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Mothers Raise Children, Fathers Raise Adults: How Fathers Build Resilient Humans
June 26, 2025
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Mothers Raise Children - Fathers Raise Adults

It’s a saying that provokes strong reactions: “Mothers raise children; fathers raise adults.”
At first glance, it seems to box parents into rigid roles. But when you dig into decades of family psychology and cross-cultural research, you find something profound: fathers, in particular, have a special knack for cultivating traits that help children not just survive, but thrive in the unpredictable, sometimes harsh realities of adult life.

One of the most powerful of these traits is resilience — the ability to recover from setbacks, navigate stress, and adapt to challenges without falling apart. When we look at how fathers tend to interact with their children, a consistent theme emerges: they build resilience in ways that complement the secure base mothers provide.


Fatherhood and the Toughening Effect

Developmental psychologist Daniel Paquette coined a concept called the “activation relationship”. In this dynamic, fathers encourage children to explore new things, tolerate moderate risks, and push their limits — all while knowing there’s still a safety net.

For example:

  • Fathers more often engage in rough-and-tumble play, which is both thrilling and boundary-testing. A father wrestling with his toddler is doing more than bonding — he’s teaching the child to handle excitement, physical contact, surprise, and frustration in a controlled environment.

  • Dads frequently introduce novel or slightly challenging situations: climbing higher on the playground, trying a new skill, or confronting a fear like jumping into deep water. Each small push into discomfort helps the child build confidence and learn how to stay calm under stress.


Resilience Through Controlled Risk

One way to understand fathers’ role is through the idea of “safe risk.”
Research by Michael Lamb, Ross Parke, and many others shows that fathers tend to tolerate more risk than mothers do. Where mothers are more likely to caution or prevent, fathers are more likely to supervise from a distance and let the child test their boundaries.

This doesn’t mean reckless parenting — far from it. Instead, it’s a finely tuned balance:

Enough freedom to fail safely, enough trust to learn that setbacks don’t mean catastrophe.

Studies have found that children with engaged fathers are more comfortable with problem-solving, more willing to try new things, and more likely to persist through frustration. This “resilience training” is one reason father involvement predicts better coping skills in adolescence and adulthood.


Handling Rough Emotions

Resilience is not just about facing physical challenges — it’s also about managing emotional storms. Fathers tend to socialize emotions differently than mothers:

  • Fathers are more likely to joke, tease, or playfully provoke, which helps children learn to handle mild embarrassment, mild frustration, or friendly competition.

  • Fathers often demand more emotional self-control in play: a child who whines or melts down during a game may be gently nudged to “try again” rather than immediately comforted.

  • This doesn’t mean fathers are cold — rather, they model that big feelings can be tolerated, expressed appropriately, and moved through, rather than avoided.

This aspect of fathering has been linked to better anger management, more adaptable stress responses, and lower rates of anxiety in children.


Cross-Cultural Evidence

This pattern is not just a Western phenomenon. In Fathers Across Cultures, Roopnarine and Hossain found that even in traditional societies, fathers frequently play the role of the “risk introducer” and limit-tester. Whether it’s Inuit fathers supervising ice fishing or Kenyan fathers encouraging bold climbing, fathers reliably push children to grow more competent in navigating real-world dangers.


A Secure Base and a Launch Pad

When psychologists talk about secure attachment, they often focus on mothers as the primary source of comfort. But many studies — including Grossmann’s work — show fathers often build a different but complementary attachment: one centered on exploration and adventure.

Together, mother and father offer two essential gifts:

  • The secure base: warmth, safety, unconditional acceptance.

  • The launch pad: challenge, freedom, resilience.

Children who have both are often better equipped to handle life’s inevitable setbacks and uncertainties.

 


Why This Matters Now

In modern times, fathers’ unique contribution is often overlooked. Social narratives reduce fathers to “helpers” or mere breadwinners, rather than recognizing them as essential resilience-builders. Yet the evidence is clear:

Fathers teach children how to fall down, stand up, and try again — the essence of becoming a capable, adaptable adult.

This matters now more than ever. Many of our most pressing cultural problems — from emotional fragility and school violence to chronic anxiety and identity confusion — can be traced back to fatherlessness. When children grow up without a present, engaged father, their chances of developing resilience, maturity, and self-regulation drop dramatically.

As families and communities look to raise children who can thrive in a fast-changing, often harsh world, understanding and supporting the role of fathers is not optional — it’s crucial.



In the End

The saying rings true for a reason:
Mothers raise children; fathers raise adults.
Together, they give kids the love to feel safe and the push to become strong.

This video is fatherhood in action. (Stories With Gui - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uBPmV15qmo?si=NhvBnNgqwzh49rZ-)

Watch how he doesn’t clear the path for his son — he clears the fear of trying again.

He steps over the obstacle himself, then lets his child struggle. When the boy tangles up, Dad lifts him back — but not to carry him across. He resets him so he can solve it alone.

Then he steps back, close enough to protect, far enough to empower.

The boy discovers a new way through — not by stepping over, but by going under. And when he breaks through, he runs straight into his father’s arms, stronger and prouder than before.

This is how fathers raise resilient adults:

  • They let us fail safely.

  • They teach us to try again.

  • They show us that struggle is not punishment, but practice for life.

Mothers raise children. Fathers raise adults. Together, they raise humans who can stand on their own.

Men are Good and Fathers are essential

Key Studies & Recommended Reading

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6 Things the Mental Health Industry Gets Wrong About Men

Preface: The Double Bind Men Face

In a previous post, we looked at how men are often excluded from help when they appear dependent. Our focus was on culture—how society expects men to remain independent, and how men who fail to meet that standard are judged as weak or less deserving of care. These judgments come from all directions—women, men, institutions, and even therapists.

It’s easy to see how this cultural default discourages men from seeking therapy. If help is only for those who admit weakness, and admitting weakness means you lose status, the path forward becomes nearly impossible. Most men learn early: always appear independent. Don’t ask. Don’t need.

Therapy, on the other hand, requires vulnerability. It asks men to reveal struggle, uncertainty, and emotional need. For many, that feels like walking directly into the line of fire—the very place they’ve been punished before. No wonder so many avoid it unless they absolutely have to.

What we’ll explore today is an added layer—one that comes from inside the man himself. Not just cultural messaging, but biological wiring. Men receive a double push: society tells them to be independent, and their biology—especially testosterone—echoes that same directive.

In the post below, we’ll take a closer look at how testosterone shapes men’s emotional behavior, especially in therapeutic settings. The more we understand what’s going on beneath the surface, the more compassion—and effectiveness—we can bring to the work of helping men heal.


 




6 Things the Mental Health Industry Gets Wrong About Men


We’ve built a mental health system that often misunderstands men.
Not because therapists don’t care, or because the science isn’t out there—but because many of the core assumptions about men’s emotional lives are built on a framework that fits women better than men. And that misfit? It drives men away. It leaves them unseen. And it often shames them for responding in ways that are biologically and psychologically normal for males. A 2011 paper by Eisenegger, Haushofer, and Fehr—The Role of Testosterone in Social Interaction—offers a major insight: testosterone drives status sensitivity, motivation, risk-taking, and protective emotional strategies. When we understand that, a lot of “male resistance” to therapy starts making sense. Here are six key things the mental health field gets wrong about men—and how we can do better.




1. “Men avoid therapy because they fear vulnerability.”

The truth: Many men avoid therapy because it feels like a status threat—and testosterone reinforces that instinct.

Testosterone heightens a man’s sensitivity to social threats—especially those that signal a potential loss of standing, respect, or dominance. Angry facial expressions, emotional pressure, unclear expectations, or even intense eye contact can feel like status challenges rather than invitations to connect.

Layered on top of that biology is a lifetime of cultural training. Most men grow up learning that independence is strength—and dependence is weakness. They’re taught to solve problems alone, not reveal them. Testosterone supports this stance by motivating status-seeking, autonomy, and competitive positioning.

So when a man is invited into therapy and asked to reveal his inner world, he’s not just being asked to share—he’s being asked to violate both his biology and his conditioning. What’s called “resistance” is often a natural response to a situation that feels unfamiliar, disempowering, and loaded with risk.

In those moments, you might see him:

  • Break eye contact and look down or away

  • Sit back, go quiet, or shift posture to reduce tension

  • Use humor to deflect

  • Say very little—not because he doesn’t care, but because the wrong move could cost him

This isn’t fear of vulnerability. It’s a biologically wired instinct to protect status in uncertain environments—amplified by a lifetime of being told that asking for help means you’ve already failed.

2. “Men are emotionally disconnected.”

The truth: Men often process emotion differently—testosterone shifts how they engage empathy, especially in high-stakes or competitive situations.

Research shows that testosterone reduces automatic empathy responses—like facial mimicry or reading subtle emotional cues—particularly in contexts that might involve competition or threat. That doesn’t mean men don’t care or don’t feel. It means their emotional systems are tuned to assess, not absorb, especially when status or safety is on the line.

Culturally, boys are often discouraged from emotional openness early in life. They’re rewarded for composure, strength, and staying in control. Over time, they learn to internalize emotion, rather than externalize it.

So in adulthood, especially under pressure, men may not “mirror” emotion in familiar ways:

  • He doesn’t match a sad face with a sad face

  • He misses subtle emotional cues unless they’re made explicit

  • He stays logical or matter-of-fact during emotional conversations

  • He may look emotionally “flat” when he’s actually carefully regulating or analyzing what’s happening

This isn’t emotional disconnection—it’s emotional management, shaped by both biology and lifelong social feedback. When we stop expecting men to respond like women—and instead tune into how they do engage—we start to see that empathy is there. It just speaks a different language.

3. “Men don’t trust easily because they’re guarded or cynical.”

The truth: Testosterone lowers baseline trust in uncertain situations—especially when status or vulnerability is involved.

Testosterone has been shown to reduce generalized trust, particularly in high-stakes or competitive settings. This isn’t paranoia or dysfunction—it’s strategic. In evolutionary terms, misplaced trust could mean defeat, betrayal, or loss of position. Testosterone prepares men to assess before they invest.

Culturally, this gets reinforced by repeated experience. Many men have learned the hard way that opening up too quickly can backfire—especially if it exposes weakness, emotional need, or dependence.

So when a man enters a new environment like therapy—or even a relationship conflict—he’s not defaulting to cynicism. He’s scanning for clarity, fairness, and safety.

You might see him:

  • Hold back emotionally, even when invited to open up

  • Look for hidden motives or question the process

  • Rely on himself rather than ask for support

  • Be slow to believe reassurance, especially if things feel emotionally tense

This isn’t distrust in you personally. It’s the biological and social consequence of having been trained—internally and externally—to protect himself from being taken advantage of.

Trust, for many men, isn’t the starting point. It’s the result of consistent respect, clear expectations, and earned safety over time.

4. “Real healing happens when you express your emotions.”

The truth: For many men, healing happens through action—and testosterone supports that path.

Testosterone isn’t just about strength or competition—it’s about drive. It fuels goal-directed behavior, reward-seeking, and persistence. That’s why many men don’t process pain by sitting in it—they process it by moving through it.

Add to that the cultural message boys receive from early on: emotions are private, not public. While girls are often socialized to verbalize and share, boys are encouraged to channel, contain, or convert emotion into something productive.

So when a man loses someone, faces failure, or hits a life crisis, he often doesn’t head straight for a therapist’s office or a tearful conversation. He heads for action.

You’ll see it in the man who:

  • Rebuilds the deck after his father dies

  • Launches a scholarship fund in his son’s name

  • Pours himself into work after a breakup

  • Withdraws to plan, repair, or restore a sense of control

These aren’t distractions from emotion. They are emotional expressions—just in a different form. In fact, research suggests that testosterone supports action-based coping and suppresses affiliative, emotionally expressive tendencies in competitive or high-stress situations.

And here’s something crucial:
Men don’t just take action for action’s sake. They often do it in honor of someone or something. A man builds the bench his father always talked about. He organizes a tournament in his son’s name. He finishes the project his friend never got to complete.

When action is combined with honoring, it becomes something more than coping—it becomes a ritual of healing. The doing and the remembering work together. The movement carries meaning.

If we keep insisting that healing must look like emotional disclosure, we risk invalidating the very real ways men already process grief, loss, and pain—through effort, honor, and purpose.

5. “Men’s silence means they’re emotionally shut down.”

The truth: Men’s silence is often a protective response—shaped by testosterone, experience, and emotional strategy.

Silence in men is one of the most misunderstood behaviors in therapy, relationships, and even friendships. It’s often labeled as avoidance, stonewalling, or disconnection. But more often than not, it’s something very different.

Testosterone enhances status sensitivity and threat vigilance—especially in social situations where expectations are unclear or the stakes feel high. In those moments, going quiet isn’t about disengaging; it’s about managing risk. For many men, silence is a way to preserve dignity, reduce the chance of saying something regrettable, or buy time to process complex emotion.

Culturally, boys are also taught to be cautious about emotional exposure. If you speak too soon, or too openly, it can be used against you. So many men learn that staying quiet isn’t failure—it’s control.

In these moments, you might see a man:

  • Go quiet during conflict, not out of indifference, but to keep from escalating

  • Look away or physically retreat when overwhelmed, not to disconnect, but to recalibrate

  • Say “I don’t know” when he actually means “I’m not sure how to say this without getting it wrong”

This isn’t emotional shutdown. It’s strategic silence.

And here’s the key: when that silence is met with respect instead of pressure, many men will eventually speak. But only after they’ve had time to feel safe, oriented, and prepared to respond on their own terms.


6. “If men just opened up more, therapy would work better for them.”

The truth: Therapy needs to adapt to men—not the other way around.

The prevailing model of talk therapy often assumes that emotional expression, verbal processing, and vulnerability are the starting point of healing. But for many men, that’s the end point—something that only comes after safety, trust, and shared purpose have been firmly established.

Testosterone plays a key role here. It supports behaviors that protect autonomy, status, and goal-directed action. It doesn’t reward emotional exposure unless that exposure serves a larger mission—like protecting someone, honoring a loss, or building something meaningful.

Culturally, men have been conditioned to associate emotional openness with dependency, and dependency with shame or failure. From early on, they’ve been taught that independence equals strength—and strength equals worth.

So when therapy immediately asks men to "share their feelings," it can feel like a request to abandon everything they've been rewarded for their whole lives.

That’s not resistance. It’s identity conflict.

If we want therapy to work better for men, we have to start where they are:

  • Use structure, goals, and action as entry points

  • Build trust through consistency, not intensity

  • Offer dignity and choice, not pressure

  • Make room for silence, strategy, and movement

  • Respect independence, even while inviting connection

Men don’t need to become less male to heal. They need a therapeutic space that honors how they already process the world.

Final Thoughts: What Happens When We Get Men Wrong

🎯
 

Each of these six points challenges a core assumption in the mental health world—and offers a window into something deeper.

Men aren’t broken because they don’t fit the standard therapeutic mold.
They’re different. And that difference is both biological and cultural.

When we ignore testosterone’s role in shaping how men respond to trust, status, emotion, and healing, we don’t just miss the mark—we risk pushing men further away from the very support we say they need.

It’s not that men are avoiding healing. It’s that healing, as it’s often framed, doesn’t speak their language.

But when we build bridges—when we respect silence, honor action, adapt expectations, and treat men’s instincts as worthy of trust—something changes.

Men show up.

They engage.

Not by becoming less male. But by being deeply understood as men.

That’s when therapy starts to work.
And that’s when our culture begins to shift—one man, one truth, one act of respect at a time.

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August 25, 2025
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False Allegations Target Millions Around the World, Survey Reveals


Another excellent press release from DAVIA exposing one of the most damaging feminist falsehoods: the denial of false accusations.

The numbers in this study tell a powerful story—false accusations are not rare. They affect a significant number of people, and the impact is real.

Posted: https://endtodv.org/pr/false-allegations-target-millions-around-the-world-survey-reveals/


++++++++++++++

PRESS RELEASE

Henry Herrera: +1-301-801-0608

Email: [email protected]

False Allegations Target Millions Around the World, Survey Reveals

August 25, 2025 – Earlier this month a U.S. jury returned a stunning $58 million verdict for Sean MacMaster, who had been falsely accused of child sexual abuse. When MacMaster became embroiled in a child custody dispute, his former wife Johanna falsely accused the man of child abuse. The woman went so far as to propose to Sean that agreeing to terminate his parental rights would be his “get out-of-jail-free card.” (1, 2)

The case represents one of the largest awards ever rendered for a wrongful allegation.

A new survey conducted in Argentina, Australia, United Kingdom, and the United States reveals false allegations are more widespread than many persons realize.

Sponsored by the Domestic Abuse and Violence International Alliance, the survey found that substantial percentages of persons in these countries report ever being falsely accused of abuse. Multiplied by the total adult population in each country, the survey reveals millions of persons – mostly men – say they have been falsely accused of abuse:

  • Argentina: 11% -- 3.4 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 16%; Females: 7%

  • Australia: 13% -- 3.5 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 18%; Females; 9%

  • United Kingdom: 4% -- 2.1 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 6%; Females: 2%

  • United States: 8% -- 20.6 million persons falsely accused

    • Males: 11%; Females: 6%

As revealed by the Sean MacMaster case, a substantial number of false allegations are made in the context of a child custody dispute. Depending on the country, one-fifth to two-fifths of respondents said the false allegations were made as part of a child custody situation.

Conducted by YouGov, survey respondents consisted of adults ages 18+ in Argentina (n=1,069), Australia (n=1,061), United Kingdom (n=2,081), and the United States (n=1,252). The figures have been weighted and are representative of all adults ages 18+. Fieldwork was undertaken July 21 to August 8, 2025. The survey was conducted using an online interview administered to members of the YouGov panel of persons who had agreed to participate.

The survey defined domestic abuse as including domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of abuse. The survey utilized the identical questions and methods as a previous DAVIA survey conducted in 2023. (3)

Detailed survey responses, broken down by the respondents’ sex, age, and geographical region, are available online:

  • Argentina (4)

  • Australia (5)

  • United Kingdom (6)

  • United States (7)

In response to the widespread problem of false allegations, International Falsely Accused Day was established in 2020, and is observed every year on September 9. (8) The Domestic Abuse and Violence International Alliance urges lawmakers, prosecutors, family judges, and others to work to end the current epidemic of false allegations.

The Domestic Abuse and Violence International Alliance – DAVIA — consists of 194 member organizations from 40 countries in Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, Latin America, and North America. DAVIA seeks to ensure that domestic violence and abuse polices are science-based, family-affirming, and gender-inclusive. https://endtodv.org/davia/

Links:

  1. Jury returns $58.5M verdict in lawsuit involving disgraced prosecutor

  2. MacMaster v. Busacca et al. Case No. 2:21-cv-11052. January 27, 2025.

  3. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/8-Country-False-Allegation-Survey-8-3.15.2023.xlsx

  4. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-Argentina.xlsx

  5. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-Australia.xlsx

  6. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-UK.xlsx

  7. https://endtodv.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/2025FASurvey-US.xlsx

  8. https://www.falselyaccusedday.com/

Posted: https://endtodv.org/pr/false-allegations-target-millions-around-the-world-survey-reveals/

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August 22, 2025
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When Parents Magazine Becomes the Thought Police for Your Son
A recent article about “redpilled” boys reveals more about our culture’s discomfort with male voices than it does about the boys themselves.
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