors.

Boys and Rough Play
August 04, 2025
False Accuser Exposed in World Junior Hockey Trial Verdict - Janice Fiamengo

Janices essay brings to life the idea that when falsely accused men are found not guilty they still lose. Worse yet, the false accuser reaps benefits. Thank you Janice for pulling this informative and infuriating piece together. Men Are Good.

https://fiamengofile.substack.com/cp/170141035

July 28, 2025
DAVIA Press Release: Around the World, Feminists Have Become the New Extremists

This is the latest press release from DAVIA, a coalition of 192 organizations across 35 countries dedicated to bringing balance to a domestic violence system that too often ignores male victims. DAVIA regularly issues press releases shared globally and has become a strong voice advocating for male victims of domestic abuse. You can find all of their press releases here: https://endtodv.org/press-room/

https://endtodv.org/pr/around-the-world-feminists-have-become-the-new-extremists/

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Has Feminism ruined the Philippines? It seems that the vilance against women and children law in the Philippines can land a man in Jail or prison for 6 years just for arguing (verbal violence) with you girl friend or wife. It can often be used to extort money from the man to drop the charges.

August 11, 2025
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Why do Women Cling to Feminism?


Why do Women Cling to Feminism?

There's a powerful force at play that binds both men and women to the belief that feminism stands for equality. Despite clear evidence to the contrary, public perception remains steadfast. This strong adhesive, I believe, is gynocentrism—an often unnoticed bias that influences both genders to avoid confronting the truth.

But what exactly is gynocentrism? It's the pervasive belief that women's needs, desires, and perspectives should take precedence. This societal tendency elevates women's experiences to a central position in discussions of justice, equality, and societal norms. Remarkably, many are unaware of this bias within themselves; it operates subtly yet significantly in everyday life.

Feminists, whether knowingly or not, have harnessed gynocentrism as a tool to shield their ideology from scrutiny. By framing their movement around the principle that women's well-being and viewpoints must be prioritized—a core tenet of gynocentrism—they've built an ideology that resonates not just with women, but also with men who unwittingly accept this framework.

1. Emotional Investment and Identity

Feminism offers an emotionally charged, identity-affirming cause that, for many women, becomes central to how they define themselves and their place in the world. Gynocentrism amplifies this by creating a cultural framework in which women’s experiences are not just important, but inherently more valid and deserving of attention than men’s. Within this framework, feminist ideology is elevated from a political stance to a moral imperative — a movement that feels inseparable from one’s personal worth and identity.

Because gynocentrism positions women’s struggles as uniquely significant, feminism is perceived not simply as one of many social causes, but as the cause — the rightful focal point of empathy, policy, and moral concern. This emotional elevation makes feminist beliefs harder to question, because doing so feels like a denial of women’s legitimacy or suffering. For women, this gynocentric framing allows personal grievances to be folded into a broader, sanctified struggle, making feminism both empowering and emotionally protective.

Men, too, are drawn into this framework. Socialized to prioritize women’s needs and seek moral approval through deference, many adopt feminist ideals not out of conviction, but out of a sense of duty or fear of moral condemnation. Biology also plays a role, as evolutionary pressures have shaped men to be caretakers and protectors, further reinforcing this inclination. In this way, gynocentrism doesn’t just support feminism—it shields it, fuels it, and emotionally compels loyalty to it, even in the face of contradictory evidence or unfair outcomes.

2. The Power of Groupthink and Social Reinforcement

Feminism thrives on social reinforcement, and groupthink plays a significant role in maintaining this ideological strength. In a gynocentric society, the idea that women’s perspectives should dominate is not only normalized but encouraged, creating an environment where challenging feminist ideals feels uncomfortable or even socially unacceptable. This dynamic is further amplified by women’s strong in-group bias—a well-documented psychological tendency to show loyalty, empathy, and moral deference to other women, often at the expense of fairness to those outside the group. In feminist circles, this in-group loyalty reinforces a collective identity centered on shared grievances and moral superiority, making dissent feel like betrayal. The power of groupthink is sustained by constant affirmation that women’s needs are paramount, and anyone questioning this premise risks social ostracism—or worse, being labeled a misogynist. This creates an atmosphere where individuals—especially men—find it difficult to voice opposition, as doing so is perceived not as a critique of ideas, but as an attack on women themselves and the gynocentric norms that have been so deeply entrenched in society.

3. Fear of Losing Hard-Won Progress

For many women, feminism is not just a political or social movement — they have been led to believe that it’s the framework that secured their rights, safety, and dignity in a historically male-dominated world. This association makes feminism deeply personal and emotionally charged. Gynocentrism reinforces this by framing women’s societal gains not merely as important milestones, but as personal validations of their identity and worth — making feminist progress feel inseparable from female value itself. It casts any challenge to feminist orthodoxy — even a measured critique — as a threat to women’s safety, freedom, or status.

As a result, the push to prioritize women’s rights over men’s is not just about fairness or equality; it becomes a reflexive act of self-preservation. For women who have internalized feminism as synonymous with progress and protection, any perceived rollback is existential. The fear is not just that rights might be lost, but that their societal value might be diminished.

Gynocentrism amplifies this anxiety by maintaining a singular focus on women’s needs, portraying them as the perpetual underdogs, regardless of social context or material advantage. This selective lens obscures male suffering, sidelines men’s rights, and downplays the unintended consequences of a one-sided narrative. In doing so, it creates an emotional and moral environment where any call for balance or shared empathy is viewed with suspicion — or even hostility — because it feels like a threat to hard-won ground.

4. Media and Cultural Narratives

The media and cultural narratives overwhelmingly reflect and reinforce gynocentrism, often framing women as the default victims and men as the default perpetrators. Feminism, which aligns itself with this framework, benefits from the widespread acceptance of these skewed narratives. Media portrayals of gender dynamics rarely include nuanced views on how both men and women can suffer from societal issues. Instead, they lean heavily on the gynocentric view that women’s needs—whether related to equality, protection, or support—should always take precedence. By embedding this perspective into the cultural psyche, feminism gains more followers and becomes harder to challenge.

5. Victimhood and Empowerment


Feminism often draws strength from a narrative of victimhood, positioning women as the oppressed group within a patriarchal system. Gynocentrism powerfully reinforces this narrative by casting women not only as victims, but as noble underdogs—vulnerable, morally righteous, and inherently deserving of society’s protection and focus. In Western culture, the underdog holds a revered place; their struggle evokes sympathy, support, and a moral imperative to act. Feminism thrives within this framing, as it leverages the societal instinct to champion the underdog and victim, to advance its ideological goals.By elevating women's struggles above all others, gynocentrism ensures that women's issues dominate the discourse, while simultaneously portraying any challenge to that focus as callous or regressive. This dynamic plays directly into feminism’s hands, enabling it to cloak itself in moral legitimacy while resisting scrutiny or balance. The victim-centric framing doesn’t just protect feminism—it empowers it, converting women’s suffering into a cultural rallying point that demands continuous attention and policy response.Meanwhile, men’s struggles are minimized or ignored, as their pain does not fit the underdog narrative gynocentrism upholds. As a result, feminism benefits from a cultural lens that shields it from criticism and maintains women’s narratives as central, unquestionable, and morally superior, while men are relegated to the margins of empathy and policy.

Gynocentrism not only elevates women's suffering—it also provides cover for open hostility toward men. In a cultural context where women are presumed morally superior and perpetually victimized, attacks on men are rarely seen for what they are: expressions of contempt, generalization, and at times outright hate. Feminist rhetoric that blames men collectively for societal problems is tolerated—even celebrated—because gynocentrism flips the moral lens. Where fairness would demand reciprocity and empathy for all, gynocentrism excuses misandry as justified outrage. Without this protective framing, the vilification of men that often occurs in feminist discourse would be seen clearly as morally bankrupt and socially destructive.

6. Unconscious Bias and Cognitive Dissonance

Feminism, when viewed through the lens of gynocentrism, creates a powerful cognitive dissonance for those who challenge it. Cognitive dissonance refers to the mental discomfort that arises when a person is confronted with information that conflicts with their deeply held beliefs or values. In this case, gynocentrism shifts the framework to one where women’s needs and experiences are always considered more important than men’s. When people are faced with information that contradicts this bias—such as evidence of men’s suffering—cognitive dissonance kicks in. It becomes difficult to argue otherwise without being labeled as misogynistic or unsympathetic to women’s issues. This bias makes it easy for people to ignore or rationalize evidence that challenges feminist ideas, because doing so would force them to confront the deeply held belief that women’s perspectives should always come first. As a result, cognitive dissonance leads many to dismiss the realities of male suffering—such as the high rates of male suicide or domestic violence against men—without any corresponding societal change, reinforcing the gynocentric framework.

7. The Sense of Solidarity and Collective Purpose

Feminism offers solidarity, a sense of purpose, and a collective identity for many women. The gynocentric framework supports this by positioning women as a collective group with a shared cause that is viewed as morally righteous. Feminism becomes more than just a political movement—it is a personal and communal experience where women rally around the belief that their needs are paramount and have been neglected by men. Gynocentrism ensures that this solidarity remains intact by consistently placing women’s rights and experiences at the center, leaving little room for other perspectives that might dilute or challenge this collective purpose.

8. Social Media and Confirmation Bias

Social media platforms, with their emphasis on viral content and quick engagement, amplify gynocentric narratives by perpetuating the idea that women’s voices and concerns should dominate. These platforms often create echo chambers where feminist ideas are not just accepted but celebrated, reinforcing the idea that women’s needs should always take precedence. Gynocentrism drives this reinforcement, making it difficult for people—especially men—to challenge feminist narratives without facing backlash. The confirmation bias that exists on these platforms further cements the dominance of the feminist narrative, as users are more likely to encounter content that supports the gynocentric view of gender dynamics.


Conclusion

Gynocentrism is not a side effect of feminist ideology — it is its lifeblood. It provides the cultural scaffolding that shields feminism from scrutiny, fortifies its moral authority, and ensures its dominance in public discourse. By placing women’s needs, perspectives, and grievances at the emotional and ethical center of society, gynocentrism makes feminism feel not like an ideology, but like common sense — even when its claims defy evidence or fairness.

This framing is so deeply embedded in our institutions, our media, and our social instincts that most people — including many well-meaning women and men — defend feminism reflexively, without realizing they’re defending a worldview that demands moral deference to one sex while marginalizing the other. The emotional, social, and psychological incentives to protect feminism are all reinforced by the gynocentric lens through which we view gender.

It also enables something more corrosive: the normalization of male-blame. Gynocentrism allows feminists to attack men collectively—assigning them guilt, privilege, or violence by default—without triggering the moral backlash such generalizations would provoke if directed at women. In this way, gynocentrism not only shields feminism from criticism; it also empowers it to wound others without accountability.

Until we recognize this hidden framework, genuine conversations about equality will remain impossible. So long as gynocentrism goes unexamined, feminism will continue to operate with cultural impunity, upheld by a society that mistakes favoritism for fairness and silence for justice.

The first step to restoring balance is to see the bias — and name it. Gynocentrism must be brought out of the shadows if we are ever to build a society where the needs of both men and women are heard, honored, and held to the same moral standard.

Men Are Good.

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July 30, 2025
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Why Is Masculine Maturity So Hard to Talk About Today?


Why Is Masculine Maturity So Hard to Talk About Today?

In the early 1990s, you could walk into a bookstore and find entire tables devoted to the male journey. Robert Bly’s Iron John was a bestseller. Sam Keen, James Hillman, Michael Meade,​ Robert Moore, Richard Rohr — all were offering soulful, intelligent takes on what it meant to be a man. It wasn’t about domination. It wasn’t about “reclaiming power.” It was about emotional honesty, growth, and purpose. In other words: maturity.

Fast forward to today, and you’ll find… almost nothing. Talk about masculinity now and the conversation quickly turns to toxicity, privilege, or fragile male egos. Where once there was myth, poetry, and psychology, we now get slogans and shame.

Why did this happen? Why is masculine maturity such a neglected subject?

Here are a few answers — and a couple of stories that may help explain why the silence around men runs so deep.


1. The Cultural Suspicion Toward Masculinity

Over the last fifty years, masculinity has been treated less as a stage of growth and more as a problem to be managed. Many institutions — academic, psychological, media-driven — have become allergic to the idea that men might have unique struggles, let alone a need for support. Masculinity is often reduced to a stereotype: aggressive, emotionally stunted, dangerous. So it’s not surprising that serious explorations of mature masculinity are viewed with skepticism — or simply ignored.

I experienced this firsthand when I joined the American Psychological Association’s Division 51, the group supposedly devoted to studying men and masculinities. Initially, I was welcomed. A few of the men there had read Swallowed by a Snake, my first book, and treated me with respect.

But over time, it became clear this wasn’t a group focused on men. It was a feminist-aligned group focused on monitoring men. That would have been fine if it had also been balanced — but it wasn’t.

One moment still sticks with me. I asked the group — these were top psychologists, many regularly quoted in national media — if they had ever heard of Robert Moore, the Jungian analyst who literally co-wrote King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, one of the most influential models of the mature masculine ever created.

Not one of them had heard of him.

These were the gatekeepers of psychological discourse around men, and they had never encountered one of the most insightful thinkers on the subject. That’s when I realized: this wasn’t a field seeking to understand men — it was a field managing a narrative about men.

They later kicked me out of the group.


2. The Disappearance of Mentorship and Male Space

The maturation of men has always required something very simple but essential: older men guiding younger men. That doesn’t mean domination or militaristic hierarchy — it means real mentorship. Time together. Shared wisdom. A hand on the shoulder.

But today, male-only spaces are either disappearing or treated with suspicion. Most institutions that once created these bonds — churches, trades, father-son traditions — are either crumbling or feminized. Men don’t know where to go, and the culture doesn’t really care that they’re drifting.


3. The Mythopoetic Movement Was Shamed Out of Existence

In the 1990s, the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement made a serious attempt to give men a space to grow, reflect, and feel. Men gathered, sometimes in the woods. They drummed. They told stories. They cried. They got honest.

They did exactly what the culture — and women — had been begging men to do for decades: engage emotionally, get their priorities straight, and connect with other men in a non-competitive, supportive environment.

So what happened?

The media mocked them. Relentlessly. Headlines rolled out: “Men Go Into Woods to Beat Drums and Take Off Their Clothes.” Late-night shows made jokes. These men weren’t harming anyone. They were healing. But that seemed to frighten people — especially the idea that men were coming together in a community that wasn’t controlled or mediated by women.

Instead of being praised, they were ridiculed and dismissed. The movement, shamed out of existence, faded.


4. No Urgency for Male Development

When girls or women face emotional hardship, society responds — with programs, policies, and public empathy. But when boys or men face disconnection, despair, or aimlessness, the response is often: “Toughen up.” Or worse: silence.

There’s a deep-rooted empathy gap when it comes to men. The assumption seems to be that men don’t need emotional depth, spiritual development, or mentorship. They just need to behave. This assumption is not only wrong — it’s dangerous. Because without maturity, all you get is drift, anger, or collapse.


5. Fear of Being Labeled

Today, if you talk too much about men’s needs, you risk being labeled “anti-feminist” or “reactionary.” Even well-meaning men tiptoe around the topic for fear of being misunderstood. As a result, the public conversation is cautious, shallow, or entirely missing.

And yet, quietly, the hunger remains.

Men are looking for guidance — not from social media influencers or political ideologues, but from grounded voices who actually understand what male development looks like from the inside.


So Where Does This Leave Us?

We’re in a strange place. The world criticizes men constantly, but offers no real path to growth. It tells men to “do better,” but doesn’t explain how — or even what “better” means, other than being more like women.

Masculine maturity isn't about dominance, nor is it about submission. It's about becoming whole — integrating strength with compassion, solitude with connection, responsibility with joy.

That journey still matters. In fact, it may matter now more than ever.

And those of us who have walked part of that road — and seen its value — need to keep the conversation alive.

Even when it's inconvenient.

Even when it's mocked.

Even when it's lonely.

Because the silence around men has never been a sign of health. It’s a sign that something sacred has been neglected.

And it’s time we returned to it.

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July 25, 2025
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Heterofatalism: or How to Blame Men For Everything


This is a response to a recent New York Times article by Jean Garnett titled The Trouble With Wanting Men. The subtitle says it all: “Women are so fed up with dating men that the phenomenon even has a name — heterofatalism. So what do we do with our desire?”

Sometimes, the best response is a little humor while flipping the script. See what you think.




"Heterofatalism: Or How to Blame Men for Everything, Even Our Socks"

Ah, “heterofatalism” — the brand-new term coined for the collective exasperation of women who, after navigating the complex world of dating, come to the conclusion that men are the root of all relationship woes. You see, the issue isn't just that men are occasionally anxious, emotionally distant, or a little too obsessed with their sports teams; no, the real problem is that these poor souls — with all their confusing desires, communication issues, and tendency to occasionally ghost you after a couple of drinks — are making it impossible for women to live happily ever after.

Who needs "old-fashioned man-woman stuff," right? We should really just get rid of men altogether, except... well, hold on. It seems like the author might still enjoy the idea of men, as long as they’re perfectly self-deprecating, emotionally available, not so needy, and able to decode all of her mood swings without missing a beat. Apparently, we’re supposed to be sweet, gentle, and constantly checking in with how she feels — but also not too available, because that would make us “needy.” Are you keeping up, men? No? It’s okay, because we aren’t expected to.

What If We Flipped the Script?

Now, imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. What if a man had these same expectations of you Jean Garnett? What if you had to live up to these impossible standards every time a relationship or date rolled around?

For example, let’s say you’re trying to date someone, and he expects you to be emotionally available all the time, always knowing exactly what he’s feeling, always ready to discuss his feelings — at his convenience. Now imagine if you were the one constantly apologizing for not responding to text messages in 90 seconds flat because you were busy with life, work, or, you know, anything else. Or imagine being told you were "too anxious" to handle a simple conversation because you were stressed over your busy schedule. Does it seem fair that men are expected to always be the ones to “man up” emotionally, while women are allowed to retreat into their own anxiety and demand validation from men?

Also, here’s a fun thought experiment: What if, as a man, you had to hear all the time about how you were the problem in every dating situation? Imagine your date explaining how she loves the “good guy” archetype but constantly finds him lacking because he doesn’t meet every single emotional need immediately. The “good guy” who’s gentle, sweet, and not too self-deprecating — just enough to make you feel like a glorified emotional ATM. It’d be pretty exhausting, wouldn’t it?

Emotional Labor: A Two-Way Street

Let’s get real for a moment. The whole concept of emotional labor often gets pinned solely on men — the idea that women are somehow left to pick up the emotional slack in relationships. But if we take a closer look, we see a different picture. If the standard is that men should always be emotionally available, always interpret every word and gesture in the right way, shouldn’t women also take on the responsibility of understanding the emotional needs of their partners? Isn’t it unfair to expect men to constantly decode the mystery of “how you’re feeling” without giving them the same space to feel confused, anxious, or uncertain about what’s going on in the relationship?

What if men were to complain about the “hermeneutic labor” they had to perform just to keep a relationship afloat? Imagine if men spent every conversation analyzing why you were saying one thing and meaning something else. If men constantly had to decode your emotional signals — every pause, every silence, every hint — would we be quick to dismiss it as just part of being a man? Or would we call it what it is: exhausting?

Isn’t It Time for a Little Empathy?

Now, let’s circle back to that romantic ideal — the “good guy” who wants to be loved, but can’t seem to get it right because he's “too anxious,” “too confused,” or “too emotionally unavailable” when it matters. But what if, just maybe, the problem isn’t his inability to meet her needs, but the sheer weight of the unrealistic expectations placed upon him? Imagine being a man, constantly told that you are too much or not enough at the same time — one minute, you need to be emotionally open, the next you’re told you’re too emotional.

Let’s flip the script.
Imagine you’re the one who needs a little breathing room — just some space to think.
But your partner won’t let it go:
“Why can’t you just communicate like a grown-up? What are you, emotionally stunted?”
And when you finally admit you’re anxious or overwhelmed, you’re slapped with labels like “needy,” “hysterical,” or “too sensitive.”
Then he runs off to his buddies, and they all have a good laugh at your expense:
“Aww, poor little fraidy-cat princess. Guess she ​just can't woman up.”
Sound familiar?
Because that’s exactly what you and your friends did to him.
Doesn’t feel so good when the joke’s on you, does it?

Rewriting the Narrative

Maybe it's time to see men as humans rather than stereotypes. Men don’t exist just to fulfill emotional needs, and relationships should be about mutual respect, not endless demands. If we really want to evolve into better relationships, we need to recognize the emotional labor on both sides and give each other the space to be imperfect — without judgment.

Here’s a radical idea: instead of blaming men for the failures of the modern dating scene, let’s take a step back and realize that maybe we’re all a little messed up. And that’s okay. You don’t need us to “man up” — you just need us to be real, and we need the same from you.

And if we’re not perfect? Well, at least we’re not trying to make every relationship a philosophical debate about what does it mean to love and how can we both be completely vulnerable and emotionally invulnerable at the same time.

Pro tip: next time your man shows up with a little emotional confusion, give him a break. Men are not puzzles to be solved; we’re just humans trying to navigate a world that often doesn’t make sense to any of us.

And for the record: ​Men Are Good.

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