MenAreGood
Why Won't Men Fight Back?
Gynocentrism Series #4
October 23, 2024


This series started off with a surprisingly accurate definition of gynocentrism by chatgpt.  The next  post showed that most of us have at least a little gynocentrism within us.  We have also seen in the next post how gynocentrism is a very powerful force that runs silent and deep in our culture.  People are simply unaware of its presence.  We have seen how gynocentrism offers women protection and access to resources.  We have also looked at how women have traditionally used gynocentrism as leverage in relationships and how feminism turned everything upside down by weaponizing gynocentrism.  Now we are going to have a look at the reasons men don't fight back. Men, as a group, have been attacked for over 50 years, and yet there is very little response from them.  We will look first at the traditional leveraging of gynocentrism by women and how that discouraged men in fighting back.   Let's get started.

From my experience I've learned that men tend to weigh the pros and cons of giving feedback, especially when it could lead to conflict. This is a key reason men often choose not to confront feminism or even challenge their wives. If a man doesn’t see a positive outcome that outweighs the potential negative consequences, he's more likely to remain silent. This is just one factor behind men's reluctance to push back.

Another factor is the use of false accusations by feminists to undermine and neutralize men. False accusations are particularly damaging because they are impossible to disprove. When men deny such accusations, it can make them appear more guilty than if they had said nothing. Men are aware of this dilemma, and many will avoid responding to false claims to sidestep the implication of guilt. Feminists have long employed this tactic, beginning with labeling men as "male chauvinist pigs," followed by accusations of patriarchy, oppression of women, being deadbeat dads, wife beaters, and eventually branding men as "toxic." We will delve deeper into these strategies later in this series on why men don't fight back, but it’s important to highlight this issue now to understand the full scope of the problem.

Men’s reluctance to engage in conflict that lacks a clear benefit is closely tied to another dynamic: their position in a status-driven hierarchy. Men compete for status, which enhances their standing within the male hierarchy and improves their chances of attracting high-status females. A man's ability to provide for and protect women is central to his social standing, and the greater his ability to do so, the higher his status will be, and the more attractive he becomes to potential partners. Thus, men are biologically and socially conditioned to demonstrate their capacity to provide and protect. This helps explain why men are hesitant to fight back. Challenging women whom they are wired to provide and protect would threaten their status and contradict their instincts. Men are rewarded for supporting women, not for criticizing or opposing them.

This issue is further complicated by the way boys and men are socially trained. From a young age, boys are taught not to retaliate when a girl strikes them. If they do hit back, they are seen as the problem. If they don’t, they might be spared punishment but are still often blamed for upsetting the girl, while she faces no consequences. I’ve witnessed this dynamic repeatedly in schools, where girls hit boys, and if the boy retaliates, he's punished, but if he doesn’t and reports it, he's ignored, shamed, or ridiculed. It doesn’t take long for boys, and later men, to recognize this double standard and learn to avoid the trap. Striking back at a girl, literally or figuratively, dramatically lowers a boy’s or a man's status.

In summary, one of the primary reasons men don’t fight back is their focus on maintaining their status within the hierarchy and adhering to the taboo of confronting women. Attacking a woman, even in self-defense, can have multiple negative repercussions, and men instinctively avoid this.

Happy Wife, Happy Life: Traditional Reasons Men Don’t Fight Back

"Happy wife, happy life" is a phrase often met with chuckles, but is there truth behind it? Does the male partner bear responsibility for keeping his female spouse happy? Let’s explore this.

From a young age, women are taught what to expect from men and how they should be treated in relationships. Both mothers and fathers often play a role in instilling these expectations in their daughters. Girls learn the basics of how they should be treated. But what about boys? Do they learn what to expect from girls and how they should be treated? No. Instead, they receive constant messages about how they should treat her.

This creates a pattern: from the start, the focus is on how a woman should be treated and what she should expect from a man. Her needs are prioritized, but his needs are often left out of the equation. Boys are trained to care for her well-being, but they aren’t taught to expect the same in return.

The Impact of Unmet Expectations

So, what happens when a woman doesn’t get what she expects or wants in a relationship? Often, things turn dark and negative. When a woman is unhappy, it casts a shadow over the entire household, affecting both the man and their children. The tension is palpable, and men know this well. To avoid this, many men adopt the "happy wife, happy life" strategy—they work to keep her content.

Another critical outcome of a woman's dissatisfaction is the withholding of sex. Since women are the "gatekeepers" of sex, a man may try to keep her happy to maintain sexual satisfaction. If she’s unhappy, she may cut him off sexually, which can be devastating for him. Marriage promises sexual exclusivity, and many men enter it expecting frequent and spontaneous intimacy. But when that doesn’t happen, they wonder—happy wife, happy life?

Withholding Positivity and Praise

When a woman is unhappy, she is also less likely to offer praise or positive feedback. Respect and admiration may disappear. Worse, she may complain to friends or family about his shortcomings. Men, aware of these potential outcomes, often stay quiet to avoid conflict, even if it means not standing up for themselves. Their strategy is to placate. (We will be discussing positive strategies for men in an upcoming and final post in this series.)

The Weapon of Shaming

Shaming is another tactic some women use, and it can be cruel and dishonest. Shaming is a form of relational aggression and can be easily denied with statements like, "I didn’t mean it like that" or "I was just joking." It’s much harder to fight than guilt. Guilt is when you've done something wrong that can be fixed; shaming, however, implies there is something fundamentally wrong with you. As John Bradshaw said, “Guilt says I’ve done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did was not good; shame says I am no good.” This type of attack is difficult for men to handle, and they often choose silence to avoid confrontation.  Shaming takes a toll and sometimes isn’t even noticed consciously but the damage is done and this leaves men intuitively wanting to avoid anything that might bring that back. Common targets of women’s shaming include a man’s status, income, or sexual performance—any of which can be lethal to both the man and the relationship. It can be very subtle or very obvious and to a man it is unwanted.

Divorce: The Final Straw

What happens when a man fails to keep his wife happy and she remains in a long-term dark mood? She may file for divorce. Women initiate 70% of divorces, and those aren't happy women making those decisions. Men are well aware of this risk and work to avoid it, reinforcing the "happy wife, happy life" mentality.  Men are aware that the woman has the police and family courts as allies and this further encourages his not fighting back.  The potential loss is simply too large.

Traditional Male Responses

In the past, men often countered these dynamics with patience, logic, facts, and problem-solving. If the wife wanted something they couldn’t afford, he would calmly explain the financial reality. His logic and problem-solving abilities were his strengths, and both parties would likely compromise. But today, men have more reasons than ever to avoid rocking the boat. His strengths have been pathologized. Many men have internalized the idea that their needs are secondary, and they work hard to meet hers, often neglecting their own in the process.

Men’s Reluctance to Fight Back on a Larger Scale

This reluctance to fight back in personal relationships extends to the larger social context, particularly regarding feminist attacks on men. Men stay silent for many of the same reasons: fear of backlash, a desire to maintain peace, and a belief that challenging the status quo isn’t worth the risk. Hierarchically minded, men avoid situations that could cause them to lose status.

Many men don’t even view themselves as the target of feminist critiques. They see themselves as the "good guys" and believe the attacks are aimed at other men, who are his competitors.  He may see the attacks of feminists on these “other” men as not an attack on him but as proof that he is one of the good ones. 

When feminism first started gaining traction in the 1970’s, most of my friends and I saw it as comical and ignored it.  We had no idea of the long-term impact it could have on our lives.

Summing Up

Men have traditionally avoided conflict in relationships to maintain peace, keep their partner happy, protect their reputation, avoid shame, preserve sexual access, and maintain stability. A key reason for this is the lack of social support or training that encourages men to prioritize their own needs. As a result, men often place their partner’s desires above their own. This pattern, shaped by both personal and societal expectations, leaves men less likely to push back—whether in their marriage or in response to broader social issues.

The next post on why men don’t fight back will be the research on men and masculinity that helps us understand this tendency,

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We now have a new section that is accessible in the top navbar of the substack page titled AI Books. It contains links to numerous books on men's issues that each have an AI app that is able to answer detailed questions about the book. The above video gives some ideas of how to use these.

https://menaregood.substack.com/s/ai-books

The Myth of Male Power - Warren Farrell
Fiamengo File 2.0 Janice Fiamengo
Taken Into Custody - Stephen Baskerville
The Empathy Gap - William Collins
The Empathy Gap 2 - Williams Collins
The Destructivists - William Collins
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Understanding Men and Boys: Healing Insights - Tom Golden
Boys' Muscle Strength and Performance - Jim Zuzzo PhD
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Links below

Myth of Male Power - Warren Farrell

The Myth of Male Power - documents how virtually every society that survived did so by persuading its sons to be disposable. This is one of the most powerful books...

00:11:44

Something men seem to do all the time that women seem to find extreamaly unlikely or impossible.

Made me laugh!!

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AKtUoYg8x/?mibextid=wwXIfr

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1FwqtFuR2Z/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I have often made this connection. It’s a little too on point to not research and derstand better. I am fairly sure there is something to it.

December 31, 2025
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Happy New Year!

As we close out 2025, I want to extend my heartfelt thanks to all the supporters at menaregood.locals.com. Your encouragement, engagement, and belief in this work have meant more than I can say. Whether you've joined discussions, supported financially, or simply taken the time to read and reflect, you've helped create a space where men’s issues can be explored with honesty and depth. I’m deeply grateful for your presence here, and I look forward to continuing this important work together in the year ahead.

Let's hope that 2026 is indeed the year of men!

Happy New Year!

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December 29, 2025
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2026 The Year of Men

This post is dedicated to my friend Mark Sherman, PhD., his sons, and his grandsons. Mark and I share a quiet hope — that we will live to see meaningful progress in the status of boys and men.

 


Every movement begins as an act of imagination. Before anything changes, someone has to picture what fairness would look like if we truly meant it. I wrote this piece to imagine that world — one where men are finally seen in full, with all their depth, strength, and vulnerability. Maybe we’re not there yet. But maybe 2026 could be the year we start to be.


2026 The Year of Men

Imagine that. 2026 becomes the year of men — a year when the conversation shifts from accusation to understanding. For the first time in half a century, men are discussed not as a problem to fix but as people to know. Their genius, their quirks, their flaws, and their quiet strengths are spoken of with the same nuance once reserved for others. College campuses devote programs to exploring men’s lives — their needs, their distinct ways of solving problems, their inner drives. Professors begin to ask questions that once felt off-limits: How have we misunderstood men? What happens when we stop pathologizing masculine traits and start appreciating them for what they are?

The change begins almost accidentally. A viral documentary follows several men through their daily lives — a father fighting for custody, a veteran mentoring fatherless boys, a young man navigating college under a cloud of suspicion.The film ignites something. People start talking about the thick wall of stereotype threat that has been built around men for the last fifty years, and how it quietly shapes everything — from the classroom to the courtroom. The wall doesn’t fall overnight, but it begins to crack.

Soon, the media joins in. Morning shows run thoughtful discussions about men’s emotional lives — how men experience feelings deeply but process them through action, purpose, and silence. Reporters highlight research showing that men’s stoicism, logic, and devotion to service are not deficiencies in empathy but expressions of it. Family court reforms begin to take shape; male victims of domestic violence are no longer turned away simply because they are male. It feels like a cultural exhale — the long-suppressed conversation finally given air.

At first, people are disoriented. After decades of being told that men’s pain doesn’t count, even fairness feels radical. But something shifts. Women, too, begin to see their fathers, husbands, sons, and brothers with fresh eyes. The conversation isn’t about blame anymore — it’s about balance. A new curiosity replaces old resentment. The year of men doesn’t erase anyone; it invites everyone to understand half of humanity that’s been caricatured for too long.

Could it happen? Could a culture so comfortable blaming men ever turn toward truly seeing them? Maybe not all at once. But every change in history begins the same way — with the simple act of imagining it.



What Changes During the Year of Men

The first signs of change come from the ground up. Teachers start noticing boys again — not as potential problems to manage, but as minds to cultivate. Schools experiment with programs that fit how boys learn best: movement, competition, hands-on projects, and purpose. Reading lists begin to include stories of male courage and vulnerability that go beyond superheroes or villains. Teachers are trained to see how boys’ energy isn’t disobedience — it’s engagement looking for direction. For the first time in decades, boys begin to feel that classrooms were made with them in mind.

On college campuses, the tone shifts from suspicion to curiosity. “Men’s Studies” — long a taboo phrase — finds a foothold. Seminars explore how fatherlessness, male shame, and status pressure shape young men’s mental health. Professors dare to say what was once unspeakable: that men have suffered, too. A handful of women’s studies professors even cross over, lending their voices to help create a balanced understanding of gender that includes both sides of the human story. The conversations are messy but alive — and that’s the point. Truth is finally allowed to be complicated again.

The media, too, begins to rediscover men. Documentaries appear about the quiet heroism of everyday fathers, about men mentoring boys in forgotten neighborhoods, about the millions of men who keep the world turning through labor, repair, and service. Morning talk shows, once filled with segments ridiculing male behavior, start inviting men to speak for themselves. The tone softens. People listen. A viral story circulates about a construction crew that raised money to send a coworker’s son to college after his dad’s death. “This,” one host says on air, “is masculinity too.”

Relationships begin to heal in small but powerful ways. Wives notice that when their husbands go quiet, it’s not distance but effort — a man trying to manage his emotions in the only way that feels safe. Sons start asking their fathers for advice again, and fathers rediscover how much they have to give. In counseling offices, therapists begin learning what clinicians have long said — that men process emotions through action, that their silence isn’t absence but presence in another form. Couples therapy starts to meet men halfway instead of treating them as defective women.

And then there’s mental health. The great unspoken epidemic of male despair finally becomes speakable. Instead of shaming men for not seeking help, society asks why the help offered has so little to do with how men heal. Clinics start experimenting with men’s groups centered around work, movement, humor, and camaraderie — not confession circles that make them feel judged. Suicide prevention campaigns stop using guilt and start using respect. The message shifts from “talk more” to “we see you.” And something remarkable happens: men begin to respond.




The Resistance

Of course, not everyone welcomes the Year of Men.
The early months bring a predictable storm. Certain media outlets call it a backlash. Activist groups issue statements warning that focusing on men will “set back progress.” Think pieces appear overnight insisting that “men already have enough,” as if empathy were a limited resource that must be rationed. A few universities cancel events after protests claim that discussing men’s needs “centers privilege.” But this time, something is different: the public doesn’t buy it. Ordinary people — men and women alike — begin asking simple, disarming questions: How is fairness a threat? How can caring for men possibly hurt women?

The resistance grows louder before it grows weaker. It feeds on fear — fear that empathy for men might expose hypocrisy, that the old narratives might not survive open scrutiny. For decades, the culture has run on a quiet formula: men are the problem, women the solution. Challenging that myth threatens a moral economy that has funded entire industries — from grievance studies to gender bureaucracies to the political machinery that profits from division. When men begin to speak, those who built careers speaking about men feel the ground shift beneath them.

In talk shows and social media debates, the same tired accusations resurface: that compassion for men means indifference to women, that noticing male pain is a form of denial. Yet the tone of the conversation has changed. This time, people have seen too much. They’ve seen fathers emotional pain outside family courts. They’ve seen male victims of abuse turned away from shelters. They’ve watched boys fall behind in schools that call them “toxic” for being active, assertive, or proud. The moral logic of exclusion begins to collapse under its own weight.

And then something unexpected happens: some of the loudest critics begin to soften. A few prominent feminists admit that they never intended for fairness to become a zero-sum game. Others, quietly at first, confess that they are mothers of sons — and they now see what men have endured through their children’s eyes. The resistance doesn’t disappear, but it loses its moral certainty. It becomes clear that opposing compassion for men requires something unnatural: denying reality itself.

The Year of Men doesn’t crush opposition; it transforms it. It doesn’t argue so much as invite. It reminds people that love of men isn’t hatred of women — it’s love of humanity. The movement doesn’t demand anyone’s permission to exist. It simply tells the truth with calm persistence until the shouting fades and listening begins again.



The Renewal

By the end of the Year of Men, something subtle yet profound has changed. The culture feels calmer, more honest, more whole. The anger that once filled every gender conversation has lost its fuel. People have begun to see men not as adversaries or caricatures but as essential parts of the human story — the builders, protectors, thinkers, and dreamers whose lives are as sacred as anyone’s.

The public learns what therapists have known for decades: that men’s silence is often love in disguise. That the man fixing the leaky faucet before anyone wakes is saying thank you in his own language. That the husband who works overtime, the son who restrains his tears at a funeral, the firefighter who risks his life for strangers — all are expressing something profoundly emotional, though the culture has lacked the ears to hear it.

In this new climate, men begin to relax their shoulders. They laugh more easily, reconnect with friends, and find meaning again in work, fatherhood, and service. Fathers feel free to be the masculine dad that they are, and boys no longer learn that masculinity is something to apologize for.

The walls that once separated men and women begin to crumble, replaced by curiosity, gratitude, and humor — the natural bonds of people who have finally stopped competing for moral high ground and started building a shared one.

Women, too, find a surprising sense of relief. Freed from the burden of constant grievance, they rediscover what they always loved about men — their steadiness, their generosity, their willingness to stand in harm’s way. The battle of the sexes gives way to partnership. In homes and classrooms and workplaces, people start asking a forgotten question: What are men for? And the answers are not defensive anymore. They are joyous.

By the time December arrives, commentators summarize 2026 as “the year empathy grew up.” It’s not the end of the story, only the beginning — the moment when society realized that healing half of humanity heals the whole. The Year of Men becomes not just a cultural milestone but a mirror, reminding us that progress isn’t about trading one group’s dignity for another’s. It’s about finally understanding that men are good — and always have been.

Men Are Good.

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December 25, 2025
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A Quiet Thank You to Men, Today
Merry Christmas!


A Quiet Thank You to Men, Today

Today isn’t a day for debate.
It’s a day for gratitude.

So I want to pause and offer a quiet thank you to men — especially the ones who are easy to overlook.

To the men who showed up quietly.
Who didn’t announce their presence or demand recognition.
Who simply did what needed to be done.

To the men who carried financial stress without complaint.
Who worried in silence about providing, about bills, about futures — and still tried to keep the mood light for everyone else.

To the men who fixed, drove, cooked, shoveled, assembled, paid, and planned.
Who solved problems behind the scenes so the day could feel smooth and warm for others.

To the men who swallowed loneliness so others could feel joy.
Who sat at the edge of gatherings, or weren’t invited at all, yet still sent gifts, made calls, or showed kindness where they could.

To the men who didn’t get thanked — and didn’t expect to.

And today, I also want to acknowledge men who carry heavier, quieter burdens.

Men who have been falsely accused, and discovered how quickly the world can turn away from them.
Men who have been divorced and still worked relentlessly to father their children in a hostile environment, where their love was questioned and their access was constrained.
Men who have felt dejected and misunderstood, not because they lacked care or effort, but because the story told about them left no room for their humanity.

Men who have been trying — sometimes desperately — to do the right thing in systems that seemed stacked against them.

Men whose goodness has gone unnamed.

Christmas has a way of highlighting what is visible — gifts, decorations, smiles — but it often misses what is held. The restraint. The responsibility. The endurance. The quiet decision to keep going.

So today, this is simply a thank you.

Thank you for the ways you show love through action.
Thank you for the strength that doesn’t ask to be admired.
Thank you for the steadiness that makes joy possible for others.

You matter. Your efforts count.

Men have always mattered — today is a good day to say it out loud.

Merry Christmas.  Men Matter. Men Are Good.

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