MenAreGood
Why Men Don’t Fight Back: Key Insights from Research
Gynocentrism #5
November 07, 2024

Why Men Don’t Fight Back: Key Insights from Research

The previous post explored a number of reasons why men often refrain from pushing back, focusing on the ideas of male hierarchy and gynocentrism. While these concepts are straightforward, academic research directly addressing them is scarce. However, over the past two decades, studies have inadvertently deepened our understanding of both. Research on Moral Typecasting highlights the reality of gynocentrism by illustrating the contrasting ways that men and women receive empathy and compassion. Meanwhile, studies on Precarious Manhood and testosterone's role in social behavior shed light on the male hierarchy and the constant social negotiations men navigate within it. Although these studies don’t directly address men’s reluctance to push back, they reveal patterns that support this behavior, painting a compelling picture of the social and biological factors that can make men less inclined to retaliate, both interpersonally and socially.  Let's first look at moral typecasting.

Moral Typecasting

 

The concept of moral typecasting sheds light on why men often don’t fight back. In moral psychology, moral typecasting explains how people tend to categorize others into one of two roles in moral situations: moral agents (those who take action and demonstrate agency) and moral patients (those who receive action and embody patiency).

Research suggests that individuals are usually categorized as either “doers” (moral agents with agency) or “sufferers” (moral patients with patiency), and these roles are largely seen as mutually exclusive. Once someone is perceived as having agency, they’re viewed as less capable of suffering or as less deserving of compassion. Conversely, those seen as having patiency are regarded as victims who deserve empathy, are assumed to feel more pain, and are seen as worthy of support.

Recent research reveals that people are more inclined to automatically assign agency to men and patiency to women. As a result, most people tend to see men as having agency and women as having patiency.

The table below illustrates these general attitudes:

Agency (Men)                                      Patiency (Women)
Seen as capable                                   Seen as vulnerable
Receive less support                            Seen as victims
Viewed as blameworthy                        Viewed as needing support
Deemed deserving of punishment        Deserving of compassion

 

This means that women are more likely to be seen as vulnerable and deserving of support. It also helps us to understand why many people will look for excuses for women even in the extreme case of when they are convicted of a crime.  People will automatically offer excuses for her such as her past abuse or her mental health issues as reasons for her misbehavior. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to be viewed as having agency, meaning they are expected to be capable and self-sufficient, with less need for compassion. If a man is convicted of a crime, people are more likely to believe he deserves full punishment. These biases are unconscious and automatic; most people are unaware of them.  This impacts a huge decrease in length of sentencing for the same crime. Research tells us that the bias is so strong that women get 62% less time in jail for the same crime.  This is moral typecasting/gynocentrism at work.  And no one notices.

These findings parallel the gynocentric model that predicts that women will receive more compassion and support simply for being women. We add onto that the moral typecasting findings that men by default will be less likely to get compassion and understanding.  Men's pain and needs are more likely to be ignored.

How Moral Typecasting Affects Men's Reluctance to Fight Back

This bias influences men's reluctance to fight back. Both men and women in relationships are likely to perceive the woman as vulnerable and deserving of support (e.g., "never hit a girl"). At the same time, the man is seen as having agency, so he is expected to help and take responsibility and is much less deserving of support. This dynamic creates a silent, but powerful, impact on relationships, the belief that a man's role is to help and support the woman and to avoid voicing his own needs. (happy wife, happy life) Men are aware that people care much more about the difficulties of women and not about his difficulties, and tend to stay quiet.  How does one fight back for something no one cares about?  They don't.  This is clearly marking the quiet and powerful workings of gynocentrism that creates a different world for men and for women.

If the man fails in some way, he is seen as deserving of punishment, while the woman’s failures are met with compassion and understanding.  This sets men up to have their pain ignored.  If people believe you are not entitled to an emotional response to hardship, that diminishes their interest in hearing your struggles, your wants, and your needs.  And men live in a world that expects them to have agency, get the job done and not complain. Men are very aware that no one wants to hear their personal problems.  Many men simply feel it is not worth it to complain. When no one wants to hear  your struggles and difficulties it makes it senseless to complain about your struggles and difficulties.  Attacking feminism would be just that.  It would be seen as a complaint from a "privileged" man who has agency and would be viewed as being anti-woman.   In some ways, relationships are a set up.

Emotional Impact of Agency and Patiency

Another critical aspect is how agency limits the expression of tender emotions. A person with agency (mostly men) is expected to get things done, not to show vulnerability or cry. In contrast, someone with patiency is expected to have emotions and is often rewarded for expressing them and being vulnerable. This dynamic encourages women in relationships to express emotions, while discouraging men from doing the same. Women are allowed emotional expression; men are not. At the same time men are expected to have agency and help her with her needs.  So he is silenced and she is given permission to openly emote/complain and he is responsible to fix it. This not only directly impacts the amount of compassion each receives, it also creates a one way path where the man's needs are of less importance.  This explains how when a man complains about feminism and how it negatively impacts him he is usually called a whiner.  "Stop your whining!  You have it all!"

It's easy now to see that men will be less likely to ask for help, complain about their situation, or even to point out a double standard.  Why?  Because people are by default, biased to care more about the needs of women and not as much about the needs of men.  If he complains it puts him into a position of claiming vulnerability and need and this is exactly what moral typecasting tends to stifle.  When she complains people listen, when he complains people will likely call him a baby and tell him he needs to man up.  Just listen to women talk about their husbands when the husbands are ill.  The women can only tolerate a man's neediness for a short period before she burns out and throws her hands up in the air saying that he is such a baby and needs to grow up.  A man's dependency is very tough on women.  

How does this show up in the real world?  Have you ever told a feminist that men are also victims of domestic violence?  The result is that you will likely be immediately attacked.  It's easy to see how women's pain is an important topic but men's pain is avoided at all cost. I remember telling a feminist domestic violence worker that men were a considerable portion of the victims but had no services.  Did she commiserate about the men who were left out?  No, first she loudly denied it and next told me I was a misogynist, that I didn't really care about women.  Then she finished up by saying "If there are male victims you need to build shelters for them just like we did for women."  Note that she feels perfectly all right in taking credit for the building of services for women and is equally happy to hold me to be the accountable party to build new shelters for men.  This of course relieves her of any responsibility for  the problem.  Pretty slick for someone who likely didn't lift a finger to build those shelters.  Men built them, men funded them, men legislated for them.  And so it goes.  That is the nature of moral typecasting.  It basically has a hand in shutting men up.  


Precarious Manhood

 

Research on precarious manhood reveals that the experiences of manhood and womanhood are fundamentally different. For girls, reaching womanhood is tied to a biological event—menstruation—after which they are considered women. Psychologists refer to this as an ascribed status, meaning it is granted based on a biological milestone. In contrast, manhood is not an ascribed status. Even after puberty, boys are not automatically considered men.  They have to prove it.

The research shows that, across many cultures worldwide, boys must prove their manhood through public actions or achievements. Even when a boy is accepted as a man by his culture, his status is fragile—he can lose it if he behaves in ways deemed unmanly. This is why it’s called "precarious manhood." The original researcher Joseph Vandello, describes manhood as "hard to gain but easy to lose." This experience is completely different from that of girls becoming women, as they do not have to prove anything to gain their status as women. This leaves boys and men sensitive to anything that might raise or lower their status. Males and females live in very different worlds but no one tells the boys that is the case.

A central aspect of precarious manhood, (and the male hierarchy) is the role women play in judging a man's masculinity. Men will also judge other men but this is the judgement of a competitor since men are in competition with each other. This makes women's judgement of men important. The sum of men's and women's judgements of men is typically for the purpose of ranking the man within the male hierarchy. This ranking is key in the man's ability to attract the top females. This positions women as crucial evaluators of a man's masculinity, making men hesitant to do anything that could diminish their status in women's eyes. Fighting back, for instance, could risk alienating those who judge their status. In a competition where there are judges, would you want to piss them off?? Of course not—you want to impress them.  Would you want to tell them that feminists, who they believe support their female side of the equation are not telling the truth?  How do you think that would go over?  You would quickly be seen as a misogynist.

Can you see how precarious manhood prevents men from expressing vulnerabilities or anything that might jeopardize their status?  Can  you see that attacking feminism would likely not only fall on deaf ears but be viewed as anti-woman?  Complaining about women/feminists would likely be a failing effort considering the dynamics of precarious manhood and moral typecasting.


Testosterone

 

Testosterone research has shown us that men's levels of Testosterone impact his desire to strive for status. This of course integrates with the precarious manhood and moral typecasting we have seen above.  From the social side men are pushed by precarious manhood to strive for status and from the biological side testosterone also pushes men to strive in a similar manner.  It's a squeeze play as men are pushed from both sides, social and biological. Testosterone also lowers men's fears and increases their willingness to take risks.  Very few women understand these things and often will find themselves judging men unfairly since it differs from their own path and they have been taught the erroneous idea that men and women are all the same. Testosterone is yet another reason, in addition to precarious manhood and moral typecasting for men to use caution when complaining about or challenging women or feminists. 

Whether it is moral typecasting, precarious manhood or the downplaying of the man's side of a relationship we see a common theme:  the woman's needs and desires take precedence over the man's.  This is rarely discussed or even acknowledged.  My experience with couples therapists over the years was consistent.  They tended to focus on what the woman wanted and needed and the man's needs and wants came in second place.  The unwritten and unspoken rule seems to be that she comes first (ladies first) and he should be responsible to see that it happens.  Things are further complicated by the tendency to ignore men's needs and emotional pain.  He is seen by default as someone with agency and this negates the concerns for his side of things.  He is expected to take care of things and not complain.  When he does complain you see fireworks.  I remember working in therapy with a family of a man who had just lost his multi-million dollar fortune.  Were the children and wife compassionate towards his loss?  Were they concerned about his emotional state. No.  They were angry at him since his loss meant they were now having to downgrade their lifestyle.  He was treated more like a spigot than a human being.

In light of all this, it becomes clearer why men often hesitate to challenge feminist narratives or advocate for their own needs. The research findings of moral typecasting, precarious manhood, and biological drivers like testosterone show a strong incentive for men to stay silent, to avoid challenging views that may compromise their perceived status or provoke social backlash. These dynamics not only perpetuate the expectation that men should “man up” and bear hardships without complaint but also contribute to a cultural framework where men’s voices and vulnerabilities are often minimized. Understanding these influences allows us to see the silent struggles men face in a society that expects strength, discourages vulnerability, and often places men’s needs on the back burner. And most people simply don't see it.  Gynocentrism runs silent and it runs deep.

The next post in this series will focus on how feminists weaponized an already powerful gynocentrism to insure that men did not fight back.

Moral Typecasting
https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/dwegner/files/gray__wegner_2009_moral_typecasting.pdf

Tania Reynolds
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/342642686_Man_up_and_take_it_Gender_bias_in_moral_typecasting

Precarious Manhood - Vandello
https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/men-a0029826.pdf

Bosson Research - Precarious Manhood in 62 nations around the world
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/349767070_Psychometric_Properties_and_Correlates_of_Precarious_Manhood_Beliefs_in_62_Nations

Testosterone
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21616702/

Sentencing Research
The study: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2144002

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When One Incel Becomes Ten
How one real threat became evidence of a widespread violent ideology among French youth

 

 

 


One of the great dangers of modern journalism is that a false narrative can acquire the appearance of fact simply by attaching itself to an authoritative source. That is what appears to have happened in a recent Le Monde article about “masculinism.”

The article makes a series of extraordinary claims about boys and men. Its very title announces that masculinism is an “increasingly widespread, violent and popular ideology among French youth.” Throughout the article, male grievance, separated fathers, antifeminism, the manosphere, incels, misogyny and terrorism are placed close enough together that they begin to look like parts of the same phenomenon.

 


And the claims carry considerable authority because they are presented as flowing from a 260-page French Senate report drawing, in part, on information from the DGSI—France’s domestic security service. That sounds impressive. But then you read what the underlying material actually says. And the story begins to fall apart.

The security evidence is dramatically narrower than the Le Monde narrative built around it. Instead of evidence that a widespread movement of French boys and young men is becoming violent, we find one exceptionally serious case involving a young man identified with incel and Black Pill ideology who was allegedly preparing an attack, along with approximately nine other young people being monitored because authorities considered them susceptible to violent radicalization in connection with the incel milieu.

Those are not the same thing. One boy was allegedly preparing an attack. The others were considered susceptible to radicalization.

Yet watch what happens as this information moves through the story:

One alleged incel attack plot → roughly ten monitored youths → incels → the manosphere → masculinism → a widespread violent ideology among French youth.

At every step the population gets larger. But the word violent travels with it.

That is what makes this more than sloppy wording. When journalism takes evidence about one exceptional case and allows its most frightening characteristics to spread across larger and larger groups, it can create a public narrative that the underlying evidence never established.

And when the people being described are boys and men, the resulting narrative can become deeply misandrist: ordinary male distress starts looking suspicious; male grievance becomes a possible gateway to extremism; fathers’ advocacy can be placed alongside misogyny; and boys searching for help, identity or belonging can appear as the outer edge of a terrorist problem.

So I decided to look more closely at the young men being used to support this narrative. That is when I discovered something remarkable.


One incel had become ten.

Not literally, of course. The other young people did not suddenly adopt his beliefs or actions. Rather, the characteristics of this one serious case began to migrate outward onto other young people for whom the evidence was very different.

The DGSI, France’s domestic security service, reported approximately ten young people under scrutiny because they were considered susceptible to violent radicalization in connection with the incel milieu. That is not the same thing as saying that ten violent incels had been discovered.

One young man was identified with incel/Black Pill ideology and allegedly preparing an attack. The others were being watched because authorities believed they might be susceptible to radicalization. That distinction is crucial.

Susceptibility is not radicalization. Surveillance is not violence. And being considered vulnerable to recruitment into an ideology is certainly not the same thing as personally identifying with that ideology.

At each step the population expands while the frightening characteristic derived from the smallest and most extreme group remains attached. That is the sleight of hand at the heart of this story.


The part of the story we weren’t told

There is another detail that makes the Saint-Étienne case considerably more complicated than the framing suggests. According to the account attributed to the DGSI, the young man’s hostility was directed toward a particular girl whom he believed had falsely accused his friends of rape.

That does not make the alleged plot less serious. Nor does it demonstrate that incel ideology played no role. Both things could have been operating simultaneously. But surely it matters when we are trying to understand motive.

There is a significant difference between a young man wanting to attack women simply because they are women and a young man who embraces incel ideas but is also enraged at a particular person because he believes she seriously harmed his friends. The Le Monde article made no mention of his concerns for his friends.

Perhaps incel ideology intensified that grievance. Perhaps the grievance drove his attraction to the ideology. Perhaps both were important. We don’t know. And that is precisely the point.

The available evidence does not allow us simply to choose among those possibilities. But remove the specific grievance and what remains is a much cleaner story:

Incel hates women and plans attack against girl.

Put the omitted grievance back in and the story becomes more complicated:

A troubled young man immersed in incel/Black Pill material allegedly planned violence against a particular girl whom he believed had falsely accused his friends of rape.

The second description is less convenient. It is also more complete.


One boy carries the weight of the story

This matters because the Saint-Étienne suspect is doing an enormous amount of work in the larger narrative. He is the strongest evidence of the progression the article wants the reader to see:

male grievance → incel ideology → radicalization → violence

But then his characteristics begin to bleed outward onto the other young people.

The Senate report itself is more cautious. It distinguishes cognitive radicalization from behavioral radicalization and acknowledges that the scientific literature does not establish a causal relationship between exposure to masculinist material and violent action. Ideological adherence, it says, does not mechanically lead to violence.

That qualification changes everything. A boy can watch objectionable material without accepting it. He can accept radical ideas without becoming violent. He can be lonely or angry without being radicalized. He can be susceptible to radicalization without actually becoming radicalized. And he can be monitored by a security service without ever having planned an attack.

Those aren’t minor semantic distinctions. They are different evidentiary categories.


How a threat grows on paper

Once you preserve those distinctions, the architecture of the story becomes much easier to see. There are really three very different populations.

The first is a serious case: a young man identified with incel/Black Pill ideology who was allegedly preparing an attack.

The second is a tiny security population: approximately ten young people considered susceptible to violent radicalization in connection with incel milieus.

The third is an enormous and heterogeneous population of boys and men who may watch male-oriented influencers, participate in parts of the manosphere, criticize feminism, favor traditional sex roles, belong to fathers’ groups, struggle with dating, or simply search online for help with loneliness, fitness, money, relationships, or becoming a better man.

Evidence about the first population does not automatically describe the second. And evidence about the second certainly does not describe the third.

But place all three populations close enough together and the reader begins to experience them as points along a single continuum. That is where framing becomes so powerful.

You don’t actually have to say that the lonely fifteen-year-old watching fitness videos is on his way to becoming a terrorist. You merely put him into a narrative that begins with algorithms and male grievance, passes through misogyny and incels, and ends with terrorism.

The reader supplies the arrow.


One attack becomes two

This is also why another discrepancy in the Le Monde article matters so much. The article says that two violent masculinist actions were foiled in 2024 and 2025. But the underlying Senate report identifies one imminent incel terrorist attack foiled by the DGSI—the Saint-Étienne case.

The report discusses other young people who were arrested, referred, investigated, or monitored. But those categories are not interchangeable.

A referral is not an attack. Surveillance is not an attack. Concern about possible radicalization is not an attack. Preparation for an attack is something else entirely.

Unless a second equivalent case can be identified, turning one foiled attack into two “violent actions” isn’t merely a numerical discrepancy. It reinforces the larger narrative by making an extraordinarily small phenomenon appear to be reproducing itself.

And the report itself warns against drawing broad conclusions from these cases. The number is simply too small.

Yet the headline offered to readers was:

“Masculinism, an increasingly widespread, violent and popular ideology among French youth.”

Think about the distance between that headline and the underlying security evidence. One alleged imminent attack. Approximately ten young people being watched because they were considered susceptible to violent radicalization associated with the incel milieu. Only one clearly identified here as an incel/Black Pill adherent preparing an attack.

That is a very different story.


The boys disappear again

There is one final part of this that troubles me. The Senate material describes many of these young people as profoundly vulnerable. Their histories include bullying, social isolation, trauma, sexual victimization, disability, psychiatric difficulties, and dysfunctional families.

Those details should matter. They don’t excuse threats or violence. A young man preparing to hurt someone needs to be stopped regardless of what happened to him.

But imagine encountering a group of troubled girls with those histories. Would our first question be: How dangerous are these girls to men? Or would we ask: What happened to them?

With these boys, their vulnerability seems to become interesting primarily because it may make them susceptible to radicalization. Their suffering becomes a security indicator.

The boy disappears and the potential perpetrator takes his place.

That may be one of the most revealing aspects of the entire story.

The same information could have prompted another set of questions. Why are these boys isolated? Why were some of them bullied? What happened to the sexually victimized ones? Where are their fathers? Where are the male mentors? Why are boys searching online for communities that seem to offer them belonging, identity and meaning? And what could we do to reach them before some negative influencers do?

Those questions don’t require ignoring genuine threats. Quite the opposite. Understanding troubled boys more accurately might be one of the best ways of preventing the tiny number who actually become dangerous from getting there.


A real threat needs no exaggeration

There really was a serious case in Saint-Étienne. French authorities appear to have identified a credible threat and intervened before anyone was hurt.

Good.

That is exactly what security services are supposed to do. And that story needs no exaggeration.

What it does not justify is allowing the characteristics of that one young man to migrate outward—to approximately nine other monitored youths, then to incels generally, then to the manosphere, then to “masculinism,” and ultimately to a broad population of boys and men whose beliefs and behavior bear little resemblance to his.

There is a lesson here that reaches far beyond this particular article. Whenever we hear that some enormous group is becoming “radicalized,” “extremist” or “violent,” we should ask a few simple questions:

How many people actually committed violence? How many actually planned violence? How many were merely being monitored? How many personally identified with the ideology being discussed? And at what point did evidence about a tiny extreme subgroup begin to describe everybody else?

Those questions are especially important when we are talking about boys.

A real threat should lead us to greater precision, not less. One alleged terrorist plot is serious enough.

We shouldn’t need to turn one incel into ten—and ten into a generation.

Men Are Good.

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September 14, 2026
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Feminist Buzzwords as Attack Drones
These words do more than describe. They arrive with the verdict already loaded.



 


During a recent video, I described feminist buzzwords as being something like attack drones. The more I think about it, the more I like the comparison.

An attack drone does not arrive to look around and figure out what happened. It has already been programmed. It knows what the target looks like. It knows who the enemy is before it ever gets there.

A lot of feminist buzzwords work the same way. They don’t just describe something that happened. They arrive with a theory already attached to them. Who has the power? Who is the victim? Who should be believed? Who needs to change? Usually the answer is already built in.

The man has power. His power is suspect. The woman lacks power. She is harmed by what he has done. So the word is doing quite a bit more than simply describing behavior. The verdict is built into the word. Every feminist buzzword arrives preloaded with ideology—and armed with disdain for men and masculinity.

 

Take mansplaining. Certainly a few men may explain things in an arrogant or condescending way. Women do too. We already had perfectly good words for that sort of behavior: patronizing, condescending, arrogant, rude. But mansplaining adds something. Now the man’s sex is part of the offense.

The word suggests that he is acting this way because he considers himself superior and makes the assumption that being male makes him more knowledgeable or more important. But do we know that? Did she misunderstand what he was trying to say? Does he talk this way to everyone? Was he simply trying to help? Before we have looked at any of that, the drone has already found its target. The behavior has been gendered. The motive has been supplied. The verdict is in. The buzzword arrived preloaded with ideology—and armed with disdain for men and masculinity.

 

Now take toxic masculinity. Some men behave badly. A small minority may be violent or reckless. But once those behaviors are placed under the heading of toxic masculinity, something else happens. Masculinity itself gets ​blamed and dragged into the mud.

The term suggests that these behaviors are an integrated part of masculinity and that men need to learn a different relationship to their own nature. Such a global generalization ignores all the demands placed on men. Provide. Protect. Compete. Take risks. Endure pain. Stay useful under pressure. Those parts of masculinity are usually welcomed when other people benefit from them.

A man works sixty hours a week to support his family? Good. He walks into danger to protect someone? Good. He pushes through pain because other people depend on him? Good. But when some men buckle under those same demands, the whole of masculinity can suddenly become toxic. Why? That is what the term does: it not only describes harmful behavior but directs us to blame masculinity itself—while diverting attention from the pressures, circumstances, and unmet needs that may have helped produce the behavior.

 

Male privilege carries a similar load. It trains us to notice the man’s advantages and ignore his disadvantages. We see the male CEO. We don’t see the male roofer, the foot soldier, the prisoner, the homeless man, the suicide victim, or the father who has lost his children.

A man’s success can be explained partly by privilege. His suffering is much more likely to be explained by his choices. Notice the difference? His suffering is his fault, while his success is due to his privilege. When judging men as a group, the term directs our attention upward, toward the men with the most wealth, status, and power. When judging women, it directs our attention downward, toward those facing the greatest hardship. Struggling men and successful women quietly disappear from the picture. And this can happen even when the particular woman standing in front of us has more education, more money, more institutional support, and more social credibility than the particular man. The theory can still tell us he has the power and she does not. At that point, the theory has become more important than the people standing right in front of us. The buzzword male privilege arrived preloaded with ideology—and armed with disdain for men and masculinity.

 

Fragile masculinity is a clever drone. Why? Because disagreement itself can become proof. Suppose a man objects to being mocked or stereotyped. His objection can be taken as evidence that his masculinity is fragile. What if he stays silent? Then there is no challenge. What if he speaks up? Now he has proved the accusation. Heads she wins. Tails he loses. The term doesn’t invite a response. It shuts ​it down.

 

Then we have the manosphere. Taken literally, this could simply mean internet spaces where men talk about men’s lives. That could include fathers’ groups, divorce forums, men’s health advocates, suicide-prevention groups, dating discussions, and critics of feminism. Pretty broad group, right? But that is rarely how the word is presented. Instead it is usually surrounded by other words: Misogyny. Radicalization. Extremism. Violence. Suddenly a father trying to understand a custody battle and a violent man threatening women can be placed in the same ominous container. Once the label has been attached, even ordinary concern for men can begin to look suspicious. The underlying message is that men don’t deserve compassion.

But there is something odd here. Where is the equivalent word for the huge network of universities, feminist organizations, advocacy groups, foundations, government agencies, media outlets, legal organizations, and research centers that create and circulate feminist ideas? That network is far larger and far more influential. Yet it mostly goes unnamed. And because it goes unnamed, it stays largely invisible. I call it the femosphere. Once you name it, you start to see it.

Feminist ideas do not simply appear out of nowhere. They are researched. Funded. Taught. Repeated. Promoted. Written into policy. And sometimes written into law.

 


Other terms do the same thing even more clearly. Take coercive control. There is certainly such a thing as a terrible pattern of domination and control inside a relationship. But what happens when the idea is interpreted almost entirely through a feminist power model? Then we can end up with the familiar story. Powerful man. Powerless woman. His controlling behavior becomes part of a larger system of male domination. Her controlling behavior may be minimized, ignored, or explained as self-protection. Same behavior? Different moral story.

Something similar happens with vicarious violence. The term has been used for situations in which a man harms children or other people in order to hurt a woman. That is terrible behavior and certainly deserves attention. But in countries such as Spain, the concept has even been incorporated into the legal framework as a form of male violence against women—building the sex of the perpetrator and victim into the official meaning. The law only goes one way. There is nothing in the law about a mother victimizing her children to hurt the man. Nothing. This even though we know that mothers murder their children as much or more than fathers. The vicarious violence law arrives preloaded with ideology—and armed with disdain for men and masculinity.

 


Then there is gender-based violence. Violence against a woman is often described as gender-based even when we do not actually know that her sex was the reason she was attacked. But violence against a man is far less likely to receive the same label. This is interesting because men are the majority of homicide victims and men are often expected to absorb danger precisely because they are men. But somehow that doesn’t fit quite as easily. Once again, men get agency and women get victimhood. Men do things. Things happen to women.


From description to control


This is why I think these words eventually become a form of social control. Not that every person using them is consciously trying to control men. Most aren’t.​ Most are unaware of what motivates them and simply repeat the arguments they have been taught—arguments that reinforce the narrative they have already swallowed. People ​tend to repeat the language they hear from professors, journalists, therapists, advocates, friends, and social media. The assumptions just travel along inside the word. Quietly. But the effect is still there.

These words help define what a man is allowed to say. How he is allowed to behave. How much authority he should have. How he is permitted to understand his own experience. And what happens if he objects? He may be told he is fragile. Toxic. Privileged. Misogynistic. Part of the manosphere. Do you see the problem? Every defense can become an opportunity to launch the next drone.

The ​drones can turn: male confidence into dominance; male disagreement into misogyny; male boundaries into control; male suffering into fragility; male spaces into radicalization; male success into privilege; and female aggression into a response to male power. Notice anything? The direction rarely changes. Men need correction. Women need protection. Men should give up power. Women should be given more. Men’s motives are questioned. Women’s experiences are affirmed.


The great paradox


And here is the strange part. This language keeps telling us that women are powerless while giving enormous power to women and to the institutions claiming to act on their behalf. The person labeled the victim receives moral authority. She is more likely to be believed. Protected. Excused. The person labeled powerful receives moral suspicion. He is expected to listen. Confess. Step back. Change. So powerlessness itself can become a kind of power.

Once victimhood carries enough moral authority, it can end arguments, destroy reputations, influence law, redirect public money, and place an entire sex under suspicion. And because all of this is being done in the name of helping the powerless, it becomes very difficult to question. ​”How dare you question giving help to the underdog!” That may be one of the most important things these buzzwords do. They hide power while using it.


Look inside the payload


Now, words are never completely neutral. And sometimes a new word really does help us see something we had missed. Nothing wrong with that. But shouldn’t we get a little suspicious when dozens of new terms all seem to tell us the same moral story? Men have power. Women do not. Men abuse. Women are harmed. Men need limits. Women need authority.

At some point, we have to ask whether we are describing reality or simply applying the same theory over and over again. When the conclusion comes before the evidence, we are no longer dealing with simple description. We are dealing with buzzwords arriving preloaded with ideology—and armed with disdain for men and masculinity.

So the next time one of these words appears, maybe stop for a minute. Ask if the word is being used as a weapon. Ask if it carries an underlying disdain for men. Ask if they have any compassion for men and boys. That one will stop them in their tracks and you will see them fumble for words that show how much compassion they have for men and boys. You have just neutralized an attack drone.

Well done.

Men are good.

 
 
 
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September 07, 2026
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all is as it is

This post is a story by Moiret Allegiere about about awakening to manhood.

 


The boy, sweating, stood silent halfway up the hill. Above, in the blue skies, the sun shone brightly. Warm. Late spring. A slight breeze – quite welcome, thought the boy – broke the stillness of the air.

The boy looked out upon the seemingly endless fields below. Ancient fields, a small portion of which were his and his was also the grass which he had just cut by the sweat of his brow and his scythe and nothing more.

The boy wiped the sweat from his eyes with the palm of his left hand. His right hand, the dominant one, hung limply to the side of his body, swaying. His muscles ached. He thought it more than he felt it. Years of toil had learned him to expect as much. The grass cut then was not his grass, yet the work and the toil and the sweat and the blood belonged to him and him alone. And the very same work and toil and sweat and blood had taught him that his right arm, when not in use, must be loose and limp and tender. As if not to spoil the meat or blood or strength within, but tenderize it, preserve it and conserve it.

Because harder times had been before and harder times would come once more. All things must be conserved and saved so as not to face that snarling beast again, having spoilt or spent knife and rifle both.

“The great divide”, thought the boy. 70/30, with the harder times bearing the brunt of the thing thus split. A beast of burden led with a thin string of silver across a rickety bridge. The boy knew this. The father of the boy taught him this. The boy was five and was watching his father cut the grass and dry it and turn it into food for the sheep. The man always saved some.

Rather would he see his sheep 30 percent starved than for them not to eat at all. So he said. He never strayed. His sheep were always well fed, and his children and his wife as well. The man never strayed. A few of his children had strayed already, yet they strayed only from his path onto their own path as had he when once he grew from boy to man. All was as it should be.

The boy stood there still, and he looked at his fields and then towards the lush green of the plants growing there which he himself placed there for food, and then towards his house which he had built upon the plot of land his father gave to him. A house in which a woman and a baby also lived and breathed and ate and slept.

The boy sighed.

He looked at his watch. The time was where it should be. He stood and he looked some more. He looked at his father’s house.

Still well-kept and maintained and nurtured and loved from seed to harvest.

Beside him now, and quite suddenly, his father stood. Quiet, perhaps, as is his wont, yet lively still, far from dead, merely crippled by arthritis and now incapable of tending to all that which he once tended to.

The boy gave the man a nod, and he smiled. The father stood and he looked. Then he smiled. And they looked both upon the son’s work and the son’s world, neither saying a word because no words were needed. Some time passed. Still was the air and the time was where it should be still. The man gestured with his arm.

“Sit down, son,” he said.

The boy sat down. His father stood there, smiling.

“How’s the baby?” He asked. He had always been a kind man, yet never before as kind as just now.

The boy thought.

“Growing, crying and shitting.”

The older of the two grinned and then he laughed, heartily, and his mood changed abruptly, as if suddenly remembering something long forgotten. He paused and turned to the boy. He looked at his son’s face. Still young and handsome and maintained and nurtured and loved from seed to harvest. And in his son’s face he saw at once his own face as once it was in younger years.

“All is as it should be then?”

“Yes,” the boy said.

“Yes,” said the man.

The older of the two went quiet for a bit, fumbling in his backpack which he always carried with him. The fumbling went on for a little longer than it should, thought both boy and man. The man found what he was looking for. The man was always prepared and the man never strayed, not now and not ever.

He pulled out a beer, and then he pulled out another. Piss-warm now, perhaps, yet it was still beer and still the time was right where it should be.

The son sighed and he smiled as his father opened a beer and handed it to him, saying nothing. There they were. The boy sitting and the man standing. They stood and sat and they looked at what was theirs and theirs alone, and they drank from their beers. Then looked and drank some more. Some time passed just as time does and they stood and sat as if all that was there or anywhere was them and them alone. The older of the two then put his hand upon the shoulder of the younger, and, smiling warmly, he nodded as if to say goodbye even when his lips and his mouth and his mind and his reason said “See you later, son”. He turned and walked away, going home.

The boy sat and he looked some more upon all that was there that was his and his alone. And he sighed and he smiled and he laughed and then he made to leave.

The man got to his feet and the man turned and walked away, going back home following behind the older man, too far behind to catch up yet close enough to never stray.

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