MenAreGood
The War on Male Identity
July 01, 2025
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Is This Brainwashing? How Feminist Narratives Mirror Thought Reform Tactics — and Target Men

By now, most of us have heard the term “brainwashing.” It usually brings to mind Cold War images of broken POWs or disturbing cult documentaries. But what if the most pervasive forms of psychological manipulation aren’t hidden in bunkers or religious compounds — but embedded in mainstream institutions that claim to promote justice?

Psychiatrist Robert Jay Lifton, who studied Communist reeducation camps in Maoist China, laid out the classic framework for understanding brainwashing. In his landmark work, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, Lifton identified eight core mechanisms that coercive systems use to break down and reshape the self.

At the heart of it? A psychological attack on your identity — followed by shame, blame, and the expectation that you publicly confess and “rebuild” yourself according to the group’s ideology.

Sound familiar?

Over the past few decades, feminist ideology and their media and governmental allies— have used these exact tools to reshape how society sees men. Not just some men. All men. And nowhere is this more evident than in our schools, media, family courts, and even the criminal justice system.


First, Attack the Identity

Lifton observed that the first move in coercive thought reform is to undermine a person’s core identity — to instill doubt, guilt, and eventually shame. Today, men are told from boyhood that their nature is suspect. That masculinity is toxic. That their instincts, strengths, and even their emotions — especially anger — are part of the problem.

Being male is treated not as a biological or psychological trait, but as a moral flaw. Attack the identity.


Second, Shame, Blame, and Confession

Once identity is destabilized, the system demands confession. And modern institutions have become very good at this.

In HR meetings, classrooms, and even therapy, men are asked to “acknowledge their privilege,” to “own their part in the patriarchy,” and to pledge allegiance to ideologies that blame them collectively — not for what they’ve done, but for what they are.

Even worse, some of the most destructive institutions have absorbed this logic completely.


Family Courts and the Deadbeat Dad Myth

The family court system has long operated on a set of unspoken assumptions: that women are naturally more nurturing, that children belong with mothers, and that fathers — if they protest — are bitter, controlling, or dangerous.

When a man loses custody (which happens the vast majority of the time), he is then forced to pay for children he may barely be allowed to see. If he struggles financially — or dares to resist — he’s branded a “deadbeat dad” and possibly jailed. There is no presumption of innocence, no room for his story, and no empathy.

This is not justice. It’s reeducation by punishment.

Men are told that to be “good fathers,” they must obey, pay, and stay silent. They must prove they’re not what the system already assumes they are. That’s not family law. That’s psychological control dressed up in legal robes.

What we’re witnessing in the family court system is not just legal bias — it’s a full-spectrum psychological assault that mirrors Lifton’s model of thought reform. Fathers are stripped of identity (as protectors and caregivers), subjected to guilt and shame (for systemic outcomes they didn’t cause), and pressured into submission through confession and compliance. The state doesn't just want their money — it wants their silence, their obedience, and their internalized blame. In this way, the family courts don’t just separate fathers from their children — they separate men from their dignity and their purpose. It’s not just unjust. It’s indoctrination.


Domestic Violence and the Scripted Confession

Nowhere is the narrative more rigid than in the world of domestic violence policy.

For decades, feminist advocacy groups have dominated the public discourse and funding around domestic violence. The result? A cultural myth: that men are almost always the perpetrators, and women the victims.

This flies in the face of decades of peer-reviewed research — including dozens of studies showing that domestic violence is often mutual, that women initiate it just as often as men, and that male victims are frequently ignored, ridiculed, or arrested themselves when they call for help.

But the ideology doesn’t allow for nuance. The narrative is fixed: if you’re a man, you must be the problem.

Men entering anger management or court-mandated programs are often required to:

  • Confess their wrongdoing — regardless of the facts.

  • Accept their role as aggressor.

  • Admit they’ve internalized toxic masculinity.

  • Pledge to “do better” by adopting feminist-defined attitudes.

That’s not help. That’s indoctrination. The entire framework is built not on healing, but on ideological conformity.


Lifton’s Eight Mechanisms of Thought Reform Applied to Men


Lifton breaks down brainwashing into eight distinct categories, based on his observations and interviews with survivors of Communist Chinese reeducation programs in the 1950s. Disturbingly, many of these same tactics are now being used — intentionally or not — against men in today’s culture. Here’s a breakdown of how each of Lifton’s eight categories applies to the modern male experience.


 


1. Milieu Control

Control over communication — both internal (thoughts) and external (speech). Limits what the subject hears, says, or believes.

➤ Applied to Men:

Men today are surrounded by institutions — schools, workplaces, media, and even therapy — that present only one permitted narrative about gender: that men are privileged, women are oppressed, and masculinity is a problem to be corrected. Alternative voices are excluded, mocked, or deplatformed.

  • In schools, boys are taught about “male privilege” but not about male suicide, fatherlessness, or educational disadvantages.

  • In universities, “gender studies” often function as ideological echo chambers where dissenting views are considered harmful or even violent.

  • In HR departments, “equity training” frequently frames masculinity as a liability rather than a contribution.

The result? Men learn to silence their inner objections, to distrust their instincts, and to keep their mouths shut for fear of social punishment.


2. Mystical Manipulation

The ideology is presented as the ultimate moral truth. Group goals are divine, transcendent, or historically inevitable.

➤ Applied to Men:

The feminist worldview — especially its radical and institutionalized form — is not just presented as a viewpoint; it’s presented as a moral imperative. Dissent isn’t treated as reasoned disagreement; it’s treated as a moral failure.

  • “The future is female.”

  • “Patriarchy hurts everyone.”

  • “Believe all women.”

These slogans are not open to challenge. They carry the force of moral absolutes — as if opposing them is akin to opposing civil rights or basic human decency.

Men are told that redemption can only come through alignment with the ideology: renouncing their instincts, confessing their privilege, and proving their worth through ideological obedience.


3. Demand for Purity

Subjects must strive for an unattainable moral purity. Any sign of “impurity” is cause for guilt and self-condemnation.

➤ Applied to Men:

Being a “good man” today often means apologizing for being a man. Men are told that their masculinity is inherently toxic, their socialization inherently violent, and their very presence potentially threatening.

Even if a man is kind, respectful, and responsible, the system still implies that he benefits from a power structure that hurts women. He is never clean enough.

  • “Unlearn toxic masculinity.”

  • “Check your privilege.”

  • “Listen and do better.”

The purity demanded is impossible. The goalposts always move, ensuring men remain in a permanent state of moral inadequacy.


4. Confession

Subjects are encouraged or forced to confess past sins (real or invented) to reinforce guilt and dependence on the group.

➤ Applied to Men:

Men are pressured to publicly confess their complicity in systemic oppression. These confessions are often ritualized and performative, serving not to repair relationships, but to demonstrate submission to the ideology.

  • In court-ordered domestic violence programs, men are required to admit guilt even if the evidence is weak or contradictory.

  • In schools and corporations, “privilege walk” exercises and diversity sessions often push men to publicly acknowledge guilt for their race, gender, or upbringing.

This isn’t introspection — it’s coerced self-abasement. The more a man confesses, the more he is seen as redeemable — but only through compliance.


5. Sacred Science

The group’s beliefs are beyond question. The ideology is presented as absolute truth, not open to debate.

➤ Applied to Men:

Feminist theory — particularly as institutionalized in law, education, and media — is often treated as sacred and unchallengeable. Counter-evidence is not refuted — it’s ignored, ridiculed, or suppressed.

  • Men who cite peer-reviewed studies showing mutual or female-initiated domestic violence are dismissed.

  • Mentioning male educational decline, family court bias, or suicide rates is framed as “whataboutism” or a distraction.

  • Criticizing feminist narratives — even politely — is labeled as misogyny or “fragile masculinity.”

This ideological rigidity shuts down critical thinking, ensures conformity, and delegitimizes male perspectives.


6. Loading the Language

The group uses jargon and slogans to control thinking and shut down analysis.

➤ Applied to Men:

Language around gender has become ideologically weaponized. A handful of emotionally charged buzzwords are used to frame all male behavior as suspect — and all pushback as aggression.

  • “Toxic masculinity”

  • “Mansplaining”

  • “Deadbeat Dads“

  • “Male fragility”

  • “Microaggressions”

These terms are not neutral. They are thought-stoppers — designed to make discussion impossible and guilt automatic. Once a man is labeled, he is silenced.

This language also redefines common behavior (like confidence, assertiveness, or disagreement) as morally or emotionally defective — if it comes from a man.


 


7. Doctrine Over Person

The ideology takes precedence over individual experience. If personal reality contradicts doctrine, the doctrine wins.

➤ Applied to Men:

Men who speak up about false accusations, loss of child custody, abuse by female partners, or institutional discrimination are often ignored — not because their stories are implausible, but because they don’t fit the ideological script.

  • A man who’s been assaulted by a woman? He must be mistaken.

  • A father who wants shared custody? He must be controlling.

  • A male student struggling in a female-dominated classroom? He must just need to “try harder.”

His lived reality is invalid because the narrative says otherwise. The ideology is never wrong — only the man is.


8. Dispensing of Existence

Those who reject the group’s ideology are treated as morally inferior or even non-human.

➤ Applied to Men:

Men who resist ideological conformity are dehumanized — in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

  • They’re called “incels,” “misogynists,” or “angry white males.”

  • Their pain is mocked. Their dissent is pathologized.

  • They are erased from public sympathy — excluded from empathy in media, policy, and law.

If a man questions the narrative, he is not just wrong — he is bad. And once labeled, he can be canceled, fired, or dismissed without remorse.


​ The Bigger Picture

Each of these mechanisms is powerful on its own. But together, they create a comprehensive system of psychological control — one that targets men not for what they’ve done, but for who they are.

This is not liberation. This is not equity. This is coercive persuasion, systematized and scaled through courts, classrooms, corporate policy, and cultural narratives.

It doesn’t need a prison. It doesn’t need a cult leader. All it needs is a story about men that no one is allowed to question — and institutions willing to enforce it.


What’s the Result?

We now have millions of men — fathers, husbands, sons — who’ve been subjected to a psychological system that demands shame, confession, and reprogramming. Their emotional pain is minimized. Their voices are silenced. Their identity is on trial — every day.

This isn’t just about political correctness. It’s not even about feminism anymore. It’s about control. The same kind Lifton described in totalist regimes. The same kind used in cults.

And it’s happening — quietly, efficiently — in courtrooms, classrooms, corporate boardrooms, and therapy sessions across the country.


Time to Name It

We need to start calling this what it is: coercive psychological control. Thought reform with better branding. Men aren’t broken. Masculinity isn’t toxic. But the system that wants to remake them — through shame, guilt, and forced confession — might be.

It’s time we stood up and said no. Not because we’re defensive. But because we know the truth:

No healthy culture builds itself by humiliating its men.

Men Are Good.


Please do share this post far and wide. We need to get the word out. Thanks for your help with this. Tom

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October 19, 2026
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Parental Alienation: When Separation Becomes Erasure
Chapter 9 - Seeing Men Clearly



Chapter 9 - Seeing Men Clearly


Parental Alienation: When Separation Becomes Erasure

Losing daily contact with a parent is painful. Losing the relationship itself is something else entirely. Most custody disputes involve distance. Parental alienation involves something far more profound: the gradual disappearance of a parent from a child’s emotional world and, ultimately, from the child’s life, often reinforced by physical separation.

A child may still have access to a parent. Phone calls may be available. Visits may be scheduled. Court orders may remain in place. Yet over time the relationship begins to weaken, then fracture, and in some cases collapse. Affection gives way to suspicion. Familiarity gives way to distance. Love is gradually replaced by fear, anger, or indifference.


The Child Who Stops Calling

It often begins subtly. A child becomes reluctant to answer the phone. Conversations become shorter. Visits become strained. The rejected parent is bewildered. Nothing obvious has happened. No abuse. No abandonment. No dramatic betrayal. Yet the relationship appears to be dissolving.

The child begins speaking in language that sounds strangely adult. Old grievances are repeated. Minor mistakes become major offenses. Positive memories fade while negative interpretations multiply. The parent who was once loved becomes viewed almost entirely through a negative lens.


A Relationship Under Pressure

Children naturally want to love both parents. This is one of the most important realities to understand. Children generally do not enter the world looking for reasons to reject a mother or father. Their natural tendency is connection. They want both parents. They need both parents. They identify with both parents.

When children feel pressure to choose between parents, they often experience tremendous internal conflict. To reject a parent is, in some sense, to reject a part of themselves. This is why parental alienation can be so damaging. The child is not merely losing a relationship. The child is often losing a piece of his or her own identity.


The Research Begins to Notice

For many years, professionals paid little attention to the phenomenon. When fathers complained that children were being turned against them, they were often dismissed as bitter ex-spouses unwilling to accept divorce. Gradually, however, clinicians began observing patterns that were difficult to explain away.

Researchers and therapists noticed situations where children displayed extreme hostility toward a parent despite little evidence that the parent had done anything deserving such rejection. The child’s anger often seemed disproportionate, the accusations repetitive, and the thinking unusually rigid. The relationship appeared less like a normal response to parental shortcomings and more like the result of sustained influence.

Over time, the concept of parental alienation emerged as an attempt to describe these situations. Although professionals continue to debate definitions and terminology, few dispute that children can be influenced to fear, reject, or distance themselves from a parent. The question is not whether it happens. The question is how often. And what should be done when it does.


The Invisible Form of Family Violence

One way to understand parental alienation is to imagine a form of family violence that leaves no bruises. No broken bones. No emergency room visits. No police reports. Yet something precious is still being damaged: the bond between a parent and child.

A parent can recover from insults. A parent can recover from financial loss. Many parents never fully recover from losing a child. Not through death. Through rejection. The pain is difficult to describe. It is grief without a funeral. Loss without an end. Presence without relationship.


Why Children Are Vulnerable

Children trust the adults who care for them. That trust is necessary. Without it, childhood would be impossible. Yet the same trust that protects children can also make them vulnerable.

If a trusted adult repeatedly communicates that another parent is unsafe, uncaring, selfish, or unworthy, many children eventually absorb that message—not because they are foolish, but because they are children. The younger the child, the greater the vulnerability. A child has limited ability to independently evaluate competing claims. He relies heavily on the people he trusts. This is one reason parental alienation can be so powerful. It exploits one of childhood’s greatest strengths: trust.


The Father’s Voice

Although either parent can engage in alienating behavior, fathers often describe a particularly painful experience. Many enter court believing that if they remain calm, loving, and patient, the truth will eventually prevail. Instead, they sometimes discover that the relationship deteriorates while they wait.

Phone calls become less frequent. Visits become more tense. Years pass. Children grow older. The bond weakens. By the time anyone recognizes what has happened, much of the damage has already occurred.

One father described it this way: “I wasn’t losing a court case. I was losing my daughter.” That distinction captures the reality more accurately than any legal terminology. The issue is not primarily litigation. The issue is relationship.


The Child’s Loss

The greatest tragedy of parental alienation is often misunderstood. People assume the primary victim is the rejected parent. Certainly that parent suffers enormously. But a powerful and often unnoticed series of losses belongs to the child.

The child loses stories, memories, guidance, connection, identity, half of his history, and half of his family. Sometimes half of himself. Years later, many alienated children begin asking difficult questions. What really happened? Why did I stop seeing my father? Why did I believe those things? What did I miss?

Some find answers. Many do not. The lost years cannot be recovered.


Why We Didn’t Notice

Parental alienation reveals something important about the broader themes of this book. When a child loses contact with a father, many observers assume the father must have done something wrong. The possibility that the relationship itself might be under attack is often considered only much later.

This assumption flows from the same hidden layer we have seen repeatedly. Mothers are often viewed as natural caregivers. Fathers are often viewed as optional caregivers. When a child rejects a father, people frequently assume the father earned that rejection. When a child rejects a mother, people are more likely to ask what happened.

The difference is subtle. Yet it shapes perception. And perception shapes institutions. Just as it has throughout this book.

Men Are Good.

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October 15, 2026
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When in Doubt, Blame Men
How Widely Do Women Blame Men?
 

A recent analysis from the Survey Center on American Life highlighted a striking finding: 66 percent of Democratic women ages 18 to 29 said men’s behavior or actions contribute “a great deal” to the challenges women face in American society. Among Republican women the same age, the figure was 18 percent.

Here is the article’s original chart:

 


The contrast is dramatic. Young Democratic women were more than three times as likely as young Republican women to choose the strongest response. Across the age groups shown, democratic women were consistently more likely to answer this way.

The survey asked women how much the challenges facing women in American society were due to men’s behavior or actions. The available options were a great deal, a fair amount, hardly any, none at all, and unsure.

The original comparison tells us who selected the strongest answer. It does not tell us how many women attributed at least a fair amount of women’s challenges to men.

To examine that broader question, I looked at the survey’s underlying data using its main survey weight.

 

In this analysis, approximately 67 percent of young Democratic women chose a great deal, and another 29 percent chose a fair amount. Total those and you get 96.4 percent.

That is nearly every young Democratic woman in the sample. Nearly 100% of democratic women between the ages of 18-29 attributed at least a fair amount of women’s challenges to the behavior or actions of men.

The Republican result also looks very different once the second response is included. Approximately 18 percent chose a great deal, while 49 percent chose a fair amount. Together, that comes to about 67 percent—roughly two-thirds.

When we total “great deal “ and “fair amount“ it reveals something the original comparison obscures: attributing a substantial share of women’s societal challenges to men is widespread among young women in both parties.

Now let’s look beyond the youngest age group.

 

Among Democratic women, the combined total exceeds 90 percent in every age group shown.

The Republican pattern is also revealing. In this sample, the combined percentage is higher in the older age groups. Older Republican women are more likely than younger Republican women to attribute at least a fair amount of women’s challenges to men.

In every Democratic and Republican age group shown, roughly two-thirds or more of women attributed at least a fair amount of women’s societal challenges to men.

What began as a finding about young Democratic women has become a much broader finding about women across generations and party lines. Two thirds of women seem to attribute a fair amount of women’s challenges to men’s actions or behaviors. To me that is a stunning finding.

There is another dimension to consider: education.

 

But once again, stopping at the strongest answer leaves out part of the picture.

Including a fair amount reveals the broader educational pattern shown in the chart. The combined responses suggest a stronger tendency to attribute women’s challenges to men at higher levels of education, even though the strongest response alone does not rise consistently across the categories.

So what do these findings mean?

Nearly universal agreement among young Democratic women, more than 90 percent across Democratic age groups, and substantial majorities among Republican women suggest that seeing men as a significant source of women’s difficulties has become a widely shared perspective.

I see these findings as a strong indication of how successfully the feminist narrative has encouraged women to blame men and male power for their difficulties. It seems clear to me that this message can encourage a victim mentality. The survey does not establish why women answered as they did, but the pattern is consistent with that narrative’s influence. And it extends well beyond young Democratic women: substantial majorities of women in every age group shown, in both parties, attributed at least a fair amount of women’s societal challenges to men.

 

One appeal of that narrative is the explanation it offers: the difficulties women face are not entirely their responsibility; a substantial share of the blame belongs to men. Recognizing some men being a problem is reasonable. Making men an explanation for women’s difficulties is ridiculous. Just imagine men claiming that their difficulties were due to women as a group. Laughable.

What do these findings tell us? What might the impact of these ideas be? We have had decades of feminists telling women that so many of the problems they face are not their fault, that they have been wronged at the hands of men, that they are victims. One of the obvious results of this massive psyop is to diminish women’s accountability. When you believe someone else is the reason for your troubles it relieves you of needing to seek responsibility. If you are not responsible then you are likely not going to be accountable. What might that do to her? What happens to people when their accountability drops? Here are a few ideas of what psychological costs can follow a victim mentality/lack of accountability:

  1. Less self-examination. “How did I contribute?” gets replaced by “Who did this to me?” That makes it easier to repeat the same mistakes​, and blame others.

  2. More defensiveness. Feedback can feel like an unfair accusation rather than useful information.

  3. Difficulty repairing relationships. Apologizing, acknowledging someone else’s pain, and changing behavior become harder if the person sees responsibility as entirely belonging to the other party.

  4. A diminished sense of agency. If others are always the cause of your difficulties, you may also come to believe that improvement depends entirely on them. Your focus becomes changing them rather than changing yourself.

  5. Growing mistrust and resentment. Expecting mistreatment can encourage defensive or uncooperative behavior, which may provoke responses that reinforce the original expectation. Research on sensitivity to being victimized supports that possible cycle.

Do you think these five may be related to women seeing others as being responsible for their challenges? Do you think they fit with a feminist narrative that repeatedly explains women’s difficulties through men’s behavior and male power? Does that narrative help women recognize both external obstacles and their own choices, or can it encourage blame at the expense of agency?​ ​Have you seen any of this in your family, relationships, or work?

​Let me know what you think.

​Men Are Good


Source: Survey Center on American Life, 2025 Civility and Morality Survey, a survey of 5,451 U.S. adults conducted through Ipsos KnowledgePanel. The original article reports 66 percent for young Democratic women selecting “a great deal”; the weighted analysis used for the additional charts gives approximately 67 percent. The 96.5 percent combined figure uses unrounded values. The additional charts and subgroup figures are from my analysis.

Original article: https://www.americansurveycenter.org/significant-figures/young-women-are-the-most-likely-to-believe-that-men-are-at-the-root-of-their-problems/

Survey topline and methodology: https://www.americansurveycenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/Civility-and-Morality-Survey-Topline-1.pdf

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October 13, 2026
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A New Documentary Takes on Feminism
Meet filmmaker Les Lanphere and his upcoming film, Deceived: The Ruin of the Modern Woman.

I had a great conversation today with filmmaker Les Lanphere, who is working on a provocative new documentary called Deceived: The Ruin of the Modern Woman.

Les is an experienced documentary filmmaker whose previous work includes Calvinist, Spirit & Truth, and Cessationist. In addition to his independent documentaries, he has worked on major, large-budget film productions, bringing valuable experience from the broader film industry to his own projects. His newest documentary takes on a very different subject: feminism and its impact on women, men, families, and society.

What particularly interests me about this project is its willingness to challenge one of our culture’s most deeply entrenched assumptions: that feminism has been a force for good in women’s lives. Les takes a much more provocative position. His film sets out to expose the consequences of a movement that claims to liberate women but has often left them worse off.

The film approaches these questions from a Christian perspective, examining how feminism has reshaped our understanding of women, men, marriage, and family life. Les is asking important questions that deserve far more attention than they typically receive, and I’m delighted to see a filmmaker willing to tackle them so directly.

Here’s the trailer for the upcoming film:

Helping bring the film to life

The project’s crowdfunding campaign has already reached its original fundraising goal, which is wonderful news. But producing a documentary is an expensive undertaking, and additional contributions are still welcome and appreciated.

If you believe that feminism deserves serious scrutiny and that alternative perspectives should have an opportunity to be heard, consider supporting the project.

Support Deceived: The Ruin of the Modern Woman on Kickstarter

I’ll be interviewing Les soon for Men Are Good, and I’m looking forward to exploring his plans for the film, what motivated him to make it, and what he hopes audiences will take away.

Stay tuned. I think this will be a fascinating conversation.

Men Are Good.

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