This is a three part series written by an anonymous gentleman who is going under the name of Daniel Carver. Daniel uses his own experience and exposes the misandry of the Wisconsin Domestic Violence system.
Part 1 – Some of My Story and Where It Led Me
Here in Wisconsin, we have some laws that I was shocked to discover. Since then, I’ve learned that many other states have very similar state laws (statutes). I was telling that to Tom Golden, author of the podcast Men Are Good. Tom suggested I write up some of the things I learned here which he would publish for me as I remain anonymous.
Hopefully this will raise awareness and result in real actions of true justice (fairness). I hope we begin to see true child protection against domestic violence against them as well. We desperately need changes in the Wisconsin domestic violence (DV) government services network which is directly funded by all taxpayers via the federal Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). That federal funding comes to the state through the Governor’s Council on Domestic Abuse. Wisconsin Domestic Abuse Council (WI. Statute 49.165(3))
As a victim of domestic violence (DV), I was very fortunate to get to join a men’s support group hosted by a male DV advocate who was a part time employee at the local DV shelter. There were three of us in the men’s group. The fully taxpayer funded shelter did not allow men to shelter there or anywhere else, but at least they had a part time DV advocate that believed us men and understood. It was so good to be believed in this men’s group because my church sure didn’t believe me. They even blamed me for my wife being violent, rage filled, and they refused to ever discuss it again once my wife blew up in the pastor’s office. In Jesus’ name the “Christian Counselor” at our church told me that Matthew 18:15-20 does not apply to marriages! Ridiculous, non-sensical, self serving convenience for the church.
Within a month or so, our men’s group DV advocate told us that he would no longer be hosting the men’s group because his part time position had been eliminated. So I went to talk to the Director of the DV shelter and ask why this man was cut from their payroll. She told me that the grant money had been non-renewed.
I asked her how is it that you have approximately 18 to 20 female DV advocates on your payroll, one male, and when you cut staff you cut the only man on your payroll? She told me that grant money was different than other money. What? Public grant money allocated only to a specific gender? Note that there are labor laws that prevent discrimination in employment. This Director of the DV shelter was violating labor law; and yet had no accountability and no consequences what-so-ever.
I compiled a list of every DV shelter in Wisconsin and emailed each one individually. I asked them how many residents they average annually. They liked that question and quickly answered. Then I ask how many of those residents were men and how many of their DV advocates were men, that’s when they ghosted me and never responded again.
Many of the shelters I called told me that they do not allow men nor do they help men in any other way. However, they usually won’t put that in writing or put it on their website because they know their funding is technically supposed to be for both men and women. They know their discrimination against men is draconian, so they don’t like it in writing. However some taxpayer funded DV shelters in Wisconsin even have in their name that they are women only shelters and services (Kenosha , Waukesha, Racine, Milwaukee ).
Back when I was still married, it was 2am and I had locked myself in the bathroom to get away from her rage. She was kicking down the bathroom door to get to me. She was calculated and shrewd enough to never leave a bruise, cut, or mark on me. She was basically trying to force me to hit her, but I never did.
I knew that if I called 911 that the police would arrest me for what she was doing and I knew that would also mean I would be fired from my state job and likely lose my state pension. I did not understand why, but I knew the reality. I did not call the police and that incident was the last straw that precipitated our divorce. She of course told our kids that their dad was the one who kicked in the door, I found that out years later from one of our kids.
As an aside here, after the divorce, one of our kids (age 14 at the time) was living at my ex-wife’s house. My child whom I love dearly (all of them), asked me to help because there was no way to handle their mother when she went into her fits of violent rage. So I called our local child services office and ask them to go do a home evaluation and speak to the kids without their mother and ask them if they thought they were safe. The director emailed me back to tell me to buzz-off because I was just trying to get out of paying child support. No further action was ever taken. Later, my teen attempted suicide. After divorce and after the DV shelters would not admit to how few men they assisted; I decided to look up the state law (statutes). I’ll define and critique Wisconsin domestic violence law in Part 2 of this series.
Calling for reforms to achieve true justice for all, kids too,
Sincerely, Daniel Carver
