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Domestic Violence Services in Wisconsin - Do they serve men? PART 2
Wisconsin Law Requires Arresting Men Regardless of Who Perpetrated the Violence
February 03, 2025

Part 2 – Wisconsin Law Requires Arresting Men Regardless of Who Perpetrated the Violence

Daniel Carver

Wisconsin State Statute 49.165(2)(f)9.
“Award a grant in each fiscal year to the Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence toward the cost of a staff person to provide assistance in obtaining legal services to domestic abuse victims.” Since the domestic violence (DV) shelters serve only women, this means that the taxpayers are funding paralegals (often working in the Department of Justice) to assist women through the maze of family court; while the men receive zero legal assistance. This is an amplified ex parte legal system long before the case gets to a judge for adjudication. Guaranteed ex parte in every case, written into the state statutes!

During my divorce proceedings I filed an ex parte request to the judge in hopes of being heard and understood but that did not happen. Ex parte in Wisconsin is only for women. Equitable due process for all? The government is providing free legal assistance only to women while men have the legal deck stacked against them. In my case a government paid official, the (Director of the Child Support Office) literally wrote the legal contract herself and it was no secret that the government was writing it, to favor my ex-wife, and then my legal options were to pay half a year’s salary in legal fees to an attorney to fight for me; or sign this document. This is systemic corruption beyond draconian and is anything but fair or just.

Digging further into Wisconsin statutes, I finally found the law that gets men arrested whether or not they caused or started the domestic violence! I could hardly believe I was reading it, but it’s true.

Wisconsin statute 968.075 (1)(e)
““Predominant aggressor” means the most significant, but not necessarily the first, aggressor in a domestic abuse incident.” [Effectively, this means the larger person that is stronger gets arrested – ie. the man]

Wisconsin statute 968.075 (2)
“Circumstances requiring arrest; presumption against certain arrests.”

Wisconsin statute 968.075 (2)(a)2.c
“The person is the predominant aggressor.”

Wisconsin statute 968.075 (2)(a)2.(am)
“it is generally not appropriate for a law enforcement officer to arrest anyone under par. (a) other than the predominant aggressor.” [Effectively, this means the officer may not arrest the woman because that would be inappropriate since she is a woman!]

Wisconsin statute 968.075 (2m)
The predominate aggressor once arrested may not be released without posting bail or appearing before a judge.

Wisconsin statute 968.075 (3) Law Enforcement Policies (a)
“Each law enforcement agency shall develop, adopt, and implement written policies regarding procedures for domestic abuse incidents. The policies shall include, but not be limited to, the following:” I wrote many sheriff’s offices and police departments asking to see their written policy on domestic abuse incidents. Most refused to give me a copy. A few did and these policies varied widely between jurisdictions. No authority to arrest a citizen and require bail should be under the authority of a local “policy”; especially not when written by the agency that is also enforcing the law! That’s corruption. Checks and balances in the three legs of government? Arrests should be made according to a state or federal law, not some local policy. Moreover, a law should never pass it’s legal authority down to a local policy, and especially a policy written by officials that were never elected ! This is the type of thing you would see in a communist government of totalitarian authority.

But wait, it gets worse in Wisconsin:

Wisconsin statute 968.075 (4) Report Required Where No Arrest “If a law enforcement officer does not make an arrest under this section when the officer has reasonable grounds to believe that a person is committing or has committed domestic abuse and that person’s acts constitute the commission of a crime, the officer shall prepare a written report stating why the person was not arrested. The report shall be sent to the district attorney’s office, in the county where the acts took place, immediately after investigation of the incident has been completed. The district attorney shall review the report to determine whether the person involved in the incident should be charged with the commission of a crime.”

 

Notice that it says “the person” (singular) involved in the incident. The law does not even allow the officer to say that the incident was caused by both partners and that they should both be investigated! The district attorney may only investigate “the person”, which, for all practical purposes….. is the man.

If the reader is questioning these things, I challenge you to ask some retired law enforcement officers to speak off the record about some of their stories when they were required to enforce these draconian laws against men. I have talked to them, and the injustice is well known on a practical level by officers, yet they must go by the law and enforce said law; whether they think it is fair or not. The officer doesn’t write the laws, only enforces them.

So I decided to try to get involved with and attend a meeting of the Governor's Council on Domestic Abuse (driving three hours to the meeting place). I had to ask many times to even get them to email me a meeting notice, then I had to ask often again to get an agenda to those meetings. I attempted to get on their agenda and of course was told no.

You’ll notice on their website, the next meeting date is not published yet. By law in Wisconsin a public meeting must be announced, so this council (90% women) even says on the website they will post a notice 24 hours before the meeting. This seems to be for the purpose of preventing accountability from citizens attending. Why else would they not plan public meetings in advance and publish their time/date/location? Why else would they give only 24 hours notice on a regular basis each month?

They even write out the excuse on their website that meetings can’t be announced in advance due to “unforeseen issues”. These “unforeseen issues”, never described, happen every month like clockwork. So they are not breaking the written law when they announce 24 hours in advance, but they are definitely breaking the intent of the Wisconsin open meetings law. To the Governor's Council on Domestic Abuse, 

 


I offered to volunteer in service as a council member since I was a domestic violence victim.......... you might imagine that their answer was no. I discovered this council had a subcommittee like a task force, on the topic of access to services ! I went to that meeting to point out that my local DV shelter had employed 100% women as victim’s advocates and should also offer services by male DV advocates.

The council’s subcommittee meeting I attended had a prominent speaker, the Director of End Abuse WI. She was there to convince them to issue another 2 million dollar grant so I looked up the grant invitation and it was written such that only large organizations could meet the grant requirements and of course this End Abuse WI organization was large enough to qualify for this grant. The grant proposal invitation itself (Written by who? I have a suspicion) prevents small community based organizations from receiving any of the available dollars.

The entire Governor’s council subverts an open and fair process so they can funnel big money to the feminist shelters that discriminate against men. Many of the shelters offer public classes, paid by tax payers, in how to be a feminist, some avoided that word, others used it boldly in the title of their tax payer funded class that is offered free to the public – women only of course.

To show the full circle of feminist corruption in tax payer money; consider this hallway conversation. This is when the systemic corruption became so clear to me. As I left the meeting of the subcommittee of the Governor’s Council on Domestic Abuse; I stopped the Director of End Abuse Wisconsin in the hallway to tell her I’d learned of the law that required arrest at every incident and how it was really a requirement to arrest the man. She said to me, "No, it doesn't say that.  I know because I wrote it."

 


So what’s really going on is the 35 DV shelters in Wisconsin, non-profits, violate labor laws by hiring only women; and these shelters openly tell you on the phone they don’t accept men. They are seemingly directed covertly under a state wide umbrella organization called End Abuse Wisconsin that is also essentially a taxpayer funded organization; only without financial reporting requirements. I can only imagine what are the annual salary and benefits of the Director of End Abuse Wisconsin.

In her own words, she literally wrote the state statutes. Those statutes require men be arrested at every incident! This systemic corruption network controls and limits access to the Governor’s council meetings (I never saw anyone from the governor’s office attend). It is in those meetings that this council of almost all women, make recommendations to the governor’s office to fund this DV corruption network and arrest the men that have said stop to their abusive wife or girlfriend.

They also, rightfully, arrest the men that are perpetrators of violence against their spouse. But the men that are victims of their wife’s violence get unjustly thrown in jail along with the wife beaters! This is the definition of gender apartheid.

All this is funded by federal money coming from Washington DC, allocated by federal law, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). That law, written in 1994, was enacted upon the false myth that domestic violence is always perpetrated by the man. For decades now, the DV experts in the field openly describe the 50/50 nature of DV perpetrated by both men and women (roughly half of the time). Rigorous academic research clearly shows the 50/50 nature. Yet the false myth continues due to gynocentric legislators writing gynocentric laws.

The Governor’s council in Wisconsin is within the executive branch of government. Note that the “domestic abuse incident policies” are written by the Department of Justice that is enforcing said policy – which has the authority of the state law and requires arresting the man. What is happening is that the legislative branch of Wisconsin government requires the man be arrested under whatever “policy” is written by someone whose qualification is that they can use a word processor and were hired by an HR department. There is no approval of said policy, and these documents are not even publicly available on any website ! Imagine a law written that was never given to the public to read ! That’s what’s going on with these policies.

I knew that police officers have a very difficult job and do not get paid near enough for the risk they take in keeping our communities safe. They must be prepared to respond to a myriad of various life threatening scenarios such as bomb threats, active shooters, car chase run aways, chemical spills, heart attacks, child abuse, armed robberies, drug overdoses, car accidents……… the list is endless. Specific training in each situation is very helpful to these officers and they naturally desire more training in every area.  I would want more training too if I had those huge responsibilities for the very lives of the people I served.  

Officers are usually employed by small municipalities that have very small training budgets. So I contacted my local Chief of Police an made him an offer that I expected he would not refuse. Dr. John Hamel is likely the highest qualified person in the country on domestic violence (Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal: Partner Abuse). Dr. Hamel offers online training classes in domestic abuse which are popular with law enforcement departments and social worker offices.

Uniquely, Dr. John Hamal teaches the truth from thousands of academic researchers around the globe. That truth is that domestic violence is just as likely to be initiated by a woman as it is by a man. Just listen to his personal research from the 1990’s on what the wives in divorce courts told him in person: John Hamel, Ph.D., LCSW - Domestic Violence Expert in the CA Court System

Knowing that he taught the truth that dispels the myth of men being the only cause of DV, I offered to pay the tuition for Dr. Hamel’s online class for a local officer who wanted to take that training and get the DV certification. I’d hoped to pay for one of these each year. I expected to have officers rolling dice to see who get’s to take the free online training class in domestic violence.

But the Chief of Police had to first get approval from his boss. Wisconsin’s Deputy Attorney General at the time, a woman, declared that she would not allow her officers to get online training, that she required the training to be in person only; training only by her! She is a lawyer. Officer trainings should be by someone that is or has been an officer, counselor, or social worker.

After this, I was finished trying to change the system. It’s beyond draconian and deeply engrained corruption. I tapped out of this labyrinth of DV services requiring men be arrested no matter what happened. You can’t change an organization, or state laws, from underneath those in charge, especially when they are extremist feminists.

I am copying Wisconsin Senators Ron Johnson and Tammy Baldwin on this letter (anonymously) so that hopefully they will take action. Senator Johnson voted against the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) in March 2022 The federal VAWA is what funds most all domestic violence
shelters around the nation.

In Part 3, I give some practical ideas for how we can make improvements and get legal equity for all.

Calling for reforms to achieve true justice for all, kids too,

Sincerely, Daniel Carver

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Women’s Historical Gift of Love: the Evolution of Empathy

Introduction to Women’s Historical Gift of Love: the Evolution of Empathy

Many of us here know the pain of being hurt by women — through betrayal, false accusation, alienation, or cruelty. For those who have lived that, it can be hard to read praise of the feminine without flinching. That’s natural.

Yet healing often begins when we can hold two truths at once: some women have done harm, and women as a whole have also given civilization gifts. In this essay David Shackleton looks at women’s impact on empathy. Shackleton explores how, across generations, mothers quietly expanded humanity’s moral depth while men advanced knowledge and invention. Both streams were essential to our progress, and both were not mutually exclusive.


Feminists have long tried to obscure this moral achievement because it doesn’t fit their preferred path for women — getting a job. They celebrate women who break ceilings but ignore those who built the foundations of love and empathy that made civilization humane. The following is an excerpt from David Shackleton’s forthcoming book, Matrisensus: The Masculine Collapse and Feminine Shadow. See what you think. How have we ruined this balance and to what effect? Tom Golden


Women’s Historical Gift of Love: the Evolution of Empathy

 


Civilization has been built by two parallel and complementary streams of human achievement. On one side, while most men did not add to the collection of human knowledge, a few exceptional men pushed forward the frontiers of knowledge: explorers charting unknown lands, scientists discovering natural laws, philosophers clarifying moral principles. On the other side, while most women made no difference in their parenting from the way they had been treated in their own childhoods, a few exceptional women advanced the frontier of love – especially empathy – in the private realm of the family, transmitting new ways of caring for children that slowly reshaped society. Both gifts were indispensable.

The historian of childhood Lloyd deMause argued that the deepest motor of history is not politics or economics, but the way parents treat their children. Most parents, he observed, simply repeat what they themselves experienced. Yet in every generation, a few mothers break the cycle, heroically choosing to treat their children with greater tenderness and empathy than they had received. Since mothers in subsequent generations then repeat these new patterns, these quiet decisions accumulate across generations, slowly elevating culture.

To give shape to this process, deMause described six successive childrearing modes, each producing characteristic personality structures and cultural patterns:

Childrearing Mode – Description – Psychological Outcome

  • Infanticidal: Routine killing or abandonment of unwanted infants → Schizoid, fragmented personalities

  • Abandoning: Physical survival ensured, but emotional neglect and use of wet nurses or servants → Masochistic, dependent personalities

  • Ambivalent: Parents swing between affection and cruelty, discipline by fear → Borderline, unstable personalities

  • Intrusive: Parents invade the child’s inner life, controlling thoughts and feelings → Depressive, guilt-ridden personalities

  • Socializing: Parents train children to conform to external norms and roles → Neurotic, rule-bound personalities

  • Helping: Parents empathize with children’s needs and support growth toward autonomy → Individuated, creative personalities

 

(If you find yourself doubting the historical advance of empathy or that childrearing was so brutal in the past, consider that it is less than 500 years since we burned people alive at the stake in public executions. How much less empathy must people have had at that time in order to watch and approve of such horrific spectacles?)

deMause explained:
“Psychogenesis is not a very robust process in caretakers. Most of the time, parents simply re-inflict upon their children what had been done to them in their own childhood. The production of developmental variations can occur only in the silent, mostly unrecorded decisions by parents to go beyond the traumas they themselves endured. It happens each time a mother decides not to use her child as an erotic object, not to tie it up so long in swaddling bands, not to hit it when it cries. It happens each time a mother encourages her child’s explorations and independence, each time she overcomes her own despair and neediness and gives her child a bit more of the love and empathy she herself didn’t get. These private moments are rarely recorded for historians, and social scientists have completely overlooked their role in the production of cultural variation, yet they are nonetheless the ultimate sources of the evolution of the psyche and culture.”

And again, in conclusion:
“Because childrearing evolution determines the evolution of the psyche and society, the causal arrows of all other social theories are reversed by the psychogenic theory. Rather than personal and family life being seen as dragged along in the wake of social, cultural, technological and economic change, society is instead viewed as the outcome of evolutionary changes that first occur in the psyche. Because the structure of the psyche changes from generation to generation within the narrow funnel of childhood, childrearing practices are not just one item in a list of cultural traits—they are the very condition for the transmission and further development of all other cultural elements, placing limits on what can be achieved in all other social areas. … Childhood must therefore always first evolve before major social, cultural and economic innovation can occur.”

To summarize, deMause outlined a new, psychogenic theory of history: that cultural evolution is driven overwhelmingly by the nature of childraising, and that this is dominated by mothers, with those few mothers who courageously advance their own psychic maturity so that they are able to love their children better than they themselves were loved as a child being the engine of advancing social empathy and thus of general cultural progress. Far from being powerless and oppressed figures in history, this theory places women at the centre of cultural evolution, the prime cause. Women provided the substrate, the progressively advancing psychological and cultural backdrop, and men innovated the physical techniques and technologies that delivered greater health, longer lives, better living standards, and increased freedom. It was truly an equal partnership.

A few examples illustrate women’s contribution:

The Breastfeeding Revolution: In eighteenth-century England and France, mothers began to nurse their own children instead of sending them to wet nurses. This seemingly small change radically increased infant survival, deepened maternal bonds, and helped prepare a generation with greater capacity for empathy. Rousseau’s Émile (1762) gave voice to this cultural shift, insisting that “the mother’s milk is the milk of virtue.” Within a century, England and France were leading the world in science, democracy, and industrialization.

Abolitionism: While men like Wilberforce led parliamentary campaigns, the conscience of the abolition movement was profoundly maternal. Writers such as Elizabeth Heyrick, who called for immediate abolition in 1824, and Harriet Beecher Stowe, whose Uncle Tom’s Cabin (1852) moved millions, exemplified how women’s empathy translated into moral revolution. Abraham Lincoln’s (perhaps apocryphal) remark on meeting Stowe — “So you’re the little woman who wrote the book that made this great war” — captures this dynamic.

The Rise of Universal Human Rights: The very notion that all people possess inherent dignity and equal rights, regardless of class, race, or sex, emerged alongside the expansion of empathy across generations. While men codified these rights in declarations and constitutions, women’s work of nurturing developed the human capacity to imagine others as equally valuable. The family was the first school of equality: the mother who held her child in love transmitted, in seed form, the conviction that every human being deserved care and respect. As historian Lynn Hunt argues in Inventing Human Rights (2007), the eighteenth century saw the growth of “empathetic imagination” through novels, letters, and family life, and this undergirded the spread of rights discourse. Without this interior revolution of feeling, the abstract principle of rights would have rung hollow. The Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen (1789) and later the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) were thus the public crystallization of a private moral revolution that mothers advanced in the nursery.

Child Labor Reforms: In nineteenth-century Britain and America, mothers and women’s societies were prominent advocates for laws restricting child labor, pressing legislators with the moral claim that children were not merely economic assets but human beings with rights and dignity.

Nursing and Care: Florence Nightingale’s transformation of nursing in the Crimean War and afterward reframed medicine as compassionate service, professionalizing an ethic of care. Her Notes on Nursing (1859) became foundational for modern healthcare.

Education and Literacy: Across the West, women were the primary transmitters of literacy and moral instruction in the home. In the nineteenth century, they became the backbone of the teaching profession, extending their empathic role into the public sphere.

Each of these steps paralleled breakthroughs in men’s domain: Newton’s Principia (1687) reshaping science, Darwin’s Origin of Species (1859) transforming biology, explorers charting the globe, inventors powering industry, philosophers clarifying the principles of liberty and democracy. Men advanced the frontier of truth; women advanced the frontier of love.

The prevailing feminist narrative has been that women were excluded from history’s great achievements and silenced by male domination. But deMause’s research reveals a deeper truth: women were not absent from progress; they were its other half. Their contributions were less visible only because they took place in private rather than public realms.

That this polarized narrative of victim and oppressor was completely mistaken is now clear:

  • Men’s gift of truth expanded humanity’s knowledge and control over the world.

  • Women’s gift of love expanded humanity’s moral and emotional capacity.

This is perfect archetypal balance. Women’s gift was as important as men’s. Both were necessary, both indispensable. Civilization depends equally on both.

Seen in this light, the family hearth was as revolutionary as the laboratory. The quiet choices of mothers: to hold rather than strike, to nurse rather than abandon, to soothe rather than shame, carried forward across generations until they reshaped entire cultures. Just as Galileo pointed his telescope toward the heavens, so did mothers across centuries point their empathy into the hearts of their children, and the world changed.

History must honor both gifts: truth and love, discovery and empathy, masculine and feminine. To overlook either is to tell only half of the human story. We have been doing that for too long. It is time that we stopped.


References

  1. Lloyd deMause, The Emotional Life of Nations, Karnac Books, New York, 2002, p.110

  2. Lloyd deMause, The History of Childhood, Harper & Row, New York, 1974, p.12

  3. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Émile, or On Education (1762), Book I. Modern edition: trans. Allan Bloom, Emile: or On Education, Basic Books, New York, 1979, p.44

  4. Attributed remark by Abraham Lincoln to Harriet Beecher Stowe, 1862, during her White House visit. Source uncertain; first recorded by Annie Fields in Life and Letters of Harriet Beecher Stowe (Houghton, Mifflin, Boston, 1897), p.133.

  5. Lynn Hunt, Inventing Human Rights: A History, W. W. Norton, New York, 2007

  6. Florence Nightingale, Notes on Nursing: What It Is and What It Is Not, Harrison, London, 1859

  7. Isaac Newton, Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, London, 1687

  8. Charles Darwin, On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, John Murray, London, 1859

 
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September 29, 2025
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Masculinity: Assessing the Damage and Reclaiming Your Strengths
 

This is the final stretch in the gynocentrism series. In the earlier posts we looked at a definition of gynocentrism from chatgpt, noted that most of us have at least a little gynocentrism , saw how it operates beneath the surface of our culture, and how it offers women both protection and access to resources. We’ve also seen how feminism took that ancient system and weaponized it, and why men often fail to resist.

Now it’s time to turn the focus inward. This essay is about what you can do — not on a political stage, not in the culture at large, but in your own life and relationships. Before we talk about strategies, we need to start with something more personal: assessing the damage.


How Masculinity Has Been Undermined​?

Over the last 50 years, the constant drumbeat of “toxic masculinity” has worn on men. It has told us that our natural strengths are not strengths at all, but flaws. Instead of celebrating courage, persistence, and logic, the culture tells men that these traits are threatening, outdated, or even abusive.

This has an impact. For many men, the constant assault has created a hesitation to speak plainly, to stand firm, or to trust their own instincts. It has discouraged men from telling the truth when it might offend, or from using reason when confronted with a storm of emotion. And it has silenced countless men in their relationships — men who fear that raising their voice will only make them look like the problem.


Why Logic Has Been Pushed Aside​?

One of the deepest wounds of this shift is the cultural denigration of logic. Logic has always been one of men’s great tools. It doesn’t mean men can’t feel or express emotion, but it does mean they often approach problems through reasoning, structure, and clarity.

Today, those strengths are dismissed. Instead, feelings are elevated above all else. We’ve built a culture where “offense” is treated as the greatest harm and “safety” the highest virtue. That may serve some interests, but it leaves men’s natural ways of approaching life and conflict diminished and distrusted.

And when logic is sidelined, relationships become lopsided. Without balance between reason and emotion, one side gains power while the other is pushed into the doghouse.


Younger Men Carry More of the Weight​?

It’s worth noting that not every generation has felt this equally. Older men — say, those over 60 — may have avoided the worst of the cultural training. They grew up in a time when being masculine wasn’t automatically suspect.

Younger men, though, especially those under 30, have been raised in a world where masculinity itself is under constant suspicion. For them, the damage runs deeper. They’ve been told from childhood that to be a man is to be potentially dangerous, oppressive, or shameful. The result? A generation of young men often hesitant to assert themselves, unsure of their own worth, and deeply confused about what it even means to be a man.


The Yin-Yang Distorted

A useful way to picture this imbalance is through the yin-yang symbol. Traditionally, it represents the balance of opposites: light and dark, masculine and feminine, logic and feeling. Each side is necessary, and each contains a seed of the other.

 

But in today’s cultural climate, the symbol is distorted. Instead of white and black in harmony, we are left with shades of gray and black — too much of one side, not enough of the other. Instead of honoring difference, we are addicted to sameness, to the feminine way, to an exaggerated focus on feeling. Masculinity isn’t balanced with femininity; it is suffocated by it.

 

Reclaiming Your Strengths

This is why men need to take stock of their own strengths — not as a luxury, but as a necessity. Ask yourself:

  • Am I able to stand my ground and speak the truth, even when it’s unpopular?

  • Do I navigate the world based on my own values, not someone else’s?

  • Can I hear feedback, weigh it fairly, and adjust my views without flinching?

  • Do I recognize the positive in my independence, self-reliance, and strength?

These are not flaws. These are gifts. They are the building blocks of masculine integrity.

Reclaiming them doesn’t mean ignoring emotion. It means recognizing your value, owning your abilities, and refusing to let a hostile culture tell you that your strengths are weaknesses.


Moving Forward

In this first step, the work is about clarity — seeing where the damage has been done, and beginning to recognize the strength you already have. In the next piece, we’ll get into the practical side: what it looks like to take those strengths into a relationship, how to set rules fairly, how to remain calm, how to frame your truth, and how to resist gynocentrism in the everyday dynamics of love and partnership.

Because the truth is this: relationships are risky, yes, but men who know their worth as men and practice these skills are far better equipped to navigate them.

​Men Are Good

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September 22, 2025
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Dismantling Men's Masculinity

 

 

In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang represent complementary forces. Yin, often linked with the feminine, is receptive, inward, intuitive, and fluid. Yang, the masculine counterpart, is active, outward, structured, and bold. Neither is “better” than the other — balance is the point.

Our culture has slipped into imbalance. Instead of valuing both masculine (yang) and feminine (yin) traits, we treat yang traits in men as problems to be corrected while elevating yin traits as the moral ideal. This creates an environment where boys and men are shamed for expressing natural masculine tendencies, while the feminine is glorified as “healthier,” “safer,” or “more evolved.” To make matters worse, men are framed as the problem—legitimizing attacks against them—while women and girls are cast as victims, granting them cultural permission to adopt masculine traits. Boys watch in bewilderment as this double standard unfolds: masculinity is shamed in men but praised in women, and women are celebrated for both yin and yang traits. It defies logic, yet nearly every cultural institution reinforces it. We are living in a truly unbalanced world.

Let’s look at seven primary yang characteristics and how they’ve been discouraged in men.

 

1. Active / Initiating

Yang energy moves forward, takes initiative, acts rather than waits. In boys, this shows up as physical play, restless energy, and risk-taking curiosity.

In schools, this natural boyish energy is often punished. Boys who get up, explore, or speak out are labeled “disruptive.” Increasingly, they’re medicated for ADHD — not because they’re sick, but because they don’t fit a classroom model designed for quiet compliance.

At the same time, receptivity and patience — yin traits — are praised. The quiet child is “well-behaved.” Girls who sit still are called “model students.” Boys learn quickly: initiative will get you in trouble, while passivity earns approval. Yet in a striking double standard, as boys are shamed for their energy, girls are increasingly praised for showing initiative and taking risks.


2. Rational / Analytical

Masculine energy emphasizes clarity and reason. But in relationships and therapy, men who rely on logic are accused of being “emotionally unavailable.” A husband who responds to conflict with analysis rather than emotional validation is told he’s “cold.”

Media reinforces this, portraying rational men as out of touch. Think of the sitcom father who is clueless and insensitive until the emotional wife rescues him with her intuition. Logic in men becomes something to mock or pathologize.

Meanwhile, intuition and emotional fluency are praised as “true intelligence.” Schools teach “emotional literacy” — overwhelmingly in a feminine key — while men’s rational approaches are sidelined. Yet here again, the double standard is obvious: when girls show clarity and reason, they are celebrated as strong and capable, while boys are criticized for the very same trait.


3. Independent / Self-Directed

Yang independence is about autonomy and leadership. In the past, this was recognized as a virtue. Today, independence in men is recast as selfishness.

In therapy, men who assert boundaries are accused of being avoidant. In family courts, fathers who resist intrusive parenting mandates are painted as uncooperative. At work, men who prefer autonomy are accused of “not being team players.”

Meanwhile, collectivist ideals are glorified. “Community,” “collaboration,” and “consensus” are treated as moral goods. The man who pursues his own vision is suspect; the man who dissolves into the group is praised. Yet when women insist on autonomy or self-direction, they are celebrated as “empowered” and “breaking barriers.” The very trait condemned in men is rewarded in women.


4. Expressive / Outward-Projecting

Yang expression is about projecting energy outward — speaking with authority, asserting oneself, showing presence. Today, this is routinely shamed. Men are accused of “mansplaining” when they speak confidently, of “taking up too much space” when they sit or stand naturally. Even in classrooms, boys who speak out are silenced while girls are coaxed to speak more.

Corporate trainings echo the same script: men must “step back” and “make space.” Male outwardness is recast as oppressive, while passivity and listening — yin traits — are presented as the moral high ground. Yet when women speak forcefully or take command of space, they are praised as bold and inspiring. The same assertiveness that earns men censure wins women applause.


5. Confident / Bold

Confidence, a core yang quality, is easily rebranded as arrogance or entitlement. A young man who asserts himself risks being accused of “toxic masculinity.” Ambition is reframed as greed or patriarchal privilege.

In education, boys who compete hard are told to “tone it down.” In dating, confidence is increasingly viewed with suspicion. A man approaching a woman boldly risks being labeled a predator, while tentativeness is reframed as “respect.”

Meanwhile, vulnerability has been rebranded as the new courage. Being hesitant, emotionally raw, or self-doubting is celebrated — but only when men embody it. Boldness is shamed; vulnerability is glorified. And once again, the double standard is clear: when women display confidence and ambition, they are praised as trailblazers and role models. What is condemned in men is applauded in women.


6. Competitive / Striving

Competition once fueled innovation, excellence, and mastery. For boys, striving to test themselves against others was natural.

Today, competition is under attack. Schools downplay winning, cancel scores, and hand out participation trophies. Boys are told that striving to be the best is unfair or mean-spirited. Even in workplaces, ambition is framed as “cutthroat.”

Meanwhile, cooperation is praised as the higher moral good. Equality of outcome — not excellence — is celebrated. The yin trait of blending in is exalted over the yang drive to stand out. And yet, when girls and women show drive, ambition, and competitiveness, they are praised as strong, empowered, and fearless. The very striving that earns boys censure is reframed as heroic when displayed by girls.


7. Stable / Structured

Yang energy provides order and discipline. Fathers setting boundaries, men building institutions, coaches demanding discipline — all are examples of stabilizing structure.

Yet structure is often demonized. Discipline is rebranded as control. Fathers who insist on rules are called authoritarian, while mothers who allow flexibility are celebrated as “nurturing.” In broader culture, structure is portrayed as oppression, while fluidity and openness are presented as progressive ideals.

And here too the double standard is unmistakable: when women take charge, enforce rules, or demand order, they are praised as strong leaders and role models. But when men do the very same thing, they are criticized as rigid, controlling, or oppressive. The masculine contribution of structure is vilified in men while valorized in women.


The “Male Privilege” Narrative

Layered on top of this shaming is the constant accusation of male privilege. Men are told they benefit from invisible advantages that invalidate their struggles. The boy disciplined in school for his energy is “privileged.” The man told his logic is cold is “privileged.” The father stripped of custody in court is “privileged.”

This accusation functions as a silencing tactic: no matter what hardships men face, their yang traits are delegitimized by the claim that they come from an unfair advantage. It’s a clever inversion — turning natural masculine expressions into proof of oppression.

For boys, the effect is especially disorienting. They are punished and shamed for their natural energy, independence, or boldness, yet they watch those same qualities praised in girls as “empowerment.” Imagine growing up in that atmosphere — told that what comes naturally to you is toxic, while applauded when someone else displays it. It creates confusion, self-doubt, and a sense of injustice that borders on madness. Boys learn not just that they are wrong, but that their very strengths are only acceptable when embodied by someone else.

 

When Yin Is Glorified and Yang Is Shamed

Chinese philosophy has a very straightforward warning: when yin and yang fall out of balance, decay follows. Illness in the body, discord in relationships, collapse in societies — all are traced to one side being exalted while the other is suppressed.

Today, our culture is caught in just such an imbalance. Feminine (yin) traits — receptivity, emotion, flexibility — are not only praised, they are presented as the gold standard for everyone. Masculine (yang) traits — activity, logic, independence, boldness, competition, structure — are not only discouraged, they are actively shamed.

From the Chinese perspective, this is a recipe for trouble. Here’s what they would say is coming:

  • Stagnation and Weakness: Too much yin creates passivity. Boys withdraw, men retreat, societies lose resilience.

  • Anxiety and Discord: Suppressed yang resurfaces in distorted ways — aggression, violence, self-destruction.

  • Collapse of Natural Order: Institutions weaken when initiative, structure, and clarity are attacked. Families fracture, schools falter, social trust declines.

  • Loss of Wholeness: When one side is glorified and the other shamed, the creative power of balance disappears. Everyone loses.


Restoring the Missing Balance

Chinese wisdom is blunt: when yin and yang fall out of balance, decline is inevitable. Our culture has tipped hard toward yin, glorifying receptivity, vulnerability, and fluidity while shaming activity, confidence, and structure. We are out of balance.

And balance will not return by doubling down on yin or by continuing to accuse men of “privilege” whenever they show their natural strengths. The way forward is to restore respect for yang.

That means honoring boys’ energy instead of medicating it away. Valuing men’s rational clarity instead of mocking it as cold. Praising independence and confidence in men just as we do in women. Allowing competition and striving to be celebrated, not shamed. And recognizing that discipline and structure are not oppression, but foundations for growth.

Revaluing the masculine does not mean dismissing the feminine. It means returning to the truth the Chinese saw thousands of years ago: life flourishes only when yin and yang stand side by side, each strong, each respected, each essential.

If we continue to shame one half of the human equation, we invite stagnation, confusion, and collapse. But if we restore balance, we give our sons — and our daughters — the gift of wholeness.

​Men Are Good. So is Yang.

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