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Is Feminism a Healthy Movement for Social Change?
April 20, 2025
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Is Feminism a Healthy Movement for Social Change?

This post was written by David Shackleton in response to a woman’s question about the nature of feminism. I felt his reply captured its essence with clarity and thoughtfulness. See what you think.
 
 
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Thank you for asking this question about the nature of feminism. Confusion about this is universal and embedded in our culture. Even your short paragraph below reveals some of this confusion, when you write, "I would like to hear how you all would define feminism vs working for women's rights back in the 60s and 70s. Even back then there was debate about who was a feminist and who was not...but still working for equal rights." You use the phrases "working for women's rights" and "working for equal rights" interchangeably, as if they are and were the same thing. But they are not, and were not. I will explain.

In this explanation, I will use "feminism" as synonymous with "the women's movement," because at the level of analysis that I am proposing here, there is no difference.

First we will consider the difference between positive and healthy movements for social change and those that have pathology built into them. And then we will consider an error of judgment that is built into feminism specifically, at the level of its founding analysis.

For an example of a healthy movement for social change, consider the movement for racial equality led by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in the 1960s. It was founded on a vision of racial equality (see his "I Have a Dream" speech for a clear exposition of this vision), and it was collaborative, meaning that he welcomed whites and blacks as equal participants in the movement (see his "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" for evidence of this). No one was stigmatized for past wrongs; all were invited to share the vision and to collaborate in working towards it. This is the essence of a healthy movement - it focuses on a positive vision of a desired future rather than a moral judgment of a dysfunctional past and present, and it invites collaboration from all as equals rather than dividing the world up into guilty oppressors and innocent victims.

There is no doubt that blacks WERE oppressed historically by whites - slavery and, more recently, legal segregation were evidence of that, and the hundred years or more of public lynchings are irrefutable evidence. Yet, King saw no need for moral judgment and stigmatization of whites for this history. For him, all who shared the vision of equality were equal and were welcomed into the movement. What mattered was what people wanted, not their past, their ancestors or their skin.

And then he was assassinated.

We have not had a single healthy mainstream identity movement since that time. All, including feminism/the women's movement and all of the movements for racial equality, culminating in the Woke movements of today, have been founded on a moral dichotomy, a dividing of the world into guilty oppressors/perpetrators and innocent victims, a division built not on behavior but on identity. This founding analysis builds moral inequality in at the movement foundations; since victims are morally innocent and oppressors are guilty, the purported vision of equality is rendered unobtainable, forever out of reach. What equality can exist between oppressors and victims? Such movements are pathological and that is why, despite all of the equality legislation and the trillions of dollars spent on amelioration programs, we still hear constantly that equality remains far away.

I want to be clear about something. My purpose here is not moral judgment, but clear description. I use the term "pathological" as a term of ill health rather than moral judgment. Such movements cannot work, where "work" means actually achieve their claimed objectives. They are literally dysfunctional, they do not function to seek equality, and they never did. The founding analysis of moral division by identity defeated them from the start. Such movements are populated by many who sincerely seek positive change, but until the seductive story of moral superiority (for designated victims) is repudiated, they will continue to fail and leave various kinds of devastation in their wake.

Feminism/the women's movement has always embraced this destructive story of victimhood for women, but this movement suffers from an additional error - in their case, it isn't actually true. It isn't true that men as a group have oppressed women as a group - ever. What men and women have suffered historically is the effects of gender roles, roles that were enforced not by men but by biology. Biological differences, principally reproductive differences, between men and women resulted naturally and inevitably in women being ascribed the role of child-raiser and homemaker, and men the role of provider and protector. Nothing else would work when women were obliged to have multiple children (since many of them died). Life was tough, and evolution selected for what worked, as it always does.

For proof that the relationship of women and men isn't one of oppression, consider the survival numbers from the Titanic. First and second class, who had access to the lifeboats (unlike the "steerage" third class passengers who were locked below decks) numbers are as follows: Children, 100%. Women, 93%. Men, 22%. The richest man in the world was on that ship, and he went down with it. His wife and his wife's maid were saved. Now, what do we have here? When the stakes are the very highest, when only some can be saved and some must die, who gets prioritized? Not men. This, if one is honest, is proof absolute that men do not oppress women. Oppressors do not give their lives to save the oppressed. Never in history has this occurred. The notion is ridiculous. Consider the slave ships with blacks chained in their holds - that was real oppression. If one of those ships foundered, do you think the crew would give their lives to save the slaves? Of course not.

It only takes a single counterexample to disprove a general rule. If I say, "All swans are white," you have only to point out a single black swan to prove me wrong. The Titanic is just one example (there are many) that disproves the general statement that men oppress women. That is not the relationship that pertained in 1912 when the Titanic sank, long before feminism went mainstream in the 1960s, and it is not the relationship that pertained throughout history. And so feminism is not only an unhealthy movement founded on a story of moral superiority/inferiority. In its case, that very analysis is a lie.

I do not claim that it is an intentional lie. For most, I believe that it is sincerely believed. Nevertheless, it is mistaken and should be corrected, because it is doing great harm, both to women and to men.

To return, at last, to the question that started this all, which is whether feminism is responsible for boy's and men's problems, the answer is yes, in part. The moral stigmatization of men and boys that is the result of the founding analysis that men oppressed women is indeed the responsibility of feminism, which is revealed as a movement of female moral chauvinism. But a part of men's and boys' problems is the persisting gender roles (e.g., the male draft) and not the responsibility of feminism/the women's movement.

David Shackleton

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David Shackleton is a thinker and writer about culture with a focus on identity politics and gender. His books "The Hand That Rocks the World: An Inquiry Into Truth, Power and Gender" and "Daughters of Feminism: Women Supporting Men's Equality" are available on Amazon. His website is genderhealing.com.

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Happy Father's Day

This Sunday, people will hand out ties, cards, and mugs that say #1 Dad. But if you ask me what makes a father truly irreplaceable, it’s not something that fits in a box — it’s moments like this:

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Why Fathers Matter in a Way No One Else Can

Stories like mine are not unique — but they are becoming ​more rare with father’s being removed form the home. Too often we forget what fathers bring to the table that no one else does. We reduce them to extra hands or bonus paychecks. We pretend they’re interchangeable or optional. But deep down, and in study after study, we know better.

Fathers model calm strength under pressure. They teach boys how to be men without brute force — and teach girls what true masculinity feels like when it’s steady, protective, and kind. They bring a different energy to parenting: one that sets boundaries, tests limits through rough play, and then pulls children back into safety and love when they fall.

Dads don’t always use a lot of words, but they teach through presence, through small gestures, and through the unspoken lesson: “You can handle this — but if you can’t, I’m here.”


What Happens When Fathers Are Missing

We don’t talk about it much on Father’s Day, but we should: when dads disappear, children pay the price. Boys lose their guide for channeling power responsibly. Girls lose their first experience of what it feels like to be ​loved and respected by a good man.

The numbers bear it out: more school dropouts, more juvenile crime, more emotional struggles. A father’s absence ripples outward for generations.


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“Let the tool do the work.”

Happy Father’s Day.

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June 13, 2025
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The Forgotten Power of Unsupervised Play
Why Every Child Needs It—and Why Boys May Need It Even More

The Forgotten Power of Unsupervised Play

Why Every Child Needs It—and Why Boys May Need It Even More

Not long ago, kids roamed the neighborhood on bikes, made forts out of sticks, got dirty, got in arguments, and figured out how to make up. These weren’t activities we scheduled. They just happened. Today, that kind of spontaneous, unsupervised play is vanishing—and with it, something essential to childhood is being lost.

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What Is Unsupervised Play?

Unsupervised play doesn’t mean unsafe play. It means play that isn’t micromanaged. It’s when children make the rules, solve the problems, and decide what the game is. It can be solo or with peers. Sometimes adults are nearby in case of emergency—but they’re not directing the action. This kind of play is a natural, evolutionary part of how kids grow into capable adults. And today, it’s in short supply.

Research backs up what many of us have long sensed: unsupervised play is essential to healthy childhood development across emotional, social, physical, and even moral domains. And here’s the added layer that often gets ignored—boys may suffer the most when this kind of play disappears.


Building Independence and Confidence

When children aren’t being constantly told what to do, they learn something powerful: “I can figure this out.” That lesson builds confidence. They try something new, and maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. But it’s their decision. Over time, this builds independence—an internal compass that tells them they don’t always need someone else to approve or decide for them.

For boys, this kind of autonomy is especially critical. Boys often learn by doing, not by being told. Unsupervised play lets them test, fail, adjust, and master challenges on their own terms. Take that away, and they’re left with a life of instruction and correction, where adult voices drown out their own inner development.

Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg from the American Academy of Pediatrics has emphasized that free play builds resilience and decision-making skills—especially important for children developing their sense of agency. Boys, who are often more sensitive to control than we realize, benefit enormously from this space to lead themselves.


Imagination and Creativity Take Root

Watch kids in free play and you’ll see a burst of creativity. Sticks become swords or magic wands. A pile of blankets becomes a secret base. They’re not limited by adult ideas of “how it should go.” In fact, adults often get in the way.

Girls may gravitate toward collaborative storytelling or nurturing role-play, while boys are more likely to invent rule-based games, fantasy scenarios, or rougher adventures. Both types of play are essential. But boys in particular benefit from this rule-making process—they’re not just playing a game, they’re creating social order and testing fairness, leadership, and strategy.

Studies by Sandra Russ show that unstructured pretend play fuels divergent thinking—the kind of thinking that leads to problem-solving, invention, and art. For boys especially, who may not always shine in traditional classroom settings, free play offers a creative outlet that aligns with their natural interests and strengths.


Social Skills Without a Script

We often hear about how kids need to learn to “work well with others.” But how do they actually learn that? Not through lectures. Not through adult-facilitated “sharing time.” They learn it by being with other kids—without an adult immediately jumping in.

In unsupervised play, children naturally encounter disagreements. Someone wants to change the rules. Someone doesn’t want to play anymore. Someone gets hurt feelings. And they work it out. Or they don’t—and learn from that too.

For boys, this kind of organic negotiation is often more developmentally effective than verbal instruction. Boys are less likely than girls to engage in emotional check-ins or group conversations. But they do sort out status, fairness, and inclusion through physical and active play—what some researchers call “rough-and-tumble diplomacy.”

When adults interrupt or manage these processes too closely, boys miss critical opportunities to practice leadership, cooperation, and empathy in their own style. Over time, they may come to believe that their instincts are wrong—or worse, that they’re simply bad at relationships.


Learning to Handle Risk and Judgement

Children need to experience healthy risk. Climbing a tree or balancing on a log teaches them something that flashcards can’t: how to assess danger, how to listen to their bodies, how to push limits wisely.

Modern parenting often sees risk as the enemy. But eliminating all risk also eliminates the chance for growth. Studies by Mariana Brussoni and others have found that riskier outdoor play is associated with better physical health, improved confidence, and even lower injury rates over time—because kids learn to evaluate risk on their own.

And here again, boys are disproportionately affected by risk-averse environments. They are biologically more inclined toward high-energy, adventurous play. This isn’t a defect—it’s a design. Rough-and-tumble activity isn’t aggression; it’s exploration, boundary testing, and relational learning.

When we suppress boys’ access to this kind of play, we don’t reduce aggression—we remove a key mechanism for learning how to channel and regulate it.


Ownership, Accountability, and Consequences

When kids direct their own play, they also learn that their choices have consequences. If they leave toys out and it rains, those toys get ruined. If they make up a game that nobody else enjoys, they lose players. That’s the real world in miniature.

Adult-managed play often shields children from consequences. We clean up, we fix, we redirect. It might be well-intended, but it can rob children of the chance to learn responsibility in a natural, non-punitive way.

For boys—who often respond more strongly to hands-on learning—this kind of consequence-based development is vital. They learn best by experiencing the outcome, not just being warned about it.


Emotional Regulation and Expression

Unsupervised play also gives children the space to express themselves emotionally—without being corrected or redirected. A child who stomps off in frustration might, five minutes later, come back with a new idea. That’s emotional processing in action. No adult needed.

This is especially important for boys, who are often discouraged from expressing vulnerable emotions outright. In play, they can express frustration, ​anger, mastery, joy, or failure in ways that feel safe and embodied.

Therapists like Dr. Garry Landreth and researchers like Michael Gurian have shown how boys tend to process emotion kinetically—through movement, role-play, and active trial-and-error. In highly managed, verbal environments, these outlets dry up—and emotional development suffers.


A Word of Caution on Over-Supervision

Today’s children are often supervised to the point of surveillance. Playdates are scheduled, adults are ever-present, and rules are pre-written. Even well-meaning interventions—like constant praise, correction, or encouragement—can crowd out a child’s internal voice.

Peter Gray, an evolutionary psychologist, has warned for years that the decline of independent play is linked to rising rates of anxiety, depression, and learned helplessness among children and teens. And again, boys show these effects earlier and more acutely, often being over-diagnosed with ADHD, conduct disorders, or defiance—conditions that may actually be adaptive responses to unnatural environments.

Boys aren’t broken. But they’re often misunderstood. When the systems we place them in suppress movement, creativity, risk-taking, and autonomy, we shouldn’t be surprised when they rebel—or shut down.


Bringing It Back

We can bring back unsupervised play. It starts with letting go of the idea that kids must always be occupied, guided, or entertained. It means allowing a little boredom, a little mess, and a few scrapes. It means trusting that play is not a waste of time—but a form of learning that’s just as vital as reading or math.

Let the backyard become a jungle. Let the basement become a spaceship. Let the kids make the rules—even if they’re strange, inconsistent, or fall apart halfway through.

Unsupervised play isn’t about being reckless. It’s about trusting childhood. It’s about recognizing that the best kind of growth often happens when adults step back—not in neglect, but in respect for the child’s ability to figure things out.

And if we want to raise boys who are confident, connected, and emotionally resilient, then we need to stop managing their play—and start protecting it.


References

  • Brussoni, M., Gibbons, R., Gray, C., Ishikawa, T., Sandseter, E. B. H., Bienenstock, A., ... & Tremblay, M. S. (2015). What is the relationship between risky outdoor play and health in children? International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 12(6), 6423-6454.

  • Ginsburg, K. R. (2007). The importance of play in promoting healthy child development and maintaining strong parent-child bonds. Pediatrics, 119(1), 182–191.

  • Gray, P. (2011). The decline of play and the rise of psychopathology in children and adolescents. American Journal of Play, 3(4), 443–463.

  • Gurian, M. (2010). The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men. TarcherPerigee.

  • Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (3rd ed.). Routledge.

  • Pellegrini, A. D., & Smith, P. K. (1998). Physical activity play: The nature and function of a neglected aspect of play. Child Development, 69(3), 577–598.

  • Russ, S. W., & Wallace, C. E. (2013). Pretend play and creative processes. American Journal of Play, 6(1), 136–148.

  • Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). The power of play: A pediatric role in enhancing development in young children. Pediatrics, 142(3), e20182058.

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