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MenAreGood is a channel for men, boys, fathers, new fathers, grandfathers and women who want to learn about men and masculinity.  Are you tired of the false narrative of toxic masculinity?  Did you know there is a huge amount of research that shows the positive aspects of men, boys and fathers?  That is what we focus on here, being a source of good information and also a place to connect.   Join us!
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May 14, 2022
Men and Suicide

Men commit suicide four times as often as women and no one knows why. This has been going on for many years. The chart below shows this ratio as being stable from 1950 to 2014 so that tells us that the ratio is not due to some recent shift in our cultural values or due to the economy or some other external source. (blue line is males, black line females, US suicides per 100,000) There are other stats that show that even in the 19th century this ratio seems to hold up. But why?

Let’s take a male friendly look into the possible reasons for this.

First we need to look at the standard manner of dismissing such a huge difference. So many people, including people in our educational systems, suicide prevention organizations and even researchers make the claim that men commit suicide more often due to their choice of lethal means. They point out that 25,926 males used lethal means to kill themselves in the United States in 2012 and only 2,818 females used the same lethal means. Most listen and then nod in agreement at how many men use lethal means and how few women, assuming this must be why men suicide more often than women. Then it is pointed out that many more males than females commit suicide so it is more accurate to compare the percentage of male and female suicides that use lethal means. Have a look at this chart and notice that men chose the lethal means of hanging or firearms in about 81.6% of their completed suicides. But also notice that women chose those same lethal means in 54.7% of their completed suicides. Those two numbers are not that far apart. Yes, this is probably a part of the reason for men to complete suicide more often than women but it in no way explains the mammoth four to one ratio that has held for years. Something else is obviously happening.

Most people are not even concerned about this difference. If you look at the suicide prevention web sites you will notice that this problem is rarely discussed on the first page and all too often not even on later pages. They usually fail to tell their readers that the largest risk factor for suicide is being male. This is such an important piece of data it is hard to believe that they routinely omit it but they do. Even government reports on suicide, college classes, media stories, suicide conferences and many others tend to fail in alerting people to this problem. People are simply not interested. Even researchers lack interest. Just try and find research studies that look into the reasons for this difference. You probably won’t find much.

There is one man, a psychologist, Thomas Joiner, who has theorized about this difference. Joiner points out a possible contributing factor for the 4 to 1 ratio is that men are more fearless and this fearlessness allows them the courage to end their own lives. A very interesting and at least partially true idea but again, it would be difficult to explain such a huge difference by one psychological trait. I think Joiner is on to something but I think it is just a part of the puzzle.

Let’s turn to some other ideas that might relate to our understanding why boys and men are so much more likely to complete suicide. Let’s first look at cultural messages.

CULTURE

It starts early. Little boys are told that BIG BOYS DON’T CRY. Most of us shudder at the thought that this clearly tells boys they need to stuff their feelings but there is an even more pernicious aspect to this. When an adult tells a little boy that big boys don’t cry they are indeed telling him to stuff his feelings but they are also telling him something else. They are telling him that when he does feel hurt and in need of support that they, the adult offering this idea, will not be there to help and offer compassion. So the message is two fold. First it tells the boys to stuff it and second it alerts him that when he is feeling hurt he should not expect support or compassion. He watches as his sisters get what he lacks. (for more information on boys see my book Helping Mothers be Closer to Their Sons: Understanding the World of Boys)

With this default it is simple to see that he will be unlikely to seek help when he has been taught for years that no support will be there when he is in need.

Much has been said about men being reluctant to express emotions but what has not been pointed out is that no one really wants to hear men’s emotions. How about you? When was the last time you offered to listen to a man who was emoting? Most of us have to answer that we haven’t done that for a very long time or possibly ever. A man’s emotional pain is generally seen as taboo, something that people want to avoid. You can contrast this with the way people see women’s emotional pain and you see that women’s pain is seen as a call to action. When women have tears people scurry to help, when men have tears people simply scurry away.

But that’s far from all our culture does to boys and men. As boys get older the culture refuses to accept any signs of dependency. Men, and sometimes older boys must appear to have things covered by themselves, to appear independent, and when they don’t, guess what happens? They are shamed as not being real men. A man named Peter Marin wrote an excellent article on homelessness and explained this very dynamic. Here’s what he said:

“To put it simply: men are neither supposed nor allowed to be dependent. They are expected to take care of others and themselves. And when they cannot or will not do it, then the assumption at the heart of the culture is that they are somehow less than men and therefore unworthy of help. An irony asserts itself: by being in need of help, men forfeit the right to it.“

Exactly. A man’s choice is to appear independent or face being judged as not being a real man. The hallmark of a suicidal person is to feel hopeless and helpless. So the man who feels hopeless and helpless also knows that if he exposes this he will be judged as not being a real man. This is a very tough double bind that men face. If I do open up about my helplessness and hopelessness I will be judged harshly, if I don’t open up I am totally on my own. Most men choose to be on their own. Can you blame them?

This is just one facet of what scientists have named “precarious manhood.” They have shown that around the world men and young men are expected to prove their manhood repeatedly in order to be considered men. Men are under constant surveillance to appear independent and if they fail to appear independent they pay a severe price in being devalued and judged as not being “real” men. Women face nothing similar. When girls reach physical maturity they are considered women, not so for the boys.

Men intuitively understand the above. They live it on a daily basis. However, women are not under similar pressures and don’t realize the hardships men face. Too many times women simply expect men to be more like them. I often see it in the couples therapy I do. The women expect their men to talk openly about their vulnerabilities, their feelings, and their need for help. This of course flies in the face of his certainty that his neediness and feelings will do nothing but harm to him and expose his dependence. He has a natural and learned tendency to do his best to appear independent and he comes by it honestly. For us to suddenly expect him to do a complete 180 degree change and appear needy is a bizarre and unreasonable expectation.

These two elements, not expecting any help to be available and routinely being shamed for any sign of dependence have a cumulative impact on men. When they do feel hopeless and helpless it is easy to see now why he would be less likely to open up about this to anyone.

RESEARCH

Let’s turn to the research and see if there are studies that help us understand why men would be so much more likely to complete suicide.

The work of Shelly Taylor is a good example of research that helps us in understanding this problem. Taylor realized in the early 2000’s that nearly all of the research on stress had been done only on male subjects. Women had been left out. What we know about fight and flight surely applies to men. Taylor proceeded to only study women under stress. She wondered if women might have different strategies. She found that women, unlike men, would be much more likely to “tend and befriend.” That is, women were more likely to move towards interaction when stressed, to move towards other people. A sharp contrast to the male tendency of fight and flight that moves men either into action or inaction. So think about it. Can you see how the female nature of moving towards others when stressed will make it much more likely that she will interact with a person who will realize her distress and then push her to seek services? Notice also that the male tendency to move to action or inaction under stress takes him away from concerned others. Indeed action and inaction are very powerful forms of healing (for more info see The Way Men Heal or Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing) but they do leave men more on their own to heal and a very powerful depression is a very difficult thing to heal by ourselves. The more feminine interactive modes are more likely to open avenues of loving others challenging our shame, guilt, and self deprecation. Healing with action and inaction will often lack this outer challenge from someone we love and this leaves men more at risk to persistent negative thoughts, shame, and guilt. His pain is less visible to others and this is dangerous in a powerful depression.

I hope you are seeing that men are taught to keep their emotions to themselves, that their emotional pain is not something that others want to hear, and that it is not something that does them much good if expressed. Rather, they see that if expressed they run into a wall of shame and judgment. It is a short step to now realize that for these reasons he is much less likely to seek “help.” First he knows it is likely not there for him but second he also knows that it’s a trap, if he does show his vulnerability he is toast.

BIOLOGY

Then there is the biological aspect to this. Men get 10 times more testosterone than women and we are now learning some fascinating things about testosterone. For years scientists have been unsuccessful in trying to connect testosterone with aggression. With improved research techniques they now know that rather than being related to aggression , testosterone pushes men to strive for status and to protect that status once gained. Men and to a lesser degree boys, are built to strive for status. Wanting to succeed, wanting to win, wanting to be good at something and working towards that are all now known to be related to testosterone. It’s easy to see how winning and succeeding are important to men and boys and also are the antithesis of dependency. When we win we are far from dependent. Boys and men are not only socially conditioned to be independent they are pushed in the same direction by their biology. Independence equals success, dependence equals failure.

Another impact of testosterone that has been verified recently is that it reduces fear and increases willingness to take risks. This adds some strength to Joiner’s ideas about fearlessness.

If you look at the factors we are discussing separately they don’t make much sense. Why push boys to not cry? Why try and win all the time? Why does precarious manhood push men to repeatedly prove their manhood? Why would testosterone push men to strive for status and take risks? Each by itself doesn’t make much sense. But if you look at them working together it begins to add up. All of these things are helping men in what is being called the masculine hierarchy. Big Horn Sheep butt heads to determine which male will have access to the top rated females, right? What scientists are now finding is that human males also live in a hierarchy. And, like the sheep, the bottom line of the hierarchy is reproductive access. Precarious manhood, testosterone, the desire to win and not be seen as dependent are all factors in moving upwards in the male hierarchy. None of this really makes much sense until you realize that women really, really, like high status. Men of high status, like millionaires, Senators, professional sports players, famous musicians all have a much better chance of attracting women than most guys on the street. These men are high in the male hierarchy. All men know this and will work hard to be as high in the hierarchy as he can, knowing that higher status means a better chance of success with very attractive women.

So really, the parents discouraging their sons from crying in public is done not as a crazy and inexplicable act but as a way to help him be higher in the hierarchy. They want their son to succeed. Same with precarious manhood. The pushing of males to repeatedly prove their worth is just another way to push him higher in the hierarchy. Testosterone does something similar when it pushes men and boys to strive for status. It is this striving for status that has literally built much of modernity. It is nothing to sneeze at.

Men live in this hierarchy each day, in fact, their lives are surrounded by hierarchy. What are men’s favorite sections of the newspaper? Sports and business? What do those have in common? Hierarchy after hierarchy. Things are broken down to who is first, second, third and on and on. IBM stock up today, DOW up but the NASDAQ down at the close of trading. RBI’s, batting averages, quarterback ratings and a host of sports stats are the domain and love of many men. Think hierarchy. Many men enjoy this and women are often perplexed.

stats

The hierarchy is what it is, but it does have some lethal effects when it comes to suicide. Men will strive to stay up in the hierarchy as high as they can. But this means putting on your best face whenever possible, putting your best foot forward. In order to maintain your place in the hierarchy you don’t want to share your failures, your dependencies, or your depression. This puts men into a very dangerous place. Their lives have often been filled with striving for status and trying to put a successful face on for the public.

Women often do not understand this. They think that he should just get over it and start talking about stuff. But wait a minute. Women have a similar hierarchy. It’s called attractiveness. Women do their best to put their best foot forward when it comes to their appearance. While men’s hierarchical involvement is more global and touches nearly every sphere of his life, a woman’s hierarchy is more limited to attractiveness. Just as status is one of a man’s tickets to reproductive success, the same is true for women and attractiveness. And most women work hard at this. Just a quick look at the 64 billion dollar cosmetic industry should give you a sense of how important this is

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September 03, 2026
False Allegations - What the Numbers Don't Tell Us

We are getting a head start on International Falsely Accused day on Sept 9th!

How many false allegations of sexual abuse are there? We are often told they are extremely rare—perhaps only one to three percent. But those numbers depend on an extraordinarily narrow definition of what qualifies as a false allegation. They usually count only allegations proven to have been deliberately fabricated. Mistaken identity, contaminated memories, misunderstandings, suggestive interviewing, unsupported accusations and even recanted allegations may not be included.

In this conversation, Janice Fiamengo and I speak with Dr. Felicity Goodyear Smith, a physician, forensic medical examiner and professor at the University of Auckland who has studied wrongful allegations for more than three decades. Felicity explains the many different ways an innocent person can be accused, separating deliberate fabrications from allegations that are sincerely believed but untrue.

We also examine how “believe the victim” has ...

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July 15, 2026
The Women's Health Narrative Meets the DATA

What if one of the most common claims in health policy simply isn’t true?

We’ve all heard the refrain: women are underfunded, under-researched, and left behind by the medical establishment. It’s repeated so often that most people never stop to ask for the evidence.

In this roundtable, Jack Kammer, Ed Bartlett, Ed Stephens, Jim Nuzzo, and I compare that narrative with the available data. We examine research funding, clinical trial participation, life expectancy, and the unintended consequences of policies that consistently prioritize one sex while neglecting the other.

This isn’t an argument against women’s health. It’s an argument for evidence, fairness, and a healthier future for everyone.

Link to the Feminist pdf that calls for 20 Billion dollars for women’s health!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IKEEZMGXtRNxU4n5K_M1d6k2w-ZP_wVT/view

Jim Nuzzo

The Nuzzo Newsletter on Substack http//jameslnuzzo.Substack.com
X: https://x.com/JamesLNuzzo

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00:35:24
July 11, 2026
Mantoon: A Visit to the Doc

A visit to the Doc.

00:00:14

As I stated before women who actually see men’s rights and general fairness as valid, tend to be the mothers of boys. This video is a great example of them pushing back and it is great to see.

August 10, 2026
Feminism Cannot Be Reformed: It Must Be Destroyed Root and Branch

Janice Fiamengo’s new book is out, and this excerpt from the Foreword gives you a pretty good idea of what to expect. Janice goes straight to the heart of feminism and gives ample reasons for its demolition.

This is an important book. I hope you’ll get a copy for yourself—and maybe send one to someone who is even a little bit open to seeing the reality of feminism rather than the equality mask presented by feminists and so much of the media.

https://fiamengofile.substack.com/p/feminism-cannot-be-reformed

Well worth watch it’s good seeing men calling out women’s bull shit when the same women are not use to fair honest responses!

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1JtTnYLC7K/?mibextid=wwXIfr

October 13, 2026
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A New Documentary Takes on Feminism
Meet filmmaker Les Lanphere and his upcoming film, Deceived: The Ruin of the Modern Woman.

I had a great conversation today with filmmaker Les Lanphere, who is working on a provocative new documentary called Deceived: The Ruin of the Modern Woman.

Les is an experienced documentary filmmaker whose previous work includes Calvinist, Spirit & Truth, and Cessationist. In addition to his independent documentaries, he has worked on major, large-budget film productions, bringing valuable experience from the broader film industry to his own projects. His newest documentary takes on a very different subject: feminism and its impact on women, men, families, and society.

What particularly interests me about this project is its willingness to challenge one of our culture’s most deeply entrenched assumptions: that feminism has been a force for good in women’s lives. Les takes a much more provocative position. His film sets out to expose the consequences of a movement that claims to liberate women but has often left them worse off.

The film approaches these questions from a Christian perspective, examining how feminism has reshaped our understanding of women, men, marriage, and family life. Les is asking important questions that deserve far more attention than they typically receive, and I’m delighted to see a filmmaker willing to tackle them so directly.

Here’s the trailer for the upcoming film:

Helping bring the film to life

The project’s crowdfunding campaign has already reached its original fundraising goal, which is wonderful news. But producing a documentary is an expensive undertaking, and additional contributions are still welcome and appreciated.

If you believe that feminism deserves serious scrutiny and that alternative perspectives should have an opportunity to be heard, consider supporting the project.

Support Deceived: The Ruin of the Modern Woman on Kickstarter

I’ll be interviewing Les soon for Men Are Good, and I’m looking forward to exploring his plans for the film, what motivated him to make it, and what he hopes audiences will take away.

Stay tuned. I think this will be a fascinating conversation.

Men Are Good.

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October 05, 2026
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The Warrior Within (part one of two)
Robert Moore and the Strength to Act

 

A note from Tom - Moore’s work is especially important today because so much contemporary discussion of masculinity begins—and often ends—with its shadow side. Feminist theories have given us an increasingly thin picture of men, rich in criticism but poor in any understanding of mature masculine strength. Moore never denied masculinity’s capacity for violence, domination, and destructiveness; he simply understood that these distortions cannot be comprehended without also recognizing the healthy power from which they have fallen.




Of Robert Moore’s four masculine archetypes, the Warrior may be the easiest to not understand.

We hear the word and think of violence. We picture a soldier, a prizefighter, an action hero, or perhaps a swaggering man eager to prove that he is tougher than everyone around him. In our current culture, the Warrior is often treated as the embarrassing remnant of an earlier masculinity—something primitive that civilized men should learn to suppress.

Moore believed that this was a serious mistake.

The Warrior is not simply the part of a man that can fight. It is the capacity to act, to endure, to remain loyal, to protect a boundary, to organize resources, to distinguish what matters from what does not, and to place one’s strength in service to something larger than oneself.

Violence is one possible expression of Warrior energy, but it is not its essence. In fact, the man most eager to use force may be possessed by the Warrior rather than mature in it. And the man who insists that he has no aggression may be no safer. His sword has not disappeared. It has simply gone underground.

Moore’s central insight could be put this way:

The mature Warrior is not the violent man. He is the man who has acknowledged his capacity for force, brought it under conscious discipline, and placed it in service to something beyond himself.

The dangerous man is often the one who either worships the sword or insists he has no sword at all.


There Are No Freelance Warriors

 
The mature Warrior does not serve his own power. He places it in service to something larger.

In a previous post, I explored Moore’s understanding of the King. The King creates order, accepts responsibility, blesses life, and establishes the values of the realm.

The Warrior serves that order.

That relationship is crucial. Warrior energy by itself does not know whether a cause is just. It knows how to identify an enemy, formulate a strategy, accept hardship, mobilize resources, and attack an objective. Those capacities can protect a child or terrorize one. They can defend a community or destroy it. The Warrior supplies power, but it cannot by itself decide what that power should serve.

That is the King’s task.

Moore said that there can be mercenaries without a King, but there can be no true Warriors. The mercenary may be highly skilled. He may be brave, disciplined, and effective. But he fights for money, status, excitement, or whoever happens to be paying. The mature Warrior serves a moral order: a community, a sacred obligation, the vulnerable, the future, or a vision of justice larger than his own appetite.

This is one reason Warrior energy cannot be understood simply as aggression. The mature Warrior does not ask only, “Can I win?” He asks, “Whom do I serve? What am I protecting? Under what authority do I act? What will I refuse to do, even to an enemy?”

Power becomes mature when it kneels.


The Sword Is a Responsibility

 
To possess the sword responsibly is to know both when to draw it and when to hold it still.

Moore spent considerable time discussing the symbolism of the sword.

The sword represents potency, discrimination, and the ability to cut through confusion. It separates one thing from another. It says yes to this and no to that. It establishes a boundary and makes action possible.

But in the traditional ceremony of knighthood, the candidate does not merely seize the sword and begin swinging it. He kneels beneath it. The sword touches him before he carries it.

This means that the Warrior comes under the authority of the sword. His power is governed by a code. He accepts responsibility for how it will be used and what must never be done with it.

The mature Warrior knows that he can cause harm. He does not pretend to be harmless, nor does he advertise his dangerousness in order to frighten others. His power is acknowledged, visible, disciplined, and accountable.

Moore contrasted the sword with the dagger. The sword is openly carried. The dagger is concealed.

The dagger belongs to the person who says, “I am not angry. I would never hurt anyone. I have no interest in power.” Yet the blade appears through sarcasm, procrastination, chronic criticism, manipulation, helplessness, gossip, obstruction, or the perfectly timed wound delivered from behind.

Just because a person does not show a sword does not mean there is no blade.

Denied aggression does not become love. It becomes unconscious aggression.



Permission to Be Powerful

 
A boy’s strength needs guidance, welcome, and a worthy purpose—not shame.

For a boy to develop a healthy relationship with his strength, he needs more than warnings about what not to do. He needs permission to be powerful.

That permission does not mean, “Do whatever you want.” It means, “Your strength is real. It is welcome. It has a place. Let us help you learn what it is for.”

Moore saw the father’s response to the son’s growing power as enormously important. The mature father does not shame the boy for his energy or become threatened when the boy begins to surpass him. He is pleased by the son’s increasing strength. He draws him close, lets him admire, and eventually helps him place that power under discipline and moral purpose.

The shadow father does something very different. He mocks the boy’s awkwardness, treats his energy as dangerous, competes with him, or crushes him before his adult capacities have had time to form. Moore told of a shy, thin adolescent whose father ridiculed his emerging masculinity. The boy later grew into an impressive man, but the wound remained. The father had attacked the unfinished form of something that needed encouragement and time.

Moore pointed to Bull Meechum, the domineering Marine father in Pat Conroy’s The Great Santini, as a vivid portrait of this shadow father. Meechum is a formidable military man—competent and commanding—but emotionally he remains a boy. He can drill, compete, and dominate, but he cannot welcome his son’s emerging strength or bless him as he comes into manhood. What appears to be mature masculinity is largely an impressive uniform wrapped around an uninitiated personality.

A boy who never receives permission to be powerful may grow into a man who fears his own strength. He may become excessively compliant, wait for others to decide, or apologize whenever he takes up space. He may also be vulnerable to sudden eruptions of rage because the Warrior, excluded from ordinary consciousness, returns in a primitive form.

Or he may find someone else to carry his Warrior for him.


The Warrior We Give Away

Moore was particularly good at showing how disowned power becomes projection.

A person who cannot say no may attach himself to someone who says no cruelly. A man who cannot act may idolize a strongman who promises to act for him. A dependent person may wait for a rescuer. A rescuer may go looking for a helpless person and an abusive villain so he can play Sir Galahad. A grandiose leader may surround himself with loyal knights willing to sacrifice themselves for his cause.

In each case, Warrior energy is present. It simply has not been claimed consciously.

This is why Moore refused to define Warrior pathology only as “too much aggression.” Too little conscious Warrior can be equally destructive.

The person who continually says “I can’t” may be projecting agency onto everyone around him. The compulsively nice person may secretly admire people who intimidate and dominate. The chronic complainer has enough Warrior energy to carve at the world but not enough to do anything constructive about it.

Moore’s observation was delightfully blunt: people who complain a great deal often do very little.

Passive aggression is Warrior energy trying to enter through the basement. Procrastination, deliberate incompetence, obstruction, and overcompliance allow a person to attack while preserving the belief that he is innocent.

Imagine a therapist asking a compulsive client to bring in some dreams. The following week the client arrives with forty-two of them. He has obeyed perfectly—and buried the therapist beneath the obedience. The dagger has struck, but no one can accuse him of failing to cooperate.

The healing task is not to make such a man more aggressive. It is to help him become direct.


The Capacity to Act

At its most ordinary and necessary, the Warrior is the part of us that gets things done.

It makes a plan. It identifies the next step. It organizes time and resources. It accepts discomfort. It gets out of bed, makes the telephone call, confronts the problem, keeps the appointment, protects the child, finishes the work, and stays faithful when novelty has disappeared.

The Lover may bring two people together, but the Warrior helps them keep their vows. Attraction is not fidelity. Feeling deeply is not the same as remaining present when a relationship becomes difficult.

The same is true of vocation. Many people can imagine, study, discuss, analyze, worry, and wait. The Warrior acts.

Moore described clients who could spend months exploring their dreams without ever asking what they should do. He began deliberately making room for that question. And he discovered something remarkably practical: people usually already knew.

They knew the conversation they needed to have, the habit they needed to stop, the application they needed to submit, the boundary they needed to set, or the task they had been avoiding. What they lacked was not information. They lacked access to the energy required to act upon it.

Therapy, at that point, could create a space in which the person named the action and received support for the Warrior as he began to do it.

That fits closely with what I have seen in working with men. Insight matters, but insight often needs somewhere to go. Many men begin to move when suffering can be translated into a task—not because action replaces feeling, but because meaningful action gives feeling a form.


The Warrior’s Anesthesia

Warrior energy carries its own anesthesia.

In battle, crisis, emergency, or sustained effort, that can be lifesaving. The Warrior allows a person to continue despite fear, pain, fatigue, and injury. A firefighter cannot stop in the burning building to process every emotion. A father protecting his family may need to act before he has time to feel. A surgeon, police officer, soldier, or trauma worker may temporarily set aside his own reactions in order to do what the situation requires.

But the Warrior does not know when enough is enough.

Moore joked about tanks advancing across the plain until they ran out of gasoline. It is a wonderful image of the workaholic life. The campaign is impressive, the objective is clear, and the forces keep moving—but no one has checked the fuel gauge.

When Warrior energy dominates a personality, a man may not feel tired when he is tired. He may not know he is wounded. He may continue working, fighting, producing, and enduring long after his body or relationships have begun to break down.

The Warrior is not designed to tend the wound. The Magician can recognize it. The Lover can feel it. The King can decide that the welfare of the realm requires rest, repair, or retreat. But the Warrior alone knows only the mission.

This is why Moore never intended any archetype to stand by itself. The pure Warrior is not a complete man. He is a magnificent and terrifying machine.

In Part Two, we will follow Moore’s Warrior through the white, red, and black knights—then examine the Warrior’s relationship to enemies, shadow, admiration, and the difficult passage from raw power to mature service.

Men Are Good.

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October 01, 2026
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When “Leadership” Means Feminist Activism
How feminist organizations turn school-age leadership into activism—and why parents should know.





The question is not whether girls should lead. It is whether parents are being told what kind of political formation is taking place in their children’s schools.

When we were children, many of us heard the same warning: do not go anywhere with a stranger who offers you candy.

It was never a very complete picture of danger. Most children are not abducted by strangers. Yet the story carried a truth that parents understood: children are impressionable. They can be attracted by something pleasant, familiar, or seemingly harmless without seeing where it may lead.

And yes, they can be drawn to a message that relieves them of responsibility and explains their difficulties as the fault of the opposite sex. In that sense, the feminist message can be its own kind of candy.

I have been looking at feminist organizations that establish clubs and leadership programs for girls and young people. At first I wondered whether there was evidence of an effort to introduce girls to feminism early and bring them into activism. The answer to that questions is yes—but the organizations’ own public materials tell a more specific story than the caricature: they introduce young people to feminist ideas and train them to advocate for particular political causes.

What I found was an organized pathway. It begins in middle and high school. It teaches students a particular way of understanding social problems. Then it gives them training and tools to advocate politically for the causes selected by the organization. A small portion of those tools, often called Guidebooks, is available to the public. The largest portion of their material is withheld. Do you think they might be hiding something?

So it can be framed as public youth activism. But it is not politically neutral. The publicly available material makes it clear that their objectives are to train activists to fight for the feminist cause.

Middle-school girls are at an age when belonging, identity, and moral purpose matter deeply. They are not empty vessels, but they are still forming ideas about who they are, whom they should trust, and how to interpret unfairness. That is why parents should take seriously any program that combines friendship and leadership with a particular political worldview.

Let’s have a look at some of these programs.


Girls Learn International: a pathway, not merely a club

Girls Learn International (GLI), a program of the Feminist Majority Foundation, reports more than 160 clubs in 26 states and 18 countries. Its clubs are for middle- and high-school students, and GLI says they operate in public and private schools as well as community settings. Its own description says that it is building “a movement of informed advocates and a new generation of leaders and activists for social change.”

The organization provides an online Guidebook with more than fifty meeting guides. The public catalog includes titles such as “Allyship in Action,” “In Her Shoes,” “Representing Girlhood,” and “Rethinking the Language We Use.” The detailed lessons require a club login, so ​we really don’t know what is behind that door.

But GLI is very clear about the larger program. Students meet regularly to learn about human rights and gender equity, then are expected to undertake advocacy or fundraising projects. The stated issues include reproductive rights, comprehensive sex education, the Equal Rights Amendment, LGBTQIA+ rights, racial justice, environmental justice, civic engagement, and menstrual equity. There are trainings, a summer activist program, conferences, internships, United Nations opportunities, and a bridge into the organization’s college-level feminist network.

Again, none of this is hidden. The point is not that the group is concealing its goals. The point is that parents may see the word club or leadership and not recognize that the program is also a pipeline into a defined political movement.


NOW is even more explicit

The National Organization for Women’s Campus Action Network offers materials for middle- and high-school students as well as college students. One public activity list gives us a much clearer view of what “young feminist” organizing looks like.

Students are invited to do an “Education Privilege Walk.” They line up, step forward or backward in response to statements about family education, race, language, disability, income, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and safety. When the walk ends, the students who have moved furthest forward—those treated by the exercise as having the greatest privilege—compete for two candy bars. The discussion then asks whether the competition was fair and what “gaps in privilege” need to be bridged.

There is nothing illegitimate about discussing unequal circumstances. Young people should understand that some classmates face burdens others do not.

But the exercise does more than encourage empathy. It gives students a framework: social outcomes are understood through privilege, group identity, and unequal power. That is a political lens. It is not the only lens through which children can be taught to understand the world.

The next activity makes the framework explicit. Each student receives a card naming an “intersectional feminist issue” and is asked to discuss how they would solve it. The approved issue list includes ending the wage gap, abortion access, keeping Planned Parenthood open, ratifying the ERA, comprehensive sex education, transgender military service, immigration policy, and other causes. The same document recommends documentaries such as She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry, Seeing Allred, The Hunting Ground, and Birthright: A War Story.

Those films and causes do not represent every reasonable view of sex, family, women, men, violence, education, or public policy. They represent a particular worldview. The clubs then give students practice in fundraising, campus organizing, publicity, and political action.

It is hard to honestly describe this as merely encouraging girls to “find their voice.” It is training young people to use a feminist voice in public life.


Other organizations say the same thing in different language

GLI and NOW are not unusual.

Girl Up, a program launched by the United Nations Foundation, calls advocacy its tool for “social, political, and economic change.” It supplies clubs with advocacy resources around gender-based violence, sexual and reproductive health and rights, menstrual equity, education, and other issues. It reports thousands of clubs worldwide.

Advocates for Youth publishes a 64-page Youth Activist Toolkit. It teaches young people how to define a problem, identify “constituents” and allies, analyze decision-makers, build collective power, shape a public narrative, and run campaigns. Its examples include reproductive justice and ending stigma around abortion.

Girls for Gender Equity is more candid still. In a public program model, it says its work is grounded in Black feminist pedagogy, intersectionality, social justice, and an anti-oppression analysis. It recruited young women and gender-nonconforming youth to develop policy recommendations for New York City around education, health, anti-violence work, criminal justice, and other systems. One may agree with its aims. But no parent should mistake the program for neutral civic education.

​I suppose these organizations might provide some value to girls. They ​might encourage confidence, public speaking, friendship, service, ​and attention to real hardships​.

But those benefits do not erase the political purpose. Leadership is not neutral when the organization chooses the causes, the interpretive lens, the reading and viewing lists, the vocabulary, and the campaigns.


What about boys?

There are programs for boys. I found groups such as A Call to Men, Coaching Boys Into Men, Equimundo, and MenEngage. They often teach boys about consent, relationship behavior, violence prevention, “healthy masculinity,” and being allies in gender equality.

Some of that work may be useful.

Yet there is a striking difference in emphasis. Girls’ programs are often organized around girls’ leadership, girls’ rights, girls’ voices, and girls’ advocacy. Boys’ programs more often begin with what boys must not become: violent, sexist, dominating, unsafe, or emotionally closed. They are frequently asked to become allies to a movement built around others’ needs.

I have not found a comparably large and well-developed network of school clubs that begins with this message: boys and men have inherent dignity; their struggles matter; their gifts matter; their health, education, fatherhood, and safety deserve attention; and they can organize to address the places where boys and men are doing badly.

That absence is worth noticing.


The question parents should ask

The point is not to pull girls out of every club, or to frighten parents with exaggerated claims. It is to ask the same questions we should ask of any organization seeking access to children.

What is this group teaching? What assumptions does it make about men and women? Which social problems does it emphasize, and which ones does it ignore?​ What films, readings, slogans, and activities shape the ​young girl’s understanding of men, women, and social problems? Is the purpose service, discussion, leadership, political advocacy—or all of the above?

And perhaps most importantly: are parents told the answer plainly?

Both boys and girls should be encouraged to think, lead, speak, and act. But neither should be quietly handed a ready-made ideological map and told that it is simply compassion, empowerment, or equality.

Children deserve to learn how to think before they are trained to become advocates for someone else’s conclusions.


A word about the money

The funding picture is large, even though the precise youth-program share is difficult to isolate. Public Form 990 filings show that the Feminist Majority Foundation reported roughly $8 million in revenue in its most recent filing, while Girls for Gender Equity reported roughly $3 million. The United Nations Foundation—the parent organization of Girl Up—reported about $77 million in revenue. Those three organizations alone represent nearly $90 million in annual organizational revenue.

That is not a claim that $90 million is spent on girls’ clubs. It is not. The United Nations Foundation supports many projects besides Girl Up, and the Feminist Majority Foundation does much more than Girls Learn International. The other organizations discussed here have separate budgets as well. No honest person can turn their parent organizations’ full revenue into a dollar figure for youth feminist advocacy. But the responsible conclusion is still clear: this is not a shoestring effort. It is a well-funded ecosystem with national and international reach, professional staff, curricula, conferences, networks, and access to schools and public institutions.

Imagine if even a small portion of that kind of sustained support were devoted to boys. Not to telling them they are dangerous or defective, and not to making them auxiliary members of someone else’s movement. Imagine school clubs, mentors, and materials that told boys that masculinity is honorable; that courage, responsibility, protection, competence, and leadership are gifts to be developed; that boys’ pain and losses matter; and that they have inherent value simply as human beings. Imagine a generation of boys being invited to lead from strength and purpose rather than being taught, first of all, to apologize for who they are.

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